Equinox Part II written by Brannon Braga & Joe Menosky
and directed by David Livingston
What’s it about: Janeway is hunting down Ransom…
Hepburn-a-Like: Real tension between Janeway and
Chakotay, that’s something we haven’t seen since Scorpion! Braga & Menosky
don’t quite have the talent to pull it off
though and Janeway’s sudden obsession with Ransom (its nowhere near as
convincing as Sisko’s hatred of Eddington in For the Uniform) comes across as a
woman who has been slighted and wants to take her revenge rather than a Captain
who is trying to uphold Starfleet principles in the Delta Quadrant. ‘I’m going
to hunt him down no matter how long it takes!’ she purrs like some psychotic
Starfleet version of Javert from Notre Dame but the show doesn’t give us
enough of a motive beyond the fact that Ransom has betrayed the Prime Directive
(something, incidentally, that Janeway’s has been more than happy to do when
the situation calls for it) so it seems like an extreme shift in character for
no reason other than the show needed it. Her blazing eyed threats to let the
aliens enter the cargo bay and kill one of the Equinox crew is the moment she
crosses the line – its riveting to watch because you wonder how she can
possibly return from this insane behaviour. ‘He’ll break. You’re panicking,
he’s going to talk…’ – not even Kate Mulgrew can make that lines convincing.
When her vendetta is question she relieves her First Officer of command. This
is what Ron Moore has to say about Janeway’s characterisation in this episode:
‘She’s not really grappling with her inner demons. She just gets kind of cranky
and bitchy. Its kind of emblematic of the show. There’s a lot of potential and
there is a lot of surface sizzle but to what end? It doesn’t signify anything.
What are we trying to say? What are the things we are trying to explore? What
are we doing this episode? It
was hard to come up with an ending of a show that has no beginning. Every time
I asked these questions there was no good answer.’ The trouble is, he’s right.
Tattoo: Janeway is so unflinchingly fascistic in this
episode she loses all credibility and Chakotay becomes our identification
character. How did that happen? Seeing the horror the Captain has become
through his eyes makes him more likable than he has ever been before. Although
in fairness given how the two characters began their journey at this stage in
the show they should probably have these roles reversed for it to make any
sense. Now Chakotay is the Starfleet puppy and Janeway is the one with the obscene
tactics. Go figure. There’s a glorious moment when Chakotay says that has
demonstrated his loyalty to his Captain just as he has betrayed his and she
walks past him firmly and doesn’t even look him in the eye.
EMH: Now this is different. Its not just another badass
version of the Doctor (which has been done to death) but instead you’ve got a
version of the character that is just close enough to our Doctor to be the same
person except his ethical subroutines have been deleted. So whilst he performs
horrible acts on Seven he sings and retains his cheery good humour. That’s scary.
The Equinox Doctor working against the Voyager crew is another fine idea that
could have been carried one beyond this episode had they maintained the two
ship structure.
Brilliant B’Elanna: Now I can see the point in introducing
the B’Elanna/Max romance angle because in this fight they are constantly trying
to outthink each other and that is far more exciting than another round of
phaser blasts.
Borg Babe: Seven telling Ransom that he would be an inferior
role model when it comes to exploring humanity is very succinct.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Please state the nature of the…don’t
bother.’
‘This isn’t about rules and regulations, its about right and
wrong. And I promise you I wont let you cross that line again.’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘I’ve re-instated Chakotay and we’ve set
a course for home…’ – h fuck off Braga! Why didn’t you just say ‘lets ignore
this whole possibility of drama and get back to boring high concept episodes.’
The Good: It’s an excellent note to begin the season on with
Voyager in real danger, an evil version of the Doctor on the loose, and
Janeway’s new nemesis has the upper hand. There’s nothing particularly
thoughtful about any of this but it is exciting and you can’t say fairer than
that! Look at the
camerawork in the opening scenes of the story as David Livingston swings around
the ship – Voyager hasn’t felt this dynamic in an age. There is a glorious
ariel shot of the Equinox orbiting a planet that took my breath away.
The Bad: The resolution to the cliffhanger is beyond lame as
Janeway gets little more than a slap around the face by the alien that was last
seen rushing towards her. The CGI aliens really are a terrible design and along
with the similarly fake looking species 8472 makes me wonder if the technology
was just too primitive at the time to create convincing, frightening monsters.
You have check out Ron Moore’s comments on this episode on Memory Alpha because
he discusses all the things that I don’t feel work about this episode –
Janeway’s psychotic behaviour for no reason and how the episode refuses to deal
with the consequences of that behaviour – because you can see that he was
clearly on the ball when it came to pinpointing this series’ problems. But when
Braga was busy holding secret meetings at his house Moore was trying to tackle
this show on a creative level. To Berman’s discredit, he backed the wrong man.
Remember all that potential I talked about in the first episode – two ships
fuelling the show creatively, tension between the two Captains, new regular
characters. Even Max is killed which prevents any further exploration of a
Torres/Paris/Max triangle. Voyager does exploit some of those issues…but in
this one episode. After this (even though the Equinox crew is integrated into
Voyager’s) we never or see or hear from any of them ever again. The short
sightedness of this reveals a show that is completely devoid of imagination and
common sense and with contempt for its audience for even attempting this two
parter and then turning away from the dramatic possibilities it has to offer. I
bet if Moore had stayed on we would have been seeing a lot more of them. It’s
the equivalent of wrapping up everything that was set up in DS9 in Call to Arms
in A Time to Stand and throwing away all that potential. If there had been
somebody looking at this show creatively Braga would never have been offered
Enterprise. Gah – we don’t even get the Janeway and Ransom confrontation this
show has been leading up to! The Equinox crew are stripped of rank and are
going to be serving under close supervision…and we never hear about them again!
Argh! Somebody put this damn show out of its misery!
A Missed Opportunity:
Even though his stay on the show was short you can feel Ron
Moore’s presence on this show in the first four episodes of the season and
frankly it is more intense than Voyager has been since season two. If only he
had hung around until the end of the seventh season we may have had a real
renaissance for this show (but we might also have never had the reimagined
Battlestar Galactica and I would write off Voyager completely for that superb
show). Moore understands that you real tension between the characters and that
is what we have here – it doesn’t matter how high your concept is or how
exciting the scenario unless you have interesting characters then the
show is running on empty. For this tiny stint whilst Moore is on the show he
reminds the rest of the writers of that…and at the same time when he decides to
leave he confirms all of my worst fears about Voyager in one swoop (‘I went over with different
expectations than that show was prepared to do creatively and internally. And
Brannon and I had a falling out and a creative clash and a personal clash and I
just decided I didn’t want to work like this. I had always been proud of the
fact that I tenure at Star Trek there were only two days I didn’t want to show
up at work in the ten years of being there. Then I was at Voyager and found I didn’t want to go into
work any day, so I just quit because I
didn’t want to work like that’). By all accounts DS9 is a collaboration of
talent of which Ron Moore was a heavy contributor and Voyager is Brannon
Braga’s baby and I know where there talent lies out of those two show, all you
need to do is compare the last two seasons of both shows to see who has a
better idea of what makes a good drama show work. Watch the first four episodes
of season six of Voyager and bask in what it could have been like had Moore
been in charge of this show instead of Braga. He said had he continued he would
have made the show darker, explored the characters more and created a real
sense of community on the ship away from Starfleet protocol. Oh well we can
always dream of that show!
Fashion Statement: Seven on the beach is a sight to
behold.
Result: There is so much great material here and there is
also so much frustrating material that the conclusion to this dramatic two
parter shows what Voyager should be doing on a regular basis (character conflict,
moral ambiguity) and what it should be avoiding (shying away from development).
Whilst it is on it is a gripping cat and mouse game between Janeway (who comes
across as more of a Nazi than ever) and Ransom (who would have really given
this show a kick in the teeth had he stayed on) but every drop of potential
that could have been exploited from this scenario long term is tossed away and
we’re back where we were before this whole business took place. Technically
Survival Instinct could have followed Warhead for all the impact Equinox makes
on the series. Massive kudos to David Livingston who is finally given an
episode worthy of his dramatic talents and Chakotay has never been better as he
clashes with Janeway. I want to be able to say nicer things about an episode
that is essentially very good but all I can see are missed opportunities and it
sours my judgement. Ransom and Max dead, the Equinox destroyed and its crew
forgotten whilst Janeway’s outrageous behaviour is completely ignored. As I
said, frustrating: 6/10
Survival Instinct written by Ronald D. Moore and directed by
Terry Windell
What’s it about: Seven is reunited with members of her
Unimatrix and they need someone from her…
Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway seems to be back to her amiable self
again, enjoying a mixture of cultures, laughing as she attacked by alien plants
and having great fun making Paris and Kim squirm after they have been in a
drunken fight. Her ‘did you win?’ was really nice.
Borg Babe: Whilst I wonder if it isn’t some kind of safety
hazard to have so many people conversing in one corridor, Seven’s ‘stand
aside!’ is very funny! Seven’s sudden flashback to the events in the past is
very engaging way of telling the audience that there will be a revelation about
her character in this episode. The scenes of the Borg recalling their pasts are
creepy enough but if you add in Jeri Ryan’s disturbed performance and it feels
like their own personalities are claustrophobically closing in on them. Seven
feels compelled to help her ex colleagues, probably because she has managed to
achieve what they have not – true individuality. She learns that she made a
terrible mistake and Seven of Nine doesn’t like to make mistakes and now she
has to decide whether to return these people to the Borg or set them free by
committing euthanasia. The dialogue that ensues is thoughtful and I hold up
these scenes as how intelligent Voyager can be when it stops obsessing over
quirky high concepts. When the Doctor attempts to guilt her into coming around
to her point of view Seven reminds him of how he used to be confined to sickbay
and mistreated and wonders how he would feel if the choice was for him to be
deleted or suffer those indignities again before he attained individuality.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I went to put some water in the pot and
it grabbed me!’
‘Its never a good sign when the patient feels the need to
comfort the Doctor.’
‘Survival is insufficient.’
The Good: Moore is looking at new ways to explore old ideas
and experiencing a chapter in Seven’s life when she a drone adds a lot to that
part of her life that we never got the chance to see. Like I said in Fair Trade
it is great whenever Voyager gets dock at a busy way station where they are
simply another visitor rather than a strange ship with alien weaponry out to
attack everybody. The station is visualised beautifully and looks like it might
be a great place to explore. Have we seen this sort of cultural exchange since
season three’s Remember? The image of people bustling all over the ship and Janeway’s
quarters in a wreck of presents reminds us of the fun of exploring space that
we haven’t seen in a while. It has been ages since anybody has focussed on the
psychology of the Borg and the three drones make for fascinating characters in
both scenarios. Its disturbing to see the personalities of the people that were
assimilated starting to assert themselves on the planet leading to some nice
moments of tension. But I also really like how they have shaken off their Borg
conditioning in the future but still exist as one mind. The way they finish off
each others sentences is a great, economic way to show how they are part of
their own collective. Like Equinox Part I there’s that lovely feeling of
paranoia as visitors to the ship are working against the crews best interests.
Doctor Who flaunted the horror of making the people inside the Cybermen aware
of what has become of them in The Age of Steel but Voyager got there first and
did a much better job of it than just having someone say ‘I’m so sorry.’ When
Marika says she hates the Borg she is expressing hatred for what she is.
Suggesting that voices in the Collective become white noise is an intriguing
way of allowing us to imagine what it must be like to be a drone. Live in this
collective hell or die as an individual, it’s a tough choice to have to make
and its great to see Voyager dealing with these kinds of questions again. I
love the serene sunlit lighting in the last few scenes, it really suggests the
calm that has entered these three individuals.
The Bad: Whilst the episodes focussing on her tend to be
better than those in the rest of the crew there does seem to be a real feeling
of ‘The Seven of Nine Show’ featuring the rest of the cast. Its co-incidence
city again as we have to accept that Seven’s ex Borg mates just happen to turn
at the same place as her at exactly the time they need her. This episode cannot
even approach perfection thanks to the inclusion of Naomi. She’s bloody
annoying, isn’t she? Anybody who finds this kind of kid cute needs to be lined
up and shot so it doesn’t happen again. It seems with kids in cult TV you can’t
find a happy middle ground – they are either angst brats like Dawn from Buffy
or sugary eyelid batters like Naomi. The only show that has managed to get the
balance right in The Sarah Jane Adventures where all the kid characters are
extremely likable, flawed and funny. Goodness knows how Russell T Davies pulled
that off. The ‘do you consider me t be family?’ scene made me feel violently
ill. These people have little more than a month left to live so why couldn’t
watch them live out their last days on Voyager? Why is this show so allergic to
change? One stays behind but predictably is never heard from again.
Moment to Watch Out For: The twist that Seven is directly
responsible for her ‘family’ being re-integrated into the Borg and thus also
accountable for their current condition is a surprise that gives the last third
of the episode a powerful climax. Its rare for a Voyager episode to promise a
surprise and deliver something that is satisfying but this is a rare exception.
Teaser-tastic: It’s a mixture of good and bad – the opening
shot is glorious of the Borg shuttle crashing on the planet and the shock of
Seven as a Drone again is a great shock. However this weeks alien forest set is
not one of the most convincing and the robotic performances of the Borg
characters lacks any menace.
Orchestra: The music is especially good when Seven goes on a
rampage to re-assimilate the lost members of her Unimatrix. I love the bombastic
notes that strike when she detects another hiding victim with a soul to rip
away.
Result: Whether Survival Instinct plays out as intended by
Ronald D. Moore or was butchered by Brannon Braga its still a strong piece that
takes us to the most interesting port of call in the Delta Quadrant since
Thirty Days and handles Seven’s character with real adroitness. Despite the
mention every ten minutes of every episode that Seven used to be a Borg drone I
have never had the impression of what that really means until now as we head
back into her life as an unthinking, homicidal automaton. Moore really looks at
what the emotional consequences would be if you were to suddenly rediscover
yourself whilst you looked like a monster and the answers aren’t pretty. The episode
is intriguingly structured with the flashbacks built into the momentum of the
episode so we discover the horror of what happened at exactly the same time as
Seven remembers so we mirror her reaction. It’s a great twist which leads to a
satisfying finale where Seven has to play God with these people again. Add to
this a number of amusing scenes with Janeway and a blisteringly good moment
between Seven and the Doctor where their shared development is celebrated and
used to make a tough decision and you have definite winner. I can only imagine
what other delights Ron Moore would have written had things not turned out so
badly: 8/10
Barge of the Dead written by Bryan Fuller and directed by
Mike Vejar
What’s it about: B’Elanna is going to Klingon hell for her
dishonour…
Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway accidentally calls Torres ‘Lanna’
which is what her mother used to call her. Rather than turning this into
another mother/child relationship like Harry Kim this is quite sweet and shows
how they are trying to shift the emphasis back on their relationship which has
been ignored now for about four years! When Torres suggests that Janeway wont
allow her pursue her spiritual beliefs Janeway draws a very quick line under
any debate about freedom of worship. To be fair asking if she can simulate a
near death experience to save her mother from the Barge does sound a
little kooky. B’Elanna saying that Janeway is as dedicated to Starfleet
principles as her mother was to Klingon honour as an intriguing parallel and
one that is part compliment, part insult. Her ‘K’pla B’Elanna’ was a
surprisingly touching moment.
Tattoo: The very relaxed, natural chemistry between Torres
and Chakotay is resurrected too as he visits her in her quarters to show her
the archaeological find. It seems to me that with this episode they are trying
to resurrect some of the old relationships that really worked on this show
before it became The Seven of Nine show. His story about his grandfather who
believed he could transform himself into a wolf to venture out and explore the
spirit world is lovely. What has happened to this character since the beginning
of season six? He’s almost enjoyable!
EMH: Its nice to hear the Doctor singing the Klingon song
that we also heard Worf singing in The Way of the Warrior.
Brilliant B’Elanna: Despite her efforts to be something
else, be it Starfleet or Maquis, her Klingon nature continues to assert itself.
Thank goodness for Barge of the Dead which is the finest Torres episode since
Blood Fever in season three and gets back to the nitty gritty of what makes
this character tick. The focus on her hatred of her Klingon side was what made
the character so intriguing in those early seasons, trying to cope with a
degree of self loathing. Its nice too to see B’Elanna and Tuvok continuing
their meditations together and proving that this wasn’t just a one trick pony
in last years Juggernaut. She cannot see a warriors blade crafted for precision
in a Bat’leth, all she sees is something clumsy and overstated like everything
Klingon. She inherited the forehead and
the bad attitude and that is all she wants from her Klingon side. Her mother
dragged B’Elanna out of her Federation school when her father left and put her
in a Klingon monastery to learn the ways of the warrior. Her mother is trapped
on the Barge because of her, the sins of the child punish the parents after
death. I love the way this episode forces Torres to confront all the things
that she tries to shy away from – her angry Klingon personality and her
troubled relationship with her mother. She admits that Janeway helped her to
become a good officer which is a small reward for their evolving relationship
in the first couple of years. Once I had gotten over my laughter I found the
discussion of why Torres might find living on Voyager to be a hellish
experience fascinating. Trapped between two worlds and favouring one of them
over the other, he very existence on this ship is a constant reminder of what
she denies herself. She doesn’t know what people want her to be – a good Starfleet
Officer, a good Maquis or a good Klingon.
Mr Vulcan: The therapy that Tuvok offers is far more
dramatic than what we saw last year. He’s pushing her buttons in a very violent
way and its nice to see Time Russ getting material this strong.
Spotted Dick: At first I was groaning that Neelix feels like
again that he has to stick his nose into every piece of good news from home
that this crew receives but his statement that finding a piece of the Alpha
Quadrant on their journey home is worthy of celebration really hit home.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You are not worthy of the blood in your
veins!’
‘You have taken the first step of your journey…’ – I really
hope so because this is exactly where B’Elanna needs to be.
The Good: That opening shot from Torres’ POV of the shuttle
craft crashing landing into the cargo bay is much more visually interesting
than had they shown the same scene from the exterior of the shuttle. Barge of
the Dead is an episode of strong visuals (I would expect nothing us from Michael
Vejar) and the thick red blood oozing from the Klingon symbol and spilling over
B’Elanna’s table is the first of many memorable images. The atmospherics as the
Klingon emerges to slaughter the crew are outstanding and I certainly got a
giddy little thrill watching Chakotay and Harry being stabbed in the gut! The
idea of creating a scenario where she was rescued and taken aboard Voyager
where she in fact actually died in the shuttlecraft because she cannot face the
fact that she is dead makes the first ten minutes of this episode a
particularly naughty (but effective) cheat. I love the sets for the Barge which
are earthy, solid and grim and the sound effects of the creaking deck, the
thunder, screaming voices and the sloshing sea of blood really help to drag you
into the atmosphere of Klingon hell. I don’t know what those creatures were
writhing about in that sea of blood but they are terrifying! For once this is a
Klingon fable that I can really buy into – a boat which ferries the dishonoured
souls to is a powerful concept steeped in touches of Greek mythology. Cutting
back and forth between the Barge and Voyager affords the writer a chance to
play with us and suggest that B’Elanna might be dead and alive. The ship
approaching the gates of hell is a truly fearsome image, it crept up on me and
took my breath away. A path of hot coals that leads to an inferno…brrr!
I laughed until my tonsils blew out of my nose when B’Elanna wakes up to find
the actualisation of hell is…Voyager! I especially love the fact that there are
no easy answers and Torres has to discover who she is for herself.
The Bad: This episode should have taken place at around the
same point as Day of Honor in season four. Had we had B’Elanna episodes of this
quality at that point we would have been in much better shape but drawing our
attention to the Torres/Janeway relationship only serves to show how it has
been ignored for the past two years. Janeway’s speech this year has been s
slurred and drunken that when Vejar slows down Mulgrew’s voice I could hardly
tell the difference! One of the few elements that hold this back from being a
masterpiece is Karen Austin’s occasionally grunting performance as B’Elanna’s
mother.
Moment to Watch Out For: Tom and Janeway both embracing
B’Elanna manages to suggest the idea of family on this ship better than any
scene where they ram the idea down your throat. It is simple, subtle intimacy
and its very poignant.
Fashion Statement: B’Elanna’s new curly hair is nice but
perhaps a little too girly for the cranky Klingon engineer.
Result: Given Voyager’s track record and considering how
much I loathe Klingon episodes it came as a surprise that I found Barge of the
Dead to be one of the most effective character dramas this show has pulled off
in years. Whereas episodes like The Sword of Kahless and The Sons of Mogh were
dull monologues on Klingon tradition, honour and mythology, this drama steeps
its exploration of Klingon hell through B’Elanna and returns the focus of the
character to the study of her self loathing. It helps that the Barge is
genuinely nightmarish place and that Mike Vejar is on hand to provide some
frightening atmospherics (the Klingon who cuts his way through the Voyager crew
is one of the enduring images I have of this series) but what really sells the
idea is Roxan Dawson’s incredible performance and the development of her
character as she comes to terms with her fractured relationship with her mother
and her nature. It brings the character back into sharp focus after two years
of playing second fiddle to Seven and Dawson seizes the opportunity to show off
her talent. That’s two extremely strong character shows in the row! At the
beginning of Voyager’s two years heading up the Trek franchise is this going to
be a true turning point for the show? Kapla!: 9/10
Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy written by Joe Menosky and
directed by John Bruno
What’s it about: The Doctor learns that surrendering to your
fantasies isn’t always the wisest course of action…
Hepburn-a-Like: I love the deliriously silly Janeway of the
Doctor’s fantasies that feigns an injury to get him to massage her ass and
growls at the other female officers in the room to keep away from her man. The
sad truth is this is that far from how she has been characterised so far this
year anyway – I could really see a difference between this crazy vamp and the
psychotic from Equinox Part II.
