The Star Beast written by Pat Mills & John Wagner (adapted by Alan Barnes) and directed Nicholas Briggs

What’s it about: 1980 AD! In Yorkshire, the authorities have dismissed reports that an Unidentified Flying Object was seen plummeting towards the ground… moments before the explosion that destroyed the Blackcastle Steel Mills. After all, Blackcastle is the last place on Earth aliens would ever want to visit… Local teenagers Sharon and Fudge know better. ’Cos they’ve found an actual space alien hiding in the allotments. He’s their alien. Their secret. And his name is… The Meep. He’s not the only alien in Blackcastle, though. His pursuers, the terrible Wrarth Warriors, are on his trail, along with their unwitting accomplice: The Doctor!

Teeth and Curls: ‘I’m the Doctor, for the fourth time…’ The opening episode plays out a little like an episode of season 22, with the Doctor only joining the action at the last minute. Unlike season 22 the gap left by the Doctor is filled with a pair of colourful, funny kids Sharon and Fudge, and it’s so enjoyable in their company that you barely notice he is missing until Tom Baker shows up with his effervescent presence. The Doctor is still carrying his maracas when he leaves the TARDIS and manages to convince that they are deadly dangerous grenades. For a moment I wondered if the fourth Doctor’s latest companion was going to be his stomach (well he has to have somebody to talk to) but I suddenly remembered its gurgling extremities were a very important plot point. Listen to how charming the Doctor is Mrs Higgins. What an old sly boots. One of the best ever cliff-hangers reveals that the Doctor is a living, breathing, trembling…bomb! The aliens think the Doctor is on his way to Earth to help the Meep, calling him his accomplice. Which seems a very odd sort of thing to say about such a cutie wutie little creature. In true Pertwee style he builds a Fizzgig out of a steam iron, a hairdryer and a good strong torchlight. This is the first time he has used a 58 bus to escape from aliens. Utopias never last, admits the Doctor, sadly. Some of the lines Tom Baker gets away with in this are extraordinary (‘That wont of done my old coccyx any good!’). Beep the Meep plans to make the Doctor suffer a level of pain no mortal has ever endured. It’s one of the few times when I believe it might happen.

Politically Correct: How refreshing it must have been to have a black female companion palling up with the Doctor In the comic strips. How remiss of the TV series to refuse to follow suit until its revival in 2005. Sharon as written was plucky, opinionated, moral and a whole heap of fun. Rhianne Starbuck steps into her shoes brilliantly, giving a very honest, down to Earth performance amidst all the madness of this story. Sharon is the first one to come into contact with Beep the Meep and its her decision to keep him and not share her discovery with the authorities. At least she admits that later in the story, whilst trying to throw her life away and stop Beep. Technically everything that happens in this story is her fault then. Sharon works especially well in this adaptation because she has such delightful interaction Fudge. There’s the spark of romance between them but things are kept very much as antagonistic friends and they bounce off each other in a very entertaining fashion. Sharon is fostered by the Davises, posh folk with pampered grass in their garden. She’s never met anybody like the Doctor before and she trusts him implicitly.

Genocidal Fluffball: Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce to one of the best villains to have ever graced a Doctor Who story. A monster whose legendary viciousness and severe lack of remorse has left him miles ahead of even the most celebrated of bad guys. He’s cute, he’s fluffy, he’s going to pluck your eyes out with a blunt penknife…it’s Beep the Meep! He’s such an incorrigible little fluffball, trying to convince that the aliens are after him because they are hunting him for his pelt. He claims to be the last of Meeps and that he alone escaped the slaughter of his species. The Most High is not a common pet that likes to be stroked. He pretends that he wasn’t to protect Sharon but in reality he is keeping her around in case he needs a hostage. Before the Most High leaves this planet he intends for there to be atonement in blood. He’s a genocidal maniac wanted half the universe over.

