What’s it about: The crew of the Enterprise assembles as
they face their first encounter with the Q and solve the mystery of Farpoint
station.
To Baldly Go: How on Earth did they manage to encourage
Shakespearean actor Patrick Stewart to take part in this project? He has said
in recent interviews that he was apprehensive about the whole thing I think it
comes across in his performance in these early episodes. I don’t like his
tightly fitted uniform much; he looked far more comfortable come season three
(but we’ve still got a long way to go before we get there…). He clearly wants
to make his mark as a man of action because in the first fifteen minutes he has
pushed the warp engines to maximum and separated the ship! To prove he is a
more thoughtful man than Kirk he surrenders to the Q whereas Jimmy T would have
blasted them to hell and darn the consequences! He exhibits some pretty unusual
behaviour – he doesn’t even look at Riker when he comes on board or welcome
him. In later seasons when he has softened he would never behave this rudely.
Picard is just a big softie really letting that horrid swot Wesley Crusher
explore the bridge. Q calls Picard a dullard and you can’t help but agree with
him at this point.
Number One: A beardless Riker looks so young but much better
looking. You feel really sorry for the guy as he is trying to impress his new
Captain but gets a right dressing down. The ensign who gives Riker directions
checks out his ass! Q tells Riker that he shows promise which will be followed
up in the dismal episode Hide & Q.
Fully Functional: His pedantry and lack of understanding of
human nature pegs him as TNG’s Spock and almost to drive the point home McCoy
tells him he sounds like a Vulcan! His character is really well pitched and
cast and would go on to be one of the most popular of the main cast.
Alien Empath: What the hell does Troi look like with her
massive frizzy hair and miniskirt? Why does she start crying when Picard orders
them to surrender? Oo-er there seems to be some history between Riker and Troi
and by the looks on their faces they used to know each other very well.
We get our very first example of what would soon become a hideous Troi cliché
where she looks like she’s straining to do a really big fart whilst feeling
terrible pain or anger from a creature nearby. Her feelings for Riker maker her
behave in a very unprofessional fashion! Troi loves nothing more than to state
the obvious but pretend it is an example of her empathic powers (she realises
that the entities are feeling ‘great joy’ to be reunited at the climax – no
shit Sherlock!).
Boy Genius: What an irritating little suck up! Trailing
around after his ‘mother’, wearing that hideous woolly pullover and sucking up
to Commander Riker…he almost makes Adric seem palatable. Why does Data have to
ruin everything and rescue Wesley when he falls in the water? I was just
starting to enjoy myself! When the turbo lift opens and Wesley is standing in
the doorway wouldn’t it have been wonderful if Dr Crusher had shoved him out
and shot off in the lift?
Blind Engineer: Geordi’s visor is a lovely visual touch that
I’m pleased to say made it through the entire series.
Mr Wolf: He’s such a stupid grunt he almost blows a hole in
the viewer! Worf’s around to add a little alien colour in the pilot but doesn’t
really contribute a great deal.
Dancing Doctor: Deep breath…I know it sounds as though I am
ripping this show to pieces but I promise you praise will come!
Personally I think Gates McFadden is one of the weakest links the cast. It’s
nice that there is some history between Picard and Crusher which adds a little
depth to both characters but it’s a shame that the series never had the guts to
explore the relationship in any great depth. You’ve got to love Picard’s tact;
he heads off to sickbay to welcome her on board and then follows that up with ‘ill
request a transfer for you!’
Security Chief: So ridiculously melodramatic that she is
hard to take seriously. ‘I spoke before I thought sir’ she says holding
back tears as Picard admonishes her. Kira Neyrs would give her a slap around
the chops. Thank Christ Q turns the woman into an ice lolly after she starts
ranting on about how fabulous Starfleet is because she seriously needed someone
to cool her down. Bizarrely after wearing a trouser suit throughout the story
in the last scene Yar is suddenly wearing a Troi mini skirt and kinky boots!
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You treat her like a lady and she’ll
always bring you home.’
‘Prejudice is very human.’
‘Let’s see what’s out there…’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘He’s frozen!’ – nice one Troi, we
couldn’t have figure that out for ourselves!
The Good: The opening shot of the Enterprise travelling
through space sees some serious money being spent on the model work. John De
Lancie is wonderful fun in his role as Q and you can understand why he was
pencilled in quickly for a return visit. I cried with delight when I saw Colm
Meaney! The Data/McCoy scene is beautiful. Lets forget the plethora of episodes
that would follow in various Trek incarnations and remember how wonderful the
holodeck felt at the time – it is a clever idea and a great way to add some
visual splendour to the series. Whilst it might be a sugar sweet way to end the
first episode, the floating jellyfish creatures are well realised.
The Bad: There are some serious problems with the first two
years of TNG (and the seventh season too but we’re a long way from that at the
moment) and I would suggest that you skipped forward to season three if you
want to read praise lavished on the show. But what I should say was that when I
was ten and this show first aired on the BBC you couldn’t tear me away from it.
Whilst at heart Doctor Who would always come first I was blown away by the
incredible special effects and phaser fights and it is only through older, more
jaded eyes that I have come to see how dated some of these episodes are
especially when compared with the later TNG series and the majority of DS9. The
theme tune is…loud but I’m not sure on a musical level its any good at all. The
bridge set feels like the epitome of eighties luxury, all beige leather seats
and wood panelling. Its quite revolting. Fancy having seats that lounge back in
such away…given that all they are doing is pushing the odd button is surprising
half the crew isn’t asleep. At this stage of the game Gene Roddenberry is
playing it safe and introducing a great deal of Original Series elements to the
show – sexism is rife, God-like beings are judging humanity and the music
punctuates events with dramatic urgency. I don’t know what to make the court
scenes since they seem to be full of psychotic midgets in fancy dress having a
fun day out and they go on way too long (although Q’s method of extracting an
admission of guilt by having a gun pressed to their heads is novel). Farpoint
Station is one of those studio planets that Star Trek likes to build and nine
times out of ten it fails to convince as location work would. How exactly does
solving the childishly simple puzzle of Farpoint station prove that human
beings evolved beyond their previous barbarity?
Myth Building: What’s up with those teeny weeny phasers? By
the end of the season they are much chunkier buggers! You would have thought there
would be an explanation for the chocolate bars that have suddenly appeared on
the heads of the Klingons. Jean Luc calls the mid 21st Century the
post atomic horror. Picard says that he hopes the Ferengi find Zorn as ‘tasty’
as they did their past associates. Were they being touted as cannibals at this
point?
Orchestra: It feels like the conductor might have been
suffering from epilepsy during the sequences where Q pursues the Enterprise
because the band goes nuts! The piano score when Data walks with McCoy conjures
up so many memories of original Star Trek in a wonderfully nostalgic way. As if
the image of the two jellyfish joining tentacles wasn’t twee enough you’ve got
an entire string quartet pouring on the syrup.
Result: In retrospect the Next Generation pilot story feels
remarkably naïve and childish but at the time it was one of the most exciting
things to hit our screens. With its thrilling sets, fantastic model work and
state of the art special effects this was a glossy science fiction serial that
was bound to keep the kids happy at dinnertime. Unfortunately there are a
manifest of problems that held back the first two series of the show; the main
cast are completely out of their depth and trying to convince in some sloppily
written roles, the plotting is childishly uncomplicated and treats the audience
like idiots, the tone of the piece is all over the place and the dialogue is
largely banal. With characters as unconvincing as Deanna Troi, Tasha Yar and
Wesley Crusher the series clearly had a long way to go before it would prove
its worth. Compared to the third or fourth series of TNG, Encounter at Farpoint
is woefully embarrassing to watch. It might scrape a pass if you are ten or
under but any older and you might feel more than a little patronised.
Ultimately though this is the start of a legend and so deserves our indulgence
(if perhaps not our respect): 3/10
The Naked Now written by Michael Bingham and directed by
Paul Lynch
What’s it about: A virus that makes everybody pissed hits
the Enterprise with catastrophic results…
To Baldly Go: Proof that even the most accomplished of
actors have trouble trying to pretend that they are drunk. Did I say in the
Encounter of Farpoint review that Picard and Dr Bev’s feelings for each other
weren’t explored? I should have added a caveat that noted except when they were
under the influence of a sex bug.
Number One: While everybody else is flirting, shagging and
generally having a good time poor Riker is having to control his urges and save
the ship.
Fully Functional: Unemotional Data displays a large
number of emotions in this story from a look of shock at the demise of the
Tsiokovksy’s crew, worry that he may have sounded like he was bragging,
smirking at the Captain when he discovers the answers to the origins of the
virus and a sexual urges with Tasha Yar. Hang on…Dr Soong programmed Data with
a broad range of pleasuring techniques? Really? When did he think that
would ever come in useful? Whilst the scene itself is eye opening, Data’s
sexual encounter with Tasha does set up some touching development for the
character when she dies later in the season. His pratfall on the Bridge made me
laugh. Data gets the best scene in the episode with his isolinear chip magic
trick.
Blind Engineer: Geordi longing to be able to see in human
ways is quite a telling statement and I wonder how much of that was his real
yearning and how much was the disease.
Alien Empath: Needless to say the improvements to Troi’s
look are all positive from the more severe hair in a bun to her dark all in one
uniform. Thank goodness because I don’t think I could have taken her seriously
in that miniskirt and those leather boots. Rather than simply walking her to
sickbay Riker picks her up and carries her there. I would have thought their
romantic feelings would have been explored more in this sort of episode but
there are far more important things going on like Wesley Crusher saving the
day.
Security Chief: Just what Tasha needed to force her to
unwind for a bit, a virus that makes you permanently intoxicated! It’s odd that
the first place she heads is Troi’s quarters, holding hands with the counsellor
and trying on her clothes. Hopefully this will be the only instance Tasha’s
sexual exploits are blasted across the Bridge intercom. We learn that when she
was five when she was abandoned but she learned how to avoid the rape gangs –
wow where did that come from?
Boy Genius: Just as I was thinking making a mini tractor
beam is a pretty nifty idea Wesley goes and ruins it by proving what a total
swot he really is by piecing together various Picard intercom messages to make
it sound like he is giving Wesley orders! Wesley suggests his mother is
stunting his emotional growth that kind of suggests he has experienced some
already which I doubt very much. Acting Captain Wesley Crusher? Are you kidding
me? If this was DS9 he would have been chucked out of the nearest airlock
when this was over.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Well hello Enterprise, I hope you have
a lot of pretty boys on board because I’m willing and able!’ – once this show
sorted itself out you just didn’t get dialogue like this anymore so we should
enjoy it while we can.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Help me to not give in to the wild
things in my mind!’ ‘Geordi my job is security!’ – I still don’t entirely
understand this bizarre exchange.
‘Effective immediately I have handed control of this vessel
to Acting Captain Wesley Crusher!’
‘Because you have lost the capacity for self-judgement. Now
alcohol does this Wesley.’
‘I’m a woman, I haven’t had the comfort of a husband, a
man!’ ‘Not now Doctor…please!’
‘It was an adult who did it!’
‘Did he say Wesley? The boy?’
The Good: The early scenes of the away team exploring the
eerily quiet SS Tsiokovksy are rather atmospheric with some blood red lighting
and a shocking shot of the bridge with the emergency hatch blown.
The Bad: ‘What we just heard is impossible’ says Data of an
emergency hatch being blown. Unlikely maybe, but impossible? More frozen
people – did they have a special offer on the snow effects machine? Surely the
oddest request anyone has ever given Data is to look through all known records
for an instance of somebody showering in their clothing! Its never actually
specifically suggested that the virus promotes a sexual need, only intoxication
so does that mean this is a sign that the repressive Starfleet chain of command
actually disguises a crew of intergalactic horny devils? The scene of Picard
explaining the dangers of alcoholism to Wesley on the Bridge is the last thing
that this series needs – the tone is condescending and childish. Poor Worf is
the only person that nobody seems to want to jump on – he must have a terrible
complex! Imagine if that giant rock had smashed the Enterprise to smithereens,
what an embarrassing way to go! The ending once again is patronisingly
simple with everybody getting a quick jab and then off to our next destination
with no consequences beyond ‘lets pretend it never happened…’
Result: Odd to have an episode where all the main cast act
out of character before we have even had the chance to get to know them. This
script would have been chucked in the bin a few years later and it’s a
staggering knock to the shows reputation that they resort to an episode with a
sex virus and Wesley Crusher taking control of the ship so early in the shows
run – surely two of the most desperate plot devices imaginable. There are a few
scant laughs along the way but The Naked Now is mostly made up of one
cringe-inducing scene after another. We really aren’t seeing these characters
at their best which is a shame because they have much to offer. As much as
people want to praise Gene Roddenberry for his vision of TNG if the last two
scripts are an example of how he saw the show I’m amazed it made it off the
drawing board. Failing to be funny or sexy, The Naked Now is a dismal failiure
and irritatingly DS9 also had a stab at this sort of episode and it was even worse:
3/10
Boy Genius: Wesley is in the turbolift again just to get a
little glimpse of the Bridge – that kid needs to discover pornography. An hour
with Quark would sort him out. When Crusher asks to talk to Picard about Wesley
it is all he can do to stop himself spitting on the floor. Nog has to work his
butt off to earn the right to step into Ops and take a station and Wesley, just
like everybody on this damn show, gets it handed on a plate.
Code of Honour written by Katharyn Powers & Michael
Baron and directed by Russ Mayberry
What’s it about: Tasha Yar and that’s all you need to know
to want to turn off.
To Baldly Go: Everything about Picard at this stage is so
stiff (get a room guys, that was the last episode) and Patrick Stewart
sounds oddly robotic in his voiceovers and displays none of his natural British
charm. He barks at Wesley on the Bridge like Hitler and thinks that Tasha is a
rather lovely woman. Proving he gets right as much as he gets it wrong.
Security Chief: Tasha seriously needs to calm down a bit -
one of Lutan’s guards tries to give the vaccine to Picard and she beats the
crap out of him! Imagine kidnapping somebody as melodramatic as Tasha Yar? I’d
return her and ask for a refund. Her characterisation is truly horrendous;
especially when Troi probes her mind to explore the sense of thrill she felt
when Lutan claimed her as his own. This is how an enlightened emancipated 24th
Century girl thinks when a man treats her as property? And when Yar has a hissy
fit I just wanted to tape her mouth shut: ‘Troi you tricked me!’ Was Yar
conceived as a deliberately flawed character? She wants to embarrass
Lutan’s wife for having the audacity to challenge her! She suggests there is no
physical training anywhere that matches Starfleet training which is clearly a
crock of shit, I can think of a dozen races that would gobble Yar up, chew her
up and spit her out. Data looks forlorn at the thought that Tasha might love
Lutan which leads to another cringeworthy admission that she is attracted to
him. No wonder Denise Crosby wanted out, this is painful material. What
complications is Tasha talking about when rejecting Lutan at the climax?
Boy Genius: Wesley is in the turbolift again just to get a
little glimpse of the Bridge – that kid needs to discover pornography. An hour
with Quark would sort him out. When Crusher asks to talk to Picard about Wesley
it is all he can do to stop himself spitting on the floor. Nog has to work his
butt off to earn the right to step into Ops and take a station and Wesley, just
like everybody on this damn show, gets it handed on a plate.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You can create people without a soul?’
is pretty much the punchline for every holodeck episode to come.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘This is my first woman!’
Apparently women are ‘highly pleasant things but unimportant.’
