ENT – Precious Cargo

Plot – ‘It’s been a long time, getting from there to here…’ seems very apt when you go from an episode like The Changing Face of Evil to Precious Cargo.

Character – Archer showing the Retellians on board is probably the most naturally charming I have ever seen him be. He’s always biting down repressed rage or bawling somebody out but here he offers an open hand, a hot bath and a good meal to people in trouble.

Performance – What I find interesting about this episode (and it is hard to find many things so I’ll take what I will) is that Tucker is often considered one of the more approachable characters on this show and Connor Trineer’s performance a sweet and memorable one and even he cannot save this from oblivion. Think of some of the other episodes where he has really gotten under your skin; Coginitor, Similitude, and ask yourself what is different here? Can a script (written by a newcomer and given a Braga ‘polish’) sabotage the efforts of an actor that badly?

So many people put the fault of this episode at Padma Lakshmi’s doorstep and it is true that she delivers one of the least convincing performances in Star Trek’s entire run but to blame her for Precious Cargo’s manifest of fault is blaming Hitler for the entirety of the Second World War. Yes she cannot hold your attention in a scene and yes she has zero chemistry with Trineer and yes it does appear that she was hired for her celebrity status rather than her ability to act…but Star Trek is packed to the gills with these loathsome one-off performances that threaten to sink episodes. I think she is an easy target for a series that was in dire need of a rethink. Kaitaama reminds me of my sister in so many ways; attention seeking, talentless and full of her own self-importance. Her make-up is the ultimate in ‘the guest actor didn’t want too much on their face’ with her lazy Trill spots that are barely visible.

Production – There’s an ‘action’ sequence where Archer pursues the Retellians and the camera swings around the Bridge disorienting whilst music plays that sounds like the episode is set in the most luxurious spa imaginable. It’s sedate and calming. Quite the opposite of what is supposedly going on. That discord between writing, direction and music sabotages the entire episode.

Worst moment – There’s an interrogation scene that I think is supposed to be blisteringly funny but missing the mark by several miles. Archer tries to convince one of the Retellians that T’Pol is a savage protector of justice and has wiped out almost one tenth of the crew in the name of equity. It’s written and played with absolute seriousness. The Original Series would have done all of this with a twinkle in the eye. DS9 would have killed the Retellian for kicks (remember Keevan?).

Unbelievable is the only way I can describe the scene where Trip and his new girlfriend squabble on an alien world, end up in the river together and then snogging. I would spend more time exploring just how many clichés pile on top of each other but I have already lost too many braincells writing about this episode. One of the worst scenes in Trek, for sure.

I wish they hadn’t done that – What do we learn about the Retellians worth knowing that sets them apart from the myriad of other species that we have met in Star Trek? Is this the most indistinctive of species we have ever met? I have just finished watching the episode and I can barely remember a single thing about them.

How could the aliens not tell that it was a decoy of Commander Tucker that was sitting around the camp fire? It’s his uniform with a melon stuck on top. No seriously.

A reason to watch this episode again – The episode that was considered so bad that Brannon Braga asked about the possibility of it being pulled rather than facing the ignominy of it being aired. The question is how can an episode of Enterprise, coming after the heights of TNG, DS9 and VOY really be all that bad? The answer is that it isn’t. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things wrong with Precious Cargo and it is one of the weakest Enterprise episodes overall but does it deserve a place alongside Code of Honor, Let He Who Is Without Sin and Spirit Folk? I would say not. Its biggest problem is that it is so pedestrian; there is no consideration ever given for this to enter orbit and teach your anything worthwhile, entertain you or even to surprise you. It ambles from plot point to plot point, featuring leaden direction (astonishing coming from David Livingston who was once the life blood of the franchise) and static performances. It feels like nobody really cares and that ‘meh’ is the standard everyone is aiming for. Precious Cargo wants to be a hilarious screwball romantic comedy but the writing simply isn’t there, the direction follows suit and the lousy acting is a result of that. The ‘banter’ between Trip and Kaitaama is supposed to be sexy and witty but it reminds me of a brother and sister that simply cannot find a way of getting along.

* out of *****

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