EMH: It would appear that despite his extraordinary freedom
the Doctor still isn’t satisfied that he is treated occasionally as a tool
rather than a person. To this end he writes the Captain a strongly worded
letter of complaint suggesting people are rude, don’t acknowledge his sentience
and that he should be put forward as the Captain of the ship in the case of an
emergency that would require it! In some respects he is right and in others he
is way out of order but it is the way he so brazenly makes his objections that
is so funny. From his daydreams we get the sense that the Doctor would like to
consider himself an invaluable member of the crew, wishes he had more important
responsibilities and desires a libido that can dazzle any woman within 200
light years. The sad truth of the matter is that he has all of these abilities
(to a much subtler extent than he dreams about) but the desire for more, more,
more (he’s a bit like a child in that respect) blinds him to the fact. Whilst
his condition suddenly becomes very dark there is still time for a little
levity and his ‘pardon me miss’ when he bumped into a forcefield made me
chuckle. There is definitely a feeling of Reg Barclay’s personal life being
invaded in Hollow Pursuits in this episode but it feels far less invasive (I
had a very bad reaction to Riker’s bully boy tactics in that episode) and thus
more intimate. The crew learn a little more about the Doctor’s fantasies and
thus they learn a little more about who he is. He feels exposed, humiliated and
as if he has lost the Captain’s respect because his fantasies have been
invaded.
Spotted Dick: Shh Neelix! As soon as Brannon Braga here’s
your idea about daydreams coming from another realm and whispering ideas into
your mind that you wouldn’t normally think about he’ll commission a whole daft
high concept episode around it! It is a nice idea though and it is also nice to
have such an idea come from Neelix.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Paris please find a way, to find a hypo
spray! I will give you the sign, just aim for his behind!’
‘You…are dissssmisssssed!’ – Janeway, drunk with passion for
the Doctor!
‘We are the Borg!’ ‘I know very well who you are…’ – the ECH
takes over!
‘Warning! Warp Core breach a lot sooner than you’d think!’
‘That was a plutonic gesture. Don’t expect me to pose for
you.’
The Good: There’s no two ways about it…the do strongly
resemble Doctor Who’s Sontarans but considering the design was so effective in
the first there is nothing wrong with pilfering from the best! As comedy aliens
they are cute and disposable (you wouldn’t waste a potentially brilliant new
alien race on a comedy episode) and more than service this little gem. Its great
how the director frames the scene where all the women on the ship come onto to
the Doctor so strongly as another boring conference until the sleazy sax music
kicks in and B’Elanna starts running her foot up his trouser leg! The funniest
moment in Voyager’s entire run comes in this scene where the Doctor gets a love
note and the camera swings around to the potential sender around the table and
settles on…Neelix! Robert Picardo’s embarrassed acceptance of his amazing
sexual prowess whilst he touches Janeway up is absolutely hilarious. Janeway is
right, the ECH is an intriguing idea and I’m pleased that just for once the
show follows up on something with promise. How wonderful that they take the
piss so spectacularly out of what is essentially business as usual for Voyager
– the scene where an assimilation virus infects the ship and Chakotay declares
‘we’re becoming drones!’ is exactly the sort of ridiculously overwrought plot
twist I have come to expect from this show so to have it subverted for a moment
of inspired comedy is a joy. The four pips that magically appear on the
Doctor’s collar made me howl! The photonic canon? After last years photonic
life forms I am prepared to believe anything! Suddenly his daydreams are
threatening him as he is caught in the crossfire between Torres and Seven (not
a place any man would want to be if he would like to keep his unmentionables
intact!) and then that is immediately subverted as he is a threat to everybody
else as he tries to eject the warp core in order to ‘save the ship.’ They
effortless way these dreams shift from fun to dangerous is the work of a very
good (I haven’t heard the name John Bruno before) director and when we slip
from one fantasy to another as the Doctor is lost to them the transition of
tone is expertly achieved. Don’t’cha just love the goofy, lonesome Paris who
waves awkwardly at B’Elanna whilst she is declaring her undying love to the
Doctor? Janeway authorising the research into the ECH programme means besides
being an absolute laugh riot and a peek into the Doctor’s soul it would also
have relevance at a later date.
Moment to Watch Out For: This must go down as the finest
Voyager teaser ever and certainly the most amiable. Robert Picardo gets to
regale us with his considerable operatic talents whilst trying to calm the crew
as Tuvok starts sweating out his Pon Farr urges. The lyrics are hysterical and
whenever I hear this piece of music now I have the unfortunate habit of singing
‘Tuvok I understand, you are a Vulcan man, you have just gone without, for
seven years…about!’ It really makes me laugh this scene and it’s the sort of
riotous comedy that DS9 usually pulls off so well…I hope Voyager learns from
this experience and pushes the comedy buttons this hard again in the future.
Clever and gigglesome.
Fashion Statement: Seven as a naked model certainly raises
and eyebrow and if you are of a different persuasion…quite a bit else as
well.
Result: My favourite Voyager comedy and a triumph for all
concerned; Tinker, Tenor… works for two very important reasons – the Doctor
continues to be the most surprising, engaging character on the show and Robert
Picardo is an actor of no small abilities. The dream sequences are deliriously
funny and get more and more extreme as the episode progresses and the way they
dovetail into the plot about these absurd peeping Tom aliens is actually quite
clever. In many ways this is as much of a revelatory story for the Doctor as
Latent Image was last year except it has a lightness of touch that gives it an
entirely different (but just as exceptional) atmosphere. Its clear that the
Doctor and Seven are the only two characters the writers are interested in
developing on a regular basis and whilst I take issue with the rest of the crew
I can at least take solace in the fact that these two characters have made this
journey through the Delta Quadrant worthwhile. The climax which sees the Doctor
having to take command of the ship and making a botch job of it has a worthy
message that sometimes fantasies are better in the mind than in reality and
leads to the very satisfying moment when Janeway bestows a very special gift on
the Doctor that proves he is a hologram of some influence. Here’s to the next
meeting with the ECH: 9/10
Alice written by Bryan Fuller & Michael Taylor and directed
by David Livingston
What’s it about: Tom Paris is seduced by the new girl in
town, Alice…
Brilliant B’Elanna: After their terrific turn in Barge of
the Dead we are back to the appalling sitcom antics of Tom & B’Elanna. I
found the scene where Torres gets jealous of Tom who is being protective of his
new favourite toy stomach churning to endure. The dialogue is atrocious: ‘Maybe
you can explain why every time he gets a new hobby I go right out the airlock?’
Alice attempting to kill B’Elanna is supposed to be tense but it brought me
close to tears with laughter that this episode could turn to such a desperately
tragic tactic to keep the plot going. It takes Paris physically assaulting to
Torres before she heads off to tell the Captain who responds with a curt ‘now
you’ve lost me.’
Parisian Rogue: Seven, B’Elanna and the Doctor (my three
favourite characters on this show incidentally) all received a healthy dose of
development in the previous trio of episodes and now it is Tom Paris’ turn. Oh
dear. Why can’t they find anything more interesting to do with this guy than to
remind us that (somewhat embarrassingly) he is still trying to live out his
teens. He sees a sleek ship and he’s like some Starfleet Pimp My Ride
expert, wanting to spruce it up and take it out for a test drive. He names the
ship Alice (which is hardly the appropriate name for a slap my bitch up
restored hot rod!) after the girl he used to chase around at the Academy…and he
thinks B’Elanna wont have an issue with this why? He’s late for shifts,
he’s missing work and he’s distracted…for fucks sake why can’t anybody put this
together? Instead that think ‘oh yeah he’s just obsessed with that ship…’
Bloody morons. I’m not sure what his rebellious break from the ship is supposed
to say about his character except that he is easily manipulated and falls for
sexless trollops.
Forever Ensign: Kim must be really stupid not to notice the
signs that Tom has been possessed by the ship. As soon as he starts talking to
her and wearing the clothes she likes him to wear Kim happily accepts all of
this like the human goofball that he is. Hasn’t he been paying attention the
last six years? There isn’t one member of the crew that hasn’t been taken over
previously…and this is Tom’s second time round and in pretty similar way too
(Vis a Vis). Just a sly wink at the audience would make this halfway acceptable
but its all done in deadly earnestness its embarrassing to watch.
Spotted Dick: Doesn’t Abbadon’s first appearance on the
viewscreen remind you of Neelix’s debut in Caretaker? Trying to charm,
surrounded by debris and standing as close to the viewscreen as possible! Let’s
hope this one doesn’t get an invite on board, use up all the hot water and
become a Starfleet drone. Rather than have us work out the parallel they spell
it out for us a few scenes later.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘We’ve already got a full compliment of
shuttles…’ – excuse me? Are you having a laugh?
‘I’ve spent the last six years with these people…they’re
like my family!’ – another crappy reminder that this crew is supposed to
represent domestic bliss. They care so much for you Tom that nobody picks up
the signs that you are acting like a complete tit.
‘Stay out this B’Elanna!’ ‘Or what, you’ll set Alice on me
again?’ – yep this episode gets this desperate.
‘Think of what you want me to do and I’ll do it…’ – bleaugh!
Alice is basically a talking vibrator!
‘I promise no more affairs with strange ships’ ‘What about
the Delta Flyer?’ ‘We’re just friends…’ – please don’t tell me this episode was
written to slip in this punchline?
The Good: For a moment you might be convinced that we are
onto a winner with this episode when Voyager turns up at a junkyard in space
and is seduced by Abbadon the owner.
The Bad: Things are so exciting in the Delta Quadrant these
days that Tom and Harry are playing ‘guess Tuvok’s age’ on the Bridge. A ship
that can access your brain? Haven’t these guys been stuck in the ridiculous
adventures on this ship for long enough to know that the mere mention of
something like that would spell trouble? Its weird how watching Paris and Kim
struggle with technobabble trying to bring Alice back to life completely lacks
the charm of Sisko making the Bajoran Light Ship in Explorers (but then that is
tied into his character maturely what with him being a builder of things). How
funny are the attempts to make this hunk of metal frightening? David Livingston
slides the camera through the darkened cargo bay as Alice’s lights spring on
suddenly to reveal…she’s just a hunk of metal. Just suppose this ship didn’t
turn out to be possessed by the seductive soul of a soggy trout and just
suppose it lasted the course of the episode…is this the only way we can develop
the plot of this series these days? By adding an extra shuttle to the hanger
like the Delta Flyer? Claire Rankin has all the sex appeal of a rotting halibut
with its guts hanging out and left out in the sun – she’s unbelievably wooden
in the role and I can’t believe that the usually savvy David Livingston
(especially when it comes to casting) didn’t demand a recast of this part. It
kind of guts the romance angle of this story when your femme fatale is a
monotonous automaton (that’s the actress, not the ship) and your protagonist is
played by Robert ‘shouting hysterically creates drama’ Duncan McNeill. What is
all this shitty seduction dialogue? ‘You know how you feel when you are sitting
at my console with your hands running over my controls…’ Have I been blown into
a parallel universe where all TV is suddenly really bad? A particle
fountain is introduced in the final five minutes? Why does Alice want to reach
it? Who the hell is she anyway? How did she get stuck in the ship? Does anybody
actually give a toss? All this episode needed was a histrionic ending with Tom
Paris screaming ‘Noooooo!’ a lot as the final nail in the coffin.
Moment to Watch Out For: Abbadon writhing about on the floor
in pain as Alice talks to him…only because I was having a similar reaction
every time she opened her dreary gob and her loathsome dialogue leaked out.
Fashion Statement: Sticking Tom in a silver spandex uniform
and giving him some bum fluff is hardly the look of a rebellious wild
child.
Result: What is this? After three superb episodes
that made me believe that maybe…maybe Voyager would crack on and tell
some grand stories in its last two years we hit the ground with a bang so hard
its enough to give you whiplash. Ronald D. Moore has left the building and
we’re back into Brannon Braga high concept territory. Let joy be uncontained.
This is Voyager’s take on Stephen King’s Christine except instead of a
Plymouth Fury we are dealing with a psychotic space craft that attempts to
seduce Tom Paris to the dark side. How did they think any good could come of
this? Its so predictable I wouldn’t even call it Trek by numbers…its even more
nursery school than that with the Daffy Duck Voyager crew failing to pick up on
any of the signs that Tom has been influenced by Alice despite the fact that
this kind of possession happens twice a year on this ship. McNeill lacks any
conviction but when characterised this badly who can blame him and as for
Claire Rankin as Alice – I have seen dishevelled bag ladies foaming at the
mouth with more sex appeal. This could have worked had they taken the piss out
of the hokey concept and laughed along with its absurd plot turns but in true
Voyager fashion it is all told with deadly solemnity which adds a whole new
level of embarrassment. Alice starts out with a reasonably intriguing teaser
and then gets worse and worse and worse until at some points in the last
fifteen minutes we have reached a brand new low for Voyager. Almost unwatchably
bad: 1/10
Riddles written by Robert Doherty and directed by Roxan
Dawson
What’s it about: Tuvok loses his memory and Janeway hunts
down invisible aliens…
Mr Vulcan: I think Tim Russ has become so disillusioned with
the show by this point that even he can see that the suggested development for
his character in this episode means nothing and so he barely bothers to inject
any life into his characterisation of the emotional Tuvok. Remember back in
season two’s Meld when he portrayed murderous anger so effectively…well he has
the chance here to really let go but he breezes his way through the script in
an undistinguished fashion. Despite the injection of emotion there is an oddly
monosyllabic delivery of the dialogue that is a real bore to endure. The way he
whinges and huffs and sulks is somnambulistic – he is basically Dawn from
Buffy! How is this a better alternative to our usual yawnsome Tuvok?
Forever Ensign: Harry Kim on tactical? Get me off this ship!
Spotted Dick: Why are the scenes of Neelix and Tuvok griping
at each other in the Delta Flyer nowhere near as funny as those between Odo and
Quark in the runabout in The Ascent or in a dozen other DS9 episodes? Is it
that Rene Auberjonois and Armin Shimmerman are better actors or is the dialogue
and chemistry simply better? And whilst I like a good riddle the one that
Neelix puzzles Tuvok with is shocking. On the one hand I find it very sweet that
Neelix wants to wait and make sure that Tuvok is alright but on the other hand
why would he bother? He never shows anything but contempt for Neelix – if
somebody verbally abused me this much I would quite pleased they were in this
condition. Of course on this happy go lucky crew it doesn’t matter how much
attitude someone gives, they are all one big happy family again by the
next episode. On this same subject who would want Neelix visiting every single
day with his unwavering cheery attitude, playing out entire Vulcan sagas and
attempting to lift the spirits? It would be enough to drive anybody back into
their body and awake just so you could escape! Why does Neelix talk to Tuvok as
though he is a simple child when he is ‘rehabilitating’ him? I hate it when
people talk that way to children (I can empathise marvellously with children
and I find the best way to get them to respond is to treat them
sophisticatedly) and older people (that really grinds my gears, I tell
people they are older, not retarded even if I don’t know the people in
question!) so seeing Neelix behaving this way is particularly annoying. The
best way to earn somebody’s respect is to treat them how you would like to be
treated. As soon as he starts speaking to Janeway or Seven his tone is right
back to normal…so why treat this new Tuvok like such a simpleton? How is
criticising Tuvok’s old persona supposed to get him back on track? I could
imagine a psychologist watching this episode in despair!
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You said I had to stimulate his
senses!’ ‘I said stimulate them, Mr Neelix not annihilate them!’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘You are Neelix. I am safe with you’ –
that’s about as sophisticated as this script dares to be…
‘Only deserts, how come?’ ‘They taste good!’ and ‘We’re
having fun!’ – could this be any more Playschool?
The Bad: Despite Dawson’s attempts to make the pre titles
sequence dramatic (the pull upwards on Tuvok writhing on the floor works on a
purely visual level) the tone is overstated and the danger under realised. We’re
left thinking ‘eh?’ when we should be thinking ‘woah!’ How many more scenes can
we stomach with the Doctor rushing around sickbay trying to save a patients
life? You never see Bashir pretending that he is in an episode of ER (I tell a
lie, you do in Necessary Evil but that is one example) but we get to experience
one of these medical melodramas every third episode on Voyager. Are we really
supposed to think that anything is going to happen to any of the regular
characters? I suppose Voyager has met badass aliens that have been so in yer
face that they always come at them guns blazing so its about time we
flipped the coin and met a shadow race that like hide themselves away as much
as possible whilst still committing dreadful acts. The trouble is this generates
very little suspense…a race that cannot be seen – how thrilling! Visually they
aren’t very different from Species 8471 and they have about as much
personality. It frustrates me that even with its vague premise that Riddles
refuses to address the horror of schizophrenia or many of the other fascinating
psychological dilemmas that could be dramatised. Instead we get ‘Tuvok the
simpleton lives a day in the life of Neelix’ with an added dose of ‘Janeway
hunts for invisible aliens.’ Is this really the sort of quality you expect from
Star Trek? With crushing predictability the Doctor comes up with a magic wand
solution to whisk Tuvok back to normal and Tuvok doesn’t want to go back to who
he was. ABC plotting at its worst with not a single moment where I even raised
an eyebrow.
Moment to Watch Out For: Tuvok ices the cloaking frequency
onto a cake he is baking with Neelix? Somebody put me out of my misery…
Result: Voyager hasn’t been this offensively childish and
unsophisticated with regards to a serious issue since Elogium. Remember in Far
Beyond the Stars when Herb commented ‘I can see it now…a lonely little girl
befriended by apathetic aliens who teach her how to smile!’ You guessed it!
Somebody on the Voyager writing staff was listening, completely missed the
irony and decided to take up the challenge of this pitch and apply it to Tuvok
and Neelix. Rather than just have them tackle an issue between them and allow
their characters to grow and learn from each other Riddles tosses in one of the
two worst Trek clichés, amnesia (the other being transporter accidents which
was the basis for another, far superior, character study of this pair in
Tuvix). It means they become close through a convenient plot device rather than
meaning anything and the ending is inexcusably unsurprising from the
very beginning. I think we are supposed to empathise with Tuvok (which is hard
because he doesn’t seem to be suffering that badly) and fall in love with
Neelix for taking care of him (whereas I found him as irritating as a tropical
skin disease for the way he was constantly talking down to his patient). Toss
in a race of bland CGI monsters who will never be heard of again and don’t want
to be seen in the first place and this is a very forgettable episode. With so
little time left for Voyager it makes me wonder why they aren’t rising to the
challenge and fulfilling the possibilities of this show has built into its very
structure rather than wasting their time on pointless schedule fillers like
this that accomplish nothing: 2/10
Dragon’s Teeth written by Michael Taylor, Brannon Braga
& Joe Menosky and directed by Winrich Kolbe
What’s it about: Voyager comes to the aid of an oppressed
civilisation…
Hepburn-a-Like: I know she is duped but lets not forget that
Janeway willingly wakes up a battalion of an aggressive, homicidal species and
inflicts them upon the Quadrant in order to get a handful of light years closer
to home. Perhaps she will remember that the next time the somebody like Captain
Ransom shows up.
Tattoo: Why isn’t there any hard hitting conversation
between Janeway and Chakotay in this episode ala Equinox Part II? This looks
like the perfect opportunity for the First Officer to question his Captain’s
decision but instead he is falling asleep on the Bridge.
Spotted Dick: Way to go Ambassador Neelix telling their new
guest (who incidentally turns out to be a psychopath despot!) that his peoples
name in Talaxian is ‘foolish!’ Whilst I take exception as to how Neelix detects
a scent of untruth about the Vaadwaur (kill Wildman…) it is nice to see him
investigating in the evening whilst cooking up tomorrow’s food. I like it when
we get to see behind the scenes on the ship because it adds a feeling of
believability to its everyday running.
The Good: A truly impressive opening with some outstanding
special effects and dramatic direction. After two snooze worthy episodes it
feels as though Voyager is waking up again. Smartly the writers begin the
episode by completely wrong footing us about the Vaadwaur and portraying them
as victims of terrible injustice. It adds more veracity when they show up later
and claim to be peaceful victims and adds an extra layer of deception that this
show usually lacks (normally it would just be Voyager meets aliens who claim to
be good, aliens are bad…). Even the scenes on Voyager open with an
instant sense of immediacy! It seems that condensing this story down to one
part means that the writers have cut away all the flabby padding and what is
left is a tight, pacy episode. The Turei work because they are instantly
aggressive, wont listen to Janeway’s attempts at diplomacy and automatically
whip up a sense of desperation. Visually they aren’t that spectacular but they
sure get this story off to an impressive start. For once Voyager feels like it
is genuinely on the run. A city of millions destroyed by radiation and left in
ruins – this is exactly how Time and Again should have been dramatised in
season one and goes to show that the writers have learnt something over the
years. Shots of Voyager emerging amongst the shattered, broken remains of a
city scape are breathtaking. At least there is a good reason to land the ship
here, the engines have taken a blasting and they need a place to hide. The idea
of a species that is centuries out of date, that has gone from six billion to
barely six hundred but still have delusion of grandeur is an attention grabbing
one – you get the sense that the Vaadwaur is being touted as a potential new
enemy for Janeway and her crew (and with their subspace corridors they could
turn up at any time). A fleet of ships taken on Voyager in a planetary
atmosphere? Gorgeous!
The Bad: Looking at the evidence objectively perhaps they do
push a little too hard to convince us that the Vaadwaur are victims, especially
once the truth is out. Plus Gedrin is especially suspicious in how he keeps
asking all of the Delta Quadrant strays on the ship if they have heard of his
people. The effects shots of the city through Voyager’s windows aren’t quite as
spectacular, they look grafted on rather than natural. The Vaadwaur make up is
very similar to that of the Cardassians and Gedrin has more than a passing
resemble to Gul Dukat. The fact that it takes Naomi Wildman to realise that the
Vaadwaur are up to no good leaves me with some worry about the competency of
the rest of this crew. When the Vaadwaur children mock Neelix that is a sign of
good taste, not a reason for Naomi to dislike them! Is it my imagination or did
Voyager sweep in and play God with this species and then duck out of the fight
when it started and leave the Vaadwaur and the Turei to have it out? With
absolutely no moral consequences whatsoever! I can’t believe that it was
Seven who was apologising when it was Janeway who made all the bad calls in
this episode! How odd that this conflict should be set up and never heard of
again. Another loss of potential. Janeway even says ‘I doubt we’ve seen the
last of them…’
Moment to Watch Out For: With action on the ground and in
space, the conclusion of this episode is truly ambitious and exciting. Effects
shots of the city being destroyed are especially seductive.