The weapons are ‘razor sharp and split second lethal!’
The Good: The staging for the fight is impressive,
especially the long shot of the arena with the planetary background.
The Bad: Since I am not a fan of TOS I will place this
observation in this category but everything about the arrival of Lutan screams
of the Original Series. Tonally, visually and musically it is a tad over the
top and camp. I don’t understand why the Federation has to kiss the butt of
Lutan and his people when they have just handed over a sample. Would they
really be held to a razors edge like this? Battle of the sexes so early in the
series run? I seem to recall that Stargate had an episode not long after its
pilot that handled similar, quietly insulting, themes. There is a completely
random scene thrown in between Geordi and Data about jokes that is pointlessly
out of place.
Orchestra: Every twist is punctuated by a ridiculously loud
and dramatic sting that has the reverse effect of what it is trying to achieve
- blunting the moments.
Result: The most Original Series episode TNG ever produced
with its emphasis on a camp and faintly unbelievable alien culture and a dismal
handling of sexism and race. There’s even a fake looking sky backdrop. In three
episodes alone Tasha Yar takes her place as the least convincing regular
character Star Trek has seen (yes that includes Neelix) and her dialogue in
this episode is obscenely bad, so much so I was praying for her to trip and
impale herself on her glove of poisoned spikes. With its cod Shakespearean
dramatics, overacted guest stars (Jessie Lawrence Ferguson doesn’t so much as
chew the scenery but devour it whole) and overdone musical stings this is another
embarrassment to sit through. My standards must have been very low as a child
because I cannot imagine any age group sitting through this entire episode
today unless they were a Trek completist. Painful and dull and it’s not
even the worst episode of the season. ‘Why aren’t we warping out of here?’ says
Picard at the conclusion but I was thinking that for 45 long minutes: 1/10
The Last Outpost written by Herbert Wright and directed by
Richard Colla
What’s it about: Chasing a Ferengi cruiser with stolen
property, the Enterprise gets caught in a planetary atmosphere with its power
draining…
Mr Wolf: ‘For battle come to me!’ cries Worf who in
four stories hasn’t had one ounce of development or exploration. Its not until
Tasha gets the boot that we really get a chance to get under his skin.
Blind Engineer: For some reason and for one episode only
Geordi is behaving like a jiving MC Hammer engineer, jigging with his hands and
spouting funky dialogue and exclaiming ‘oo-wee!’ when a plan comes
together!
Security Chief: The sooner this psychotic woman is replaced
the better. She suggests the (impractical and provocative) plan of blasting
their way free. Having such a violent Security Officer is a liability.
Dancing Doctor: Any chance she gets she will try and murder
her annoying pipsqueak of a son and when the Enterprise is drained of power she
plans on sedating him. At least that’s how any sane person would interpret it.
Its not the last time this season that somebody would want to give Wesley a
little prick to send him to sleep. Everyone is quite loose with their feelings in
the first season and Crusher strokes Picard’s face in the Bridge once power is
restored (does anybody ever call him Jean without the Luc again?).
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Dammit critters!’ cries Worf when he is
nibbled at by a Ferengi!
‘These crystalline tree shapes are actually energy
collectors!’ – what is up with people on this show stating the bleeding
obvious?
The Good: The holographic table in the conference room is
pretty nifty but I can understand why they stuck to a screen in future seasons.
The Bad: ‘Immobilised by the damn Ferengi’ spits Worf
vocalising my thoughts exactly. When you compare it to TNG’s next attempt to
create a big bad in season two with the Borg, forcing the Enterprise to turn
round and face the Ferengi is actually little more than a minor inconvenience.
On the Enterprise scanner large enough for even the bloke standing at the back
of the Bridge to see is a huge planet and a much smaller spaceship. Picard and
his lackeys spend ten minutes trying to outthink the ship and it takes Troi (of
all people) to suggest that perhaps the planet is responsible. It’s amazing
that this ship made it out of Space dock. Picard surrenders to a Ferengi vessel
which must be an embarrassing thing for him to think back upon. Why do the
Ferengi sit so close to their cameras? The Damon’s face fills the entire screen
in a jarring, visually unspectacular exchange. Its interesting to note that at
the same sort of time Doctor Who was creating planets as visually arresting as
Segonax, Lakertya and the Cheetah Planet and yet Star Trek with its larger
budget instead opts for a hideously unconvincing studio backdrop. The precipice
that Riker shouts out across isn’t even as realistic looking as a similar scene
in The Daleks when the travellers discover the Dalek City and that was filmed
in 1963. These Ferengi manage to overpower Worf! If only Quark knew about this
he could have enjoyed winding him up for evermore. I remember an interview with
Armin Shimerman when he apologised for his horrid performance in this episode
and was determined to get it right when he was cast in Deep Space Nine and yet
he gives the strongest performance of the three on the planet. It’s not great
but its better than the squeaky voiced pair he’s lumbered with. A ghostly
Godlike being again? There are plenty of those buggers about aren’t
there? Riker tells the representative of the Tkon Empire that their time has
gone and when he begs to differ he gets Data to read out the historical records
– I would just say ‘Hello! I’m right here!’ Mordock does the oddest camp
dance movements with his hands that reminded me of an extremely camp version of
the Child Catcher. Riker quotes a little Sun Tzu and the episode is over? Did I
miss something?
Moment To Watch Out For: Jonathan Frakes who demonstrates
how a true action hero should fall when he is struck down by a Ferengi whip.
Theatrical doesn’t cover it.
Myth Building: The Ferengi display the worst characteristics
of human capitalists – let the buyer beware. Their portrayal in the episode
leaves a lot to be desired and they don’t seem to work as either comedy stooges
or villainous nasties. The sequence that sees them madly jumping on the backs
of our heroes and trying to eat them is one of the most surreal moments in Star
Trek. At least they get one thing right – these Ferengi find the idea of a
clothed female going to work sickening. Whilst Riker tries to bang home the
moral in the last scene the Ferengi are literally running around them doing the
strangest of dance movements!
Result: Ladies and Gentleman may I introduce you to your new
terrifying villains…the Ferengi! In another universe where the design
and performances were different it might have worked but the truth is the
scariest thing this bunch of pantomime trolls do is an odd disco dancing
routine with their hands. If I was watching this series new I would have given
up by now; this is another tragic failiure of an episode and there simply is no
sign that the quality is ever going to improve. The whole episode works on the
idea that the Enterprise is in desperate danger from this Godlike entity of the
week and yet Riker manages to woo him with little more than a single line of
Chinese philosophy! Add to that one of the least convincing planetary backdrops
and a general lack of atmosphere and intelligent dialogue, TNG’s first season
continues to lack any conviction. The episode even ends on an inevitable and
unfunny gag: 2/10
Where No One has Gone Before written by Diane Duane &
Michael Reaves and directed by Rob Bowman
What’s it about: Breaking through the warp barrier the
Enterprise winds up a billion light years from their galaxy…
To Baldy Go: Picard stepping out from the turbolift into
space is a great shock moment. If everybody is seeing what they most desire it
is telling that Picard gets to sit and have tea with his mother. It takes the
Traveller to convince Picard that Wesley might amount to something worthwhile
which I guess means we will be seeing more of this parental relationship in the
future.
Boy Genius: Astonishing that when he is underwritten how
tolerable Wesley can be and how subtle a performer Wil Wheaton proves. This
episode goes some way to rectifying the mistakes of the opening handful of
episodes but it is all for nought – he’s back acting like an irritating swot again
in just a few episodes time. When Riker refuses to listen him I would have
slapped the Commander around the face for being so rude. Thank goodness Wesley
finally corrects Picard and Riker for constantly calling him ‘the boy’,
it is unbelievably demeaning. The Traveller suggests that Wesley will be a
genius similar to Mozart but in the fields of time, energy and propulsion.
Amazing to think that this plot thread would be followed up in seven years
time.
Security Chief: Everything about Tasha’s past should work
and when we catch a glimpse of her scarred and filthy and hiding from the rape
gangs it is a potent image. But then Denise Crosby opens her mouth and lets out
some rubbish dialogue and the illusion is shattered.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Thought is the basis of all reality.’
‘What wonderful arrogance. There is no record because we
have not visited you before’ – the Traveller manages to puncture humanity’s
overconfidence in the 24th Century better than Q did throughout
Encounter at Farpoint with just one gentle line of dialogue.
‘Captains Log: any time entry is meaningless!’ – great
line.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘You’re telling me it’s a kitty cat?’ –
are we nearly at the Armus slaughters Tasha episode yet?
‘I feel an abundance of well-being on the ship’ – oh shut up
Troi.
The Good: Lovely to have somebody as arrogant, overbearing
and sure of himself as Kosinski to rock the boat a bit on the
lets-hug-and-make-up Enterprise. He might not be remotely likable but it’s nice
to see somebody displaying a bit of assholeness. The set piece of the
Enterprise smashing through warp ten with the warp core having a heart attack
and the ship punching into another region of space encapsulates this shows
mission to explore strange new places better than anything else we have seen so
far. I laughed out loud at Data’s information that any message they send back
to Starfleet would take 51 years to reach them! The idea that space and time
and thought aren’t as separate as we perceive them to be is an extraordinary
concept, one that would be touched on again in DS9 with the Founders. For once
an episode is entirely unpredictable, we have no idea what is going on or where
we are heading and that is a lovely feeling. A billion light years from
their usual galaxy! You can’t fault the ambition of the writers! It’s nice to
see some of the fantasies of the other crewmembers rather than just the main
cast – the two who are being chased by nothing, the man who joins in a Mozart
concerto and the ensign ballet dancing in the cargo bay are great little
insights into characters we have never met before.
The Bad: Actually on reflection it doesn’t take long before
I wanted to toss Kosinski out of a cargo bay door such is his unbelievable
hubris. What the hell - a male officer walks into shot wearing a dress! Is
cross-dressing a staple of the 24th Century? Mind you there is a
general sense of fashion victimism on the Enterprise. Basically they get home
by arranging a huge love in for the Traveller. It’s a shame to get back to the
schmaltz after an episode of such dazzling creation.
Moment To Watch Out For: A genuinely fun moment when Picard
has some pleasure in wangling a rank for Wesley so he can come on the Bridge
and sit at a command post.
Myth Building: Only 11% of our galaxy has been charted.
Often mentioned but never seen accept in this episode, a Klingon Targ makes its
debut! Only now does humanity merit some attention by the Traveller’s people,
before they have always been too uninteresting.
Result: I am thrilled to be able to say something nice about
a TNG episode and Where No One Has Gone Before is so vastly superior to the
last four episodes it doesn’t even warrant comparison. It has just the right
mixture of imagination (with the Traveller offering us a unique glimpse into our
future) and character building (especially for Picard and Wesley) and Rob
Bowman’s stylish direction holds the whole piece together with some beautiful
imagery. It’s a shame that the final act devolves into some overdone syrup but
at least it does end on some development for a character (even if it is ‘the
boy’). This episode really reinforces the sense of wonder exploring the
galaxy can afford and with the invention of the Traveller and his people there
is some hope that not every alien will be a racial stereotype or capitalist
troll. I really enjoyed this on the whole and it just goes to show how well TNG
can play out when the writers reign in the melodrama and offer flourishes of
imagination: 8/10
Lonely Among Us written by D.C Fontana and directed by Cliff
Bole
What’s it about:
A lost entity takes possession of Picard's mind…
To Baldly Go: Clearly Picard didn’t think too much of Mr
Singh because 30 seconds after his death he is delighted to hear that the
Enterprise can warp off again. I’m glad he isn’t my boss! Love Picard
putting his feet up on his desk when he is taken over, he could do with letting
go a bit more often when he regains control. Patrick Stewart is awesome as he
walks around the Bridge explaining away the plot of the story, his background
in theatre has ensured that he is at his best when able to play a scene to a
crowd.
Alien Empath: Not content with probing people’s minds
without their say so now Deanna is performing hypnosis on the crew. Nosy
mare.
Fully Functional: Whilst it is quite fun to see Data puffing
on a pipe, it really isn’t appropriate to be arsing around during a murder
investigation. Once again Data is showing more emotion than some the crew –
especially his cute ‘my dear Riker, sir…’ Riker lets him get away with
his Sherlock Holmes pastiche but at least Picard slaps his wrist.
Boy Genius: Its great to be able to see Beverley and Wesley
in their quarters together behaving like a vaguely normal family. Why hasn’t
Wesley been given a uniform to perform his duties on the Bridge? To see him
lounging on that leather chair in a jumper makes this ship look as if its some
kind of holiday cruise for kids.
Dancing Doctor: It’s the strangest of phenomena. Once Dr Bev
is taken over by the entity she behaves in a vacant, zombie like fashion that
is exactly how Gates McFadden usually plays the character. I can’t wait until
Pulaski comes along to shake this crew up a bit.
The Good: The snakelike Selay are beautifully made creatures
and by far the best we have seen yet in the series and it is a shame that they
never returned. As these things go that’s not a bad teaser with Worf attacked
by a sudden shock of blue lightning. I’ve certainly seen far worse. I love the
idea of these two political factions having their own little hunt on the
Enterprise. It’s a shame that the episode wasn’t giving over to that far more
entertaining subplot. Poor O’Brien is stuck between the two bitter enemies when
they come face to face in a corridor! I was cheering with joy when the Picard
controlled creature shot electricity and incapacitated the whole crew! It’s a
striking visual and its nice to see characters as useless as Troi, Tasha and
Beverley (oh gosh that sounds so sexist but they really are the worst
characters on this show!) being tortured!
The Bad: What is wrong with these Starfleet Captains? If you
encounter a mysterious cloud or anomaly…go around it! How many engineers are
there on the Enterprise? In the last episode it was a bearded Scot called
Argyle and now it’s an Indian called Singh! In comparison to the Selay the
Antikan’s look vaguely ridiculous with giant furry gloves and puppet like
mouths. It all gets a bit ridiculous when Picard decides to beam out into space
and become one with the energy cloud and then roams around in the Enterprise
circuitry but compared to some of the things we have already seen this year it
is practically mundane. Obviously the Selay/Antikan conflict is just supposed
to be background colour because we don’t find out why they are fighting or how
the peace negations work out. Riker demands that Tasha stops reporting of a
missing delegate and a puddle of blood found to say hello to Captain Picard?
How relaxed are they on this ship?
Moment To Watch Out For: Mr Singh’s incredible death scene
where he is struck by the lightning entity, judders about and throws himself
about half a mile across Engineering before hanging over the edge of the warp
core. You don’t get death stunts like that any more.
Orchestra: For the most part the music in this episode is
subtle and spooky which is something of a minor miracle in the loud and proud
first season.
Result: Considering it has two underdeveloped and largely
unintelligible plotlines, Lonely Among Us isn’t that bad. We have already had a
story where a virus passing from one character to another and ultimately we
learn nothing about this entity and so there seems little point in this
exercise aside from giving the regulars the chance to act out of character
(again). On the plus side the majority of the crew are a knats whisker away
from looking comfortable in their parts now and Patrick Stewart and Brent
Spiner in particular have settled down considerably since the pilot. What
really helps is Cliff Bole’s strong direction and a halfway creepy musical
score both of which create more atmosphere than the story deserves. It’s not
going to win any awards for innovation but this is an undemanding, fairly
entertaining bit of nonsense: 6/10
Justice written by Wesley Thorne and directed by James L.
Conway
What’s it about: A planet of sex and how they execute you
for falling in flowers. No seriously.