Standout Performance: I cannot believe they have managed to secure the services of Angela Rippon to play the part of the newsreader. It was probably drawn as a bit of current affairs fun in the original script but all these years later to hear her reading the dialogue that was put on the page decades ago is a beautiful touch, and an example of the lengths that Big Finish goes to to ensure authenticity. You could not listen to this story without wanting to applaud Bethan Dixon Bate who brings two equally memorable characters to life. To have to take on the mantle of Beep would be pressure enough but she’s also a delight as the prissy and particular Surgeon. Like The Iron Legion, voice modulation cannot break the performance (and trust me many an actor in a Big Finish has fallen foul of that) and in both cases here it actually strengthens the characterisation.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I wonder if there’s anything up down below…’
‘John Craven is not here!’
‘It’s the Wa-zock!’
‘They said it was better done whilst Meep was still alive!’ and ‘You’re the Meep who knew too much!’
‘You’re evil!’ ‘Oh, what took you so long?’
‘The other Meeps bullied me and called me little ears.’
'I'd hate to explode at an inopportune moment.'

Great Ideas: A starship is hanging in geostationary orbit around the Earth precisely where you wouldn’t expect to find one. Inside Beep the Meep’s spaceship is described as being ‘like inside of X-Wing, only better…’ High praise indeed. There’s a gorgeous joke at The Daemons expense (Tom Baker even mimics ‘science, Mrs Higgins, science!’ in exactly the same way Jon Pertwee said it. Far away on the other side of the universe on the planet of the Meeps lived an idyllic species happily living their lives. They were a co-operative society living in a Utopia. A black sun pulled the paradise planet into its sphere of influence. The Meeps became horribly mutated, a mutation of the soul. The black sun itself is a sentient malevolence and part of it is inside the engine. What the hell is a Grundian Blood Nog?

Musical Cues: It’s fabulous how Alistair Lock takes his unforgettable Beep the Meep song from The Ratings War (available in the extras and I definitely recommend you give this a listen on your external speakers with some unsuspecting person around – I did with my other half and he fell about laughing. Once again I tell him that the audios I review are sophisticated, intelligent tales. Once again he shakes his head despairingly) retooled.

Standout Scene: There’s a lovely moment when Sharon berates Fudge for still being a fan of comics to which he responds ‘that’s proper artwork.’ I’m sure there have been many an adult Doctor Who fan that has been tucking into their graphic novels and facing similar recriminations from their partner/family. Let ‘that’s proper artwork’ be all the excuse you need! The first moment we hear things from Beep’s perspective I punched the air with delight. Not only does Alistair Lock manage to explain what is going on entirely through the production but his thoughts are just so damn funny.

Result: ‘Don’t be angry, Doctor! I’m only a little Meep…’ Alan Barnes deserves a huge amount of credit for the adaptation of the comic strips. I had them at my side whilst listening for some visual references and it is clear that he has a massive love affair with these stories. Understandably given he was the chief writer of the Doctor Who comic strips in DWM for years and di some sterling work. He’s managed to take the essence of the stories, which were told in far more economic terms on the page, integrate all the ideas and the characterisation but add some much-needed depth and extended dialogue. He’s pulled them into a much more coherent narrative for audio. And some of this stuff is very very funny. I’d go as far to say that this boxset is some of his very best work on audio. I don’t know if it has something to do with the length of the scenes, the speed of the plot, the general bounciness of the dialogue or because the productions were just so good but these comic strip adaptations both flew by for me. They come in at over 4 hours but such was my enjoyment they felt like they whizzed by in half the time. It’s clear that the actors are having a whale of a time telling The Star Beast and that sense of infectious fun is extended to the viewer. Beep the Meep is an incredible creation, utterly juvenile and yet terrifying and hilarious at the time. In terms of style these are far more like the Graham Williams style material but the sort of storytelling he would have like to have told with a limitless budget. Very witty and very creative. It has been crafted by one of Big Finish’s best directors and best sound designers so it is no surprise to me that the end result is this polished. I’ve only ever given a box set perfect scores once before (the Fifth Doctor boxset) and this also deserves that accolade. It’s not often that I would beg to anybody but Big Finish…please please please please do more. I would love to hear more of the Doctor, Sharon and Fudge: 10/10

World Enough and Time written by James Goss and directed by Ken Bentley

What’s it About: When it comes to bringing down corrupt and exploitative regimes, there is no-one quite like River. Until she arrives at Golden Futures and discovers that someone else has already taken on her job. Someone with almost as much style and panache as herself. The Doctor is about to get the shock of his lives.