Result: Top notch special effects and exciting direction
elevate Dragon’s Teeth into something more impressive than another ‘Voyager
meets random species’ episode. For the first time in years it feels as if a
planet in the Delta Quadrant has history and the way that this story
plays out in a truncated single episode format means that there is little time
to breathe and spot the plot holes (of which there are a multitude). It’s a
frantic piece with lots of action and spectacle and by the conclusion I was
left feeling I had watched a satisfying, if shallow movie with all the belly
fat sliced away. Like Alice and Riddles the plotting is predictable but as long
as you are prepared to go along with that there is plenty of visual splendour
to drink in and the last five minutes suggest of epic that we haven’t seen on
this series since Scorpion. For once I will gladly swap intelligence for action
and it is a real pity they didn’t cash in on the promise of this new enemy. As
the season progresses I will miss episodes like this that show promise and go
some way towards realising it: 7/10
One Small Step written by Mike Wollaeger, Jessica Scott,
Bryan Fuller & Michael Taylor (anybody else?) and directed by Robert
Picardo
What’s it about: Voyager discovers an anomaly! I know…I was
shocked too!
Tattoo: Watching Chakotay have the evening from hell is
actually quite amusing. There he is trying to read with some lovely music
playing in the background and the door chime keeps going, the doors open and
shut intermittently and the every comm signal is routed to his badge! I don’t
buy his sudden love of historical space exploration – its been about as
apparent as his love of boxing preceding The Fight and will mentioned as much
after this episode as that was. They’re just making it up as they go along,
aren’t they? Chakotay talks about spending a lifetime examining the things that
the anomaly has collected but he has also never shown a single interest in
archaeology either! I thought he was supposed to be tough guy terrorist with a
native American background? He seems entirely mis-characterised in this story.
Swap Chakotay with Picard and it would work fine. Palaeontology was always his
first love apparently and it was why he joined Starfleet…then why the fuck
haven’t we heard about this before? I know it pissed off Robert Beltran that
Chakotay was sidelined before the end of the episode and Seven (as usual) took
the central role but for me this was a massive relief because her deadpan
disinterest was far more interesting than his unconvincing lust for history.
Borg Babe: As usual Seven is the only character that I can
sympathise with. She has no interesting in exploring another dull anomaly, she
just wants to get the job done so they can resume their course home! She wanted
to be a ballerina when she was a little girl but now thinks of it as a juvenile
fantasy. Seven is forward enough to tell Chakotay that he was stupid to have
risked their lives over the module and he tells her to get to work without the
attitude. I know who I’d rather have as a commanding officer.
Mr Vulcan: There comes a point where Tim Russ monotonous
delivery becomes a bad performance and his ‘an un-ex-pec-ted discovery indeed’
is appallingly wooden.
Parisian Rogue: Of course Paris has got to get in there with
the hero worship – another childhood obsession of his that has come from
nowhere that he can be an expert in for the right sort of plot. Like the time
he developed a love of vintage vehicles. Or the time he obsessed about 20th
Century fashion. Or that time when he was suddenly a huge fan of the water.
Somebody should point this out and it wouldn’t be such a joke. Or it would be
more of a joke, if you get my meaning.
The Good: Its an intriguing opening and a nice premise to
have somebody hero worship a figure from the past and see that their feats
aren’t as spectacular as history records them. Shame it was already done in
11:59 which blunts the impact. Phil Morris is superb and far more convincing
than his co stars Robert Beltran and Robert Duncan McNeill. At least they
didn’t feel the need to rewrite the ending and have Kelly survive through some
time travel/technobabble/reset plot device and allow the character to die with
dignity.
The Bad: Admiring the feats of Kelly and Armstrong is a
noble mission statement for an episode but the episode lays the dialogue a bit
thick with treacle for my tastes. Spare the thought of Voyager being space
pioneers who bravely explore the unknown. It would be shameful if this dull lot
went down in history! There is a massive difference between boldly facing the
dangers of the unknown and stupidly diving into every anomaly that they come
across. Recovering the module should mean something but because Chakotay’s
obsession has come out of nowhere (a bit like Janeway’s in Equinox) it fails to
have much of an impact. It seems rather reckless of him to risk three lives to
salvage some debris even it is a piece of history. Listening to Kelly’s final
recordings does have a touch poignancy about it although once I again I do
wonder why the lives of historical characters (like Shannon in 11:59) or those
who have nothing to do with Voyager (like Reg in Pathfinder) are far more
compelling than the regular cast on this show. Once again an Alpha Quadrant
presence is felt keenly in the Delta Quadrant…this area of space is so ill
defined these days with so many elements of home turning up I don’t know why
they don’t just set the series back in the Alpha Quadrant.
Anomaly of the Week: Well this is novel, an anomaly that
links the ship back to a historical event! Chakotay coins it ‘the kitchen sink’
anomaly because all kinds of space detritus from all over the Quadrant has
wound up on it shores.
Result: I don’t have much to say about One Small Step beyond
the fact that I have just watched it because my feelings are utterly
ambivalent. It tries to whip up a feeling of pride and nostalgia for the
pioneers space travel which is a laudable goal but it does so in such a way
that lumbers Chakotay (of all people) with the role of a wide eyed obsessive
and makes him even more unbearable than usual. The subtlety train completely
bypassed Voyager and the dialogue pushes far too hard to revere Armstrong and
his compatriots and winds up with the atmosphere of a science fiction
convention with a bunch of embarrassing geeks who express their love for the
genre with no social awareness. Seven is the one character who deserves respect
here, criticising Janeway and Chakotay for their terrible decisions and
refusing to get caught up in the worship fervour that might compromise the
mission. Robert Picardo’s direction lacks sparkle, the pace is somnambulistic
and if I’m honest it took me two viewings to finish this because the first half
left me wanting to watch something with more pizzazz and Supernanny was on the
telly (!!!). The closing sentiment is nice and listening to Kelly’s final
recordings is quite stirring but more because he is about to die than because
of anything he has achieved. You have to admire the show for attempting
something a bit different but shake your head with despair that they cannot
even manage to pull off something that is embedded in the very nature of Star
Trek without overdoing it: 4/10
The Voyager Conspiracy written by Joe Menosky and directed
by Terry Windell
What’s it about: Are Janeway and Chakotay plotting against
each other?
Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway seems to be the antithesis of Sisko
when you compare them both in series six! Sisko is either fully immersed in an
episode and characterised to the hilt with great moments or turns up for his
contractual obligation in a scene that sees him at his best (there are great
examples of this in Honor Amongst Thieves, Change of Heart, Wrongs Darker Than
Death, His Way…). On the other hand Janeway is either inconsistently
characterised (In Equinox she is a psychotic huntress and then following that
she is cuddlesome Aunt Kathy in Survival Instinct) or she makes some really
duff judgement calls. When Sisko was presented with information that they
cannot win the war in Statistical Probabilities and that they should surrender
to the enemy he as good as laughs Bashir right out of his office and screams
‘not on my watch!’ When Janeway is presented with evidence of a Maquis
conspiracy in this episode what does she do? Objects for about a minute and
winds up pointing a phaser at her first officer in a cargo bay! One of these
Captain’s deserves be in command…and it isn’t the one flying the flag through
an entire Quadrant. The trouble is we haven’t even reached Fair Haven
yet…’Delete the wife!’
Tattoo: If I were Chakotay (thank goodness I’m not otherwise
I would be so bland I wouldn’t have bagged me my man!) I would have spoken to
Janeway straight away about Seven’s outrageous theories and put this whole
she-bang to bed. Its what Torres wants to do because she is half way normal but
Chakotay the chump is having none of it.
Borg Babe: Poor Jeri Ryan is left with the unenviable task
of having to reel off so much expository dialogue in this episode even I was
bored of hearing her blunt, unwavering tone before the conclusion (and that has
never happened before). Seven’s wish to download Voyager’s database into her so
she is a walking repository of information that can be called upon at any time
is laudable, if a little creepy. Why doesn’t Seven realise that her theories
contradict each other?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I believe Voyager’s presence here in
the Delta Quadrant is no accident. You and the rest of the crew have been
stranded here intentionally…’ –oh if only this had been true…
‘Seven was malfunctioning. We don’t have that excuse…’
The Good: Janeway and Chakotay’s infrequent dinners are
often a highlight of this show and whilst the dialogue here is functional at
best (half of Deck 8 is pregnant and Neelix wants to turn a cargo bay into a
crèche?) the chemistry between the two actors is undeniable in these lighter
moments. The only story that Seven tells that has a grain of veracity to it is
the one about the mating fleas in the warp core…and I like the way this is
visualised on screen from the POV of the fleas (since they were all exposed to
the creatures does that mean that Janeway, Seven and B’Elanna all have fleas
now?). There are some lovely flashbacks to Caretaker and a time when Voyager
was willing to entertain the idea of being a revolutionary show. If anything
the conclusion of The Voyager Conspiracy proves that those days are long gone.
I enjoyed the effect of the ship being grabbed by tendrils of light and
catapulted across space. I laughed my head off when Seven started accusing
Naomi of being a spy for either Janeway or Chakotay – if only that were
true! Seven’s final theory of her deliberate Borg assimilation should have been
the episodes punchy twist ala the Section 31 reveal in Inquisition. That would
have been a revolutionary reveal but alas it was not meant to be.
The Bad: Isn’t it a little embarrassing when the
technobabble get out clause is discussed in the very first scene rendering the
entire exercise null and void? The fact that Naomi Wildman turns up again and
again and again means that Voyager is willing to entertain a semi regular
character on the show. So why this one? When the possibilities elsewhere are
Gul Dukat, Martok, Weyoun and Damar why are we forced to continually follow the
life of this underwritten, overplayed child? Tell me…is anybody actually a
Naomi Wildman fan? Here’s another what if…what if the catapult flung Voyager so
far across space that it was picked up by Reg and his cronies. Then in the
second part of this two parter (I realise this isn’t a two parter but go with
me here…) they are brought back to Earth in Pathfinder where the series starts
addressing some of the issues with its terrorists, strays and Borg babe in an Earthbound
setting. What if this episode impacted on the series in a positive way like
that? The trouble with the material presented is that it (once again) pushes
too hard. In Inquisition we can go someway towards believing that Bashir is a
Dominion agent because the events that Sloan recounts genuinely happened so
with the correct emphasis there is every possibility that his interpretation is
correct. Seven’s theory that Janeway deliberately stranded Voyager in the Delta
Quadrant as part of a military takeover is such an extreme conclusion to make
with no convincing evidence to back it up that it makes Chakotay look like a
chump for even considering the possibility. Sloan uses solid, irrefutable facts
to fit his theory whereas Seven starts with a theory and manipulates the
facts – one is a convincer, the other is fabricated. For Chakotay to think this
is real he is opening himself up to the possibility that he has been
successfully duped for over six years! Whilst I could believe that was
the case it would have been the final nail in the coffin for his character had
it been true. Seven’s theory about the resurrection of the Maquis rebellion is
about four years too late…had this story taken place in season three it might
have had more impact. Stop reminding us of when you took risks, Voyager and
start taking some new ones now! Noooo – don’t mention Seska and the baby! The
last decent villain on Voyager turning up four years ago! Both Janeway and
Chakotay stare in incomprehension at Seven as she spirals out more and more
evidence…why doesn’t anybody just say ‘shut up.’ After all of this suggested
development for the series the actual progress is – they’re three years closer
to home! Just like in Dark Frontier. Just like in The Gift. Change the record,
Voyager and offer us something new. We know you aren’t going to get home
until the final episode so stop trying to pretend otherwise.
Moment to Watch Out For: When the Captain and the First
Officer confront each other with veiled threats and insinuations I am sure it
is supposed to be funny to watch but its so beyond the realms of reasonable
characterisation that they would reach this point I was screaming at the TV at
their idiocy! Then the two of them skip over the whole embarrassing situation
with a trite ‘let’s keep this one out of our logs, shall we?’ Head hits hand.
Head hits hand. It’s the crew I feel sorry for, with this pair to lead them.
Anomaly of the Week: Chakotay makes a request for a major
detour for a minor nebula and Janeway’s agrees to the request on the excuse ‘we
are explorers!’ Has she forgotten the trouble last weeks anomaly
caused?
Result: There is a moment in The Voyager Conspiracy where
Seven of Nine talks and talks and talks her way into the advert break. It’s a
great snapshot of what this episode is about and it could have worked if the
talk had lead up to a halfway satisfactory conclusion. Its trying to be
Voyager’s version of Inquisition in that it takes what seemed (at the time)
like irrelevant plot details of previous episodes and tries to tie them into a
conspiracy tale but whereas the DS9 episode genuinely changed the landscape of
the Trek universe as we know it this turns out to be a malfunction in Seven’s
cortical implants and amounts to nothing. Except to show that Janeway and Chakotay
are easily duped and perhaps not worthy of commanding a Starship. Some could
argue it is a great illustration of how evidence can be gathered to loop a
noose around an innocent man (or woman’s) head but I would counter argue that
this show is once again touting an idea that is far more interesting
than the usual set up and tossing it away on a throwaway episode. Seeing so
much of Voyager’s history dredged up was pleasant if only to remind me of a
time when the show had some real potential. Had Janeway and Chakotay really
been up to some nefarious activities behind the others backs I might have woken
up (but it would have to be less grandiose and overstated than the theories
peddled here) and paid attention but instead this winds up being another talkative
episode that runs on the spot: 5/10
Pathfinder written by David Zabel & Kenneth Biller and
directed by Mike Vejar
What’s it about: Reg Barclay is trying to find a way for
Voyager to get home…
Spotted Dick: The fact that Reg calls his cat (which is
adorably by the way) Neelix made me laugh until my sides hurt…he’s less of an
invasive, gorgeous cat and more of an ugly looking dog desperate for love but
given a domestic animal his name makes really makes me smile!
Socially dysfunctional: I love Reg, he’s such a bumbling
charmer and Dwight Schultz takes a lot of care in bringing him to life with
enough awkward quirks to make him funny and still believable. He’s lost himself
and become obsessed with Voyager which is a fine way to integrate this character
into the show. He has so many theories of how to bring Voyager back but his
mind is too preoccupied with the problem and he cannot see a good idea from a
bad one. Turns out they wasted six months work on one of his theories that
turned out to be untenable. Barclay was introduced to the show as a man who was
lost in his fantasies and losing interest in his work and this is a nice
development of that…he has found where he can be just as lost in his fantasies
but at the same time completely devoted to his work. Its sad to see Reg so
confident and swaggering in the Voyager programme when he is such a quivering
wreck in reality, the only people who he can interact with are those whose
actions he can completely predict. There is something really creepy about the
dreamlike state that he wanders into his holographic quarters on Voyager and
settles in for the night, the fact that he is only comfortable completely
consumed by his fantasy world. He has tailored the programme so he is a
confident, invaluable member of the team when what he doesn’t realise is that
he could be that person in reality if only he dropped his guard and let people
in. He avoids having real friends because they are hard work and instead
focuses on fake ones that are safer to
be around. The way he so confidently tells Admiral Paris that he has a way of
him communicating with his son and then falls to pieces when having to describe
the specifics is…really embarrassing (I was hiding behind a cushion).
Then when his holo fantasy is invaded by Pete I was under my desk! You can add
a lot of humour and liability to a character by embarrassing them which must
make Reg the most humorous and likable character in the whole of Trek! He’s
convinced himself that this isn’t a relapse into holo addiction but this is a
classic case of denial and the usual excuses and promises come pouring out.
Ever since h left the Enterprise things haven’t been the same. He lost his
family and he creating a new one in their image on the holodeck – that’s pretty
funny too! Even Reg can see how similar Voyager is to TNG so he uses its crew
as a surrogate version of the TNG lot! To have the real Voyager crew raising a
toast to Barclay (something he has so desperately sought) is very touching. Reg
has a new focus in life now and is going on a date with Pete’s sister. Things
are looking up and that is exactly the right note to leave this optimistic
episode on.
Alien Empath: Oh look, its Troi. God help us all! Where I
found her intolerable on the Enterprise (because she was such a nosy no-it-all
until her annual ‘I’ve lost my empathic powers’ where she became a harridan)
she is actually rather warm and humorous here (go figure, Voyager writers can
inject a personality into the previous series’ regulars! Perhaps Enterprise
should write an episode around the Voyager crew and they can perform similar
miracles?). It helps immeasurably that Reg asked for her to consul him rather
than her just turning up like a bad smell to dissect his character. Reg knows
how to butter her up (chocolate ice cream) but she only wants one scoop because
she is watching her figure. Troi is certainly a patient counsellor, she spends
an entire day listening to Reg’s story spill out (the matte backdrop goes from
morning daylight to evening moonlight) and she concludes (for his own good)
that he is incommunicative, petulant, paranoid and socially inept.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Voyager is important! But so are you!’
– the most impressive thing that Deanna has ever said.
‘Keep a docking bay open for us!’
The Good: How wonderful is it to see the shows central arc
getting its annual dusting down (the last big push was in Timeless at around
this point last year) and it looks to be in better shape than ever. Not by
having Voyager turn up at another anomaly/subspace shunt/Delta Quadrant
trampoline but by focussing on the characters on Earth trying to find a way to
get them home. It’s a fascinating new angle and one that probably should have
come about two years ago when the ship finally managed to contact home but I
refuse to criticise anything that is this innovative (in a heavily nostalgic
and TNG rip off sort of way…I’m sorry I can’t help myself. Its like I have some
kind of disease!). I love the fact that Reg’s boss is a bland middle man called
‘Pete’, it feels like an uncomfortably real work environment. Pete is tentative
around Reg as you would be working with somebody this socially awkward and yet
tries hard to make some kind of connection. Bringing Admiral Paris into the
show is another decent innovation because we might get to see some kind of
reconciliation between Tom and his dad at some point. Chakotay and B’Elanna
showing up in their Maquis outfits and Janeway with her season one severe do is
a clever touch. The most touching sentiment that this show offers is that Reg
fears that the Voyager crew must be agonisingly lonely 60,000 light years from
home when the truth of the matter is they have found a family and comfort in
their situation together that he cannot find in the very place they want to be.
Barclay being pursued through the simulation of Voyager by Starfleet security
and using his ‘friends’ to protect him is simultaneously gripping and funny. He
should have programmed the Goddess of Empathy to distract them! Mike Vejar
employs some dramatic handheld camerawork for these scenes and it feels like
one of those glorious chases around the Enterprise we used to get every now and
again in TNG (The Game, Power Play). It’s a very clever action scene because it
is immersed in the issues in this show with Reg trapped in his fantasies and
Pete trying to pull him out of them. The exchange of data and the possibility
of further contact between the two Quadrants is surprisingly emotional and the
close up of Paris as his father talks of their bravery made me well up. It strikes
exactly the right poignant chord, offering a lot of hope for the future.
Project: Voyager is just beginning and I cannot wait.
The Bad: First the Borg and now Reg Barclay and Troi…why
doesn’t Voyager just call itself TNG and have done with it. There’s a reason
why DS9 didn’t need to resort to bringing back old favourites like this (unless
it’s a character they are genuinely innovating – Gowron, amusing – Trials and
Tribble-ations or it was the first season and they needed the TNG viewers to
give them a chance) because they were too busy doing their own, more
interesting, thing. Whilst I am glad to see Reg (and to a lesser extent, Troi)
it does smack of those ratings ploys employed by soap operas when they bring
back once popular characters to give the show a shot of adrenalin when actually
all they are doing is showing that they have run out of creative ideas and
energy. The fact that this is one of the best episodes of the season and the
Voyager crew only turns up in the last third says everything you need to know.
Actually I suppose that isn’t such a stretch. Grrr…don’t get me started that
Deep Space Nine is mentioned but there is no sign that this is Starfleet
recovering from a long, bloody war. Trust Voyager to completely ignore the most
striking modernisation that Trek has ever seen. Whilst this works on a
character level, I really hope that Voyager doesn’t make it home through some
incomprehensible technobabble of Reg’s. Voyager has sprung forward three times
since the last time they had any contact with the Earth…so what exactly are
these ‘vectors’ of completely unchartered territory that they have factored
into their equations that allow them to predict where abouts the ship is? Its
hilarious that when we do eventually get to visit the real Voyager (which is
about 36 minutes into the episode) it opens with Neelix excitedly turning up at
Seven’s alcove to begin his singing lesson! Are things really this
exciting in the Delta Quadrant? It’s a sad thing to admit but this is the last
moment of triumph for Voyager and by that I don’t mean it is the last decent
episode. It’s the last time that we get to reap the emotional rewards of the
thought of this ship making it home. Its barely touched upon in the next year
and a half despite promises here, the character closure is all handled in one
episode (Author, Author and even there it is but a side issue to the main plot)
and their eventual method home is some godawful technobabble quick fix without
a single second exploring their actual homecoming. So enjoy this moment because
it is the most fulsomely realised emotional kick the central arc will get in
its seven year stint.
Moment to Watch Out For: By flouting orders and going ahead
with his theories Reg risks his entire career so that makes the moment when they
finally make contact with Voyager a real moment of triumph – for the character
and for the series. It makes the pain of being a social outcast his obsession
with this ship and its dilemma actually mean something. Bravo for taking
a risk and not consigning this episode to the ‘what if?’ bin. When Janeway’s
voice came through this episode actually gave me goosebumps and this show
hasn’t done that to me in many a season.