To Baldly Go: Does Picard really care for Wesley as if he
was his own son?
Number One: Of course Riker wants to spend more time on the
Edo World. It’s the only place where the populace are as sex obsessed as he is!
It’s interesting to note that Riker is the least explored regular character at
this point (aside from Worf) with very little revealed about his background or
his character.
Boy Genius: Picard suggests he is sending Wesley down to the
planet to evaluate whether it is suitable for young people but I think he’s
using him in the same way they used to send canaries down mine shafts to see if
they were safe. Surely if there is anybody who needs to ‘play at love’
its Wesley. He should have taken this opportunity to become a man but chickens
out and decides to play throw and catch instead. How square. Jake Sisko
would have been in there like a shot and it certainly wouldn’t be to play ball.
Dancing Doctor: Gates McFadden gets to show off her acting
ability when the Edo sentence Wesley to death and proves that she really
doesn’t have any. Has a mother ever looked so robotically concerned over their
child? I thought she had been hypnotised by that plasma cloud again when she
was stressing her worries to Picard. ‘The Edo want to execute my son…I will
not allow that to happen Jean-Luc!’ and ‘Shut up!’ must go down happily in my list of most cringeworthy
Star Trek acting moments.
Security Chief: The woman is a liability! She mentions that
she has listed all their laws and customs and yet she fails to mention that if
you fall into some plants you will be executed. ‘It’s a kind of syringe’
Tasha informs Riker. No shit Sherlock, I can see why they made you the security
chief. I know I’m being especially churlish here but they make too easy for me.
Mr Wolf: Earth females are too fragile for Worf and he has
to restrain himself. Grrr…
Alien Empath: Troi’s strongest ability seems to be to state
the bleeding obvious. ‘I sense healthy sensuality, sir’ she says after
she has been groped by one of the Edo. Nice going, Deanna. Picard decides to
beam the Edo woman back down to the planet once God approaches to attack and
Troi offers ‘yes do that but hurry!’ Why do all these characters say
such stupid things?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Nice planet.’ Worf is as succinct as
ever.
‘Sharing an orbit with God is no small experience.’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘And I welcome this huge one!’ – one of
the most eye watering double entendres in the Trek canon!
‘I’m with Starfleet, we don’t lie!’ – don’t you just want to
punch him?
‘What of justice to Wesley? Does he deserve to die?’ –
there’s an open ended question if ever there was one.
The Good: Is this the planet that would become Risa? They
say hello by grabbing your chest and nibbling on your necks! At least its
novel. Some part of me finds the Edo planet of erotic mime, oiled up men and
women and prancing about with all their bits on display painfully embarrassing
and another part of me wants you to drop me off there for a day or two. Actual
location work! I am genuinely impressed that TNG has made it outside at last
and these are some of the most beautiful gardens you will see on television
(much like DS9’s Meridian it would seem that some of the daftest Star Trek
episodes are treated to the most pleasant location work).
The Bad: Another Godlike entity? Really? How
many of these babies are there out in the universe? The Edo chick doesn’t know
how to play ball? Like throw and catch? How daft are they on this world? Riker
asks Troi to help him locate Wesley because he has wandered off…erm nope you
sent him on his way. How can any planet function like the Edo world with a
different section of the planet secretly declared as the punishment zone and if
you happen to accidentally infringe any law you are executed. Once the tone of
the episode goes from one of frivolity to that of a courtroom drama to suddenly
have half naked people hanging around just looks stupid. Everybody calls Wesley
‘the boy’, ‘the Crusher boy’ or even ‘the Wesley boy’ –
poor Wil Wheaton is constantly demeaned in a way that Cirroc Lofton never was.
I have heard praise for the Edo God effect in the past but I feel that it looks
too insubstantial and mundane to be anything worth flattering. Any episode that
ends with a dreadful Picard speech about the Prime Directive is open for
mockery and the ‘I was hoping we could learn something more about it but since
we can’t lets skip off to our next destination’ exposes one of the majors
problems with this series. There simply isn’t any time to explore anything
sufficiently or in any great depth before we have to rush off to the next
adventure.
Moment To Watch Out For: Scenes of people literally romping
on top of each other in their underwear. Eye opening stuff.
Myth Building: Is the Edo Planet filmed in the same place
they use for Starfleet HQ?
Orchestra: I cannot believe they got the violins out when
Picard tells Beverley that he will not allow them to kill her son – this
episode is going for every cliché in the book!
Result: On the one hand Justice presents one of the horniest
planets of all time but on the other it has been so badly thought through I’m
surprised everybody takes it as seriously as they do. The will Wesley die
dilemma is squandered by the fact that the audience really doesn’t give a damn
and his crime is so dippy it worries me that an episode could be structured
around it. Lets be honest if it wasn’t for the Edo God laying down some serious
threats Picard would beam Wesley off the planet and send a ‘ner ner ne ner ner’ Federation
message to the Edo as they are warping their asses out of there. Some of the
all-time most idiotic dialogue takes place in this episode and as a result we
are subjected to some pretty dodgy performances too (stand up Gates McFadden).
They would have another stab at this exact story in series three’s Who Watches
the Watchers and that episode is as successful as this episode is a failiure: 4/10
The Battle written by Herbert Wright and the directed by Rob
Bowman
What’s it about: Face to face with his old ship, Picard
starts to question his involvement in a past battle…
To Baldly Go: Having Bok use Picard’s old ship against him
and for it to haunt him so much adds a lot of depth to his character. He
describes visiting the Stargazer as returning to an family home but there is
nobody there except phantoms of the past. Riker refuses to believe that the
holier than thou Picard would deliberately fire and frankly so do I which means
the tension surrounding his potentially criminal act is dissipated as soon as
suggested. Picard should answer his
door chimes with ‘yes who the hell is it?’ all the time since its usually
somebody fairly annoying like Troi. Its nice to see the usually solid Picard so
shaken up by his painful recollections on the Stargazer, it makes him a far
more likable character than usual. So far this season we have had Picard
surrender the ship twice, turn drunk and horny over Beverley, resign his
commission and try and beam into an energy cloud and now influence himself with
thoughts from the past. Would the real Jean-Luc Picard please stand up?
Dancing Doctor: Crusher is the one person on the ship who
can give Picard an order and she loves it. Even Picard notes that
Crusher likes getting her own way. He’s got a shock coming when Pulaski takes
up residence in sickbay.
Boy Genius: Wesley has finally been given a uniform to wear
on the Bridge and it’s a horrid grey tunic with rainbow colours! I take it all
back…get him back in the jumpers! Wesley almost gets a good scene where he
trumps both his mother and Troi (admittedly not a hard task) but the scene ends
with him looking smug and saying ‘adults!’ which makes you want to punch
him again.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘As you humans say “I’m all ears”.’
The Good: Whilst the Ferengi still act a little like
children with learning difficulties it is great fun to see them salivating over
Data as an exploitable product. The Stargazer is cramped and dark, just how I
like my Starships to be and it’s a shame that it wasn’t this ship that helmed
the series. Its far more atmospheric than the floating fun palace we got. The
editing when Picard has a nightmare about the battle of Maxia in his quarters
is superb. Sequences of the Stargazer’s Bridge overlaid onto Picard’s quarters
makes for a tense and ghostly nightmare with phantom flames and personnel
screaming at him. Its nice to see that Bok has an understandable reason for
wanting to exact revenge on Picard - the death of his son. The Ferengi
transporter beams are wonderful spirals that surround the person beaming away –
far more fun than the sparkly magical Starfleet version.
The Bad: Crusher saying that she doesn’t often encounter
headaches is another of those irritating little moments of ‘this is the future
and we’re better than that’ moments that crop in season one. Characters on DS9
and VOY get headaches all the time so I’m guessing this is where the epidemic
began. Crusher talks of ‘medical fakery’ when actually all she has given
him is the equivalent of Paracetamol. Apparently Deanna can sense considerable
deception on Bok’s part despite the fact that a Betazoid cannot read a Ferengi
mind. You need to keep an eye on your own continuity people because Trek
aficionados are the most relentlessly anal examples of fans in the universe! I
do worry about a crew that cannot put two and two together and figure that
Picard’s headaches might have something to do with his old ship returning to
haunt him. It seems to me that the Federation’s idea of peace in the galaxy
does not stretch to the Ferengi who they happily insult at every chance they
get (Riker is especially racist in this episode). The Ferengi pointing the
finger at Picard with an audio recording doesn’t wash because we saw in the
Naked Now how easy it is to fake a pieced together recording of the Captain’s
voice. Beverley walks into the Ready Room and calls Riker ‘Number One’
and I can’t tell you how many shades of wrong that is.
Moment To Watch Out For: The episode gears up to an exciting
conclusion where Picard has to re-enact the events aboard the Stargazer but
this time against the Enterprise and it is an unusually intelligent climax for
this season.
Myth Building: The Picard Manoeuvre is drop out of high
warp, stop right on the enemies bow and fire with everything you have! Shame we
never see or hear of this again since it sounds like a great move.
Orchestra: The musician has a major heart attack as Picard
destroys the sphere at the climax.
Result: Rob Bowman’s direction of this episode is striking
with some dramatic close ups, tilted angles, slow motion stunts and a number of
atmospheric long shots as we delve into Picard’s tortured mind. In the first
two years of TNG he was without a doubt the strongest director the show had,
reining in its camp excesses and providing some memorable set pieces. When The
Battle is focussing on Picard it is excellent offering a rare glimpse into his
past and it is only when we return to any scene featuring his trained monkeys
of a crew that things disappoint. There is a strong dramatic backbone to this
episode that has been lacking in the series thus far with an excellent reason
for the revenge plot and for Picard to doubt his version of events. Even the
usual ‘lets skip out of here now we’ve driven the moral home’ ending is a little
more subtle then usual with Picard turning his back on his past because he
might not like what he sees. The Battle is flawed but its far more worthy than
many other episodes this season: 7/10
Hide & Q written by C.J Holland and Gene Roddenberry and
directed by Cliff Bole
What’s it about: Q’s back and he has a special gift for
Commander Riker…
To Baldly Go: In a great scene with John de Lancie Patrick
Stewart gets to show off his Shakespearean roots to drive home Picard’s
strength of conviction about humanity.
Number One: Could Riker possibly puff his chest out any
further in the early scenes? He considers being compared to Picard a
compliment, the poor deluded fool. Riker is such an unbelievable twat after he
returns everybody to the ship – look at him standing there all proud and
arrogant and holier than thou! Suddenly he starts behaving like a conceited,
egotistical buffoon calling Picard by his first name, demanding a meeting of
the Bridge crew and walking away from the Captain whilst he is talking to him.
I don’t think I have ever seen anybody corrupted by power this quickly. Even
the wishes Riker grants are ridiculous – he steals ten years of Wesley’s life
and turns him into a beefcake, has a sexually rampant Klingon woman ravaging
Worf, in the workplace, fixes Geordi’s eyesight and threatens to turn Data into
a human.
Security Chief: Tasha is on the verge of death and I’ve
never felt so happy! This episode features my all time number one favourite
moment of naffness in all of Star Trek – the hideously scripted and performed
‘penalty box’ sequence on the Bridge. Tasha starts blubbing and flirting
outrageously with Picard as he tells her there is a new directive… it is
okay to cry in the penalty box’ Its laugh out loud dreadful and merely
strengthens my opinion that Tasha was woefully misconceived from the start.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Your species is always suffering and
dying…’ – can’t Q join the crew for a season please? His is a welcome touch of
realism.
‘Macro head with a micro brain!’ – yeah that sums up Worf
all right!
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Oh if you weren’t a Captain…’
‘Incredible Worf! You came out of nowhere!’ – not really, he
just ran out from behind a rock.
‘Worf is this your idea of sex?’ ‘This is sex but I have no
place for it in my life now!’
‘How did you know sir? I feel like such an idiot.’
The Good: Any episode that begins with the line ‘having
dropped off counsellor Troi…’ and then doesn’t feature her at all is
kicking things off on a very positive note! Q suggests that in the future there
might come a time when humanity progresses beyond even them which gives him a
solid reason for wanting to study Riker.
The Bad: Tasha and Worf both leap over the back station in a
melodramatic flair to pull out their weapons. I’d keep my eye on this one
Tasha, chances are he’s after your job! Once again I am forced to stop and
consider the atmospheric planets that Doctor Who was offering at this time on a
fraction of the budget and the best this show can conjure up is a few
polystyrene rocks and a false green lit backdrop. It’s cheap and nasty…I don’t
recall even the Original Series looking this fake. Q declares that the human
race has neither strength nor intelligence so I fail to see what drew them to
humanity and what maintains their interest. How dare they have an episode
centred around a game of ‘whoever survives, wins’ and not include
Beverley or Troi? At least then I would have had some reason to watch! Oh
wait…there’s Wesley! Suddenly the purpose behind the Enterprise travelling to
on a rescue mission becomes painfully obvious as the writers shamelessly
exploit the death of a cute little girl to tug at our sympathies.
Moment to Watch Out For: I did have to pause the DVD for a
second to bask in the glory of Wesley with the bloody spike poking through his
chest. Life is worth living for moments like that.
Teaser-tastic: The return of Q brings back uncomfortable
memories of Encounter at Farpoint but the return of John de Lancie tickles my
fancies.
Orchestra: A jolly marching band plays over the scenes of
the pig soldiers advancing in French Napoleonic uniforms.
Myth Building: ‘Explains something of why you defeated
them’ says Q of the Federation’s apparent domination over the Klingons.
Result: Rarely have I encountered an episode that is as
inconsistent as this one. Q takes the piss out of humanity – yay! Fake studio
planet – feck! Wesley is skewered – hurrah! Tasha starts blubbing – boo hiss!
This is no kind of exploration of the human factor because it centres on a
character as ridiculous as Commander Riker who is corrupted with little more
than a wave of the hand. The second half the episode dive bombs and never
recovers with the Commander so outrageously out of character and indulging in
an appalling ‘grant your wishes’ scene that defies description. The ending is
even more pathetic with the usual pithy one liner from Picard wrapping up
everything in an unsatisfactory way and no mention of any punishment for
Riker’s behaviour in the slightest. This series is a joke and as somebody
mentioned recently if this is the best Gene Roddenberry could come up with its
no wonder he become a mere figurehead in the next season: 2/10
Haven written by Tracey Torme & Lan O’Kun and directed
by Richard Compton
What’s it about: Deanna is being wedded off by her mother…
To Baldly Go: Bless him, Picard is completely dominated by
Mrs Troi’s personality and her amorous affections towards him have him cowering
away from her like a frightened puppy! It’s a bold new take on his character
and very welcome. Trust Picard to declare all disagreements dissolved just when
we were starting to have some sitcom style fun on the Enterprise.
Number One: Riker is barely holding himself together at the
thought of Deanna marrying somebody else – it’s all a bit Mills & Boon
but at least it shows there is more to his character than just an upstanding
Starfleet officer. No wonder it took him seven seasons and a handful of films
to bed Deanna – what he wants most is to Captain a Starship!
Alien Empath: Troi thought she would never be bonded by
forced marriage because she ran away on the Enterprise as far away from
Betazoid as possible. Its almost insanely pleasurable to watch Troi’s mother
embarrass her senseless during her visit – some part of me longs for her to be a
regular but then I’m sure she would be humanised within a week.