Hello Sweetie: ‘Do you often sleep armed?’ ‘Always.’ Another strong showing for River, who is becoming increasingly enjoyable and well rounded on audio. River recognises the Doctor immediately this time around and is unsure why he is acting so out of character. But whether she is talking about him not sniffing out the mystery at the heart of this tale or the fact that he is a corporate sell out I couldn’t tell you. She will always take a compliment from the Doctor. it struck me that this one of the first times that River has encountered the Time Lord where she can just lock horns with him as an equal without all the extraneous baggage that comes with them meeting out of order. She’s not a portent of the future (The Silence in the Library), a mysterious figure of unknown origin (the first half of the Matt Smith era) or someone who needs to be put in the right place at the right time (The Husbands of River Song). Listening to Sixie and River waxing lyrical verbally together is a triumph. There’s one thing that River cannot imagine – that the Doctor has sold her out. When the Doctor asks if people like River and himself are ever truly happy she says there is only one way to find out…before heading off to do something outrageous and save the world. She’s always happy to see the Doctor AND champagne. They both admit that the other is remarkable.

Softer Six: The ultimate version of that description, a romantic slant on the most acerbic of Doctors. He’s often bluffing his way through the universe with words and bluster, knocking out his opponents with his impressive vocabulary and acidic wit. This time he is stumped at his encounter with the mysterious River Song, a woman who seems to appreciate all the things about him that everybody else highlights as unattractive. When he bought his way into this firm he had no idea it would be such hard work. Given the Doctor has never really done a hard day’s labour in his life (not even on management level), this has all come as a bit of a shock to him. When you own the company and you can’t figure out what is going on behind the scenes, you know you are with a sinister lot. He considers River a remarkable woman and he’s not a Doctor who is afraid to say it. When he finally gets to shrug his coat back on he calls it his old friend. River thinks it is his dressing gown and says that she likes it, much to the Doctor’s surprise. When people agree with him he finds it unsettling. Even on his darkest day River cannot believe that the Doctor could be part of something as obscene as this operation. How many worlds have been consumed whilst the Doctor has taken up his position here? How rare to hear the Doctor saying that he has been played for a fool. Enigma may go down with some people, but not him. There’s a feeling that this is at the end of his tenure, probably not long before The Brink of Death and that he is slowing down. He’s always thought that holidays were boring. He’s always been suspicious of new builds; he prefers his planets to feel lived in. Whilst he’s not very good at running a company, he is very good at running. Anyone who says that the sixth Doctor has lost his edge might want to take a listen to the line: ‘Before I was going to stop you. Now, I’m going to wipe you out!’ The Doctor’s sleeping partners solution is really rather ingenious. Is this the earliest example of the Doctor having a snog? I really thought that the Doctor might be able to keep his memories in this story, so it’s a shame when the climax plays its hand and wipes his memory of the first woman that has turned his head in this incarnation.

Standout Performance: The relaxed chemistry between Kingston and Baker is a revelation at parts. Finally, somebody has tamed old Sixie.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You could have a golden future here at Golden Futures!’
‘I’ve measured out my life in coffee breaks.’
‘Am I imagining it or has America put on weight?’
‘I’m too old for this’ ‘You’re not even halfway there, Doctor.’
‘Can someone call HR? My personal assistant has just pulled a gun on me!’
‘Oh River I’m so happy I could kiss you!’

Great Ideas: Imagine working in a department where you get to approve and endorse dreams? I think that would just about be my dream job. There are 10,000 pods and inside are sleepers enjoying dreams hand crafted by dream artisans. People dreaming their lives away if they have the money. The little snippets of people’s dreams swerve from disturbing (a man who has reclaimed his dad family) to hilarious (‘I’m going to be a unicorn!’). The odd nightmare slips in but the autocorrect usually steps in and resets those. A multidimensional lifeform that is leeching off people’s dreams. A copy of the Earth in a hyperdimensional gateway. How any writer can throwaway an idea like dimension welders is beyond me. Goss has such an arsenal of ideas up his sleeve that this is just one of many. Earth is going to be destroyed and Elysium is going to be put in its place. As soon as the Earth is consumed they will release Elysium onto the market as the hottest piece of real estate. The creatures in the pods feed of potential energy: roads not taken. Whilst the Doctor has been here he hasn’t been out in the universe, righting wrongs and saving worlds. That’s had a cost that has allowed them to built the second Earth. Speravore larvae drifting at the fatty end of the time vortex feeding of old dreams and other debris.