Result: Finally! Why not stop with all these kisses to the
Alpha Quadrant and just set the rest of the series there without the Voyager
crew. It pains me to say this…but this is better than practically anything that
has happened in the Delta Quadrant in past six years and what’s more focuses on
a more likable character than 90% of the regulars. Alas it has that agonising
bore Counsellor Troi in it but I wouldn’t expect an episode of TNG – whoops,
sorry Voyager to be perfect and her psychobabble (whilst verging on the edge of
teeth aching) is the right side of bearable (just). The episode is skilfully
constructed in flashbacks and fantasies to provide a wonderful window in which
to dovetail Reg (who is so charmingly dysfunctional) into the central Voyager
arc. Intelligent little details abound and the story has a very personal touch
which allows us to get really close to the characters and emotionally involved.
Finally it’s a show that promises genuine innovation and delivers upon that
promise – Voyager is now in direct communication with Earth on a regular basis
and we might get to see some of the series’ outstanding issues (the Maquis
crewmembers, members of an alien race, the Borg, Admiral Paris’ son) finally
explored. If they are dealt with with half the adroitness of this episode we
will be in fine shape: 9/10
Fair Haven written by Robin Burger and directed by Allan
Kroeker
What’s it about: I can’t quite bring myself to say it…
Hepburn-a-Like: At least Quark is honest about the
holosuites being a local knocking shop…on Voyager they set them up as walk in
sanctuaries and Janeway slips in quietly to create her perfect man and have her
wicked way with him. This is the best sort of romance they could think
up for Janeway? Not a prolonged, intense affair with Chakotay – which was
touted in season two and then quickly abandoned – which could have seen them
compromise their command structure and bring some real tension and drama to the
show and their relationship. Nope that would be too radical for Voyager. The
next best thing would be to bring somebody into the show and watch that
relationship develop naturally over time (there have been plenty of potential
guest stars that could have fulfilled that role). But that is clearly a step
too far as well. Sisko has been exploring a relationship with Kassidy for three
seasons now and it would continue to develop until they are married and have a
baby together. It’s a refreshingly long term, amiable relationship between two
well matched (if occasionally conflicting) adults. The DS9 equivalent would be
if Sisko visited Quark’s holosuites every time he needed a wank and had his
wicked way with an Orion slave girl on the quiet. It would be tasteless, tacky,
offensive and completely soul destroying. This is supposed to be the strong
female Captain we have been pining after for so long so why are they writing her
as horny, desperate slattern who pines after a technological dildo posing as a
bit of rough? We’re off beyond insulting characterisation into some crazy
alternative universe…it’s the only way I can justify these decisions. This is
practically a re-playing of the same psychology that was flaunted in Pathfinder
– people who are so disconnected with reality that they have to revel in a
fantasy world and worse…they prefer it. And Janeway is the worst example
of the lot, falling in love with somebody who isn’t real because it is easier
than trying to connect with somebody who is. When Janeway starts personalising
her dildo to her own specifications I was literally speechless. How
would this have gone down if it had been Sisko up to the same antics by making
modifications to his Orion slave girl? The breasts a little larger, making her
more submissive and open her up to a wider range of filthy scenarios – he would
be written off as an iniquitous, chauvinistic tosspot! Well I don’t buy that it
is any less offensive that a woman should be perfecting a man to take to her
bed – we are supposed to be in female emancipated times you know and that means
they have to take the same sorts of criticisms as men as well as the good
stuff. This is not characterising a strong woman, its sheer tawdriness is quite
the reverse and it feels like we have stepped back in time 50 years in that
respect. And then to have dirty laundry exposed so publicly by her blow up man?
Ugh when Janeway pointed out that Michael Sullivan was exactly her type and
they had the same interests I realised she has made a male version of herself!
Janeway is literally pleasing herself! Excuse me a moment…bleugh…
It took Janeway three days in the holodeck to realise that it is all an
illusion (quick thinking there, Kathy).
Tattoo: Oh gross! Chakotay admits to personalising his own
holodeck characters as shag tools too! What is wrong with these people? Are
none of them capable of finding real partners?
Mr Vulcan: Tuvok rushes off to be sick at one point. It’s
the first time I have empathised with his character in years.
Spotted Dick: Hohohohohohohohohoho! Even in the holodeck
Harry has picked the wrong girl. Hahahahahahaha! That joke just gets better and
better and better. I would rather be spanked by Neelix than hear that
joke do another round.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘We’d lose most of Fair Haven!’ – arggggggggghhhhhh!
The ship is in mortal peril, hundreds of lives at stake and Harry ‘they never
wrote me with a personality, don’t blame me’ Kim thinks this is the time
to remind the Captain that she will be tossing away her stubbly dildo? This
line is the epitome of why Voyager cannot work as a series with these people
making the creative decisions. Its very utterance is an offensive to anybody
with an ounce of intelligence watching the show, to the characters within it
and Janeway’s momentary pause was when I finally lost the tiny sliver of
respect I still had for the character. To my mind it is the worst line ever
uttered in a Star Trek episode (beating the previous winner ‘get the cheese to
sickbay!’).
‘Delete the wife!’ – that’s the next worse line in Trek
ever. Not bad going for a single episode.
‘I’ve become romantically involved with a hologram…’
The Good: For a moment I thought that Voyager genuinely had
abandoned the Delta Quadrant and we had wound up in the real Ireland and this
was going to be Miles Edward O’Brien’s homecoming. We could have had the
remaining season and a half of Voyager catching up with various TNG and DS9
crewmembers in their respective lives with the real Voyager crew turning up for
an obligatory scene about 36 minutes into each episode. Lets be honest…if this
is the best they can think up that would be the preferable option. The opening
atmospherics are pleasant on the eye I will give them that but the rolling
hills backdrop is flatter than Kroll menacing the skies of Delta Magna. And if
you don’t know what that means, Google image it.
The Bad: I have to ask he question (and I don’t mean to be
racist myself when I do) but are the Irish desperate for acting work?
There must be a reason that they allow themselves to be shoehorned into such
offensively stereotypical roles like they are in TNG’s Up the Long Ladder and
this narrow minded glimpse of Irish life. What is it with these godawful
holodeck programmes? Sometimes they strike lucky (Sandrines, Captain Proton)
but usually the producers shy away from them rather quickly. It’s the brain
achingly dire ones that they seem to spend the most money and time on – that
gaudy beach resort turned up in every other episode in season three, the
dribblesomely stupid Lord Burleigh one
had a ridiculous amount of money thrown at it…and was more sumptuously realised
than half of the planets they visited at the time! And that amounted to
nothing! Leonardo da Vinci and Captain Proton were fine in small doses but when
they got an episode of their own the show dive bombed simply because they
weren’t strong enough to hold up an hour of entertainment. Instead embarrassing
technobabble plot devices were shoehorned in to create some false tension. And
now we have Fair Haven where Tom Paris has truly excelled himself. A
picturesque Irish town that looks a lot like the Paramount backlot dressed up
with clover leafs populated full of bromidic, one dimensional ciphers. A
setting that is perfect to peddle out the (beyond clichéd) plot of TNG’s Ship
in a Bottle of holograms rights. All Irish pubs are drunken, infested piss
holes (actually that one might be true…now they have banned smoking most pubs
do stink of stale beer and piss) populated by rowdy, cheating men and all
landlords are devoutly religious hunks with smouldering looks. Its been my
observation (anybody notice how I talk like Odo these days…?) that the human
characters on Voyager seem to spend an awful lot of time patronising the alien
characters. Tuvok is an unfeeling robot, Neelix is an interfering nomad, Seven
is an impolite drone, the Doctor is a fake busybody…that sort of thing (DS9
works far better because it reverses the trend…most of the time the alien
characters criticise the human ones which is far more fun and revealing of
human nature). Not content with the casual racism that runs rampant on the ship
they now extend that gift to the holodeck where Tom mocks an Irish accent and
creates a programme that redefines insensitivity. Thank goodness O’Brien didn’t
serve on this ship! He would have let those gel packs rot! An open door policy
to the holodeck on a ship that has limited reserves? A few weeks ago (Alice)
Chakotay was saying that they didn’t have the resources and energy to waste on
Tom’s latest hobby…and now all of a sudden they do? Is there an unlimited fuel
source on Voyager now that I don’t know about? When there isn’t even internal
consistency in the same season what hope do we have? Fintan McKeown has
a fair stab at playing the rough and yet sensitive version of Michael but is as
wooden as the Marie Celeste as the sophisticated version that Janeway creates.
There is even less chemistry between him and Kate Mulgrew than there was between
Robert Beltran and Virginia Marsden in Unforgettable – a feat I would have
thought impossible. McKeown’s ‘Why did you leave me Katie…’ drunken rant
is a new low for season six…I was actually contemplating ending it all rather
than continuing with this farce (and doesn’t he sound like the drunken version
of Tom in Gimme Gimme Gimme?). With dialogue like ‘don’t you
think I’m good enough for her?’ I figured death would be preferable to the
enduring pain… Paris as good as walks into Janeway’s Ready Room and asks the
Captain ‘do you want me to save your dildo?’ What scares me about all of this
is that this isn’t the worst episode of the season.
Moment to Watch Out For: The Doctor gives the Captain a pep
talk that she cannot have a relationship with a member of her crew and that she
should be treating the holodeck as a rent boy free for all! Has everybody on
this ship gone mad? Yes, it wouldn’t be inappropriate for Janeway to have it
off with a subordinate…but it would also make good drama. This character
demolishing alternative is typical Voyager shunning dramatic possibilities in
favour of foolishness. The very fact that this conversation between Janeway and
the Doctor exists is a joke and if it had taken place between Bashir and Sisko
(that would never happen but go with me here…) which is the equivalent
on the sister show I would happily abandon DS9 forever.
Teaser-tastic: The teaser is literally…Tom and Harry visit
the pub! We’re in for a rip-roaring adventure!
Fashion Statement: I think Michael is supposed to be an
Irish hottie but he does nothing for me.
Anomaly of the Week: Brilliant, as if a dull holodeck
episode wasn’t enough its also a dull anomaly episode too! This one causes
space sickness! That’s new! Its not interesting…but I guess they can keep
peddling out these anomalies with new side effects every couple of episodes or
so. This one is so forgettable it isn’t
even the main plot, it plays second fiddle to Fair Haven.
Result: Umm…I really don’t know what to say. Lost for words
would be appropriate. During seasons four and five Voyager has tread the
discordant line between producing fiendishly awful and triumphant episodes with
an emphasis on the former but with a good enough smattering of the latter to
not give up all hope. Season six on the other hand has taken this format to the
nth degree and the episodes thus far have really challenged the quality
meter by being either the best of the best (Tinker, Tailor, Doctor,
Spy/Pathfinder) or the worst of the worst (Alice/Riddles) with very little ground
in between (because episodes like The Voyager Conspiracy/One Small Step are
completely forgettable). And then we come to Fair Haven. After a riveting
adventure in the Alpha Quadrant in Pathfinder this was the chance to prove that
things are still razor sharp in the Delta Quadrant…and we end up spending an
entire episode watching Janeway personalise her own talking dildo in a mock
Irish town. We’ve dropped into Ballykissangel except it is brought to
life by a writer who completely misunderstands Irish culture and surrenders to
every (and I do mean every) cliché imaginable. Janeway’s
characterisation has been on a downward spiral ever since the show began (with
just the odd glimpse of salvation about twice a season) but she has never been
written for as appallingly as she is here and I hope to goodness she never will
be again. Unbelievably this episode spawned a very quick sequel. I can only
assume that the town cost a fortune to dress and the producers never saw the
rushes of this episode. I can think of numerous episodes this year that could
have done with more time to flesh them out and give them space to breathe
(Dragons’ Teeth wouldn’t have felt so rushed and Fury might have been
comprehensible if it had time to explain its motives, plot devices, sci-fi
twists and character perversion) but this abusively meaningless lump of slime
is not one of them. Absolutely hideous: 1/10
Blink of an Eye written by Scott Miller & Joe Menosky
and directed by Gabrielle Beaumont
What’s it about: Societies change and fall but the sky ship
remains constant…
Tattoo: He was a massive fan of boxing in The Fight, a huge
follower of the early space explorers in One Small Step and now Chakotay is
hunting for the anthropologic find of his career! Once again a hidden aspect of
his career that we have never heard of before and never will again. Go figure.
EMH: The Doctor returns three years after he beamed down and
seems to be a changed man, embracing the Captain and overjoyed to be reunited
with the crew. He found himself a place to live, friends and a lover whilst on
the planet.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘For each second that goes by on Voyager
nearly a day goes by on the planet’ – that’s the concept behind this episode
and it’s a really good one. Watching the seasons change in a matter of seconds
is a very poetic idea.
‘I doubt everything, remember? Even my own doubts!’
‘All I had to do was look up and there you were. The
brightest star in the sky!’
‘How often does you very first dream come true?’
The Good: We begin the episode with the planet being pre
industrial with a populace of cave dwellers that look up at the sky and see a
new sky appearing (Voyager). Alarm bells began ringing, either this was going
to wind up being Basics Part III or one of those godawful parable about a
primitive culture having to try and comprehend a more sophisticated
technological society (I’ve seen it done badly on many shows but Trek pulled
off the best ever example in Who Watches the Watchers so why try again?).
However Blink of an Eye manages to dodge both of those bullets and race ahead
of my expectations by offering more and more glimpses of the planet at a
different stage of accelerated evolution each time. It’s a fascinating idea and
reminds us of how far we have come from the primordial slime and seems to
making up for so many bland alien cultures that Voyager has met over the years
by offering us a comprehensive and expensive glance at the entire history of
one planet. Being able to watch the rise and fall of so many civilisations is
like playing God for an episode and it’s a wonderful vantage point to enjoy
this episode. Director Gabrielle Beaumont seems to understand this and
introduces each new segment of the planets development with a crane shot that
lowers onto the action, as though God is coming down amongst the people to see
how they are getting on. The next stage is the medieval stage with castles and
buildings filling the horizon who look down on their primitive ancestors and
want to send messages to God rather than fear him. Its not just the
anthropological aspects of the society that are shifting but the philosophical
ones too. Its fascinating to see such a radical change in their beliefs and
reminds us that what seems important today may be irrelevant in a 100 years
time. Next up is the steampunk era, a world of lights, brass and rivets where
the people can glance up at the stars through telescopes. I love the idea that
myths and legends have built up around the sky ship and how Voyager has its own
range of action figures in this phase! The idea of the Doctor going and coming
back and having experienced so much time elapsing whilst for the Voyager crew
it has only been seconds goes some way towards realising the potential of this
concept. The period that he visits is making great technological strides thanks
in part to their growing understanding of what Voyager is and they have
discovered a taste for warfare and politics. Voyager has inspired religion,
science and art…looks like it has had more for an impact on this planet than it
did in the television schedules! There is a space race to see who can get to
the sky ship first and Janeway wonders if it will be a capsule with an
astronaut or a missile with a warhead! Watching this society evolve into a
space faring race and begin to conquer the skies is actually far more of a love
letter to human space exploration than One Small Step was in its entirety.
Scenes of the astronauts stepping onto Voyager and finding the crew frozen
(actually they aren’t but time is moving at a much slower rate…if they hang
around for a couple of days I reckon B’Elanna might have at least turned around
or possibly started working on the console she is leaning on) have a genuine
sense of awe about them that we don’t usually feel when exploring this ship.
Imagine being able to head into the skies and touch something that has long
been revered as a deity? That’s the sort of atmosphere they have conjured.
Another astonishing idea touted is of the astronauts returning home and finding
that their civilisation has changed beyond anything that they recognise. I love
it when the astronaut returns home…many years after he left to try and stop
their attack on Voyager. Its exactly the sort of insane concept that Voyager
would flaunt as a pre titles sequence – a regular character has returned from a
mission and has aged several decades, that sort of thing. It seems that if you
touch Voyager the curse of the high concept is upon you! The final shot of the
astronaut looking up at the sky as Voyager winks out of existence is just about
perfect.
The Bad: The Voyager crew have so much incomprehensible
technobabble to wade through here that they have practically raised it to the
level of a new language. I find it apt that my husband cannot understand
Shakespeare (he begs me to turn off any of the BBC productions I have on DVD)
but is fully conversed in Trek technobabble and yet I am fully versed in the
language of the Bard but cannot for the life of me comprehend the tongue of
Spock, LaForge, O’Brien and Torres. Together we make an effective unit as we
often translate for each other what these dramas are actually about! It pains
me to say it but there are some really dodgy backdrops in this instalment where
the actors look obviously superimposed onto a flat effects shot. Naomi Wildman
is clearly a Mary Sue for Brannon Braga since she describes this episode as
‘the weird planet where time moved fast and so do the people that live there!’
Moment to Watch Out For: There is so much potential in
premise and I am so happy that they have mined it for much of its gold. Voyager
being in the sky is the catalyst for so much of what has happened to this
civilisation so its fantastic that there is dialogue between the astronaut and
Seven that discusses what will happen when they leave orbit. It could go one of
two ways – the missing sky ship might make the people look away from the skies
and not try and push forward into space or it might make them more determined
to get up there and see what has happened to their inspiration.
Anomaly of the Week: This week it’s a swirly grey anomaly
with which Tuvok has a deluge of technobabble to explain in the opening scene
(not a good sign). Janeway instantly says ‘shall we take a closer look?’ She’ll
never learn.
Result: The thing about these high concept shows is that
every now and again they will shoot and score and with Blink of an Eye they
score big time. Its another show where the Voyager crew are the least
interesting thing about it but that’s par for the course these days. What you
need to focus on is the lush production, intelligent writing and attention to
detail that this episode flaunts in abundance. What I really liked about this
episodes execution was that it wasn’t trying to have a social message or really
push forward its philosophy and it wasn’t treating its imaginative premise as
something to have fun with. On the contrary it simply offers us snapshot after
snapshot of this society in a very serious (yet still enjoyable) way as a
parallel montage of how the Earth has progressed over time and it really
stresses how far we have come. Its not trying to be The Inner Light or Far
Beyond the Stars, it has an idea to flaunt and it does so to the best of its
ability without making any great shakes. Its one of the finest standalone
episodes of Trek in modern years because it applies itself so completely to its
sweep of history and forgets that it is even telling a Voyager episode for the
most part. The abundance of creativity and ingenuity on display is to be
applauded. Regardless of what my feelings of the lesser episodes have been this
season (mostly strong) it has
already scored more outright winners than seasons four and five by this point
and seems to be really selling itself as an anthology show rather than a
serialised drama. I just hope there will be a renaissance for the crew of this
benighted ship before the series is over because it strikes me that the
episodes focusing on them of late (Alice, Riddles, Fair Haven) have been the
nadir of Trek. That doesn’t impact the skill that has gone into constructing
Blink of an Eye though, one of the most pleasing high concept episodes this
production team have ever pulled off: 9/10
Virtuoso written by Raf Green & Kenneth Biller and
directed Les Landau
What’s it about: Voyager visits a planet of EMH fanatics…
Hepburn-a-Like: At least Janeway seems to find this all very
amusing. Kate Mulgrew glides through this episode with a smile on her face,
Janeway supplicating before the Qomar and refusing to engage in this nonsense
on a serious level. I wish I had her patience. When Janeway slaps the Doctor’s
wrists and tells him she has given him extraordinary freedom it was the one
moment I wanted to cheer.
EMH: The one decent thing about the introductory scene
(although I am scraping the barrel here) is the comparison between the Doctor
and the Qomar. With their superior attitude and insulting manner they are a
reminder of how the Doctor used to be and how far he has come over six years.
When the Doctor turns up on stage looking like a complete clown it pretty much
summed up my feelings towards his characterisation in this instalment. Watching
Robert Picardo indulging in a signing session at a Trek convention is not what
I switch on Voyager to watch and the way the Doctor’s ego spirals out of all
control is agonising to watch. He hasn’t been this unbearable for many a year.
I thought Voyager was his home and his family and just because this race of
Munchkins revere his singing he finds that a good enough reason enough to ditch
everybody who gave him a chance to express himself? Its such shallow, surface
characterisation that even Picardo cannot salvage it. As soon as he calls the
Captain ‘Kathryn’ he’s crossed the line and I would have had his programme
restored to its factory settings and happily have tossed all of my arguments
for his independence out of the nearest airlock. The Doctor’s argument to the
Captain is comparing himself to Harry Kim falling in love with an alien and how
she wouldn’t stand in his way? Excuse me? Was he present during the events of
The Disease? Or has he deleted that sorry escapade from his short term memory
because it was so painful? Continuity on this show is so selective I’m not sure
if I am actually watching the same series week in, week out. After she granted
research into the ECH programme I think the Doctor is fucking ungrateful to
suggest that his talents are often taken for granted. His desire for
independence has gone beyond a joke now, its no longer amusing or
thoughtful…its just one hologram with one too many egotistical subroutines in
his programme. This is the antithesis of the work done with his character in
last years Latent Image.
Forever Ensign: Harry Kim and the ‘Kim Tones?’ There is no
redemption for this guy, is there? Unless Garrett Wang finds himself a decent
role to play he will be entertaining hardcore Voyager fans on cruise ships for
the rest of his life.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘They wont be able to see anything but
the top of your head. The glare could blind them.’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘I thought you wanted me!’ – spare me
this mickey Mouse morality…
The Good: The best moments in this episode are listening to
Robert Picardo sing…but that is in the presence of the Qomar who do their best
to sink even his talent on screen which under any other circumstances would be
unthinkable. For once the Voyager crew have a chance to look like something
other than complete patsies because this horrendous lot make them look almost
competent in comparison. Tom and B’Elanna’s amusing reactions to the Doctor’s
out of control ego are at least amusing.