Mrs Troi: Hurrah for Lwaxana for turning up and showing
these Federation dullards how to have a good time. She emasculates Picard
immediately by getting him to carry her luggage. Her previous valet was far too
attracted to her (his thoughts were practically pornographic!) and so now she
travels only with (the fabulously silent and lurking) Mr Holm! Her honesty is
persistent and unrelenting and very refreshing. Mrs Troi kicks ass in the reception
scenes by being both loud, racist and thoroughly insulting to everybody.
Everything she does is designed to make her presence known and upset everybody
else – her creeping foliage is a delight! She thinks the whole world and her
dog finds her desirable and even suggests that the grooms father is looking
forward to seeing her naked at the Betazoid wedding. Majel Barrett is perfect
for this part and she shows a degree of charisma that the rest of this cast can
only dream of. Mrs Troi just could not resist one more parting shot at Picard
before she departs (‘Even Zeeno never had such thoughts about me!’). Mrs
Troi is the sort of character you will either love or hate and I definitely
fall into the former camp.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Your Captain is highly attracted to me
but he’s too old!’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘It’s the woman in Wyatt’s drawings!’ –
stating the bleeding obvious has become Troi’s role on the show.
‘How could you allow this to happen! My son surrounded by
those horrible lepers!’
The Good: Wyatt is gorgeous in a way that only eighties
heroes with swept back romantic hair can be, far better looking than the
granite rugged Riker! Beverley Crusher puts her hair up for the reception and
she looks so much prettier. Thank goodness we were denied the sight of Picard
naked at the wedding.
The Bad: Haven is a world renowned for its mystical healing
powers…come on Picard you just know its going to be trouble. The tacky romance
angle this episode takes is typical TNG syrup with a dash of predictability –
Wyatt having visions of a beautiful blonde all his life tells you everything
you need to know about the conclusion. Just when you thought she couldn’t get
any worse Tasha Yar looks like a poster child for eighties lesbianism with her
hair gelled up at the reception. Not only another horrid studio bound planet
set…it’s the same one from Hide & Q with a different coloured sky!
Moment to Watch Out For: Picard struggling with the luggage
to the amusement of the crew…nice to see Patrick Stewart allowing Jean Luc to
look like a fool. He seems (almost) human in this scene.
Teaser-tastic: I don’t know what I was expected from the
silver box they beamed aboard the ship but a face that comes to life and starts
laughing and declaring marriages was not even on the list! Its great fun and
just about everything you need to know about Lwaxana Troi; loud, attention
grabbing and unsubtle.
Orchestra: It’s a romance episode so of course the dreary
violins get another airing during the sloppier moments.
Result: A romance between Rick Astley and Bonnie Tyler with
Deanna Troi as piggy in the middle. The Next Generation would have much better
stabs at sitcom in the future but this is a reasonable first attempt and in
introducing Lwaxana we finally get the outrageous comedy this show desperately
needs to let its hair down. Whenever Haven concentrates on Troi and Wyatt and
their doomed romance it is like wading through sickly treacle but all of
Lwaxana’s moments are hysterically funny and make the episode worth a look. I would
rather watch something as daft as this than insulting episodes like Code of
Honour and Hide & Q. At least Troi can claim the consolation prize –
Commander Riker: 5/10
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘A blind man teaching an android how to
paint. That’s got to be worth a few pages in somebody’s book’ – why isn’t the
dialogue always this sharp?
Alien Empath: Its another episode that opens with an
announcement that Troi is off the ship but this time its not because she wont
appear and thank goodness for that otherwise we might have missed the chance to
see her suffer so horrendously here. I promise you I am not a sadist but
torturing these people is the only to make them behave in a way that is even
remotely plausible. I love the fact that Troi doesn’t descend into a dribbling
wreck when Tasha dies, she remains composed and emotionless and concentrates on
getting herself out of this impossible situation. Troi starts offering her
bleeding heart to Armus and as a result he tortures Riker – could this episode
get any better?
The Big Goodbye written by Tracey Torme and directed by
Joseph L. Scanlan
What’s it about: A computer malfunction traps Picard, Data, and Beverly in a 1940s gangster
holodeck program
To Baldly Go: Oddly Picard spells knife with an ‘n’ which I
don’t buy because I refuse to believe that someone as stuffy as Jean Luc didn’t
ace his grammar classes! Also to hear Patrick Stewart using an Americanised
‘zee’ is obscene! His secretary asks him if he lost a bet and its only when
placed in a regular setting such as this one that you realise all Starfleet
officers go around looking like they are in their pyjamas. Picard has needed to
let his hair down for a long time and whilst it takes some time for him to
settle down inside the programme (all this ‘very good, I’ve read about all
this before!’) he really gets into the swing of things. His parting ‘Mr
LaForge…step on it’ was a lovely finishing touch.
Dancing Doctor: There’s no two ways about it but when
Beverley walks into the programme and nearly trips down some stairs in her high
heels she has never looked more gorgeous and felt more appealing as a
character. Amazing how likable she can be when they stop focusing on her idiot
son or her desperate need to cure the universe. Her ‘why should he have all
the fun?’ is delightfully funny.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘When I looked down at the street I
actually saw…automobiles!’
‘Good manners ma’am are never a waste of time.’
‘But I so much want to kill her…’ – Leech on Beverley!
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Its no use! Its just not fair!’ – get
used to it Bev, those holodecks are going to be causing you troubles for seven
long years!
The Good: To see the characters suited up for the period is
marvellous and there is an astonishing sequence that sees Picard, Data and
Whalen walk from the ship onto a 1950’s street that captures the magic of the
holodeck better than any other example I can remember. Of all the episodes to
be allotted actual location work this is the one that could probably have
gotten away with being filmed in a studio but it does give the episode an
authentic period feel. When Redblock suggests killing one of them I was
screaming ‘Beverley! Beverley!’ at the TV! Whalen’s wound is genuinely very
bloody and nasty. The cut from Dixon’s office to a snowy landscape is
effortlessly achieved (although you can just about see from the direction of
the snow where the snow machine is working overtime just off camera!). Data
getting permission for a parting punch is very cute. They should have ended the
story on the sequence where the holodeck doors close and we are left to ponder
on whether that world still exists.
The Bad: Its very TNG to take something that the Original
Series did so naturally (place the weirdest things like Nazis and hippies in
the future) and give it a technological reason for happening like the holodeck
or because of the power of the Q. This show is far too stuffy to just let these
insane things take place simply because. Internal continuity is shot to
hell this season as when you leave the holodeck you can bring things like water
and lipstick with you…these things are not confined to the hologrid, which
surely suggests that anything can walk off the holodeck onto the ship? I
understand that the show is trying out new things but they make the holodeck
sound like it is a brand new device which we learn in future episodes is far
from the case and Picard enthuses to his entire senior staff (it just goes to
show that not a lot goes on aboard the Enterprise that he would call a meeting
just to enthuse about how great his leisure time is). Beverley says ‘it almost
sounds like its real!’ as if she has never been on the holodeck either! Geordi
uses the phrase ‘indubitably’ and Data looks confused when he studied the works
of Sherlock Holmes a few episodes earlier – the internal continuity on this
series really is appalling. The subplot about the squeaky voiced aliens who
demand that you speak to them in their own tongue or consider it a great insult
would be irritating even if it weren’t distracting from the far more fun Dixon
Hill sequences. It’s another oddly childish bit of storytelling that wouldn’t have
had a hope in later seasons. Why does nobody say no to Wesley? Everybody
bends over backwards for this kid and he has done nothing to deserve the
opportunities he has been given. I feel as if I have pulled apart what was
supposed to be a bit of fun to the nth degree…but surely Data could
outmanoeuvre and disarm all of the goons and take the bullet for the rest of
them. In future episodes nothing can leave the holodeck, least of all people
even for a second (the episode Ship in a Bottle is built around the premise).
Moment to Watch Out For: Beverley Crusher’s best scene of
the entire season when she hops up on Hill’s desk and shows off a bit of leg
whilst clapping enthusiastically as Whalen gets shot!
Orchestra: Unlike other period pieces the music is pretty
unmemorable. Compare to DS9’s Far Beyond the Stars where the music is
instinctively part of the production and atmosphere.
Result: With a subplot that belongs on a kids TV show and
lacking an engaging narrative within the Dixon Hill programme, The Big Goodbye
is not one of the stronger holodeck episodes. However at this stage in TNG’s
development I will happily take the show letting its hair down and providing
some fun period atmosphere over the wealth of terrible morality episodes I’ve
had to endure. Whilst not especially intelligent the Dixon Hill sequences are
full of cute touches and it is wonderful to see characters like Picard and
Beverley Crusher having some fun for a change rather than walking around as
though they have a stick up their asses. Its the second time this year that
Wesley Crusher has saved the day! With Lawrence Tierney and Harvey Jason you
have some wonderful actors bringing the guest parts to life and the end result
is enjoyable to watch especially the last scene with Patrick Stewart looking
extremely dapper in a suit on the Bridge and making a completely arse out of
himself: 7/10
Datalore written by Robert Lewin and directed by Rob Bowman
What’s it about: Data visit the planet in which he was
constructed and discovers he is not alone…
To Baldly Go: Picard telling his senior officers to stop
sounding apologetic asking questions about Lore being a machine (and thus
uncomfortably reminding the crew that Data is too) and suggesting that human
beings are merely electro chemical machines is probably my favourite scene of
his so far. He’s authoritative without being theatrical and moralistic without
lecturing. If only the balance was this right all the time. Even Picard seems
uncomfortable being reminded that Data is superior in many ways. A round of
applause as Picard throws Beverley and her irritating son off the Bridge!
Fully Functional: Brent Spiner’s performance as Data is
something that is pretty easy to take for granted because he is the most
consistent actor on the show. He takes a character that could so easily be a
cut price Spock and makes it gives a unique childlike edge of its own. Once
Spiner is left off the leash as Lore it is astonishing to realise just how
restrained his performance as Data is. The twitch is an unnerving touch that
just feels wrong coming from a machine. Data’s attempts to sneeze are
really lovable and drives home the point of him reaching for human
imperfection. He is quite deficient in basic human information because whilst
his brain contains the knowledge of 411 people it lacks their experiences. The
colonist’s fear of being discovered led to their knowledge being stored in
Data. Datalore shows that it might not be such a good idea for Data to want to
become more human; Lore has all of Data’s strength and computing ability but
coupled with a schizophrenic human mind it makes for a terrifying combination.
Where Lore is imbued with human flaws he thinks himself superior, Data lacks
those emotions but thinks in human terms. Highlighting these two characters is
an absorbing experience.
Security Chief: Something is going very wrong indeed when
even Tasha Yar seems to be making sense and her question about whether they can
trust Data is very legitimate. The shocked reactions of the crew show just how
naïve this bunch are.
Boy Genius: A shame that Wesley should be so prevalent in
this episode because it is his scenes that drag it down from near perfection.
Contrasting Wil Wheaton’s wooden performance with Brent Spiner’s dark and
schizoid one shows two actors that are worlds apart in sophistication. I was
really hoping Lore would do something dreadful to him when Wesley almost blows
his cover but alas the punishment was saved for his mother (almost as
good). Obviously Wesley is the only one who can see through Lore’s deception
but cannot convince these silly adults to listen to him!
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘And may we also toast Dr Noonian Soong
who gave me the full richness of human needs and ambitions. A perfect much for
my mind and my body.’
‘And you want to be as stupid as them, dear brother?’
Picard: ‘Shut up Wesley!’ Beverley: ‘Shut up Wesley?’
Picard: ‘Doctor…’ Wesley: ‘And since I am finished here may I point out…’
Beverley: ‘Shut up Wesley!’
‘You make me wish I were an only child.’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘You will find that there are many rules
on Starships that must be learnt’ – how stiff does Wil Wheaton sound saying
that line. To be fair it would be a challenge to the most experienced actor.
The Good: You’ve got to love a cave wall that swings back to
reveal an underground base. It’s fascinating to see the place where Data was
constructed and the sets are spacious and eerily lit with some unsettling
direction from Rob Bowman that stresses a sense of wrongness. By showing
us Lore being assembled the episode drives home that Data is an automaton
(something I often forget when wrapped up in stories). The revelation that Lore
drew the Crystalline Entity to the colonists is predictable but as a last
minute gesture of desperation when he thought he would die it shows what this
psychopathic android is capable of.
The Bad: It’s the same studio planet from Hide & Q and
Haven with a different colour sky again. Go and read the review of this
episode on the Wil Wheaton website where he calls this one of the worst
episodes of the first season – I’m always of the ‘to each his own’ opinion when
it comes to reviewing but in this case…seriously? After all the build up
the conclusion is a typically brisk TNG wrap up – Lore is beamed into space
(actually that’s rather a good moment) and the Crystalline Entity just buggers
off and we close with a throwaway line from Riker. Groan.
Moment to Watch Out For: Lore kicking his brothers head in
and then attacking Worf in the turbolift. He is positively terrifying.
Then he shoots Beverley Crusher! Why is it the villains on these ship bound
Trek shows are more likable than the heroes?
Myth Building: Dr Soong promised to make Asimov’s dream of a
positronic brain to come true and when he failed he disappeared. Data was designed
to be a more comfortable, less perfect version of Lore who made them feel
uneasy with his human characteristics. Dr Crusher is shown how to switch Data
on and off in this story and it would be used in quite a few episodes to come.
The Crystalline Entity, a creature capable of stripping the life from a planet,
makes its first appearance.
Orchestra: While for the most part the music in the first
couple of series of TNG is far too loud and melodramatic for its own good it is
at least always distinctive. As the series progressed the music seemed to get
more timid until it is utterly forgettable in the last few years. So while I am
complaining about drippy violins being played over scenes of romance it is
worth reminding myself that I am at least making a note of the music. Datalore
features (along with Conspiracy) the best score of the season, its wonderfully
creepy for the most and absolutely terrifying when it counts.
Result: Without a doubt the best episode of TNG to date,
Datalore is the first episode that feels like it could only have come purely
from the revival and not involved Kirk, Bones and Spock. Rob Bowman’s direction
is once again superb and he ensures that every scene is imbued with a tense
atmosphere and coupled with Brent Spiner’s astonishing dual performance you
have an episode that continually impresses and frightens. It’s a shame to be
subjected to more Wesley Crusher shenanigans but at least we can cheer as he is
told to shut up and then gets kicked off the Bridge! Datalore is still a little
rough around the edges like all of the first season episodes but for trying
something darker and succeeding and for further exploration and development of
the shows most interesting character it deserves a massive round of applause: 9/10
Angel One written by Patrick Barry and directed by Michael
Rhodes
What’s it about: It’s that hoary old cliché, Planet of the
Women…
To Baldly Go: Wesley throws a snowball off of the holodeck
which smacks into and soaks Picard’s uniform and he still doesn’t punish
him. Wil Wheaton rather brilliantly suggests on his review site that this is a
believable exchange between Wesley and the Captain whilst the rest of
the episode is an embarrassing farce. Bless him.
Number One: Riker is such a chest puffing egotist I find it
really hard to take him seriously for the most part. Once he lets his beard
grow and they start to delve into his character he becomes a far more likable,
approachable sort of bloke. It’s clear he doesn’t like being emasculated by
women and yet is perfectly happy to be one of their sex slaves if it means
getting his end away. His conceited arrogance is so out of control he
attributes Troi and Yar’s objections to him wearing the Angel One sex slave
costume to the fact that they are jealous that Beata might have a thing for
him. For the first time ever Tasha and myself are in agreement – I burst out
laughing when Riker walked out of the changing room wearing his silky robes
with his huge hairy manly chest exposed (and puffed out, naturally).