Standout Scene: When the Doctor gets to step out of the shadows and ask who has been eating the sleepers. It might feel like it makes River redundant in her own series but its actually quite the reverse. Sixie is all puff in public whilst she is behind the scenes bringing this system down.

Result: ‘Congratulations Doctor, you own 51% of the planet Earth…’ When Colin Baker joked that he should be kept on a retainer by Big Finish and work in their studios every week, ignoring all other work, I had no idea that that would turn out to be true. I’m joking but how he steps into other ranges is becoming prolific (Dark Shadows, Jago & Litefoot, Bernice Summerfield, Drama Showcase). The reason for this is not only because he was an early supporter of the company but mainly because he is an extremely talented man with some serious acting chops on audio that can turn his hand to practically anything. If you would have told me that his encounter with River was going to be the most flirtatious and outwardly romantic (she really does have a dazzling effect on the prickliest of Doctors) I probably would have laughed in your face. We all know that Alex Kingston can turn her hand to romantic drama (did you ever see her in ER?) but its Colin that surprises most here; gentle, bewitched and flirty. I thoroughly enjoyed the setting too; delving into the world of a corporation delivering dreams to a rich population. The second series of River Song is turning out to be more confident and surer of itself than the first. Bizarrely, even though the Doctor is utilised just as much as he was in the first set, it feels like the writers have a much better handle on River’s character and Alex Kingston has adapted to acting her character on audio at this point. Out of the hands of her creator, she’s remarkably easy to be around. James Goss chalks up another winner; creative, quixotic and alluring. The only downfall is the climax, which tips over into the usual sort of OTT villainy when the set-up had been so expertly handled. That’s a minor complaint in a story that is overall rather bewitching. I love the cover too: 8/10

Five Twenty-Nine written by John Dorney and directed by Ken Bentley

What’s it About: River has made a terrible discovery. Billions of lives hang in the balance. But if she can save just a few, then it might just help her solve the conundrum of Earth’s destruction. But how can she win when survival becomes a race against time itself? A race against Five Twenty-Nine?

Hello Sweetie: It cannot have escaped peoples notice that I am not the biggest fan of River Song. She reminds me of the worst excesses of humanity; too smug, too knowing, too violent and too amoral. Often, she is written as a male fantasy lead rather than a strong female character in her own right and often she is portrayed as somebody who cannot exist without the Doctor. I’m certain she would bomb in the Bechdel Test. Alex Kingston’s performance veers between quietly masterful and insanely self-knowing and superior. Which is why when stories like Five Twenty-Nine come along I am absolutely delighted because I am proven completely wrong (by my own standards) and River is made to sing. I love those few occasions were some restraint is apparent in her writing, she’s an active female protagonist and that the mystery that surrounds her character is made to work. The Silence in the Library, The Pandorica Opens and The Husband of River Song are all good examples too. Here River is a warm, kind, intelligent, funny and poignant presence. And nary a mention of any other character to make her relevant.

When asked if she is married she admits that that is rather complicated and its best to go with Professor. It’s not that Rachel is so distant from a child that unnerves River, it is that she is so close to a child that she cannot think of her as a robot. She keeps expecting to find something wrong with this world but everything has turned out to be perfectly normal. I love the fact that River feels that her word is important enough for this family to up sticks to safety and she’s told in no uncertain terms that the world of somebody they don’t know isn’t worth anything. River is attached to a sense of being right about this and this terribly normal bunch question that. If she doesn’t save everybody then what was the point of her coming here? She has to accept that sometimes you lose and sometimes you just have to lose the best way you can. Dorney really does go to town questioning all those certainties about River and then tearing them down. It’s not that I don’t want River to succeed in life, just that there is far more drama when she is improvising and desperate rather than complacently confident about everything. The crushing inevitability of the world dying and River not being able to save anybody really up the stakes of what these stories can do with the character. She simply cannot understand people who surrender to the inevitability of their deaths. To her, refusing to fight isn’t an option. She has to say sorry for not being more help as she leaves these people to die.