The Bad: I find it hard to try and sift anything good from
Virtuoso because its new race of Delta Quadrant aliens is so obscenely awful it
is hard to see anything beyond them. A race of geeky midgets with high pitched
voices that sound as if they have swallowed down whole canisters of helium to
release on cue…all they would have needed was to be dressed appropriately to be
transformed into Munchkins or Oompa Loompas. Only not as cute or funny. There
isn’t a single note of believability in the realisation of this species and I
cannot comprehend the rationale surrounding them except to show that (once
again) the Delta Quadrant is a yawning chasm of disinterest in the universe.
The way the Qomar talk to the Doctor in the first scene is so patronising and
childishly presented I felt as though I were watching Neelix in Riddles again
and ignited an instant hatred for this incensing species. That introductory
scene can be watched and used a immediate evidence of where Voyager went wrong
in later years. The way they bunch around the Doctor, hypnotised by his voice
in sickbay reminds me off a group of Doctor Who fans at a stage room door when
a Doctor Who actor has taken part in a local theatre production and just wants
to get home after a long night but has to face a mob of autograph hungry
fanatics. This is not a good thing. Watching them learning how to clap
like simpletons was pretty agonising. Calling music ‘algorithmic expressions’
kind of exposes why this culture will never truly understand it and is an
affront to the vast body of work that exists. Boiling down something as
incredible as music to mathematics genuinely insults me. Was the bombardment of
fan mail by the Qomar being interpreted as an attack on the ship by Seven
supposed to be funny? We’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here, folks. In
Doctor Who’s Love & Monsters Russell T Davies offers a personalised love
letter to the shows fans, portraying them in a witty and sympathetic light. The
best Voyager can manage is scorn and ridicule in its portrayal of fans which is
kind of ironic because that is what the average Joe with common sense will pour
on this show. ‘I bet you can calculate pi to over a thousand digits’ is as
close to a seduction technique as the Qomar come…its about as sexy as watching
Neelix bathe in porridge. Kamala Lopez-Dawson has turned up in some great shows
and has fronted some fine political work but her performance in this episode is
more akin to watching somebody who has recently had a stroke trying to emote.
Why she would chose to play her role this way baffles me because it guts the
‘romance’ angle of any emotion. The plotting of Virtuoso is such a joke – the
Doctor decides that he is leaving, Janeway suggests that tastes move on, he has
an emotional goodbye with Seven and sudden as he beams down to the planet he is
realises he is not the flavour of the month anymore. He changes his mind,
returns to Voyager with his tail tucked between his legs and his lesson learnt.
What is this, Playschool? This episode is in exactly the same spot as Far
Beyond the Stars over at DS9 – the gulf in quality is so enormous it makes me
weep blood. Needless to say Tincoo’s composition is absolutely dreadful, as
close to aural bilge as you are ever likely to hear.
Moment to Watch Out For: The last scene is an absolute
triumph and the only thing that raises the score of this nightmare episode
above zero. Why Seven wastes her time on the guy I have no idea but her fan
letter is very touching.
Result: Don’t get me wrong, I love music. Its something
that defines each individual and is an absorbing, emotive experience the first
time you hear a new song whether you fall head over heels for it or never want
to hear it again. But talking about music is like singing about architecture,
somehow you lose all sense of the majestic, the personal experience, the joy of
the string of thoughts and emotions it coaxes from you. Virtuoso struggles
gamely to address the subject but doesn’t have the insight or the elegance to
tackle it and so instead becomes a treatise on being ‘the latest thing’ in
society which might be a worthy goal had the society in question not been the
Qomar. What were the writers/director thinking? As irritating as pubic lice, as
arrogant as Simon Cowell and as believable as the bible – they are without a
doubt the most horrible (if one of the most distinctive for all the wrong
reasons) species that Voyager has ever encountered. To tack a character as
absorbing as the Doctor onto this rotten culture and suggest that he might
leave Voyager to join them simply because they enjoy his singing left me
rubbing my head to soothe the pain at the pointlessness of it all. Do we ever
believe that Voyager is going to ditch its most popular character? Would he
really have lost all of his critical faculties to shack up with this rotten
bunch? If season six has been a cross section of really good and really bad
this without a doubt falls into the latter, its reprehensible viewing
and not worth assaulting your good sense to risk it. There is no wit, soul or
intelligence in this episode which means it is definitely no kind of music: 2/10
Memorial written by Robin Burger and directed by Allan
Kroeker
What’s it about: The crew start experiencing nightmarish
visions about an atrocity committed on a nearby planet…
Hepburn-a-Like: Mulgrew shows her fellow performers how it
is done when she gets to join in on the hysterics at around the 30 minute mark.
She’s phenomenally good, a world class act compared to the four gents
that have already tried to drive the moral of this story home by shouting a
lot. There’s a gorgeous moment where she comforts a completely unknown ensign
which is worth celebrating because it appears as though Janeway only focuses on
the senior staff these days.
Tattoo: Chakotay is far more believable as a soldier than he
is as a First Officer, this is a tantalising glimpse at what he could have been
in this series had they stuck with his original character from Caretaker. He’s
certainly prettier when he’s dirtied up a bit.
Brilliant B’Elanna: When Torres tries to get Tom to eat and
sleep and he rejects her it is really nicely played by Dawson. Its only Duncan McNeill opens his gob and starts
screaming that he guts the scene of its dramatic strength. Sometimes it is far
more effective to play it quietly and this scene demonstrates that ably.
Borg Babe: Seven bringing deserts to Neelix to cheer him up
really made me smile. She might be learning from the kid but the sentiment is
lovely. She says her guilt reminds her of the terrible things she did when she
was a Borg. She doesn’t allow it to consume her but she keeps it there is a
constant reminder.
Parisian Rogue: B’Elanna’s surprise for Tom is actually very
sweet and for once it isn’t an interest of Paris’ that has been made up on the
spot. We’ve been told often enough that he loves retro gadgets so to assemble a
television for him and download 20th century programmes onto it is a
lovely gesture and makes for a pleasingly anachronistic feature in his
quarters. Paris obsessing over his new toy and completely ignoring B’Elanna is
played for laughs here (unlike Alice which shockingly devoted a whole episode
to the notion) and I love it when we cut to her asleep on the sofa and him
still watching. For once they feel like a normal couple doing normal things.
See it isn’t that hard!
Forever Ensign: Just what you want on a long trip in the
Delta Flyer…Harry Kim whining on like some bored housewife about dirty plates
being left in the sink!
Spotted Dick: I think this is the first truly serious role
Neelix has had in the series since Mortal Coil (please don’t mention Riddles to
me again…). I’m not certain Ethan Philips is entirely up to the task of portray
real anxiety and shell shock but he has a good stab and any time Neelix wants
to start waving a knife around when Naomi Wildman is about is good by me! When
Neelix sits despondently and worries about how terrified Naomi must be of him
now I was shocked at how good Philips was. All he has to do is turn it down a
notch or two to go from irritating to natural. I’m really pleased that it was
Neelix who defended the stance to keep the memorial transmitting by explaining
that the obelisk alone doesn’t tell the story of what happened here.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Words alone cannot explain the
suffering.’
‘Why should anyone have to experience an atrocity they
didn’t commit?’ ‘Because that’s how you learn not to make the same mistake’ –
go Neelix!
The Good: I have a small confession to make about this story
and the reason that I have a greater affection for it than some others. When
Simon and I first met 12 years ago he was only a wee nipper (he was 16
but I was 20 so imagine the kafuffle) and we clearly liked each other but
needed a reason to meet up. Alas Memorial was that very reason! The one
episode of season six I hadn’t seen! If it hadn’t been for this episode he
wouldn’t have come over, we wouldn’t have gotten on so well (I’ll leave that
your imagination), stayed together for over a decade, got married, bought a
house, moved to the coast and be enjoying a great life together! So I owe it a
lot.
Using Paris’ TV as a way of introducing the war themes is
quite imaginative and the battle that plays out on the screen looks violent and
dirty. The way Allan Kroeker cuts from Paris in his quarters to actually
fighting the war is seamless (who would have thought a spotlight could be so
effective?). Harry is genuinely sweaty and terrified after he crawls out of the
Jeffries tube, its nice to see that sort of terror being pumped into
everybody’s favourite chump. The action scenes are really well done with some
fluidic camerawork and plenty going on to convince that there is a strong force
attacking. For once the crew is coming together to piece together a worthwhile
mystery and the scenes of them all chipping parts of the story starts to colour
in the background of the war we keep seeing (although irritatingly it is the
weakest actors bringing this material to life and Philips and Wang push far too
hard to be remotely convincing). The soldiers turning on the colonists being
relocated when they start running is deeply predictable but this is Voyager
tackling material that is uncomfortably violent and immoral and that can only
be applauded for this usually happy go luck show. How the character of the
different soldiers affects the crew is cleverly worked out – Neelix tries to
save Naomi because his soldier protected the children, Kim has a claustrophobic
attack because his soldiers was trapped in the tunnels. I really liked the crew
visiting the planet from their visions. For one thing it is lovely to get out
into the fresh air (unless it is a mock Irish town called Fair Haven of course)
and it really feels like the satisfying fruition of the mystery that is
unfolding. The discovery of the obelisk is so forbiddingly shot there is a
genuine sense of awe injected into the climax. Its something of a cruel thing
to do to people but leaving the beacon as a reminder of the unnecessary blood
that was spilt during this war strikes me as a very moral stance to take.
The Bad: When I first saw Tom and Chakotay in the shuttle I
cringed…then Harry turned up moaning…and then Neelix popped out nowhere being
all chirpy! This is the perfect opportunity to get rid of all of the really
shit Voyager characters in one go! Surely there is a Bermuda Triangle anomaly
around somewhere that can swallow them all up into the great unknown never to
be seen again! It was just a thought… It might be truculent of me to mention
that this episode has exactly the same message and plot as season three’s Remember
(forcing people to experiencing terrible acts to expose the truth about an
atrocity) but it is so effective in both cases we’ll let it slide this time.
Moment to Watch Out For: There isn’t a silly Voyager get out
clause here, these events really happened and the discussion over whether to
leave the memories transmitting or not really means something because the crew
have been through hell to get here. I think they made the right decision to
keep it on but to give a warning so people will no what to expect. Giving
people the choice to experience this history is a very satisfying ending. They
weren’t victims of a conspiracy, they were witnesses to a massacre and for once
their presence in this Quadrant actually feels worthwhile.
Orchestra: There’s a dark, menacing beat that plays
throughout the scenes of the crew being haunted by the war that is really
effective and moody.
Result: A special episode for me. Dramatic and exciting with
a great message (that we should never forget…see I can hammer it home too),
Memorial is nonetheless quite predictable and overplayed. But I will suffer
some poor performances from the regulars to see the show tackling some
genuinely dark themes. It might have been more hard hitting had these events
played out for real rather than a replay of the memories of other people but I
still think that the beacon transmitting its uncomfortable material is a
fantastic idea to tell the outside world of the atrocities that were committed
on this planet. Allan Kroeker is the perfect director to bring this moody
material to life and he drenches the show in shadows and provides some forceful
imagery that lingers in the mind long after you have finished. Had this played
out on DS9 were the performances from the regulars would have been far superior
this would have been practically flawless. As it is with the four weakest
performers (Philips, Wang, McNeill and Beltran) providing some trite
histrionics it is merely a good hour rather than an outstanding one but what
really pleased me was the last handful of scenes which refuse to cheat the
audience and allow for a very satisfying conclusion. In a season that is
veering between 1/2s and 9/10s it is lovely to finally award a healthy: 8/10
Tsunkatse written by Robert Doherty and directed by Mike
Vejar
What’s it about: Seven of Nine learns the art of WWF and
takes on The Rock! No I’m not blissed out on drugs!
Hepburn-a-Like: Why was Mulgrew written out of this episode?
Was she taking a vacation herself? Did she want to disassociate herself with
Tsunkatse?
Tattoo: I thought Chakotay was an aggressive boxing player
in his spare time? For this episode to have made sense shouldn’t it have been
about him or didn’t he look as hot in a leotard? The Tattooed Terror?
Sheesh!
EMH: It looks like they are trying to make a commentary on
the pointlessness of boxing from the Doctor’s point of view but the dialogue is
so ham fisted and eviscerated they shouldn’t have bothered.
Brilliant B’Elanna: If not Chakotay then surely B’Elanna
would have been the next best option given her uncontrollable anger that was
explored in Juggernaut. Surely witnessing her inner turmoil not to fight would
have been an extension of that. Once again though Jeri Ryan probably seemed a
safer bet in a leotard.
Borg Babe: The Doctor thinks that shore leave is the perfect
opportunity for Seven to develop her relationship with the crew but she would
rather be stuck on a shuttle with Tuvok. Whilst (for me) that would usually be
a fate worse than death in this one instance I find myself in agreement that
this is the preferable option. Seven learns nothing from the this experience,
it isn’t tied into her character in any way and it would never be mentioned
ever again. As I thought…it was just a chance to squeeze Jeri Ryan in tight lycra
and get her hot and sweaty. Even an actress of this calibre cannot fight
against such blatant sexism and the result is a loss of dignity for the show
and the character.
Spotted Dick: Neelix boils up a Leola root ointment after he
fell asleep in the heat of twin suns. Oh how amusing.
The Good: The twist that the fights are being transmitted
from another location was the first time I felt anything but disdain for this
episode. That at least earned an eyebrow raise.
The Bad: I suppose they thought we wouldn’t notice the
abundance of make up jobs that in the crowd of previously seen Delta Quadrant
aliens rather than simply making up some new ones for the sake of this episode.
How the hell did the Voth and the Kadi get this far out considering Voyager has
made massive leaps across space since they met them? Or come to think it of it
that it is the same small group of aliens being superimposed over and over
again as the camera swings around. Its quite hilarious the way J G Hertlzer
walks out during the teaser with a resigned dignity…I realise that is the
character he is portraying but ironically there does seem to be a touch of
‘this is what I have been reduced to since leaving DS9?’ to his gait. As well
as its constant plundering of TNGs back catalogue of stories (wait until the
season cliffhanger…) it is now also repeating its own stories too what with
Memorial being a replay of Remember and now Tsunkatse obsessing over fighting
for fun like last years The Fight. Seriously things must beyond interminable in
the Delta Quadrant these days…first there was Tom Paris’ crappy conundrum toy
that caught on like wild fire, games of guess Tuvok’s age on the Bridge, later
the town of Fair Haven become the place to be on the ship and now
everybody has caught the pro wrestling bug! Even Janeway is off on vacation.
When the Alpha Quadrant used to be a fluffy playpen for Picard to have
adventures in has become at this point in DS9’s mythology a dark, unfriendly,
dangerous place where death haunts you in every nook and cranny. The Delta
Quadrant in comparison is like a Federation vacation spot. I reckon they should
find another Caretaker and catapult ships into this region of space whenever
things have become too exciting in the Alpha Quadrant so a Captain and his/her
crew can have a rest. If they were literally trying to expose how little
Voyager has to offer in the way of substantial recurring characters hiring
Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertlzer and fitting them up with shallow, underwritten
characters is exactly the way to do it. Weyoun and Martok, these two aint.
Throwing the combined acting talent of these two and Jeri Ryan into a script this
unworthy of their talents has to be applauded. The giggly obsession with boxing
spreads throughout the ship and the scene in the Mess Hall is truly painful to
endure (seriously watching Harry Kim try and coax Chakotay and Paris into a
fight is not entertaining characterisation). Seven’s last battle is against the
very man who taught her how to play Tsunkatse…if you tried to sell this sort of
plotting to anybody but Paramount you would be laughed out of the room. I was
wondering how they would manage to squeeze in the obligatory Voyager space
fight scene into this fluffy episode but don’t worry…they succeed! It baffles
me to think that this was the highest rated episode of the season – either the
US audience wanted to witness the moment when Voyager finally (irretrievably)
jumped the shark (actually that was Alice & Fair Haven but this is another
quality example) or they simply enjoy watching absolute trash. You
decide.
Moment to Watch Out For: When The Rock enters the ring in
alien make up and raises his eyebrow to the audience Voyager season six hits a
new low (previous entries – B’Elanna expressing jealousy in Alice and Janeway
personalising her dildo in Fair Haven – have just about been edged out). Come
back next week to see if Voyager can manage to sink even lower (or jump the
shark even higher!).
Teaser-tastic: They throw everything at you during the
teaser so you know exactly what you are getting into. A rowdy crowd, coloured
spotlights, synthy rock music and skimpy leotards. Voyager has gone WWE!
Result: Absolute drivel and yet inversely nowhere near as
bad as I had been expecting. Any show that begins with the premise ‘Seven of Nine
gets sweaty in the ring with The Rock’ was never going to be a classic Star
Trek adventure and whilst it does prove that along with the other sub par
adventures this season that Voyager has pretty much gone to the dogs there was
at lest some energy and visual dynamism in evidence that made it empty popcorn
viewing rather than something that is completely beyond redemption. After
helming episodes as splendid as Rocks & Shoals, The Changing Face of Evil
& Tacking into the Wind over at DS9 it breaks my heart to see a director
with as much talent as Mike Vejar reduced to bringing nonsense like this to the
screen and it is only really his taste for cinematic splendour that gives
Tsunkatse any credibility. This is like the Time and the Rani of the
Star Trek universe; a script that is so horrendous it practically transcends
its ghastliness and becomes quite engaging because it is so moronic.
Plus it does have Jeffrey Combs and J.G. Hertlzer in it. This was fun in as
much as watching a mentally deficient sport like this can be (I hate WWE
wrestling, what a tedious waste of theatrical talent!) and it does bang the
final nail in the coffin as far as the Delta Quadrant is concerned. This faux
wrestling setting is exactly the sort of insignificance that I have come to
expect from this region of space and I think it is clear that there is nothing
worthwhile to explore anymore: 4/10
Collective written by Michael Taylor and directed by Allison
Liddi
What’s it about: It’s the pilot episode of Star Trek: The
Borg 90210…
Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway is pretty wasted here but there is
wonderfully sadistic scene where she is holding he Borg baby and orders the
Doctor to start deploying the virus to wipe out all of the kids. She’s the
heroine, right?
Borg Babe: They’ve kind of given up on the idea of Janeway
being a maternal leader with Seven and B’Elanna and so that role has now fallen
into Seven’s lap. Introducing the Borg twinkies forces her to confront her own
childhood as a drone and to empathise with what they are going through. Now
this could be worth exploring in later episodes. Seven’s revealing speech about
maintaining a sense of order to keep her life on track and to help cope with
the loss of her parents is passionately delivered by Ryan. Where would this
show be without her?
Mr Vulcan: Tuvok describes the adolescent drones as thinking
that they are superior…which is kind of how he acts most days. Does that mean
he is nothing but an overgrown kid?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I can’t believe we’re negotiating with
adolescent drones!’ – I’m right there with you B’Elanna…
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Return Harry Kim…then we’ll talk!’ – is
she mad?
The Good: We’re getting the obligatory space battle over
with early in this episode but there’s no denying the effects work is slick…there
is a definitely Death Star attack vibe about the way the Delta Flyer slides
along the hull of the Cube. For a moment I genuinely thought the foursome of
non entities in the shuttle were going to be assimilated and it really
excited me! There was a breath of a good idea in the scene where Tuvok suggests
murdering the children and the Doctor objects…that should have been the premise
for the entire episode. Since I complain so much about a lack of development on
this show I suppose I should applaud the introduction of the Borg kids to the
series as a permanent fixture. Its not the sort of development I would have
hoped for but it does at least show Voyager attempting some kind of innovation
in its dying days. Although I guess this means we’ll being seeing a lot more of
the Wildman creature.
The Bad: For a second there I thought I had wondered back
into Memorial since this episode also begins with Chakotay, Paris, Kim and
Neelix in the Delta Flyer. Another TNG steal - the lads are playing poker and
then a Borg cube appears in the window. Why don’t they just use the TNG theme
tune? It’ll bring in more viewers that way! The Delta Flyer versus the Borg –
that reminds me of Dark Frontier. Harry Kim missing in action on the cube –
Scorpion. Come on…think up something original! B’Elanna suggests that the Borg
negotiating is unusual behaviour but that is exactly what happened when they
first met them in Scorpion. This might have worked had these children been
genuinely ghoulish creations with frightening make up jobs that make it clear
that the Borg have experimented horribly on these children. That would have
really hit home. Instead they are all individuals with their own surly
opinions, rivalries and angst. There’s the cute one, the bully, the nice one…it
is literally Star Trek: The Borg 90210 and who wants to watch that? Manu
Intiraymi gives his best performance in this episode and he really doesn’t make
much of an impact here…from hereon in he as wooden as a vents dummy throughout
the rest of his run. The Borg dolly that Seven pulls out of the maturation
chamber is so hideously unconvincing it provoked belly laughs!
I want to talk a little bit about the Borg who began their
life as the biggest badass villains that Trek had ever seen. They were a
genuinely ghoulish creation with a visual hook that emphasised the idea of the
walking dead and the emotional resonance that these were people who were turned
into machines against their will. With their simple yet utterly distinctive
ships, a creed that was terrifying and a catchphrase to die for they were the
best thought through race of nasties I had seen in science fiction in an age
(and as far as Trek is concerned only the various ranks of the Dominion come
close to topping their early appearances). However this being Trek it wasn’t
long before some numpty decided to humanise them and we meet a cute, fluffy
Borg named Hugh who is disconnected from the Hive. Then in an obscene act of
suicide for TNG they had a breakaway group of Borg all with their own distinct
personalities working under the leadership of Lore. That’s right…everything
that made this race distinctive was snatched away until they were just regular
heavies of little consequence. Voyager decided (like so much of their best
ideas) that since it worked on TNG they would have a stab at it too. They
brought the race back to some of their past glories in Scorpion emphasising
again on the horror but losing points for having them negotiate with Janeway
rather than chase her ass halfway across the Quadrant until they catch and
assimilate her. TNG tried to recapture past glories in the movie First Contact
and partially succeed but it was a clear indication that with the introduction
of the Borg Queen that they were past their prime if they require an innovation
that completely goes against the idea of what these creatures are about.