Alien Empath: If I was the leader of a planet and had a
communication from the flagship of the Federation and their counsellor made the
introductions I would probably shoot them from the sky for their impertinence.
Mind you it is nice to be able to get Troi away from the Enterprise and engaged
in a story where the focus isn’t on her empathic abilities. Its on her gender
which is almost as bad – one of these days we will discover that she has a
personality beyond her simple character traits (female and Betazoid and a bit wet).
I thought that Troi and Riker had history together? Why isn’t that explored as
Riker bonks the brains out of this planets leader?
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘How does stimulation of the olfactory
nerves effect the enjoyment of sex?’ not only sounds odd coming from Data but
caps off an appalling scene that educates the audience about aphrodisiacs.
‘Our library is far too sophisticated for a man to
comprehend.’
‘Its not my function to seduce or be seduced by a leader
from another world…’
‘How refreshing to have a man who knows what he wants!’ ‘And
doesn’t have to be told be a women?’ – this dialogue is beyond
offensive.
‘Haven’t you been paying attention Ramsey? You’re scheduled
to be executed tomorrow!’
The Good: How nice to have a planet whose initial reaction
to the nosy Federation turning up on their doorsteps is to tell them to bugger
off! Imagine being in the way of one Worf’s tsunami brewing sneezes?
The Bad: There is the most random sequence of Wesley in the
campest ski outfit you have ever seen heading off to a clearly studio bound
snowscape on the holodeck. Whilst it is nice to be reminded that women have a
better deal in the future than they used to is having such an unsubtle message
as ‘planet of the dominant women’ really the best way to go about it? On DS9
and Voyager the message is put across perfectly through some wonderfully strong
willed, three dimensional regular characters. By having such a matriarchal
society that patronises men so shoddily it merely shows that nothing was learnt
from the past mistreatment of women and that they are just as stupid and
prejudiced as men can be. Beata is such a pantomime character, strutting about
with her hands on her hips in a way that is hard to take seriously. As soon as
the Away Team refuses to take the crashed survivors away Beata suddenly (and
inexplicably) sentences them all to death. Somebody help me…I’m dying here with
yet another appalling revelation that was signposted with a HUGE NEON SIGN
twenty minutes earlier in the episode. It really makes the characters look
stupid to have them realise so late something that the audience figured out
last week and there seems to be an abundance of shocked, slack jawed reactions
to these revelations as though they are real Eureka moments. Cathexis was full of
such moments and Angel One joins in on the daftness with Beverley Crusher’s
agonising ‘it must be the scent that is causing the infection to travel!’
The episode ends with a tedious lecture in sexual politics from Riker (of all
people) replacing the usual Prime Directive sermon (which now seems reasonable
in comparison) which of course manages to penetrate this society. For a second
you think they might go through with the execution and offer some hope of a
downbeat ending but the men folk are banished rather than killed. And then
there is another hideous comedy final scene. I’m actually getting bored
of criticising this show…when does it get good?
Moment to Watch Out For: The only thing more disturbing than
seeing Riker’s naked hairy chest all over my 52 inch television…is Picard’s
weedy hairy chest! Ugh!
Foreboding: Picard tells Worf to prepare for a trip into the
Neutral Zone and mentions the Romulans for the first time in the series. Nice
to see them setting up the finale so far in advance.
Result: Looks like Datalore was a flukey touch of genius in
this dreary first season. Angel One is basically a planet of militant feminists
and if that sounds like it might be leading to an unsubtle morality episode
then you wouldn’t be far wrong. I’m sure there is a section of fandom who enjoy
watching Riker getting his jollies off with all manner of horny women but
unfortunately I find him such a ridiculous masculine stereotype (see I’m
at it now) that I just can’t muster up enthusiasm for his sordid sex life. Its
two equally dreary subplots fighting for attention with plenty of hideous
dialogue and characters who stand around telling the audience what we have
figured out an age back. Angel One is probably a little too naïve to be called
offensive but this is another Original Series episode that is dressed up as
something new where only Worf’s comedy sneezes and a decent planetary matte
painting (so good it was used over and over) make any kind of positive
impression: 2/10
11001001 written by Maurice Hurley & Robert Lewin and
directed by Paul Lynch
What’s it about: The Enterprise is stolen!
To Baldly Go: Picard relaxes by reading a good book in his
quarters. For a ship a crew to function it requires the Captain to set the
tone. It’s very nice to be able to see Picard and Riker and enjoying time
chilling out together. That’s two surrenders and one auto destruct chalked up
in the first season, Picard does seem to be quite an impulsive fella doesn’t
he?
Number One: When Riker walked into the holodeck and said ‘now
I need someone to play with me’ I feared the worst but he was talking about
music but of course its not long before he’s getting his jollies. Riker tells
Minuet that his work is him which does turn out to be his character spec
over the years. His trouble is separating his work and his personal life and
being able to move on. He admits that working on this ship and with these
people is a dream come true for him.
Mr Wolf: The indications here is that Worf considers each
recreational sport to be a death match (see also DS9’s Take Me Out To The
Holosuite). Tasha seems to suggest that Worf is developing a sense of humour
but it really isn’t in evidence (later this would be commented on by Jadzia Dax
- ‘On the Enterprise I was considered quite amusing!’ ‘Well that must have
been one dull ship!’).
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘A blind man teaching an android how to
paint. That’s got to be worth a few pages in somebody’s book’ – why isn’t the
dialogue always this sharp?
The Good: The opening effects shot of the Enterprise docking
at Starbase 74 is gorgeously executed and the design of the Starbase deserves a
big round of applause with its mushroom levels, hundreds of glowing windows and
towers and minarets on the top. With the ship gliding past an observation hatch
this is a sequence worthy of a movie and shows how spectacular the show can
look. I’ve since been told this effect was snatched from one of the movies…egg
on my face. To their credit the Binars are another charmingly conceived alien
race (TNG went all out to produce some memorable aliens in its debut season). I
really like the way that they finish each other’s sentences and their
high-pitched binary language and almost comical glances combines to make
something uniquely alien. Even though Dr Crusher is as blindingly dull as ever
it is wonderful to see what the crew gets up to when they have some downtime.
It’s nice to see that that wonderful b-movie staple of naming a planet and
their people one and the same is still in effect. This week it is the Binars of
Binus!
The Bad: Given this seasons ability to save money in the
most apparent of ways (in this episode they reuse footage from Where No One Has
Gone Before during the evacuation…including the Chinese fellow in the red dress
who made me laugh so much in that episode), Commander Quinteros is the spitting
image of Picard – it literally looks as though somebody has stuck a beard on
Patrick Stewart! I know they are docked at a Starbase and all but is giving
Wesley the Bridge really such a smart idea? If he is such an important member
of the crew why isn’t Wesley beamed off first with the rest of the kids? I love
the hilarious scene in the transporter room that sees one guy trying
unconvincingly to control the people pushing their way in! Isn’t it a pain in
the ass to evacuate all the families every time there is a crisis on the ship?
They are in danger so often it must seem fairly redundant having them on board.
Picard decides to blow up the ship before finding out what the situation is and
tells Riker he hopes they can find out what is going on before the ship is
destroyed.
Fashion Statement: Seeing Tasha and Worf dressed up in full
Lycra body suits has to be seen to be believed! Minuet is the sultriest 80’s
babe on the planet with a huge Joan Collins style hairdo that were so popular
during the decade that style forgot.
Moral of the Week: A new section for the TNG reviews which
has been included to discuss, examine and occasionally laugh at the morals of
the preachiest Star Trek show. So far we have had lectures on the advancement
of humanity (basically every episode but especially Encounter at Farpoint), how
alcohol corrupts (Picard to Wesley in The Naked Now), African American women
are psychopathic (the forever racist Code of Honour), greed corrupts (the Ferengi
in The Last Outpost), there is hope for humanity yet (finally a worthy moral in
Where No One Has Gone Before), hunting is wrong (the Selay and the Antikans in
Lonely Among Us), justice will prevail (in the appropriately titled Justice),
the past will always come back to haunt you and revenge is never enough (The
Battle), power corrupts (which Hide & Q insultingly explores), arranged
marriages aren’t fun (Haven), the holodecks are a bad idea (that point isn’t
made in The Big Goodbye but it should have been), identical twins are always
evil in fiction (Datalore) and when given power women are every bit as stupid
and as prejudiced as men (the astonishingly chauvinistic Angel One). We have
two morals this week – the first being not to overreact when the chips are down
otherwise you might wind up destroying your ship for no good reason like Picard
nearly does here. Lesson two so eloquently put by Jean Luc is ‘some
relationships simply don’t work.’ I’m surprised Riker didn’t punch him.
Myth Building: The Binars are genderless and come as a pair.
A star in their system went supernova and was going to knock out their main
computer and so they stole the Enterprise for its memory to transfer the data.
Orchestra: In watching these episodes back to back I tend to
skip through the title music but I let it play this time…its really dramatic
isn’t it? By the end there are so many dramatic beats you could find yourself
quite exhausted from such a theatrical statement…or is that just me? This is
one time that I am more than happy to hear Riker blowing his own trumpet – he’s
very good. I love the dramatic, foot pounding music as the Enterprise is
evacuated and heads off into the great unknown without its crew.
Result: TNG lets its imagination run riot and 11001001 proves
to be an engaging mixture of high concepts and frivolity. It’s the most
cinematic episode of the series by some way and everything from the astounding
model effects to the musical score feels as though this is far too contained by
the small screen. The Binars are such clever little sods you have to admire
their audacity, distracting both the Captain and the First Officer with a
pretty lady whilst they bugger off with the ship! Ultimately the journey is far
more interesting than the destination and neither the Binar situation nor the
Minuet subplot is successfully wrapped up but there is so much intelligent and
stylistic detail in both of these narratives it almost doesn’t matter. This
episode deserves merit for nothing more than focusing so effectively on Riker
and not making him a pompous masculine ass: 8/10
Too Short a Season written by Michael Michaelian (is that really
his name?) & D.C. Fontana and directed by Rob Bowman
What’s it about: An aged Admiral beams aboard to take
command of a mission and starts to age…backwards!
To Baldly Go: Picard has started to soften considerably by
this stage and in a sweet scene with Beverley he puts a lot of faith in her
intuition.
The Good: As the episode progresses Rohner’s performance as
Jameson improves to the point where (rather wonderfully) he is putting the wind
up Picard by strolling around the Bridge and barking out orders. There is one
sequence that sees Jameson alone in a darkened room talking on the communicator
where the lighting is so dramatic his face is almost completely obscured. The
twist that Jameson interpreted the Prime Directive in his own way by arming
both sides of the conflict with weapons and let them sort it out amongst
themselves is an unexpectedly good twist. There is a pretty tasty phaser fight
at the end of the episode, easily the best action sequence we have seen in the
series so far (although the jaunty dance music that plays over is pretty
distracting). Jameson’s sweaty and painful death is a far cry from the usual
softly softly approach this show takes.
The Bad: It seems to be luck of the draw when it comes to
old age makeup – I’ve seen it done really well (Doctor Who’s The Leisure Hive)
but this is a particularly unconvincing example. Clayton Rohner is clearly
playing at being elderly and accentuates every line of dialogue with a throaty
drawl and a quiver of the lips. Skip forward seven seasons to the aged Picard
in All Good Things to see how this sort of thing should be done. The last thing
I would choose to watch is two old dears sucking each others faces off. In a
season packed with loose sexuality, this is probably the most disturbing
example. The two planets that we visit in this episode look identical except
for the fact that they are a different colour! I could be mistaken but when the
away team beams down the set looks like it has been cobbled together from the
ones used in Encounter at Farpoint and Datalore. Michael Pataki chews the
scenery in a way that makes him William Shatner’s natural successor.. The title
of this episode fills me with dread.
Fashion Statement: It’s a facile statement to make (when
has that ever stopped me?) but the younger Jameson is a real hottie. Shame
about the Rick Astley swept back hairstyle.
Moral of the Week: Don’t drink from the fountain of youth
because immortality always comes with a price. ‘The quest for youth, Number
One. So futile. Age and wisdom has their graces too.’ ‘I wonder if one doesn’t
have to have age and wisdom to appreciate that.’ Oh dear. It seems to be a stable of this
series that they have to have a couple of godawful lines at the end of the
episode to drive home its meaning before they shoot off to their next
destination.
Orchestra: Such an odd musical score for Star Trek this
week. I am so used to vague classical music (usually fairly bland but sometimes
standout) in these shows that when you have a melodramatic gothic spoof score
like this one it’s hard to know what to make of it. It matches the goofy tone
of the episode perfectly but perhaps highlights the naffness of the concept of
the Admiral ageing backwards a little too well. Bizarrely for an episode that
ends on a tragic death, the music the closes the piece is jauntier than
ever.
Result: TNG’s take on the fountain of youth is the most
bizarre episode I have ever seen and I simply don’t know how to judge it. Rob
Bowman is in the director’s chair so the scenes are nicely filmed and
evocatively lit but there is simply no substance to this episode and it doesn’t
give any of the regulars a chance to take centre stage. And yet as the episode
progresses there are a few nice (and rarely for the show at this point, unexpected)
twists and Jameson proved to be such an entertaining ass that I found myself
enjoying the madness of it all the same. A lot of people will say that this is
the worst episode of the first season but it isn’t even close and whilst there
probably isn’t a lot of point to it, it is at least imbued with a camp menace
and the odd action sequence to keep you entertained: 5/10
When the Bough Breaks written by Hannah Louise Shearer and
directed by Kim Manners
What’s it about: The Enterprise discovers the lost planet of
Aldea…
To Baldly Go: Picard must realise that when people welcome
them with open arms that it is going to mean trouble. Did he learn nothing from
Justice? Once the children have been stolen he has a real rant over the view
screen and rather wonderfully Radue tells him that they will continue their
discussion once he has calmed down and cuts the link. If only it was that easy
for the viewer to silence Picard during his morality speeches. When Radue
tosses the Enterprise across space as an example of their power I was laughing
my head off…for Picard and his heavily gunned ship this must be like having
your nuts grabbed and squeezed.
Number One: Riker has sure been keeping this obsession with
Aldea a secret. Perhaps if they had thought the season through a bit better we
could have had a couple of quiet mentions of the planet to build up to its
reveal here.
Dancing Doctor: ‘The Aldeans are suffering from a form of
radiation poisoning!’ – once again Doctor Bev is left to state the obvious.
Boy Genius: To give him some credit Wesley is okay in this
episode. When they stop focussing on his amazing technical ability and
obsession with Starfleet and put him in a more protective role it is amazing
how reasonable he can seem. The scene where Wesley cleverly compliments Duana
whilst scanning her is blunted by the moment when his mother gives him the
scanner and he holds it up and goes ‘oh!’ Rousing the kids into resisting their
captors and a hunger fast is probably the best thing he has done yet in the
series.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘How could they your scientists have
forgotten how everything works!’
‘The legend will die but the people will live.’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Don’t give in to fear!’ – what an odd
line.
‘You are trifling with the primal instincts of our species!’
– Picard you sound like such a twat! Just say ‘give us the kids back!’