Voyager once again decides what is good for the goose is good for the gander
and introduce the Queen into their show as a new nemesis for Janeway but hire
Susannah Thompson (as sexy as hell in Rejoined) and force her to play the role
with all the sex appeal and emotion of a dead halibut. I realise that this race
is supposed to be frigid and emotionless but there is such a thing as dramatic
licence to make things vaguely watchable. And now we are introduced to the
latest band of Borg drones…that’s right it’s a bunch of kiddie wink automatons
and new friends for Naomi Wildman to play with! This is absolutely the final
nail in the coffin as far as the Borg are concerned…there is no way to recover
from this level regression. Some bright spark in the Voyager office probably
thought ‘how about a bunch of Borg kids attacking the ship?’ and Brannon
Braga’s eyes lit up. Clearly this production team is way past their creative
best now (for Braga it was around TNG season seven and yet Trek would have to
endure five more years of him) and as for the Borg? Beyond redemption.
So naturally there are two more two part spectaculars that feature them which
take that nailed down coffin deep into the Earth and well and truly bury it.
Congratulations Voyager, you’ve gutted the franchise of one of its greatest
foes.
Moment to Watch Out For: Remember that scene in the Stargate
SG1 episode 200 (one of my favourites of that series – ‘make it spin!’) where
the producer touts the idea of replacing all of the adults in the series with
kids and we see an excruciatingly funny sequence of hot kids playing the roles
of Mitchell, Vala, etc…? I thought we had dropped into that universe during the
climax when Icheb turns on the bully boy Borg and exclaims (as much as this
actor can emote, anyway) ‘what you say? I thought we were a Collective!’
What has happened to the Trek universe? This is so abysmally childish I can
only think that the monkey’s are tapping away at the keyboards again.
Result: Its hard to watch this episode without seeing
anything but a total perversion of the Borg as a menace. When you keep thinking
of ways that this could have been done better that is a very bad sign. To its
credit Collective flaunts the usual Voyager staples of lush production values
with some top notch special effects and a great performance by Jeri Ryan. It
also has the usual Voyager deficiencies including a lack of common sense,
intelligence and surprises. All you would need are establishing shots of the
Borg Cube with hip pop music (the same way they establish schools in shows like
Buffy) to add the finishing touches to this painful science fiction version of 90210,
Borg style. Yeah I’ve repeated that gag three times…that’s because I can’t
believe they tried to pull it off! I’ve been whinging on about a lack of
progress on Voyager for about 100 episodes now and after so many fantastic
opportunities that have slipped through their fingers (especially the Equinox
one) this is the episode they decide to follow up on? The kiddywinks are
moving onto Voyager and Naomi Wildman is going to have a new robotic army to
play with. When I signed up for Voyager I never realised this is the sort of
thing I would wind up championing simply because it is something that actually impacts
the show. When Jeri Ryan is on screen Collective is decent enough (except that
horrific Borg dolly she cradles) but otherwise it is barely watchable and as
such it encapsulates Voyager in a nutshell at this stage of the game: 4/10
Spirit Folk written by Bryan Fuller and directed by David
Livingston
What’s it about: Are Janeway and her crew spirit folk with
fairy magicks?
Hepburn-a-Like: Things must be pretty quiet in the Delta
Quadrant if Janeway is wasting her time explaining away her existence to her
holographic sexual aid. Why doesn’t she just shut the damn programme down and
get B’Elanna to tweak it? When her talking dildo turns up on the bridge to
starts questioning his existence I had given up all hope for this series…this irredeemably
bad. If this was DS9 I would be ashamed to watch it.
EMH: Perhaps Reverend Doctor has been sipping at the
sacramental wine. I wish I had been. The Doctor can’t even pull one over
on this town of idiots and so if I were Janeway I would have him restored to
his factory settings along with the rest of them. Umm…they can’t close down the
programme or delete the characters but the populace from Fair Haven can
hypnotise the EMH? I might be accused of not joining in with the fun but I
genuinely cannot see any in evidence. Somebody get me out of here.
Brilliant B’Elanna: It would appear that the only character
with any common sense this year is B’Elanna. She has pretty much scoffed at
every one of the crappy episodes (Alice, Fair Haven…) and now she is balking at
the sheer stupidity at them running the holodeck around the clock to indulge
the crew and allow them to exploit the joys (I use the term as loosely as it
can stretch) of Fair Haven.
Parisian Rogue: Tom Paris gets to drive a vintage motor
erratically through the streets of Fair Haven as though he is a (‘Poop! Poop!’)
human version of Toad of Toad Hall. To take the parallel to its natural
conclusion he pretends he is the heir to an aristocrat and has come into some
money. The trouble with that Wind in the Willows analogy is that Toad had
bucket loads of personality, charisma and charm and Tom Pairs…well doesn’t.
Forever Ensign: Now its Harry’s turn to pursue a romance in
the holodeck. I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t some defect amongst this
crew that means (Tom & B’Elanna aside) that they are completely incapable
of finding real lovers and have to resort to these holodeck shags to get by.
Dreadful Dialogue: When Janeway discovers that Fair Haven
has been corrupted she orders ‘shut it down!’ Hooray! Common sense at last!
‘…and repair the damaged systems!’ Noooooo!
‘I’ve got a boyfriend that malfunctions…’ – how is this less
embarrassing than ‘I’m dating a member of the crew?’
‘The people of Fair Haven might not be real but our feelings
towards them are!’ – I cannot believe they are even having this discussion.
‘Just because we’re from different worlds it doesn’t mean we
can’t be friends…’ – oh vomit.
The Good: A few seconds of entertainment when Paris and Kim
are covered in a net I thought they might both be killed. For a pair of three
dimensional characters it would be unthinkable to die in a place as
embarrassing as Fair Haven but for this pair it feels just quite appropriate.
The Bad: The next time you think of criticising His Way
remember they managed to avoid all of this bollocks with one line – ‘I know
what you’re thinking…he has pretty sweet lungs for a light bulb!’ As if the
outrageous sexual politics of Fair Haven weren’t enough somebody on the Voyager
writing staff suddenly realised that they hadn’t allowed the populace of this
mock Irish village to indulge in that drabbest of Trek clichés – holographic
sentience! Cue yawnsome scenes of Seamus (still one of the most godawful
stereotypes) witnessing Tommy boy committing acts of unholy magic through
unnatural means! This is going to be a long hour. When these dreadful
Irish caricatures started talking about another Irish town where the potatoes
stopped growing and the cows stopped giving milk when a group of spirit folk
visited I could hear Ireland cutting off diplomatic relations with America.
Fair Haven is a seaside town? Since when? Scene after scene of the ill
characterised, underwritten and overplayed villagers of Fair Haven realising
that they are being manipulated by the Voyager crew. Why are we wasting our
time with nonsensical material like this when there is so much still to be said
about Voyager getting home, the crew being reunited with their families and
being made to account for their actions and the dramatic notion of returning
with an alien (Neelix), a Borg (Seven) and ex Maquis members? I can enjoy
episodes like Take Me Out to the Holosuite and Badda Bing Badda Bang in DS9’s
last season because for one thing they are genuinely decent episodes but also
because the show is devoted to its characters and its central arc and you know
that both of them will be dealt with before the series end so they are
genuinely pleasing diversions. Unfortunately Voyager has resorted to
nothing but diversions in its last two years (pleasing or otherwise)
with absolutely no exploration of any of these potentially gripping themes that
are waiting unexploited at the core of the series. It makes these idiotic
holodeck episodes seem even more vacuous and time wasting than usual. I love
how Harry and Tom are so easily duped by Michael and as soon as they both look
at the console he gives standard evil stare number six – how can they not feel
him glaring them so? How can holodeck characters shoot actual equipment on
Voyager…its real and they’re not! Who is thinking up this shit? Torres (the
only person on board with a brain cell or two in this episode) suggests cutting
the power to the hologrid and deleting the programme when Tom and Harry’s lives
have been put in danger and Neelix object because the crew will lose Fair Haven
forever. Are you fucking kidding me? Then Janeway says that she would
like to find a less drastic solution. Are these supposed to be real people because
I refuse to buy into such blatant stupidity. A quick morality lesson, a replay
of the events of Who Watches the Watchers (a primitive being given a tour of
the ship) and everybody is smiling and laughing and happy again. Oh go fuck
yourself Fair Haven…and Spirit Folk too while you’re at it. What a complete
waste of my time. Is this really the sort of thing Paramount would rather see
Braga and company conjuring up? No wonder the Trek franchise was on borrowed
time.
Moment to Watch Out For: Tom Paris follows Harry and turns
his fake date into a huge moo cow and Kim shakes his fists at the heaven and
screams ‘Tooooom!’ Once again Voyager hits a new low, topping sick’em Alice,
dildo programming Janeway and Borg 90210. All we need to pervert the show even
more than this is to have Kes return and try and destroy the ship because she
thinks she is hard done by. Wait a couple of weeks, you say?
Orchestra: To be fair I did enjoy the Irish jingle that
played when Tom pursued Harry and Maggie so that at least counts for 30 seconds
of enjoyable material.
Result: We’re back in the unpicturesque town of Fair Haven!
Let joy be uncontained! As if things weren’t exciting enough the first time!
Two drunken Irish farmers try and convince the rest of the villagers that the
crew of Voyager are spirit folk! That’s sure to be a rip-roaring adventure!
We’re never going to see the populace of Fair Haven again (lets at least be
thankful for that) so what was the point of this appalling excursion into
racist cliché? Why would anybody even try and rewrite the plot of TNGs Ship in
a Bottle when it was done so well the first time and so badly here? You might
understand it if the Fair Haven
holodeck programme was genuinely something worth fighting for (whereas
it is by far the least interesting, most patronising one they indulged
in…although the beach programme gives it a run for its money) but the sheer
idiocy of this crew for not just closing down the holodecks and getting on with
something more interesting with new anomalies or space fungus that will make
the crew grow two heads baffles me. To say this beyond a joke is a misnomer
because it was never funny in the first pace…the thought that this show has
wasted 90 minutes of its running time on something this indulgent and empty of
meaning or entertainment makes me want to weep. More season six lunacy: 1/10
Ashes to Ashes written by Robert Doherty and directed by
Terry Windell
What’s it about: A dead crewmember returns to Voyager…
Hepburn-a-Like: There’s a wonderful moment where after a
briefing in which Janeway lavishes plaudits on Lyndsey she admits quietly to
the Captain ‘I didn’t even think you noticed me.’ It forces Janeway to
reconsider how she treats the lower ranks and invites Lyndsey to dinner.
Borg Babe: Whilst I get that she is a clear thinking, well
ordered drone of a woman thanks to what the Borg did to her I don’t buy that
Seven would be quite so hopeless when it comes to looking after the children.
Surely her last memories before being assimilated are of being a child…and
therefore she should understand just how much they want to behave recklessly
and have some autonomy. It shouldn’t take Neelix (the epitome of fun on this
ship!) to have to spell it out. Given that The Rock turned up to kick the crap
out of Seven of Nine a few episodes back wouldn’t it have been hilarious had Jo
Frost turned up and taught the naughty Borg offspring all about the naughty
stair and adaptive learning behaviour! Instead Seven has to suffer a lecture on
parenting from Chakotay (like he’s an expert…) which is much less fun and more
eyelid tugging.
Parisian Rogue: At the risk of sounding like Victor Meldrew
(I can think of worse role models!) ‘I don’t believe it!’ The episode
was cruising along harmlessly enough and I was actually congratulating the
writers (in my head of course) for avoiding the trap of having Tom Paris turn
up and crack that hilarious gag about Harry falling for the wrong woman
again. I should have known better than to dish out credit before an episode is
over.
Forever Ensign: Wasn’t Harry involved with a holographic
Irish slattern in the previous episode? Whilst it is nice to see that somebody
on this ship can actually attract flesh and blood and doesn’t have to rely on
photons and force fields to get their kicks it would appear that Harry has no
trouble at all getting over his girlfriend Libby. I’m starting to wonder if I
have wandered into the morality free zone of Torchwood. Besides, Lyndsey
(enough as a giant lizard like alien) is a bit of a fox…why would she fall for
a rectal probe like Harry? Besides which if Harry always harboured feelings for
Lyndsey why then did he end up with Libby? Imagine being Harry Kim’s second
choice? That would be a new low for any human being. This episode seems to
end with Harry losing the love of his life and choosing to go on a date with a
12 year old girl. I’m past even blinking at such inanities on this show.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Fun will now commence’ – Seven has no
idea how to be a parent but at least Jeri Ryan is having a good time with it.
‘Commander Tuvok finished the analysis of your shuttle and presented
me with thirty seven different ways of repelling a Kobali attack’ ‘Did he
include your pot roast?’
The Good: Immediate follow up to the events in Collective –
hurrah! A near impossibility! Plus the line about the kid not being able to
reach the communications panel made me chuckle. Lydnsey’s transformation from a
Kobali to a human is painstakingly achieved by the make up department and their
continued excellence on all of the Trek shows is something that should be
recognised. The clay model of Seven’s head made me spit out my coffee…that was
a very funny moment.
The Bad: Hardy the most substantial opening to an episode
ever. An alien is pursued and shot at and she tries to make contact with
Voyager. Why do we care exactly? We’ve been tricked to many times in the past
with premise like ‘a dead crewmember turns up wearing a new face’ for this to
be anything out of the ordinary. Its either going to turn out to be a massive
con or real but reset at the end of the episode. Either way its not attention
grabbing enough after twenty seasons of next generation Trek. Massive kudos for
bringing somebody as charismatic as Kim Rhodes onto Voyager and a huge slap on
the wrist for once again introducing a supposed crewmember who is far more
likable and enjoyable to spend time with than two thirds of the regular cast.
Chalk this up as another missed opportunity along with Ensign Jetal in Latent
Image and William Chapman from Someone To Watch Over Me. Perhaps in the future
Janeway should set up an area on the ship because it is clear that they way
they dump their bodies in space (or on planets ) causes nothing but trouble ala
Hogan being discovered in Distant Origin. It would also serve to remind Janeway
not to be so dangerous in the future and to perhaps drive around any
fascinating anomalies with unusual properties that might kill off another
member of her crew. Hasn’t Voyager leapt forward in space about 20 plus
thousand light years in the past three years? Does that mean Lyndsey has
encountered all of the same catapulting techniques as Voyager? Is anybody even
keeping track of the internal logic of this show anymore? I have to admit I did
laugh when Icheb threw the counters over the floor and stormed from the room
(he literally minces…go and watch it again!). When I made a joke about
watching Supernanny instead of One Small Step (well no it wasn’t a joke, I
genuinely did turn off Voyager of to spend an hour with Jo Frost…) I didn’t
mean that I wanted our very own Star Trek version! After a while I got the
impression that Rhodes was a little too relaxed in the role – the scene where
Lyndsey finds out she will get her old face back is a massive moment but she
just kind of shrugs and says ‘let’s do it!’ I guessed we were going to have a
dream sequence at some point in this episode to show us through metaphorical
imagery and dialogue precisely what Lyndsey is going through. I think if you
stuck all the Voyager dream sequences back to back on a DVD you would have
enough there to fill at least two episodes worth of material. As soon as
Lyndsey gets into bed with Harry you can be sure that as much night follows day
that this whole fantasy relationship is going to be snatched away from him
somehow and low and behold in the next scene… At least we don’t have to put up
with the obligatory Voyager space fight…oh no wait we do. Trek has never
felt so formulaic as it has in Voyager season six.
Moment to Watch Out For: Is it my imagination or are the
Janeway dinner scenes the highlight of her time on this show? Her infrequent meals
with Chakotay express an affection that is completely absent on the bridge and
for some reason this setting brings out the realism in Kate Mulgrew’s
performance where barking at enemies or reeling off technobabble fails. Lyndsey
and Janeway have an awkward, funny and honest meal together and it is by far
the best scene of the episode.
Result: Am I the only person who would have liked to have
seen Lyndsey hang around beyond this episode and have a two way limelight
struggle with Seven until the end of the series? Ashes to Ashes is the epitome
of average Star Trek with some dreadful continuity and a couple of shameful
scenes that push it a little below that. The whole piece is like a mix and
match steal of plot elements from previous episodes and despite Lyndsey being a
fairly engaging character she is tethered to the ships mummy’s boy which
renders most of their moments flat. The subplot with the Borg children has a
few moments of humour but its still an acre away from being what I would call
worthwhile material and Seven proves to be astonishingly naïve considering her
past. The best thing I can say about Ashes to Ashes is that it is a triumph for
the make up team who manage to regress Lyndsey in subtle but remarkable stages.
This is nicely filmed, pleasantly performed and utterly pointless episode for
the most part. Its like the grout between my bathroom tiles – without it the
flooring would have gaps but its only there to join up the much prettier tiles.
It’s the fourth below average to poor episode in a row which to be fair is
about the point where every season of Voyager has a dry patch but it hurts all
the more because this series was flying the flag solo for the franchise at this
point and the season opened with such promise: 4/10
Child’s Play written by Raf Green and directed Mike Vejar
What’s it about: Icheb is going home…
Hepburn-a-Like: If anyone’s behaviour needed to be
questioned here it is Janeway’s who accepts everything at face value (when she
must know that by now nothing is ever as it seems), throws out Seven’s
objections and then questions that these people have been through enough when
the ex Borg starts finding inconsistencies in Icheb’s parents story of how he
went missing. This really isn’t a great year for Janeway’s decision making skills,
is it? Each successive episode seems to prove that she is either wrong or
horribly misjudged.
EMH: Icheb makes an intriguing parallel with himself and the
Doctor in that he never had any parents and yet he still managed to forge a
role for himself on the ship and relationships with the crew. Interestingly the
Doctor would go on to meet his ‘dad’ before the end of the season.
Borg Babe: A strong Seven show and one which allows her to
behave like a proud parent from the outset as she shows off the Borg children’s
science projects. Even though she can bring herself to say that finding Icheb’s
parents is good news there is no sincerity in her words and she’s clearly
heartbroken at the thought of losing the boy. Jeri Ryan is so good at selling
the emotion of these big moments and the scene where she cannot bring herself
to tell Icheb that his parents are on the way through restrained silence is
extraordinary. Seven finds a very easy way to explain why Icheb must give his
parents a chance because she didn’t get to see hers again after they were
assimilated and it is something she has always regretted. The look on Seven’s
face when Icheb’s parents say that they are perfectly capable of looking after
their son says it all…I’m surprised she didn’t explain to them the evidence to
the contrary because I know I would. Her anger boils down to her own parents
recklessness in bringing their child within proximity of the Borg and she
cannot understand the foolishness of clinging onto a planet that is so ripe for
attack by the Collective. Its directly linked to her backstory which makes this
material very satisfying and revealing. Seven experiences the sort of pain any
foster mother must feel when their child is returned to their parents and
displays a rare amount of hurt. When Icheb beams away you can feel Seven’s pain
and if she wonders for once if perhaps her life as a Borg might have been a
better option if only to avoid heartache like this.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I’m not prepared to return Icheb to
parents who might be as careless as my own.’
The Good: Okay I’m not very good at admitting when I’m wrong
but bringing the Borg children on board Voyager seems to have been a good move
after all. It has allowed for a genuinely amusing thread of humour (‘Why a
potato?’ ‘They’re first idea was to clone Naomi…’) but also some decent
character drama as exemplified by this episode. An actor who has shown up in
Voyager and Doctor Who? And The X-Files, Supernatural and Battlestar
Galactica. Mark Sheppard is one of those fine character actors that keeps
getting work because he is so good but to make such an impact on so many cult
shows (I can remember each of his roles in these shows vividly) is the work of
a very talented thespian. Tracey Ellis is also a great catch as his mother
having played two exceptional roles in The X-Files (Oubliette & Audrey
Pauley). Between them they give this episode a great deal of gravitas. When
they visit Voyager it doesn’t just feel like another alien of the week turning
up to show off a make up job but real people joining the show to discuss a
strong issue. For once the co-incidence of a lifetime (that weeks after Icheb
joined the ship Voyager stumbles across the planet of his origin) isn’t a
stretch of the imagination because whose to say that the Borg didn’t assimilate
him and then work their way backwards (at least with regards to Voyagers
journey home). Massive credit to the director for managing to bring Icheb’s
world (lets call it that, shall we?) with such cinematic production values (a
signature of Vejar’s). A matte painting and location work hasn’t been this well
matched up since DS9’s The Quickening. This episode deals with a subject that I
have long found fascinating because of my own upbringing (with a loving mother
and a dreadful father) as to whether people are actually suitable to be
parents and whether they should have those rights taken from them for the sake
of the child. Seven objects to the safety of Icheb and Janeway blunders in with
a black and white statement that they are his parents and that is enough. I’m
pleased that she is proven to be incorrect in her assuredness of this statement
because things are never as simple as that. I really enjoyed the scenes on the
rooftop because they expressed a genuine warmth and affection from Icheb’s
parents to their son and started to suggest that there would be a happy ending
for this character. Its this slow, well acted build up that makes the twist so
effective and by far the best surprise of the entire season. The token action
scene at the end of the story is one of the best – Vejar directs with an urgent
touch and the effects and David Bell’s insistent score are both excellent.
The Bad: I honestly cannot believe that Janeway’s short
sightedness and bad judgement was not commented on at the end of the story.
That woman gets away with murder.
Moment to Watch Out For: Icheb’s parents turning out to be
horribly misguided and having used him as a weapon really hits the spot and
Mike Vejar captures the moment with some dramatic lighting and handheld
camerawork so the shock is as disorienting for the audience as it is for Icheb.
Think of how desperate these people must be to sacrifice their own child to the
Borg. Its such a menacing concept I have to applaud Voyager for choosing to
explore it.