The Good: Aldea is a mythical planet of art and culture,
like ancient Atlantis. That’s actually a pretty neat premise to kick start an
episode. I love that beam invading the Bridge and striking Wesley Crusher, what
a shame it wasn’t more destructive than a simple scanner. Jerry Hardin is the
sort of actor that always turns up in these shows and he’s as impeccable as
ever (although I prefer his mad performance as Mark Twain in Time’s Arrow – ‘A werewolf!’).
I must be getting old…first of all Molly made me squeal at how cute as a button
she was and now Alexandra does the same thing! I especially love how she
extends her hand when she is told she can have whatever she wants! I love the
scene where the old guy tells Katie ‘I am honoured’ – its such a sweet moment.
How cool is that instrument that carves the wood for you? I want one! Picard
picking up Alexandra is another very cute scene. This is one happy ending that
is worthwhile because the people of Aldea are only misguided, not evil. They
seem like they will be good parents and it finally feels as though the Enterprise
has achieved something on their aimless wandering. The effects shot of the
Custodian’s power source is really impressive. There is another daft comedy
ending but this one gets away with it because it actually made me laugh
(anything that pokes fun at Picard makes me laugh). Tasha gets about two lines
and that is a reason to celebrate.
The Bad: Looks like even Wil Wheaton was beaten into
submission – his review blog doesn’t continue further than Angel One which goes
to show that even the actors involved cannot bring themselves to make it
through season one. I was wondering why Dr Crusher was hanging out on the
Bridge for no real reason but we she gets zapped to the planet it all makes
sense. The plotting is once again very childish with all the children being
scanned across the ship…so I wonder what it is the people of Aldea are after?
It seems a perfectly equitable situation to me, after all they are having to
evacuate the ship every other episode and keep using the same footage…let the
children stay on Aldea and it will save a whole lot of bother. Why do all the
alien races we meet on TNG have better transporter effects than the Enterprise?
Moment to Watch Out For: When Dr Crusher cries ‘Wesley!
They’ve taken my son!’ and I was dying for somebody to use the Cat line from
Red Dwarf: ‘Quick let’s get out of here before they bring him back!’
Moral of the Week: Don’t play about with radiation kids, no
matter what the benefits! Also you can be anything you want…but you still have
to take Calculus.
Orchestra: Oh dear the violins are back out this week when
Harry’s dad makes a heartfelt confession that the last he saw his son he yelled
at him. Actually I’m being as little unfair, the music in this episode is
pretty good…go and listen to the music as Wesley wakes up Katie.
Notes: Kim Manners would go on to direct an awesome number
of X-File episodes.
Result: A small admission – when I was younger I only had
three videotapes of the first season bought for me (actually four but my
brother accidentally bought me a TOS video which made me cry on my birthday!
Teehee!); Encounter at Farpoint, Lonely Among Us/Justice and When the Bough
Breaks/Home Soil and as such I can pretty much quote these episodes in their
entirety (‘He’s frozen!’ …see?) and have a grudging affection for them even
when looking at them through adult eyes they have aged terribly. It’s a stupid
threat for an episode to be centred around (although I am glad somebody has
finally acknowledged the danger of having all this kids on board!) and the
resolution is insultingly undemanding…and yet for some reason I like this one!
The thought of having your children stolen must terrify any parent and there
are a number of touching scenes between the kids and their new ‘parents’. It’s
twee and silly but relatively inoffensive and for once they shoehorn Wesley
Crusher into a role that actually suits him. It was whilst I was watching this
episode that I realised that I always seem to be on the side of the bad guys!
Watchable: 6/10
Home Soil written by Robert Sabaroff and directed by Corey
Allen
What’s it about: The Enterprise takes on some fairy lights…
Fully Functional: It’s nice to see somebody excited to see
an android – everybody is so blasé about him wherever they visit.
Alien Empath: ‘We alarm him for some reason’ says
Troi of Director Mandel, ‘his fear is escalating!’ Why doesn’t Picard
find this woman stating the obvious all the time anything less than an
irritation?
Dancing Doctor: This is probably the first time Crusher
comes across as a competent scientist rather than a plot function that reveals
the predictable twists.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Ugly bags of mostly water!’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘I create life! I don’t take it!’ –
Mandel strains out that line as though he is desperate for the toilet.
‘Agreed! We will send you home to your wet sand!’ – that’s
the level of sophistication on display here.
The Good: Terraforming a planet does sound like a pretty
exciting job although as usual Doctor Who makes a far more fun and brisk deal
of the idea (in The Doctor’s Daughter its simply a case of smashing a globe and
the planet starts transforming magically whereas in Star Trek it’s the work of
painstaking hours of technobabble). Talking of Doctor Who the base on the
nameless planet is exactly the sort of location that would rock on in that
show. The shot of Mallinson’s smoking and bloody corpse is really nasty and I
love the idea of the probes being a threat. Walter Gotell is another performer
who consumes the scenery whole but at least he shows a bit of British stiff
upper-lipped character!
The Bad: Every single planet this season looks identical but
in a different shade of colour. This is just a random observation but I
remember it bothering me when I was younger too…not only do the away team members
seem to know who the guest characters are without being asked but there also
seems to be some random person hanging around waiting for them to leave to take
over their posts! After suggesting a dangerous foe we actually discover it is a
tiny flashing light – terrifying. Another random speaking part person
working in engineering, the sooner they get Geordi down there, the better. I’m
grasping at straws for things to say about this episode so I’ll point out that
the actors have now got the camera shake Bridge wobble acting down pat.
Moment to Watch Out For: I remember being terrified and as a
child of the scene when the probe swung around and attacked Data and impressed
that he completely mangled the thing!
Moral of the Week: Don’t play God with inhabited planets.
Result: The first half of this episode is trying hard to be
a scary whodunit adventure but none of the terraforming crew are interesting
enough to make this a worthwhile exercise. There is a beat or two of tension
but then the episode switches to the Enterprise where we focus on the dullest
lifeform in this sector of the galaxy. The trouble with these early TNG
episodes is that they rarely utilise the regular characters so if the plot of
the week is as bland as this there is little for the show to fall back on.
Pretty much the most exciting thing to happen in Home Soil is that one little
light becomes two and you can throw as much tension-inducing music at the
episode as you like but without the material to back it up its just empty sound
and fury: 3/10
Coming of Age written by Sandy Fries and Hannah Louise
Shearer and directed by Mike Vejar
What’s it about: Conspiracies and Academy entrance exams…
To Baldly Go: How pleasing to see somebody point out the
amount of times Picard has behaved erratically this season! Mentally unstable,
yes. Not in control of his faculties, yes. Shying away from action, yes!
Hahaha!
Number One: Riker is happy to be laying down the law and
puffing his chest out in everybody’s faces but when he is told what to do by
somebody in higher authority he takes it all very personally. There’s a word
for that: insecure. Whereas Picard is happy to sit it out in his Ready Room and
contemplate what is going on Riker stomps about like an errant child whose been
told they aren’t going for ice cream after all. When he goes off to be
interviewed he stands there with his hands on his hips like some ridiculous
Adonis in marble. How can we take this man seriously? Riker is a
terrible old suck up as well since when Remick starts asking questions about
Picard (who genuinely might have been comprised…remember Lonely Among Us and
The Battle?) he insists that the Captain knows everything. I’m surprised they
ever offered this man his own ship! He tells Picard: ‘You’ll be able to
shape the future leaders of Starfleet!’ at being appointed Commandant (Seig
Heil!) of the Academy – ugh I have never seen such a today on the telly
(well except maybe O’Brien). What he should have said was ‘Oh my God, sir,
you’re going to humanise every race in the Federation!’
Boy Genius: Wesley is off to the Academy to actually earn
the right to sit on the Bridge. About damn time. ‘It’s a good thing you’re
cute Wesley or you could be incredibly obnoxious’ – no somehow he manages
both with equal aplomb! To prepare himself for the psyche test Wesley wants to
scare himself with holodeck images of rats and lightning storms. Even his fears
are a bit pathetic. All he should do is conjure up an image of Picard saying ‘Wesley
I am disappointed in you’ and he will cry his eyes out. Surely Wesley can’t
be so stupid to not realise that as soon as his psyche test starts suddenly the
base is in danger? I would have failed Wesley’s test because I would have left
them both to die, sealed off the area and scarpered! At least the test is
rooted in his character history (losing his dad) but the fact that he needs it
to be spelt out that it is a test means he should fail anyway. Impossibly twee
as ever, Wesley shows no disappointment whatsoever at not being chosen for the
Academy and is really happy for Mordock (the sad thing is this isn’t even said
with a hint of irony, he really means it). Wesley needs to take a page
out of Nog’s book…he tries to bribe Sisko! Why the feck does Wesley want to go
to the Academy anyway? He’s helming the flagship of Starfleet?
Security Chief: Tasha is the worst security chief there ever
was. What exactly does this woman do? People have been beamed off the ship and
turn up unexpectedly and now somebody has stolen a shuttlecraft from right
under their noses…and it’s a kid! Aside from standing about posturing and
getting her mouth around the most ridiculous dialogue in the universe Tasha is
a mitigated failiure as a security chief. When is she going to die?
The Good: Great to see TNG thinking outside the box for a
change and the Benzites are a interesting looking species who breath in a
gaseous vapour. Its delightful having Remick on the ship observing everybody’s
movements and making them all feel paranoid and suspicious! This crew is
usually so laid back they are asleep at their posts or so rigid that they might
as well be statues so its nice to see somebody put the wind up them. I really
like the holodeck grid sets, very simple and it creates a nice visual. I
thoroughly enjoyed Remick grilling Data, Worf and Beverley and calling to
account Picard’s ridiculous actions throughout the season.
The Bad: ‘This might be the most difficult and exciting
time of your life…and the most challenging!’ says the Starfleet tutor of
their exams. From what you see in this episode the man has a gift for
exaggeration. There’s a dreadful planetary backdrop again and an even worse
flat that is supposed to be suggesting the depth of a long corridor ahead.
Wesley’s test of alien knowledge is so staged and badly acted by both parties I
was sinking into my chair with embarrassment. Boo hiss – Remick can find no
evidence that Picard has acted in error and finds the over familiarity of the
crew simply a sense of family. Commandant of Starfleet Academy? I told
you they were trying to breed a new race of science fiction Hitler youth! Four
people competing for one position in the Academy…at this rate it will take them
400 years to crew one Starship.
Moment to Watch Out For: Picard’s dress uniform which is
literally…a dress! Thank Christ they redesigned these or they would
never have convinced Avery Brooks to put one on in Move Along Home!
Moral of the Week: If you don’t succeed at first, try, try,
try again!
Fashion Statement: New embarrassing confession – doing these
reviews is like therapy. When I was growing up I coming to terms with my
burgeoning sexuality I used to fancy the ass off of Wil Wheaton as Wesley and
whilst his characterisation, acting, blah blah blah fills me with horror as an
adult I still get those pangs of a childhood crush when I watch…especially as
he starts to look less like a teenager (ahem!) and more like young man in this
episode. Of all the boy geniuses I am glad that it was Wesley and not Adric
that I fell for! If you are growing up now you get boy geniuses like Tommy
Knight in the Sarah Jane Adventures! My secret is out…I await execution.
Foreboding: Nice to see the show building up to its finest
episode of the first season, Conspiracy. Both Remick and Quinn would return in
that episode and follow up these hints of disquiet in the Federation.
Result: Nice to see a dual plotline since the ‘Wesley takes
his exams’ main story fails to muster up much enthusiasm and lacks the
excitement that is suggested in an early scene. Every twist is signposted and
the performances (especially Wil Wheaton) are stiff as cardboard. Much more
interesting are the rumours of a conspiracy at the heart of Starfleet and the
examination of Picard’s actions over the last two thirds of a season. It’s
always nice when someone turns up to shake up this ridiculously jolly crew a
bit and it looks like there will be follow up to this subplot - the first time
TNG has offered hope for an exciting future. Michael Vejar would wind up being the
standout director on DS9 but you wouldn’t be able to tell with his handling of
this material. Coming of Age is trying to be something a little different but
lacks conviction: 5/10
Heart of Glory written by Maurice Hurley and directed by Rob
Bowman
What’s it about: Worf is brought face to face with his
people…
To Baldly Go: When Picard witnesses the Klingon death ritual
he says it was like seeing a Worf that he didn’t recognise and you can hear the
cogs whirring in his head to humanise his only Klingon Officer.
Blind Engineer: It’s extraordinary to be able to see the
world through Geordi’s eyes. It is a jumble of colours and effects with some
ill-defined images but he tells Picard that he can filter what he doesn’t need
and concentrate on what he does. It would have been very right to have had this
scene in Encounter at Farpoint to introduce the character.
Mr Wolf: Finally we get to delve a little deeper into Worf’s
character. Michael Dorn must have been starting to wonder if he would only
contribute the odd line and chest beating action scenes. He is asked if he has
been tamed by the Federation or if he has always been docile (well the actor
pronounces it ‘dosill’ but I think that is what meant). The Romulans attacked
the Khitomer outpost and everybody was killed and Worf was buried under the
rubble and left for dead. A human found him and raised him as his own. He has
been raised with human values (perfect for Picard’s ship) and doesn’t
understand the Klingon blood that courses through him. This is the first time
that he is berated by his own people and it would certainly not be the last.
His confliction of duty to his Captain and to his people is intriguingly
explored (literally so when he is in the corridor and has to decide whether to
step closer to the Klingons or Tasha and her armed heavies) and would be a
character thread that will continue right up until the later seasons of DS9.
This dilemma makes Worf one of the most interesting characters on TNG. Has
living amongst humans sucked the fire from his belly?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I have tasted your heart! You are still
with them but you belong with us!’
The Good: I didn’t even need to look to know that this was a
Rob Bowman helmed show. The lighting is moody, the camerawork stylish and the
sets dressed up to inject the maximum amount of atmosphere – it screams of his
dramatic style. The silhouette shot of Riker, Geordi and Data against the
bright light is extremely atmospheric. Can’t Bowman direct every
episode? The reveal of the Klingons is great too, with the group shrouded in
shadow and one of them stepping out of the darkness right up to the camera. The
Klingon death growl made me shit my pants! I really wasn’t expecting that! I
find the idea of sending the spirit of a warrior off to battle and warning the
dead and then considering the corpse just an empty shell extremely appealing.
Some real thought has gone into returning this species to Star Trek. Between
them these are two of the craftiest Klingons we are ever likely to meet
concealing amongst the pair of them all the components to make a disrupter,
which they assemble when imprisoned. Klingons wouldn’t bother kidnapping people
to get their own way – Korris aims his disrupter straight at the warp core!
Another breath-taking camera angle is the one from above looking down at the
top level of the warp core.
The Bad: How amusing that the Klingons were attacked by a
Ferengi vessel and left damaged! Surely Picard had to know that that was
a lie? As usual Tasha is in full drama queen mode – a Klingon picks up a child
and she declares a hostage situation. I thought Gene Roddenberry was against
racism creeping into the show? Three Starfleet security officers to one
Klingon? What wimps!
Moment to Watch Out For: I cannot believe they managed to
pull off the sequence with the Away Team attempting to beam away from the
freighter before it blows up and the transporter failing this well. In the
hands of any other director this would have been ridiculously cheesy but it’s a
brilliantly climactic moment. Also the excellent conclusion where Korris
crashes through the top level of engineering and almost splinters the second.
Why can’t every episode be this good?
Moral of the Week: The true test of the warrior is not
without but within.
Orchestra: The deeper horns that play the Klingon theme is a
great example of getting it right first time and this style of score would
return for each subsequent Klingon episode.