Result: A strong dramatic episode with a killer twist, this
is what I want from Voyager every week. Its unsurprising considering this is
primarily a Seven of Nine episode but what really surprised was all the
material surrounding Icheb which turned out to be extremely enjoyable despite
his troubled beginnings on the show. Its beautifully filmed by Mike Vejar who
manages to capture the sentiment inherent in the script without it feeling
forced and realises the alien world better than anything we have seen for years
(it genuinely feels like an agricultural community). Questions of inadequate
parenting are always going to provoke debate and the furious conversation
between Seven and Janeway regarding the suitability of Icheb’s mother and
father is the best scene between them so far this year. Its Voyager tackling a
contemporary issue in an imaginative way which is what ship bound Trek does
best. The revelation that his parents sent him deliberately into the path of a
Borg ship as a weapon springs from nowhere and suddenly makes you question all
of the material you have seen thus far. It’s a great moment and leads to a
typically action packed conclusion that for once means something because there
is an emotional stake in Icheb’s safety. Superbly written, directed and acted;
like Thirty Days last year Child’s Play should be held up as an example of how
good a Voyager standalone episode can be: 9/10
Good Sheppard written by Dianna Gitto and directed by
Winrich Kolbe
What’s it about: Janeway takes a trio of errant crewmembers
under her belt…
Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway heads off with four wayward
crewmembers who are proving to be less than efficient workers to trying and
straighten them out? Excuse me? After the ill decisions and grudges (Equinox,
Child’s Play), lack of good taste (Fair Haven, Spirit Folk) or simple lunacy
(Riddles) it is Janeway who should be taken out to pasture here. Frankly I
wouldn’t have objected had these crewmembers simply expressed that they found
her command style to be tasteless. ‘Three people have slipped through the
cracks on my ship…’ – erm four actually. And adding yourself to the shuttle
mission means that you are the fourth, Kathryn. Kate Mulgrew seems to be
enjoying this opportunity in the limelight but it concentrates on the weakest
elements of her performance, that of a Starfleet Captain. It strikes me that
when she manages to get out of the uniform or fight against the restraints of
the job Janeway (and Mulgrew in particular) shines (Sacred Ground, Future’s
End, The Gift, Counterpoint, Bride of Chaotica, 11:59) but when she is playing
a Starfleet jobsworth she is too constrained to allow the performance to
breathe. It’s a little too late for
Janeway to reach out to these members of her crew six years after she stranded
them in the Delta Quadrant. Surely they must feel completely abandoned at this
point and a simple away mission isn’t going to change all that?
Tattoo: Look at how bored Beltran sounds in the first scene
spinning out the same sort of nonsense as usual. This is a man who has just
come back from a Trek convention and has slagged off the show for not giving
him anything to do in an age. And who can blame him? He might not be the worlds
greatest actor but this is exactly the kind of repetitive monotony that can
drive the weakest of performers to speak out.
Borg Babe: Seven’s efficiency analysis seems to be based on
how she thinks the ship should run rather than an actual critical overview of
shipboard operations. Clearly she hasn’t done that good of a job because her first
item on the menu isn’t to have the Captain confined to a padded cell.
Especially since Seven is her biggest critic usually. At least she includes her
own department in her critical slaughter.
Spotted Dick: When Neelix sat down with Tom & B’Elanna
and looked around himself without saying anything it could almost be a comment
on how little Ethan Philips has had to do this year.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Which is why I don’t like space
exploration. Stumbling from star to star like a drunken insect careening
towards a light source is not my idea of a dignified existence.’
The Good: The opening effects shot is one of those
dizzyingly expensive moments that only Trek can afford to pull off as we
approach the ship and see all the activity on the ship through the windows. You
can pretty much sum up these three characters as ‘the arrogant one’, ‘the ditzy
one’ and ‘the hypochondriac.’ When that is the case not a great deal of effort
has gone into characterising them and yet oddly they are still more fun to be around
than Harry, Chakotay and Paris who have had hours and hours of screen time
devoted to them.
The Bad: Remember Ensign Sonya Gomez from Q Who? That is an
object lesson in how to introduce a secondary character and make it extremely
memorable. She was quirky, ditzy and accident prone but most of all she was
really likable. I remember saying at the time I wish she had been kept on.
There’s no such insight in the introduction of the four wayward Voyager
crewmembers here. The pre titles sequence is a long, tedious tour of the ship
as we watch one of them pass a padd to another as they head around Voyager in
their daily tasks. The problem here being that there is more focus on the padd
(ie aren’t we clever for doing this extended sequence?) rather than giving any
of these characters any kind of personality to attract them to the viewer. Who
are these non entities that we have never heard about before and why are we
bothering with them now? Remember those four Maquis members from Learning
Curve? What the hell happened to them? Remember genuinely interesting
crewmembers such as Seska, Suder, Hogan and Carey…what the hell did the writers
decide to do with those potentially awesome characters? Dead, dead, dead and
missing in action. What about Ensign Wildman? How comes she’s never seen these
days but her kid turns up in every episode? Don’t bother wasting my time trying
to introduce me to new members of this crew because you have had too many
chances to get it right in the past with the characters you do have and failed.
If any of these people are seen again it will be nothing more than a fleeting
cameo rather than anything significant and don’t pretend otherwise. Mortimer is
such a rude character he would have been perfect to have pointed out Janeway’s
reckless behaviour this year but their dialogue instead seems to focus on his
technobabble research. Yawn. There is little difference between these three and
the four that went on the mission to Empok Nor with O’Brien in the episode with
the same name but at least in the ‘Garak goes psycho’ episode the writer didn’t
bother to pretend that they were canon fodder for a one episode stint.
Repeating back Janeway’s distress message, activating Billy’s motor neurons and
a giant CGI worm…these are incredibly tedious scare tactics. What a deeply
unsatisfying ending with none of the mystery adequately explained and none of
the characters given a decent resolution. What was the point of all this?
Anomaly of the Week: Long range sensors have discovered a
number of tantalising anomalies, apparently. Yep, we’re actually lusting
after them now!
Result: A massively inferior rewrite of TNG’s Lower Decks
and yet superior (just) version of VOY’s previous Learning Curve, Good Sheppard
is striving to say something different about Trek (and Janeway in particular)
but lacks the necessary guts to really drive its point home. Compare and
contrast this episode with DS9’s The Sound of her Voice which are both
character dramas set in confined spaces directed by Winrich Kolbe. One is a
tightly focussed character piece brought to life by an experienced cast talking
about some serious and devastating psychological consequences of war. And one
is an aimless fluffy introduction of some interesting if plain characters with
little point since we will never see any of them again in any significant
detail to develop their characters. Its ship bound nature gives this episode a
sense of claustrophobia and a lack of pace that makes it pretty hard going for
the most part and the lack of a decent ending means that we don’t get to make
any conclusions about these characters beyond ‘they can cope in a crisis.’ Big
whoop, so can most people. Even as an analysis of Janeway as Captain it fails
miserably because it doesn’t take the necessary critical stance of her command
judgements this year that would have made it really uncomfortable (and
enjoyable!) to watch. I would congratulate the show for doing something a bit
different but since this has already been tried twice and the first example
really wasn’t going to be bettered I fail to understand the point of it. Had
these characters gone on to have had a vital role in season seven I would have
eaten my words. As it is this is just schedule filler promising more than it
delivers: 3/10
Live Fast & Prosper written by Robin Burger and directed
by Levar Burton
What’s it about: Captain Janeway the con artist?
Hepburn-a-Like: When the two Janeway’s meet why isn’t there
any tension between them? Its like watching two cows discussing which patch of
grass to chew next. I expected a little more wit than ‘Nice hair…’ When Janeway
started her sermon about being an honest person I went off to make a cup of tea
without pausing. I figured I wasn’t missing anything.
Parisian Rogue: Paris and Kim are re-programming Tuvok’s
holodeck programmes again and passing them off as malfunctions. What a
chucklesome pair! Not. Paris and Neelix are shocked that they have been
had by Dala and her team and wonder what has happened to them to be so easily
duped. Paris was once a traitorous rogue and Neelix a shrewd businessman…and
the episode seems to go out of its way to point out how they have lost their
touch and becomes such chumps. Yes that’s right, it’s a Mary Sue moment where
the writers are actually admitting they have fudged these characters right up
and revealed how the Federation turns you into lazy, boring ciphers (unless you
are a regular on a show called DS9). Well at least they admit it. ‘Maybe we’ve
lost our edge’ – oh mate, that was lost as soon as Caretaker was over.
Spotted Dick: ‘I changed when Captain Janeway made me part
of her crew’ – How could they possibly suggest that it was for the better?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Gentleman I believe you’ve been had…’
The Good: The premises are often so convoluted on this show
that the simplest one (as it turned out to be) didn’t even register until it
was spelt out. To be fair to them the premise is definitely the best thing
about this episode, a genuinely quirky and fun way to start an episode of Star
Trek. Neelix being shot after his tedious speech about honesty did raise a
smile.
The Bad: Have you ever watched an episode of the BBC series
Hustle? It’s a show about a group of con men (and women) who pull off all kinds
of dodgy deals, fake performances and sleight of hand tricks to fleece rich
wankers. The reason it works so well is the show is slickly realised (there is
always plenty of slow motion, sped up shots, high and low angles, establishing
ariel shots of London, characters talking directly to the audience but
addressing the camera whilst the scene pauses as they explain away their con,
split screen, etc) and the performances are full of such energy and humour that
the hour passes by so quickly. Live Fast and Prosper in comparison is such a
castrated, dreary, paceless hour with no visual style, a snails pace and little
enjoyment being expressed in its performances. It is the antithesis of
Hustle and feels like it is something of a chore to make. Star Trek has never
exactly been known for its screwball comedy but the franchise can pull off
shows like Trials & Tribble-ations, Take Me Out to the Holosuite, Badda
Bing Badda Bang (this mobster infested episode has exactly the sort of flair
and allure Live Fast & Prosper desperately needs) & Tinker,
Tenor, Doctor, Spy with a great of warmth and vigour so why is this so plod
plod plod to experience? They
should have gone to town with the fake Janeway and Tuvok and made them such
grotesque parodies of the real thing (something like the Janeway and Tuvok seen
in Living Witness would have been great) but instead Kaitlin Hopkins and Greg
Daniel play their parts with barely any difference from the real thing which
rather spoils the whole point of doing this kind of episode. There’s a moment
that seems to want to take the piss out of the overdone expression of family on
Voyager when Dala is talking about how the crew all come one another’s aid in
times of hardship but it needs to be played with much more emphasis and
archness (we need a massive eyebrow raised at the audience here) to be funny.
What transpires is that she sounds as though she genuinely admires Janeway and
her crew for that which is even more groan worthy than the usual sort of
love-in. They seem to want to pair the ‘oh so hilarious’ a plot with a
similarly amusing b plot on the real Voyager but instead seem to want to
flaunt a re-run for the ‘get the cheese to sickbay’ subplot from season one’s
Learning Curve. Why they would want to remind us of this baffled me but
Neelix’s latest acquisition has poisoned the ships systems and the food supply.
Are the writers so desperate the have to start plundering their own worst
moments? When Neelix starts talking about how he obtained the equipment the
flashbacks should be rapidly edited, full of quirky camera angles and smart
dialogue. Instead we get a plod by plod account of how they got access to
Voyager’s systems to set up their con. The ‘if I win you take these shifts’
deal might have been funny the first time (Someone to Watch Over Me) or the
second (Tsunkatse) but now its getting a little bit tiresome. Doing each others
duty shifts seems to be about the worst thing these characters can experience
these days. Who are these people when they aren’t pretending to be Janeway and
Tuvok? Why should we give a damn about them since they don’t seem to have any
history, charm or personality?
Moment to Watch Out For: What I found really funny about the
opening scene was all the insane theories that went through my head after the
imposter Janeway revealed her identity. Rather than figure this was a mere con
job (because Voyager simply isn’t fun like that) I went through body swaps,
clones and simply that Janeway had sent another officer in her place for some
reason! So basically the first scene is the best one. Go figure.
Result: This is the sort of show
that Doctor Who would go to town with (in fact they did, go listen to the Big
Finish story The One Doctor to see how this sort of thing can be done really
well) but Voyager is too reserved a show to really let this one go to town with
the crazy idea of con artists posing as the Voyager crew. What really harms the
episode is Levar Burton’s painfully slow and unimaginative direction. By this
point he really needs to move on from Trek because all that he displays here is
a basic point and shoot competence with none of visual flamboyance that could
have made this a joy. Its strange because this show is willing to commit
wholeheartedly to something as abysmal as Fair Haven and yet when it comes to
an idea that has real potential they shy away from the possibilities. I wanted
to see a grotesque parody of Janeway (geez they could have just used the
version from Equinox Part II), a hilarious inept and emotional Tuvok and lots
of fun dialogue that exaggerate the feats of the Federation. Instead these con
artists actually come to admire this Donald Duck crew of misfits as
Neelix teaches them to be better people. Yawn. Watching Live Fast and Prosper
is like having really unsatisfying sex…the mechanics are adequate but there is
no lust, no energy, no flair and no pleasure. The plotting is so drab you can
guess every twist a mile off, even when it is trying to be clever. Functional
at best, tedious at its worst – this is about as good as the average episode of
Voyager gets during the home stretch.: 3/10
Muse written by Joe Menosky and directed by Mike Vejar
What’s it about: B’Elanna is trapped on a planet and forced
to sell inspiration for technology…
Brilliant B’Elanna: B’Elanna is by far the standout
character for season six of Voyager. Its reached a point now where the constant
deluge of Seven of Nine episodes has started to get a bit obvious (no matter
how strong Jeri Ryan is) and so the chance to get close to the sexy and sassy
Torres again has been a real treat. She had a brilliant character examination
in Barge of the Dead, her relationship with Tom hit some high notes in episodes
such as Memorial (less so in episodes such as Alice) and she has been the only
person to talk any kind of sense in shows such as Spirit Folk (‘erm Captain I
know you’re dildo is facing death here but it isn’t real and Tom and Harry
are!’ or some other such punch the air line). After a year of Dawson being
pregnant and shoved to the sidelines and then a year where they completely
regressed her character to its season one factory settings this is the best
opportunity and material for Roxan Dawson to show off just how good she is.
Torres initially thinks that they have been trying to kill her until the truth
dawns. The have been blood letting her to try and maker her better. ‘I can see
I’m in good hands!’ indeed. The way that elemental ‘B’Elanna’ pretends that she
created a storm because she wanted Kelis’ help really made me chuckle and how
she barters ideas for dilithium is ingenious. Kelis is appalled at how Torres
is being played like a shy bride on her wedding night, especially since he has
regular contact with the real thing. B’Elanna turns out to be quite the
actress, taking her part in the play and using it as a chance to inspire Kelis
one last time before saying goodbye.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I have to sing for my supper?’ ‘We all
do in one way or another’ – very profound in many ways.
‘I believe the right kind of lay can turn the mind from
violent thoughts’ – that’s a fascinating discussion because it taps into the
whole ‘life imitates art’ argument that has been doing the rounds for an
eternity.
Self Reflective Dialogue: In a very post-modern move there
seems to be plenty of dialogue focussing on Voyager itself as a dramatic piece
of work…
‘The story will continue in one week!’
‘Fortunately for me no poet has ever sung about your clan’ –
ie no writer has written about the exploits of Voyager. That’s pretty funny
when you realise that the majority of the Voyager writing staff over the years
have come from TNG and most definitely written for a ‘similar clan.’
‘Voyager…a great ship?’ ‘In a long line of great ships.’
‘This Tuvok…he’s not like anyone I have ever met! No
emotions? How is that possible?’ – Kelis has trouble bringing Tuvok to life
because his lack of emotions makes him so boring. A problem faced regularly by
the writers on Voyager. ‘The land of Vulcan has no laughter and it has no
tears. It is a very quiet place!’
‘They search for B’Elanna Torres. B’Elanna Torres is found.
The end. That’s pretty straight forward to me’ ‘That’s exact the problem.
Where’s the mistaken identity? The discovery? The sudden reversal?’ This made
me laugh until my sides hurt. Joe Menosky is literally commenting on how the
endings on this show suck because they are either too easy or utterly unrealistic.
Torres talks touts some unsatisfying endings to the play because that’s how
stories on Voyager usually end…which works in real life but not in drama.
Very clever stuff. ‘Poets have become lazy. They rely on manipulation to move
their audience. It wasn’t always that way’ Indeed not, Brannon Braga!
In the play Janeway and Chakotay get it together! Now how
much more satisfying is that than the Fair Haven bollocks? Naturally B’Elanna
is appalled by this plot twist!
B’Elanna suggests that the last thing on your mind in a
desperate situation is romance and yet DS9 managed to weave in the Dax &
Worf (the seven episode Dominion takeover arc) and the Odo & Kira (the ten
episode Final Chapter arc) love stories into some of their most impressive arcs
which added a great deal of substance and emotion to them.
The Good: The opening scene is one of the most intriguing of
the year as a scene on Voyager is played out on a theatrical stage (astonishing
how poetic their adventures seem when portrayed this way) in a gorgeously
realised society. The Bronze Age sets, costumes and lighting are all muted and
lavish and this immediately looks like a culture that is worth exploring. It
would appear that the adventures of Voyager go down extremely well on this
planet, far better received than in reality! How atmospheric does the
shuttlecraft look decked out in candles as it is? Something as simple as
tilting the camera in the shuttle scenes gives those such a distinctive look.
Kelis is basically William Shakespeare in such for inspiration and has all the
charm and intelligence you would expect from such a character. The way he talks
in metaphor allows the writer to show off and craft some very creative
dialogue. Playing in the background of this episode is the much larger story of
a warfront approaching the settlement and what I love about this is that in
usual circumstances this would be the focus because it has more opportunity for
shallow action and sweeping philosophy. Instead Muse chooses to take the
quieter, more subtle route of following the work of theatrical players and
allows for their smaller story segue into the larger one as the episode
continues. Its not often I can applaud Voyager for taking a less cinematic,
more literate angle so this is something very special indeed. Trying to inject
a message into the play allows Menosky to flaunt some potential future
storylines for the show (especially concerning the Janeway/Borg Queen
developments). Because the play has been constructed to have such a dramatic
impact on the conflict blighting the land the lead up to its unveiling is
genuinely tense. I’m not usually a fan of Voyagers ‘aren’t we hilarious?’
moments but this episodes strengths must have worn me down because Tuvok
snoring on the Bridge really made me chuckle. The discovery, the sudden
reversal and the mistaken identity are all covered when B’Elanna turns up and
takes her part in the play to let the poet know she will be leaving soon.
Clever, clever.
Moment to Watch Out For: Odd how watching Voyager’s day to
day events on stage is much more exciting than reality…especially when Seven of
Nine is revealed to be the Queen of the Borg! Imagine if that twist had been
knocked out at the end of the season?
Fashion Statement: I wont beat around the bush but with his
soft looks and gentle portrayal of an artistic man in search of a Muse Joseph
Will’s Kelis is absolutely gorgeous.
Result: After Barge of the Dead this is another fantastic
B’Elanna Torres episode and something very different from anything that has
gone before in Voyager and Trek itself (a rare claim for this show). Joe
Menosky proved to be a really bad fit for DS9 (Rivals, Distant Voices) but has
really flourished on Voyager (Latent Image, Blink of an Eye) and especially so
when he flings Brannon Braga from his apron strings. Again its an episode that
tosses aside the majority of the Voyager crew that turns out to be the most
successful (ala Pathfinder, Blink of an Eye and Child’s Play this year) and as
another chance to examine a character as fascinating as B’Elanna Torres it is
essential viewing. I love the Bronze Age setting and the theatrical angle that
is explored and Vejar has wisely cast a gorgeous and charming lead to play the
Shakespeare substitute. The dialogue is a massive step up from what we are used
to on this show (compare and contrast with the banality of Live Fast &
Prosper) and allows for some self reflective commentary on the show. Bound
together by Mike Vejar’s sumptuous direction and an astonishing turn by Roxan
Dawson and you have another season six standout standalone. Whilst it might
have a shocking number of lows there has definitely been an increase in the
highs too and they have been better than ever: 9/10
Fury written by Bryan Fuller & Michael Taylor and
directed by John Bruno
What’s it about: Kes is back and she’s angry…
Hepburn-a-Like: It is odd that Janeway mentions that she
considers Tuvok to be one of her closest friends when they have barely shared
two words in the last three seasons. Compare and contrast with Sisko and Dax in
DS9 where their close friendship is used to fuel dramatic storylines (Rejoined,
For the Uniform, You Are Cordially Invited) and bask in how this sort of thing
is done properly. Hilariously Janeway the Younger sends two security officers
off to be killed by Vidiians like lambs to the slaughter whilst she runs away.
What a woman!
Spotted Dick: Oh bless Neelix is at his most loving in this
episode (naturally because Kes is such an evil bitch there would have to be a
moments pause for her during her sinister schemes) and it reminded me of how
stomach churning he could be in the early seasons. If my other half flustered,
flattered and fawned over me like this it would drive me insane. Somehow he
even sounds like a paedophile when he leaves her a message about dinner in her
quarters…which is handy because that’s exactly what he was!
Elfin Alien: Kes returning should be a chance for a
celebration of her character but instead she is twisted horrifically out of
character and to make matters worse Jennifer Lien looks utterly bored by the
entire enterprise. Kes and Seven of Nine meeting should be an exciting moment
considering one was the others replacement but it is handled in such a
perfunctory way its not even worth commenting on. Umm…Kes’ (much needed because
she is acting so badly out of character) explanation is that she thinks Janeway
is responsible for her leaving Ocampa (no) and that she is a prisoner on
Voyager (no), that she has been corrupted by Janeway’s ideas (no) and that she
was responsible for her leaving the ship (no) and that Janeway encouraged her
to explore her mental abilities (no). How does any of that make any
sense. This episode’s storyline was written by Brannon Braga for Christ’s sake
who has been around since the year dot as far as Voyager is concerned? Does he
have no recollection of the early years? And more to the point does he think
that none of us have any recollections about it either? This isn’t even worthy
of being called characterisation – its just a preposterously vague and idiotic group
of words strung together that mean absolutely nothing to explain a plot which
is just a bunch of events thrown together that means nothing.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘That could tear the hull apart!’ ‘The
tear it apart!’ – hilarious overacting by Garret Wang and Robert Beltran!