Foreboding: Another mention of the Romulans, a ‘name we
haven’t heard for a while.’
Result: Pace, excitement, atmosphere and the return of the
Klingons…the first fifteen minutes of Heart of Glory are like a slap in the
face after the rest of this redundant season. That is followed up by freighters
exploding, phaser fights on the Enterprise, fascinating exploration into
Klingon culture and some healthy development of Worf all wrapped up in a
visually arresting style and punctuated by some awesome music. Its such a
strong episode that for one week only you can see real potential for this
series and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was on the strength of episodes such
as this that the show was renewed for a second season. So confident and stylish
it could slip into later seasons with the absolute minimum of tweaking: 9/10
The Arsenal of Freedom written by Richard Manning & Hans
Beimler and directed by Les Landau
What’s it about: Planet of weapons of mass destruction…
To Baldly Go: Picard beaming down to the planet is a double
edged sword because while it is great to see Jean Luc get in on the action for
a change it does seem like a fundamentally stupid decision when there are
weapon systems roaming about. In a purely practical situation Picard begins
ripping off Dr Bev’s clothes but by the look her face she is finding the whole
situation quite enjoyable. Its quite a charged scene between them and shows
some promise for future exploration of their feelings.
Number One: Riker described Hall Rice as confidence to the
point of arrogance – naturally he admires these qualities because he is
basically describing himself. Sometimes this show is not good for my stomach
acid…Riker gave up his own command for a tour on the Enterprise and looks
obscenely smug about it when he lets the whole Bridge crew know. Take a look at
how Riker greets Rice with his leg cocked up on a tree stump – he’s the most
theatrically masculine man in all of Starfleet! He’s even frozen in a super
butch pose.
Blind Engineer: Geordi being left in command screams of
enforcing some plot development on him but he still hasn’t found his place on
the show yet and this feels like an awkward blind alley for the character.
Typical, as soon as Geordi takes command Troi cannot wait to butt in and give
her unique perspective on his emotional fitness to lead. I would have
respected Geordi way more if he’d have just told her to shut up and get out of
his office but no she has to explain that the people under his command need to
know he has confidence in them (agonisingly Geordi actually says ‘just like
Captain Picard had confidence in me!’).
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘The early bird that hesitates…gets the
worm!’
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘To make matters worse Chief Engineer is
on his way to the Bridge and he’s not making a courtesy call!’ – I cannot
believe Geordi included that embarrassing detail in a log entry!
The Good: Dr Bev fell down a ruddy great hole! Well, I
laughed… Gates McFadden does a fine job of acting as though she is in a great
deal of pain; she plays this with far more conviction than usual.
The Bad: I fricking do not believe it! It’s that
bloody studio rock backdrop again with another different sky! Did
they have a budget in the first year? At least someone could have said ‘don’t
all these planets look identical?’ as a knowing wink to the audience. The
set designer has made the foliage a little too sparse for the scene where
Jonathan Frakes is trying desperately to shove some in his face and say ‘the
underbrush is too thick!’ I appreciate the idea behind the weapons systems
flying through the air firing weapons willy nilly – it is a pretty nifty
concept but the realisation leaves a lot to be desired. Much like Doctor Who it
looks like it has been made out of sticky back plastic and washing up bottles
and it wobbles precariously on its string. Dark Angel did exactly the same sort
of idea a million times better – their weapons systems were sleek, fast and
scary (that’s with the hindsight of 10 years for you). Another random
engineering person that we have never heard about before and this one is the
most obnoxious of the lot, the mouthy Lt Logan! For heading to the Bridge and
throwing his weight around Geordi should have beamed him onto the planet into
the path of one of the weapons systems. Everybody is on melodrama overdrive on
the Enterprise with Geordi screaming ‘FIRE!’ as though he has been longing for
the day and Worf smacks his console crying ‘WE MISSED!’ Its wonderfully
entertaining if you are in the right mood. Logan is literally a walking plot
device, first criticising Geordi for staying and then having a go at him for
leaving! Make up your mind fella! Appropriately enough for an episode that sees
Geordi in charge the only officers available are terrified youngsters with no
battle experience. If all you have to do is say turn off the weapons to
deactivate them how did they manage to wipe out this entire planet? Surely they
knew that…they created the damn things!
Moment to Watch Out For: In what has to be the most
unintentionally hilarious scene of the first season a weapons system blasts the
crap out of a nearby tree and a stunt man who clearly isn’t Data literally
picks up Tasha and throws her across the set. So good I rewound it four times.
Moral of the Week: Arms dealing is a bad business.
Orchestra: A bolshie, macho score for when Geordi separates
the ship.
Result: I appreciate what they were trying to do with this
episode but they simply do not have the budget or the resources to do it
justice. Being trapped on a planet of automated weapons systems is a great idea
but both the forest setting and the actual devices look dreadfully cheap and as
a result it is hard to buy into the danger. It doesn’t help that Riker and
Tasha are outrageously stereotyped action heroes whose fate I didn’t give a
damn about and Picard beams down to the planet for the very obvious reason that
Geordi hasn’t had any development for ages. The best scenes are between Picard
and Beverley that hint at a relationship that goes beyond the call of duty
(that should have been explored in far more depth throughout this series) but
they even fudge that by cutting away to a threat just as the Doctor is about to
reveal her feelings. Both plots feel manipulative in that they force the
characters into roles that they aren’t suited for. The Arsenal of Freedom is
another poorly written episode (the conclusion is beyond illogical) that weighs
down this cumbersome opening season: 3/10
Symbiosis written by Robert Lewin, Richard Manning &
Hans Beimler and directed by Win Phelps
What’s it about: A feud between two races over medical
supplies turns out to be not as a simple as it appears…
To Baldly Go: The episode that more than any other exposes
Picard’s inexplicably foul moralistic superiority and adherence to the
bureaucratic red tape known as the Prime Directive. Bashir happily tried to
cure the Jem Hadar of their addiction in Hippocratic Oath and there was no talk
of the Prime Directive getting in the way that is because he is a decent human
being. At the end of this episode Picard wants to get as far away from this
system as possible, practically condemning their appallingly savage behaviour
and praising the Prime Directive for allowing him to make the morally superior
decision of letting the whole population suffer. What a fucking chump. If this
is what the evolved human race considers acceptable count me out.
Dancing Doctor: What’s this? Another episode where Beverley
Crusher is the best thing about it? Standing up to Picard for not allowing her
to synthesise a non-addictive substitute is just about the best thing she has
ever done. For once it’s to hell with the Prime Directive and lets actually
help these people to no longer be tortured and exploited. Dr Bev’s moral
outrage at this sick situation is slightly overplayed by Gates McFadden (‘This
is exploitation plain and simple!’) but it’s nice to see someone on this
ship showing a little personality and autonomy.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘These two societies are intertwined in
a symbiotic relationship.’
The Good: Credit where it is due, this episode doesn’t begin
with the Enterprise approaching another hazily coloured planet but the gorgeous
shot of a sun rippling with eruptions! Tasha is right (enjoy that moment
because it wont happen again) - a natural electrical charge in your hands is a
difficult weapon to confiscate but what an awesome advantage.
The Bad: Is it me or does Picard wind up with all the duff
assignments? Firstly he discovers the ship of intoxicated sex addicts (The
Naked Now), then he visits planet of the sex hungry homicidal maniacs (Justice)
and now he comes across a bunch of stoners who are as high as a kite! The 24th
Century is turning out to be a cosmos of inequity and Picard is the head of
CLEAN UP STARFLEET. Surely Wesley cannot be so naïve (hoho) as to need the use
of drugs explained to him on the level of a four year old…and how awful that
Tasha of all people should be the one to lecture him: ‘I guess I just don’t
understand’ ‘I hope you never do Wesley.’ Beverley says she hopes they have
made the right decision at the end of the episode and Picard comments ‘we
may never know’ warping off in their jolly Starship whilst a planet of drug
addicts suffers.
Moment to Watch Out For: Riker is tortured horribly with an
electric shock. Lovely.
Teaser-tastic: With blue electric flickers dancing over the
consoles I thought this was a return of the gaseous cloud entity that tried to
beam Picard into space in Lonely Among Us but it was not to be. Nice teaser
though.
Moral of the Week: Drugs don’t work, kids!
Fashion Statement: We’re still seeing those Starfleet
dresses that seemed to vanish completely after a few seasons. At least it is
only the girls that are wearing them these days. Nice to see that dungarees are
still around in the future.
Result: It is laudable that TNG is taking on subjects as
drug abuse but it doesn’t have the sophistication or the subtlety to handle it
with any great sensitivity. You have one race of affluent, arrogant drug
dealers and one race of desperate addicts and Picard in the middle reminding
them all that both sides are behaving unsuitably. Its quite pleasantly acted
but this is an Original Series script that has once again been shoehorned into
the world of the TNG with all the (lack of) elegance that goes with it. The
scene on the Bridge that sees Tasha explaining to Wesley that ‘drugs feel
good’ is so hideously patronising you will want to rip out your eyeballs
and cut of your ears so you never have to experience such television ever
again. I think the ending is supposed to be hard hitting because Picard left
the planet to their fate but its another example of the idiocy and hypocrisy of
the Prime Directive. I wonder if Picard would so happily spout his philosophy
if he were suffering from agonising withdrawal – it makes me think once again
that Gene Roddenberry’s vision (in this case the lesser species suffer so the
enlightened ones can feel morally superior) was fundamentally flawed.
Unsatisfying: 4/10
Skin of Evil written by Joseph Stefano & Hannah Louise
Shearer and directed by Joseph L. Scanlan
What’s it about: Tasha dies. Other stuff happens but who
cares about that? Tasha dies!
To Baldly Go: Picard is astonished that Dr Crusher did not
manage to save Tasha and in his best scene of the entire season he tells his
crew that they will have to deal with their loss later and there are still
people in danger. Its one of the few times in the first year where he is felt
like a real leader.
Security Chief: Tasha and Worf are gossiping on the
Bridge…maybe they always do this and we just never see it but it is a sure sign
that one of them is going to buy the farm. Given Tasha is the one beaming
instead of overreacting that should give you the clue to who it is. I’m not
being facetious but the best thing Tasha ever did as a character (aside from
earn a point or two in Yesterday’s Enterprise) is to be killed off in such a
brutally casual manner. Anybody watching this for the first time would expect
some Star Trek miracle cure for such an unmemorable death scene and the real
shock comes when she isn’t alive at the end of the episode (Riker even says ‘there
you did it’ in the most blasé of fashion as Beverley tries to revive her as
if he was expecting her to suddenly come back to life). It is a bit ironic that
I only felt something for the character after she had died but at least she got
to go out on such a memorably bizarre episode. I wont pretend that I will mourn
her loss, she was a character of
dreadful extremes and the Bridge will be a far less melodramatic place
without her (and ships Security might just improve with her passing).
Alien Empath: Its another episode that opens with an
announcement that Troi is off the ship but this time its not because she wont
appear and thank goodness for that otherwise we might have missed the chance to
see her suffer so horrendously here. I promise you I am not a sadist but
torturing these people is the only to make them behave in a way that is even
remotely plausible. I love the fact that Troi doesn’t descend into a dribbling
wreck when Tasha dies, she remains composed and emotionless and concentrates on
getting herself out of this impossible situation. Troi starts offering her
bleeding heart to Armus and as a result he tortures Riker – could this episode
get any better?
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘That thing just sucked the life right
out of her.’
‘A moral judgement from a machine.’
The Good: Any story that opens with Counsellor Troi crash
landing off screen gets my vote! Just before the titles there is a superb high
shot of the entire Bridge. Armus the evil oil slick is quite simply the best
villain in the entire first year; he’s memorably grotesque and has a complete
antipathy for human life. From the first scene he appears melting his way
across the set to block the Away Team’s path I was rooting for him! The way his
horrid body rises out of the thick tar like a monstrous parody of the human
form sickens the gut and his strained electronically screaming voice is
ghoulish. The sequences of Troi being menaced in the shuttlecraft are lit to
perfection with the pulsing blood red light giving it the feel of being inside
something living (and isn’t great how Armus wraps himself around the ship?).
Armus plays with the crew, he tortures (stealing Geordi’s visor, taking away
Beverley’s instruments and genuinely hurting Riker) and kills one of them…he
makes the Away Team genuinely frightened and that is the first time they have
been effectively scared in the series. He is an empty, tortured creature, the
discarded remains of a civilised society – a dank and vile skin of evil left
behind to rot. It’s amazing how the writers make you sympathise with Armus
regardless of how cruel he is. Riker being dragged into the tar pit made me wet
my pants when I was a little boy – I had never seen anything so chilling and
even today as his face emerges full of the black slime it sends a shiver down
the spine. Armus forces Data to hold a phaser to Beverley’s head…I was willing
him to fire! Even Picard gets a moment to lecture Armus that is really rather
good!
The Bad: Another random engineering person (Lynch is
clearly going to vanish because he snaps at Picard and oddly gives his full
name when addressing him on the comms)…Scotty would be appalled to see there is
nobody important down there running things these days. C’mon Geordi, it’s your
time to shine! Oh no it’s that bloody studio alien planet backdrop again
but this time with the lights down. Surely they had the budget to jiggle about
the rocks or create something fresh looking but it looks exactly the same as
the one in Hide & Q, Haven and a dozen other episodes! A shame that we
leave Armus on the campest of notes…screaming ‘ARRRRGGGHHHHH!’ as he
waves his arms about impotently! He deserved a much better ending than that. I
hate to sound like a broken record but couldn’t they go out on location for
something as important as a regular characters funeral?
Moment to Watch Out For: Everything about the sequence in
Sickbay where Tasha slips away is exceptionally well done from the dramatic
handheld camera work, the performances, the rising music…but what the hell
is that great red splodge on her cheek? Tasha is killed with all the grace of
swotting a fly and I love the stark simplicity of that. It drives home the
danger of working in Starfleet far more than Dax’s protracted death in DS9.
Moral of the Week: Starfleet is a dangerous place to work.
Don’t deny your unpleasant instincts because they have a way of coming to life
regardless.
Orchestra: A fantastic music score in this episode. Its
intrusive and brash like most of the season but it piles on the atmosphere and
creates a fantastic feeling of horror and claustrophobia. Its one of the few
isolated Trek musical scores I would love to own. There is a truly wonderful
camp horror piece of music when Riker is dragged across the sand that’s
frighteningly memorable.
Myth Building: Worf has been promoted to Security Chief.
Result: Tasha dead! Riker slimed! Troi emotionally tortured!