The Good: Kes walking down the corridor with the bulkheads
exploding behind her. That’s about as good as it gets.
The Bad: If Kes hates the crew that much for abandoning her
(more on that later) why doesn’t she just kill the ones that get in her path
rather than throw them out of the way with a flash of light? Mind you when
Torres is killed you know immediately that the reset is going to be
thrown because Voyager doesn’t take those kinds of risks. How precisely did Kes
catch up with Voyager? Did she keep leaping through space until she found the
right area they were in? They can’t even get the basics right…for example Kes
looks absolutely nothing like she did back in the day. Jennifer Lien needs to
lose about three stone in order to pull that one off. I thought Kes had
extrasensory powers so why can’t she sense a second version of herself is
prowling around the ship? Exposing the complete lack of development on Voyager
the old version is no different to the current one aside from the odd haircut.
The characters, the ship…everything is exactly the same. Chakotay, Paris and
Neelix in particular are no different than the trio that turned up in the last
episode. Why does Kes head back to a time when she was a member of this crew to
punish them? Ensign Wildman shows up in Fury but hasn’t been seen for nearly
two seasons of the shows current timeline…why? How the hell does Tuvok
know about the Delta Flyer? Is he a psychic? Did he pick the knowledge from
Kes? Then how does she know about it since she left before it was designed? Why
bring back Carey for this episode when he has been seen for several decades?
Why did Kes choose to deliver Voyager into the hands of the Vidiians when she
could have just turned up at the point she left the ship and said ‘don’t go.’
Why hatch such a ridiculously convoluted plan for something that could have
been so simple. If Tuvok has premonitions of the future why are these
developments such a shock when they turn up? Why is the evil Kes/Janeway
confrontation with the earlier version of the character when she doesn’t even
know that Kes has left the ship? If you are going to go down this ridiculous
path of retribution then it should at least be our Janeway who gets the
explanation and not somebody who hasn’t a fricking clue what this psycho
Ocampan is going on about. Why didn’t Janeway set some kind of alarm clock for
when her meeting with Kes would take place? Why didn’t Janeway realise that Kes
was about to tear the ship apart at the beginning of the episode when those
events happened in the past? If Kes from the past knew all of this was to come
(since she left herself a recorded message) why the hell did she leave Voyager
in The Gift in the first place when she could have stopped this all from
happening? More to the point when she does decide to leave in The Gift why
weren’t the events of this episode mentioned? If Kes made that holo-recording
why didn’t the evil Kes remember doing it? Why was Kes written out when she had
a clear seven year story to tell?
Moment to Watch Out For: The ending where Kes sees the
holo-recording of her younger self and suddenly remembers making it and how
Janeway wanted her to remember who she was is so lacking in logic I’m not even
going to try and discuss it. Embarrassing drivel.
Result: The complete antithesis of Muse; Fury is shallow,
dull, stupid and utterly pointless. What a way to bring Kes back! All this
fucking time travel paradox bollocking shit…they spend so much time tying the
plot into knots that they don’t even allow a proper conversation between Kes
and Janeway where she lets us know what has happened to her since she left! The
narrative makes absolutely no sense, tramples all over continuity, destroys any
credibility Kes might have had and exposes the lack of development on this
show. It’s a vacuous, illogical mess that compounds its ineptitude by making
one mistake after another and by the end my other half was giving me a back
massage and wafting the smell of hot coffee under my nose to try and calm me
down and keep me sane. Words cannot express how badly they fudged what should
have been the best episode of the season and to make matters even worse
Jennifer Lien gives her worst performance in the show. Its like she has read
the script and was struck with the depressing reality of what the show had
become since she left. The only way she could possibly look any more bored by
events would if she actually fell asleep. Voyager can’t distract me with pretty
effects anymore. It might have worked in the past and there are some great
visuals throughout this episode but its nowhere near enough to sidetrack me
from the utter drought of talent that has gone into writing this nightmare. Not
only the worst episode of the season but one of the worst ever episodes of Star
Trek - even for an incompetent instalment of Voyager this is bad: 0/10
Life Line written by Robert Doherty, Raf Green & Brannon
Braga and directed by Terry Windell
What’s it about: The Doctor travels to the Alpha Quadrant to
save the life of his creator…
Tattoo: ‘You heard the Admiral it’ll be years before we have
to deal with those issues. Lets worry about it then…’ Oh maybe let’s deal with
those issues now Chakotay you great overgrown lunk before the series is over
and its too late! I want to see what sort of punishment Chakotay and the other
Maquis members are going to receive…or at least Janeway making an impassioned
plea in their defence. Just something. Chakotay’s casual response to all
this makes me wonder if they will even bother.
EMH: To have an episode about the Doctor and Lewis Zimmerman
when there is so much unresolved existing storylines to be told between the
Voyager crew and people back home seems a bit dumb but it does mean we can
enjoy double the Robert Picardo and at least it is a start. At first I
didn’t exactly buy the emotional connection between the Doctor and Zimmerman
(its like suggesting an Ipad could mourn the death of Steve Jobs) and allowing
him to risk the data transfer to save the life of somebody he has never met
seemed quite naive on Janeway’s part despite her objections. Its only when
Seven starts deleting all of his interests from the buffer that I remembered
that he was just another programme…its Robert Picardo’s impassioned performance
that is the only thing that convinces you otherwise. Zimmerman is so horrid to
the Doctor from the word go it’s a relationship you can buy into immediately,
especially when he delights in telling him that his programme has been retired
and he is now one of a kind. Or obsolete, whichever way you want to look at it.
When he hears that his ‘brothers’ were all consigned to the mine the Doctor
isn’t shocked or upset, he merely mentions that he is sure that they are doing
a fine job.
Socially Dysfunctional: After the advent of Pathfinder how
could the return of Barclay be anything but a triumph?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Can’t it wait until I’m dead?’ –
Zimmerman has a very dry seam of black humour that kept making me chuckle.
‘Oh spare us your psychobabble!’ – finally! I’ve been
waiting years for somebody to say that to Deanna!
The Good: Surely considering this time Voyager is definitely
in contact with Earth permanently it means they will start dealing with the
many issues surrounding this crew and toss all this high concept garbage out
the window? Having the Doctor use techniques that he has used in their
adventures in the Delta Quadrant (based on a procedure linked with the Vidiian
phage and Borg nanoprobes) to help Doctor Zimmerman is a clever conceit and one
that shows that not everybody has wasted their time on this trip home. I’m glad
somebody mentioned that the Doctor has been transferred in this way to the
Alpha Quadrant before. Considering Jupiter station was mentioned so many times
in Dr Bashir, I Presume it is really nice to finally see it and the
establishing shots with the planets red spot so prevalent makes for a vivid new
visual. Haley is a very charming character who nursemaids Zimmerman and doesn’t
put up with his dramatic mood swings. Frankly I feel that everybody should have
a Leonard the holographic iguana if it means they can be as marvellously grumpy
as Zimmerman. The writers deliberately bring up Janeway’s worried response to
Admiral Hayes’ mention of the Maquis (Chakotay & B’Elanna), first contact
(Neelix) and the Borg (Seven) so surely to goodness these aspects of the
show and their impact upon reaching Earth are going to be handled before the
final episode? The idea of having the Doctor on the verge of collapse giving
Zimmerman a purpose to live for and the chance to bestow the same gift on his
creation as it is trying to bestow on him is remarkably clever. It allows them
to finally come to an understanding of it each other in a way that doesn’t feel
at all manipulative. Zimmerman sees his failiure with the Mark Ones every time
he looks at the Doctor despite the advancements he has made to his programme.
The Bad: I thought that Voyager was already in regular
contact with Starfleet since Pathfinder but I guess that hasn’t been the case
given the developments here…and also given we have had no mention of it since
that episode. Reg turning up again is fine but to have Marina Sirtis make
another appearance as well simply feels like this is trying to replicate the
success of Pathfinder rather than stand up in its own right. This would become
even more of a problem in season seven with Inside Man. I understand why Troi
has dropped her aristocratic accent from Sirtis’ point of view but it makes no
sense from a character angle. Troi just decided to sound a little rougher
around the edges because she thought it might make her more interesting? She
actually doesn’t contribute anything much to the episode that any third rate
psychiatric counsellor could do and given Reg’s desperate plea and suggestion
that she is ‘the best’ really is in evidence in the material. Getting the
hologram and his creator to have dinner together? Sheesh!
Moment to Watch Out For: The final image of creator and toll
standing side by side as equal is a fine moment for the Doctor and a great
conclusion for the episode to reach.
Result: Double the Doctor and Reg Barclay back? How can this
be anything but a good thing? The schizophrenic yo-yoing of quality in season
six continues with Life Line which is good episode following a complete
disaster. This episode grabs hold of much of the potential that Pathfinder was
offering the series and builds upon it and the only times it falters is when it
tries a little too hard to replicate on its success (the utterly pointless
inclusion of Troi in particular). Robert Picardo gives one of the best dual
performances I have ever seen in Trek (its so common that this is about the 30th
example of the concept and it is certainly the most memorable since Kira met
the Indendant in DS9’s Crossover) and injects this drama with a great deal of
passion and emotion. Its not the most riveting drama of the year and it doesn’t
have a great deal of substance beyond the quirk of having the Doctor and
Zimmerman meet but there is simply too much likable material to object too
strongly to the psychobabble it descends to in the last act. Without Troi this
would have ranked higher but Life Line remains a pleasant drama: 7/10
The Haunting of Deck Twelve written by Mike Sussman, Kenneth
Biller & Bryan Fuller (three writers to bring this script to life?)
and directed by David Livingston
What’s it about: ‘Are you sitting comfortably children? Then
I’ll begin…’
Hepburn-a-Like: Kate Mulgrew gets a chance to indulge in
some coughing on nebulae gases acting (ala The Year From Hell) which she isn’t
particularly good and some macho histrionics (ala most of season three) which
she fares better at.
Borg Babe: Perhaps there is something to classic Doctor
Who’s shrieking violet cliché when it comes to women because I can far more
easily believe in a threat (no matter how absurd) if somebody is terrified of
it. Seven barely acknowledges the danger she is in in the Cargo Bay, strolls
over to the door casually and makes her escape. Oooh scary.
Spotted Dick: If I woke up with my fellow kids and saw
Neelix leering at me from the shadows that would scare me more than anything a
gaseous anomaly could throw at me! To be fair to Ethan Philips this is his best
vehicle in about two years and he proves to be quite an amusing children’s
entertainer – I could see him tackling the most difficult of genres with some
aplomb where some presenters suck. My favourite parts of this episode were when
we cut back to him trying to scare the children silly and offering them titbits
and sudden shocks to keep them interested (‘the Turbolift started to fall faster
and faster…anybody hungry?’). Strangely there is none of the patronising
behaviour that he lavished on Tuvok in Riddles which is a relief because that
is how people often talk to children. Within this setting, Neelix rocks.
The Good: Neelix and the Borg kids huddled around a light in
the cargo bay is a fabulous image and in these early stages its easy to believe
that this story will deliver on its promise of a haunting horror tale. I really
like the conceit of Deck Twelve being haunted too because there are always
areas that are off limits to strangers in creepy old houses in horror films.
The effects shot of the coffee melting before Janeway’s eyes is great and
probably the most frightening moment in the entire episode…if I desperately needed
coffee (I literally wake up and grunt my way to the kitchen like Neanderthal
man until I have had my first gulp) and this happened I would be horrified!
The Bad: Because Neelix is telling a ghost story in the Mess
Hall naturally everybody else is talking horror this week as well and Tom and
Harry stare in amazement at a pretty average looking anomaly and start
imagining all sorts of horrific imagery in its colourful swirls. Voyager
writers are making up character traits on the spot again and suddenly Neelix
has a forbid fear of anomalies which has not been in evidence once since the
show began. Does he have a panic attack every other week then because that’s
how often Voyager dives headlong into another anomaly with a song in its heart?
Neelix suggests that ‘technical details don’t matter’ in a good story which
should have been loaded with irony because this story is swamped with
technobabble. Selis (one of the rookies from Good Sheppard) turning up is nice
but this brief cameo is hardly adequate follow up to her first story. It would
be like Garak passing Bashir in the corridor at some point in series one after
Past Prologue never to be seen again (unthinkable!). Again I ask what the point
of the gel packs on this ship are? They have been nothing but trouble and in
six years of storytelling have been focused on three times, all when they have
malfunctioned through some hastily explained reason (usually some stinky old
cheese of Neelix’s). We’ve had people suffering the effects of anomalies before
(One), disembodied forces roaming the ship before (Cathexis) and even David
Livingston trying to frighten us in the dark before (Night). Come on Voyager
you haven’t got long to go…think up something original! The sinister
cloud that is wafting around the ship isn’t trying to invade…its trying to
communicate with them. Yeah, they covered that in Cathexis too. And it was
pretty shit that time around. Janeway faces up to a ship that is trying to kill
her. That was covered with much more drama with Torres in Dreadnought. The end
of the story is they isolated the creature on deck twelve and its been living
their ever since? How lame is that?
Moment to Watch Out For: The best scene comes in the middle
of the episode when Neelix is left alone in the Mess Hall whilst the emergency
is in full swing. Its filmed like a proper, daft horror film and employs a lot
of the tricks they should have used throughout the entire episode. The hand
held camera rushes across the room to illuminate Neelix’s face by the stove and
the doors open and close erratically. Neelix explores the corridor only to be
confronted by a terrifying spectre in a mask…which turns out to be Tuvok. Its
utterly ridiculous but massively entertaining. Had they injected a few more set
pieces as corny as this and I might have been a lot kinder towards The Haunting
of Deck Twelve. What helps is that Ethan Philips is the only person who is
bothering to act terrified in the flashbacks which helps to add a little
tension to these scenes.
Result: The idea of Neelix telling a horror story around a
‘campfire’ to a group of scared children is a great idea but as usual with
Voyager this year it aims high but hits upon something distinctly average. For
a story that could have been really frightening it lacks any of the spine chilling
atmospherics that Trek has proven it can pull off (The Adversary, The Darkness
and the Light, Empok Nor, Meld, Memorial) and for a show that should have been
about things that go bump in the night it instead chooses to focus on a whole
bunch of technobabble and Trek clichés about lost alien entities trying to find
their way home. Which are both scary but in a very different way. The
best sequence in the entire episode is where the entire ship plunges into
darkness when the story begins…it has the shock factor that the rest of the
show is lacking. It would have been more effective had the flashbacks we
experienced been made up from the fevered darkness of Neelix’s imagination and
had included some real gore, fearful reactions and a high death count. Instead
you have Neelix trying to tart up a dull Voyager episode by pretending it is
much scarier than it is. B’Elanna examines a gel pack. Seven walks smugly away
from an encroaching anomaly. Voyager is evacuated. These are not the things a
great horror tale are made of. David Livingston can plunge the show into
darkness and throw as much atmospheric lighting at us as he wants but when the
script is this lacking he is pretty much seen papering the cracks in an empty
45 minutes. Watch for Ethan Philips’ charming performance alone: 4/10
Unimatrix Zero written by Brannon Braga & Joe Menosky
and directed by Allan Kroeker
What’s it about: A revolution amongst the Borg…
Hepburn-a-Like: Considering how many Borg ships she has
swatted aside like flies now Janeway should have yawned loudly when Tuvok
informed her of an approaching Cube. There’s no tension in the conflict between
Janeway and the Borg Queen because there is no history between the two
characters. Seska would have been a far better prolonged villainess because
there is a personal stake in their difference of opinion and the ex Maquis
member betrayed Janeway’s trust. Plus Martha Hackett is far better at playing
the villain than Susannah Thompson.
Tattoo: No wonder Beltran felt frustrated at this point. He
hasn’t done anything useful in over half a season and doesn’t even get to lock
horns with Janeway in the season finales anymore. He’s just there propping up
the sets.
Borg Babe: The best things about the Unimatrix scenes are
how they afford Jeri Ryan the chance to shrug off her Borg ice queen act and
embrace her humanity. She looks utterly gorgeous and the warmth that she pours
into her portrayal shows the sort of character we could have been enjoying for
the past three years. Sp let me get this straight Seven had a relationship with
this guy for six years but because it was whilst she was regenerating she has
forgotten all about it. Their just making this bollocks up, aren’t they? Its
not a relationship that you can invest in on any level and the actors share
little chemistry to boot.
Parisian Rogue: What exactly has Tom done to earn his reward
of a promotion? Nothing as far as I can see. In fact for inventing the Fair
Haven programme this year I would bust his ass down to waste extraction. More
to the point isn’t it beyond embarrassing that Paris has had a demotion and a
promotion and in the same time Harry hasn’t even been given a pat of the back.
I’m not saying the chump deserves it but it does seem odd that one character
should be punished and rewarded whilst another is completely ignored.
The Good: The opening effects shots as we pan across the
Borg city and past a myriad of alcoves are extraordinary and worthy of a Star
Trek movie. Add the Borg Queen to the mix and it is like some ghoulish Borg
freak show but I have already mentioned this season that I will no longer be
seduced by production values if the scripts aren’t up to scratch. Its no
compensation.
The Bad: I went into some detail as to why I thought the
Borg were no longer a credible threat in my review of Collective but you can
now add a rebellion in the ranks to the list of reasons they no longer have the
same appeal they once did. Seriously? A Borg revolution from within the
collective that the Queen has been unable to stamp out. The Borg are no longer
a threat any more so the next best thing is to invent something which is a
threat to them (Species 8471) and once they are dealt with add another threat
to them in the shape of a Unimatrix that has gone rogue. When Doctor Who touted
the same kind of thing in Evil of the Daleks it was the Doctor who turned the
Daleks against their masters. Voyager has this rebellious group spring up out
of nowhere further diminishing the impact of assimilation. They’ve completely
gutted the species of its worth so I would suggest that they move on to
something more interesting (and more importantly, scary) in the last season.
The Borg Queen might have worked for a movie where all she had to do was growl
threats and seduce Data but she has little worth as a long time villain with no
great depth or interest to be found in watching her robotically try and weed
out her bad elements. I think that decapitated head is supposed to be
disturbing but the close up on his massive shocked face (and the general rubberness
of the prop) prevents this. Was there no better way to realise Unimatrix Zero
than the stock Star Trek forest set? This is a virtual environment so the
possibilities were endless and yet this is clearly just a redress of the same
forest from Survival Instinct. DS9 and Voyager manage to teach us a convincing
lesson in making up character backstory as the show continues and one manages
to pull it off and the other…well doesn’t. Sisko is revealed in Image in the
Sand to have been birthed by one of the Prophets that had taken corporeal form
which has clearly been made up at this point but the writers have cleverly
weaved this in by using his developing
relationship with the Prophets over the course of seven seasons. The Prophets
even said ‘you are of Bajor’ and their continual interference in his life has
been that of a parent guiding a child. It all makes sense. Seven being a part
of Unimatrix Zero in the past makes absolutely no sense, it hasn’t been hinted
at in any way, it isn’t segued into her characters journey. Its just the
writers scrabbling desperately to try and think up something interesting to do
with the character now they have started to exhaust all of their options. In
complete contrast with the revelation about Sisko it feels like a betrayal of
her journey so far because she was already experiencing individuality before
Janeway freed her from the Collective. Why have we bothered to endure this
development if it was something she had been enjoying all along? The shock
moment of the Borg turning up at Unimatrix Zero is inevitable, I was counting
the seconds until it happened. The Borg Queen’s stab at diplomacy diminishes
these automatons even more…why can’t they just kick Voyager’s right up the
behind? Oh and the new Borg cubes with the metallic panels covering them are
nowhere near as effective as the originals. Before they looked like impassable
spaceships and now they look like props. Did anybody wonder if Janeway,
B’Elanna and Tuvok becoming drones was anything other than deliberate?
Moment to Watch Out For: Trust me Voyager jumped the shark
during season three but if you had to pinpoint a moment where it really shows
then look no further than the cliffhanger of this episode. Its not just that it
is blatantly stolen from TNG or that it will amount to nothing in the next
episode…it’s the fact that the director can’t even be bothered to package it as
a shock. The three characters just walk in front of the camera like they are
on Borg catwalk.
Result: Even considering how ineffective the Borg have
become on this show, Unimatrix Zero is drab. I refuse to believe that
this is the best that they could come with – a Borg rebellion with the Queen
completely impotent to stop their scheming. In a season of trite premises that
one ranks pretty high. As well as trivialising the Borg even further it also
introduces a whole other life that Seven had before we met that has never been
hinted at before and completely betrays the journey that we have been on with
the character. The special effects are as lush and vivid as we have come to
expect from Voyager (except for the stock forest that spoils the U0 scenes) but
its clear that even Allan Kroeker’s heart isn’t in this with a lack of
creativity and tension in the direction. Its trying to feel like a culmination
of an ongoing story but with no previous instalments to back it up it cannot
generate that kind of climactic atmosphere. Tears of the Prophets genuinely
changed the landscape of DS9 as we know it but I have no doubt that once all
the boxes have been ticked with Unimatrix Zero part two and the reset button
has been flicked everything will be back to normal in the second episode of
season seven. And as for re-using the same cliffhanger from The Best of Both
Worlds…Voyager has stopped pretending that it is anything but a TNG wannabe
now, hasn’t it? Abandon hope all ye who enter here: 4/10
When you mentioned the four weakest performers (McNeill, Wang, Russ, and Beltran) my mind misread that as "the Four Horsemen" and I laughed and laughed.
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