What is this? Wish fulfilment? Looking at this story objectively for a
moment and it is still a great show with a deliciously venomous villain for the
crew to face and buckets of atmosphere and scary moments. Troi gets her best
episode of the season where she manages to indulge in her usual empathic trash
but this time against a truly worthy opponent. I love it when Star Trek takes
risks like this and having a creature that is the embodiment of evil could have
so easily have been dreadful but with the emphasis on Tasha’s death and Troi in
danger we are never allowed to forget how dangerous this being is. Even the
syrupy funeral sequence hits some pleasant character notes when it could have
descended into maudlin introspection. Tasha Yar dies and suddenly the writers
are taking risks and inexplicably the show starts to improve. All they need is
for Dr Crusher to leave too and things will be right on track. She is
leaving? Woop ass! This episode is so geared towards my tastes I am only
going to knock off half a point for reusing that bloody alien planet soundstage
again. The fact that those involved in making this episode thought of it
as a disaster makes me love it even more: 9.5/10
We’ll Always Have Paris written by and directed by Robert
Becker
What’s it about: Picard has a love affair on the holodeck…
To Baldly Go: Picard enjoys a spot of fencing in his spare
time which is exactly the sort of honour bound, perfectly mannered sport I
would expect the good Captain to enjoy. It is nice to see him relaxing for a
change so it must come as a particular annoyance that as soon as he does a time
loop comes along to spoil everything. We learn about a younger, naïve Picard
who could attract the most beautiful of women and yet was unsure what direction
to take in life. He finds a nostalgic peek back at his old life self indulgent,
naturally. Its interesting that Picard feels the need to explain who Jenice is
as if he owes her something if another woman catches his eye. It’s such a shame
that this tension between the two of them was ignored in later years. Ouch, it
turns out that Jenice did wait for Picard the day they were supposed to meet in
Paris and now she wants some answers to why she was stood up. It was fear that
kept him back and each time that he returned to Earth his thoughts were filled
with her. Life with Jenice would have made him ordinary.
Alien Empath: If Troi starts one more sentence with ‘as
ships counsellor…’ I might not be responsible for my actions. She goes
around waving her title in everybody’s faces as though she is though it gives
her the right to nose into everyone’s business. Thankfully Picard utters one of
the finest lines of season when he tells her to ‘get to the point.’ Finally!
As soon as she realises Dr Bev is having difficulties trying to cope with her
feelings for the Captain naturally Troi is straight to sickbay to butt her nose
in but rather wonderfully Dr Bev has the chutzpah to tell her to go away.
Mr Wolf: Isn’t it amazing how easily Worf has slipped into
Tasha Yar’s role as Security Chief, the wealth material he gets these days and
how much more bearable he is in the role. Her passing was definitely a change
for the best in this show.
Dreadful Dialogue: ‘There seems to be some kind of strange
bouncing effect!’ – get O’Brien into the transporter room immediately…what kind
of a report is that?
The Good: The sets of the Café des Artistes is the
ultimate change of tone from the beige, blandly lit Enterprise sets – its
bright, stylishly designed with a great social atmosphere and a very nice (if
clearly fake) backdrop of Paris with shuttles gliding past. It seems very right
on to have a place like this to relax on the Enterprise and whilst it is a much
darker, under lit sort of place Ten Forward cannot come quickly enough. There
are so many fun things that can be done with time distortion effects – it’s the
sort plot device that would allow shows like Doctor Who and Red Dwarf to go
nuts and whilst Star Trek is too serious to provoke humour with the idea
(seeing yourself in a Turbolift is hardly the most exciting demonstration of
the phenomena) I appreciate the efforts made to visualise the idea.
The Bad: Picard starts whipping himself with a sweaty towel
on the Bridge. I’m not sure what that man in the café who is polishing his
tubes is doing to produce that music but it looks downright filthy! Isn’t it
the most remarkable co-incidence that Jean Luc bumps into his old flame at the
point where he is looking back at his past and thinking about her? Oh dear the
universal budget saver is in operation again and the sets of Manheim’s lab are
clearly the same sets as Starfleet Command in Conspiracy redressed slightly.
Moment to Watch Out For: Mister Data leaps about with all
the grace of a ballet dancer as the security system tries to blow the crap out
of him and the set piece that sees three of him walking into the curtain of
time and plugging it with anti matter is visually arresting.
Moral of the Week: Don’t keep a lady waiting.
Orchestra: Romance is in the air so expect the usual Star
Trek slush! Actually to my surprise the music in this episode (whilst airing on
the side of syrupy violins) was actually rather beautiful.
Result: Considering it is one of the least important
episodes of the season plot wise this was one of the most pleasantly acted,
stylishly shot and amiable outings in the shows first year. It’s a Star Trek
romance and as such it should be dragging you down into a well of treacle but
it manages to dance above it thanks to Patrick Stewart’s thoughtful performance.
The time travel elements would be better handled in later episodes but there is
nothing offensively bad about it and the final set with the three Data’s is a
lot of fun. There are more undercurrents of feelings between Dr Bev and Jean
Luc that should have developed into a full-blown relationship but we would have
to wait until season seven to see any kind of reasonable development of their
relationship. It would have been great had they kept the Parisian location as a
private getaway for the Captain since it makes for a wonderful change of
locale: 8/10
Conspiracy written by Tracey Torme and directed by Cliff
Bole
What’s it about: There is something nasty in the heart of
Starfleet…
To Baldly Go: I really like this hard and secretive Jean Luc
Picard – he should try it out more often since it seems to keep the crew on
their toes more than ever. By making Picard and Keel old friends the
destruction of the Horatio has far more impact than just a sea of debris; it is
the loss of a friend who meant a great deal to Picard.
Number One: Riker pretends to be a bossy, overbearing, super
butch man to convince the aliens he has been subsumed to their cause.
Unfortunately there isn’t a great deal of difference from his usual bossy,
overbearing, super butch persona.
Fully Functional: As usual Data’s reaction to a joke is far
funnier than the actual joke itself and his forced laughter did make me smirk.
Mr Wolf: Swimming is a bit too much like bathing for Worf so
naturally he doesn’t enjoy it.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘To use an aphorism, Starfleet’s left
hand did not know what its right hand was doing’ – nothing unusual there, Mr
Data!
‘Vitamins! They do wonders for the body!’
‘Oh do eat up Picard. Raise your hand if you want seconds!’
‘We seek peaceful coexistence!’
The Good: I was hoping that the cancerous menace at the
heart of the Federation would be the Prime Directive itself but it was not to
be. Never mind, the thought of something insidiously evil worming its way into
Starfleet and spicing things up a bit is a very welcome change of tone for the
series. A new planetary backdrop! Aside from the dodgy looking clouds
blowing through the red sky this is by far the most atmospheric indoors
exterior yet. Secret meetings, scary music, phasers being pointed…this is a new
paranoid Star Trek and I like it. Whilst it would become the norm in the later
seasons of DS9 for Federation ships to take a pounding and be destroyed it is
worth remembering just how important the destruction of the Horatio is to TNG.
The almighty Federation takes a shocking blow as one of its incredible
Starships is blown to pieces. Personnel are being shuffled in a clandestine
attempt to control sectors of Federation territory – it’s a shame this could
have been built up even more than just the subplot in Coming of Age but its
still pretty exciting payoff. I really like that there is a real threat
involved in the return to Earth and not just a social call (and the shot of the
Enterprise approaching the planet is gorgeous). Even something as simple as
Admiral Quinn beaming to the Enterprise is deliciously freaky and his creepy
conversation with Riker is enough to give you nightmares! I love the
hilariously misleading sequence that sees Riker come up behind Dr Bev
menacingly for no reason but to scare the hell out of her. Watching Starfleet
Admirals chow down on disgusting wiggly grubs is quite surreal and their
impeccable table manners make this scene even more memorable. Despite the lack
of control, it looks like this would have been a very well mannered take over.
The episode needed a revelation like the one about Captain Scott at the exact
point that it comes. Oooh, I love the ickiness of the creatures crawling out of
people’s mouths. For once the ending isn’t a happy one and we are left with a
sense of foreboding that these creatures have been offered a trail of
breadcrumbs to Earth…
The Bad: Symptomatic of this shows creed to ‘seek out new
and new civilisations’ means that stories like Conspiracy which really should
be told over a season are impossible. There is so much potential in the idea of
an alien takeover of Starfleet I can think of hundred different ways to play
about with the idea. Fortunately DS9 threw the rulebook out the window when
they introduced the Dominion and took their time over 6 seasons to establish,
build and defeat their threat. I was all ready to praise the show on its
impressive visual for the exterior of Starfleet Headquarters when I remembered
the last time I did so it was snagged from one of the movies and so I did some digging…and
blow me this was taken from The Voyage Home! Plus points for the ingenuity of
stealing the visual and minus more for being such cheap skates! ‘Assimilating’
races into the Federation – Quinn seems to suggest that they are proud of their
Borg like status! Quinn’s stunt double is clearly seen during the fight scene.
It is such a shame that this episode wraps up this plot so easily – basically
Picard beams down, the aliens reveal themselves and he shoots them dead. The
end. It’s brilliantly done all the same but it skips over a wealth of
possibilities. There was easily the potential to make this story a two parter.
Geordi being thrown through the doors looks so cheap – I thought they were made
of stronger stuff than that! Imagine how easy it is to get into someone’s
quarters? When Dr Bev (the other walking robot on this show) stands there with
one hand in her pocket shooting Quinn she actually looks slightly bored. Listen
to Gates McFadden’s delivery as she tells the Captain to set his phaser to kill
– you would actually think that she has been taken over herself she sounds like
such a zombie. The fact that this episode wasn’t followed up is incredibly
frustrating – when you think of the appalling episodes of TNG that were
allocated sequels (Leah Brahms, Vash, Damon Bok) it feels like a waste of a
good idea and some very decent set up.
Moment to Watch Out For: The final scene with Remmick is
like the archetypal Doctor Who villain reveal transplanted into Star Trek.
Everything from the pulsing neck, the menacing map of the sector behind him,
the repulsive body horror of Picard and Riker shooting him until his head
explodes and melting of his stomach until the mother alien is exposed is uber
camp and utterly brilliant. Later seasons of TNG could take a leaf out of this
episodes book for looking a bit ridiculous but taking some awesome risks. The
final smoking shot of the melted down corpse is stomach churningly good.
Moral of the Week: Starfleet is evil. But I already knew
that.
Orchestra: Another awesome horror score in the same vein as
Skin of Evil. There are scenes with protracted pieces of music that constantly
lower in pitch to get under your skin and stress the wrongness of the
situation.
Result: Star Trek does Invasion of the Body Snatchers
and pulls it off with real verve. The episode as written does lean towards the
camper excesses of the first season and so its Cliff Bole who should be given
the biggest round of applause for injecting every scene with an atmosphere of
dark menace. It’s such a shame that this is the fastest and most simple defeat
of an alien invasion on record because this is a story that had the potential
to run and run. The episode starts off with a real sense of foreboding but as
soon as we beam down to Earth it is b-movie territory all the way but in a
phenomenally engaging way. What I really admire is the shock elements of the
story that take TNG into much more graphic territory than usual; it features a
number of out and out horror scenes that will make your kids wet the bed. Even
if you find this episode too excessive its worth watching to see Riker having
two tons of shit kicked out of him by an old man and then forced to pretend to
eat icky grubs. Almost insanely tacky in places but a really enjoyable taste of
explicit horror: 9/10
The Neutral Zone written by Maurice Hurley and directed by
James L. Conway
What’s it about: The Romulans are back…and so is folk music!
To Baldly Go: Picard would rather outthink than outfight the
Romulans. That does seem to be his raison d’etre.
Mr Wolf: Worf happily spreads his racism towards the
Romulans across the Bridge once they are revealed.
Sparkling Dialogue: ‘He’s comparing the Enterprise to a
cruise ship’ – Picard sounds shocked but that’s exactly what it is!
‘Captain…they’re back!’
‘This is the 24th Century. Material needs no long
exist.’ ‘Then what’s the challenge?’
The Good: Isn’t it lovely that only Data and Worf beam over
to the artefact. It makes a nice change from puffy chested Riker and Tasha.
Note the special effect as Picard stands in front of the Observation Deck
window and the stars whip by behind him. Simple, but impressive. I have had so
many conversations with friends of the years about cryogenic freezing and the
pros and cons and someone usually always pipes up with they would only do it if
they had a life threatening illness and they could be cured in the future.
Which is exactly what happens here! Nice to know that it does actually come
true. The Romulans have noticed that the Federation has started spreading
across the galaxy like a moralistic stain and they have declared no more! How
great is it to hear those words?
The Bad: Forgive for thinking that this was a moment of
absolute stupidity on Picard’s part (we’ll let it go because he is worried
about the Romulans) but if I was about to wake up three 20th Century
human beings the last person I would call to be present at that moment is Worf.
A security officer, yes. One that looks like a hulking monster, no. Having the
three 20th Century humans adjusting to 24th Century life
really detracts from the main storyline of the reintroduction of the Romulans
which I feel would have been strong enough to hold up the finale on its own.
Moment to Watch Out For: The scene where the Romulan ship
decloaks is very powerful, it feels as if Picard’s decision will determine
whether they go to war or not.
Teaser-tastic: It’s a nicely atmospheric opening to the
finale with Data and Worf stumbling across cryogenic pods full of corpses and a
number that survived the accident.
Moral of the Week: Think before you react. Picard firing on
the Romulan ship could have lead to war.
Fashion Statement: Why do they put the three humans in the
ugliest boiler suits known to man?
Myth Building: Two Federation outposts in sector 3-0 have
been destroyed. Could this be the invasion of the body-snatching bugs from the
last episode? Or a prelude to a whole other invasion? Television didn’t last
much beyond 2040 – I wonder what the latest fad will be then? A species
destroying human and Romulan outposts…this is excellent forward thinking in
TNG’s part to set up the threat of the Borg.
Orchestra: Another terrific score, all the music that deals
with the Romulan plot is brilliant especially the dramatic sting when they are
revealed.
Result: What you have in The Neutral Zone is a series
reshaping itself and opening out the Star Trek universe with a tacky and
disposable subplot bolted on the side. There is a pleasing sense of foreboding
about the return of the Romulans and their eventual showing up doesn’t
disappoint but all the nonsense with the daft idiots out of time coping with
life in a time when there is no money or television is really distracting. If
you could take away this irrelevance TNG would have closed its extremely dodgy
first season on four very good episodes that see a series finding its feet and
working out how to go forward. As it is this is an uneven season finale that
doesn’t really go anywhere but it does offer some hope for the future: 6/10
I know that you aren't an original series fan, but given that it hardly seems(given that ratings) you are of TNG fan, and you went through seven seasons of Voyager, could you do some Original Series reviews?
ReplyDeletePlease don't get me wrong, I don't hate TNG. I just think it took a long time to find its feet and then only excelled for about three seasons. Seasons three, four and six are my favourites and I am slowly working my way through them. I should definitely get around to reviewing the Original Series eventually, simply for the fact that I have never watched them before. Ever. So yes, but it is quite low on my priorities at the moment - I'm currently working my way through The X-Files and Blake's 7 whilst keeping up with Big Finish's latest releases and Doctor Who's TV stuff. I will add it to the list :-)
ReplyDeleteI have gotten in hot water for saying this, but TNG's success was as much a fluke as anything. We take it for granted that it is great television while forgetting that wasn't always the case.
ReplyDeleteGene was muddle-headed due to illness and out of step with the times - a show like TOS would simply not fly in the eighties, and he refused to believe it. Not to psychoanalyze Roddenberry, but he was very keen on living out his free love, hippie fantasies through Kirk and Picard. Sir Pat was keen to collect on that merchandising money; he was also surprised at his character's lack of aggressiveness and charisma, and his disappointment shows in his performance.
TNG aired for purely cynical reasons. The fact that it survived and thrived proves Outkast was right about making a diamond out of coal!
Incidentally, the original plan WAS to follow-up on the bugs from Conspiracy. However it was decided that a bunch of mind-controlling space cockroaches didn't make for a sufficiently threatening villain, so they took that subplot and repurposed them.
ReplyDeleteInto the Borg.
Please do TNG series 7. You are hilarious
ReplyDelete