Standout Performance: I’ve heard both criticism and praise of Salome Heartel’s performance of Rachel and my opinion is very much in favour of the latter. It’s not like she would be choosing to play the part as an awkward synthetic if she wasn’t playing an awkward synthetic but surely the point of the character is that the performance as a human being isn’t quite right.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You have to make sacrifices for what you want.’
‘I don’t want to give up!’ ‘You’re not, you’re just changing the fight.’
‘It was always going to happen eventually.’
‘Who’d have thought it? My family. The last humans.’

Great Ideas: After the bombshell cliff-hanger of the previous story, I was very surprised at the low key, intimate nature of the first 20 minutes of this story. There’s an aching sadness to admitting that you cannot have a child and it’s still there when the only option is to resort to a synthetic child, something that mimics the real thing but can never quite match up. The faintest contact with Five Twenty-Nine and you’re dead. What’s intriguing is that this is essentially an hour of set up, the end of the box set. River is heading off to see if she can stop it because she has already seen its effects.

Standout Scene: The moment when Rachel’s parents can see a way for her to survive the apocalypse, even if it means they have to die. That’s when you realise that it doesn’t matter that they she is synthetic; this is the love of parents. It’s massively touching.

Result: ‘Whatever it is, it’s starting…’ Astonishingly good, and the standard that these River Song stories should hold themselves to. Too many audios go for sound and fury, an action story told without pictures and not enough aim for this kind of intimate character drama, the sort that can affect you far more than a million Dalek soldiers invading ever could. I’ve always said when you strip back all the bluster and tell a truly economic story that the results are often unexpectedly powerful and Five Twenty-Nine is no exception. I love how subtly it begins with an apparently idyllic situation presented before slowly, quietly stripping away the smiles on the characters faces and revealing the horror of what is really going on. How the air of disquiet blew through the halls of this family home was very effectively achieved by the cast. Even when Doctor Who dared to show the end of the world through the eyes of a normal family (Spare Parts) it took place on its sister planet and there was a Cyberman presence to keep things escapist. This story plants River in the home of a nice, normal family and we never leave their side as the world falls to pieces around them all. Seeing the apocalypse from a domestic point of view is absolutely stifling. The entire cast is excellent but Kingston is particularly strong, delivering the sort of performance I would have loved to have seen on television had they dialled back all that self-assuredness. Every now and again Big Finish releases a story that transcends its range and standouts out as being especially affecting. John Dorney did it with Absent Friends before and he’s done it again here with Five Twenty-Nine. If proof was ever needed that a River Song series would be worthwhile, this story has single-handedly proven that it is. I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong: 9/10

The Unknown written by Guy Adams and directed by Ken Bentley

What’s it About: A planetary anomaly. A scientific impossibility. A mystery to be solved. Of course, River Song expects to be consulted. She expects her valuable knowledge and experience will help the crew of the Saturnius unlock the strange phenomenon that has appeared in Earth’s solar system. But what River doesn’t expect is a stowaway. An infuriating little man, calling himself the Doctor.

Hello Sweetie: If there’s one thing she knows, its prison etiquette. For once she hasn’t a clue what is going on and she’s not used to that. How very refreshing, River could have used a little more of that on the television. She has a reasonable amount of knowledge when it comes to temporal anomalies. In one of the few moments to actually grapple with the idea of the seventh Doctor and River meeting, he questions her principles and she tells him to grow up and face the reality of the situation. Thank goodness the Doctor is amnesiac in this story because if he wasn’t and he was questioning anybody else’s principles after what he has done in this impish incarnation it would be most hypocritical.

The Real McCoy: Is it a smart idea to try and tick off every incarnation of the Doctor for a meeting with River? It cocks up television continuity, for sure. In The Silence in the Library the inference is that the tenth Doctor is the youngest version of the Time Lord that she meets. And yet, for marketing purposes it is certainly a good draw and was probably the salvation of these sets in their early days. The idea of one character meeting every single Doctor is cute and seeing how she gets along with each version. In concept it’s fun but flawed, so, I guess the success of this experiment comes down to the individual quality of each release.

Standout Performance: McCoy and Kingston together had no effect on me at all. But I fear that is down to the distance that the amnesia brought to the script.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Reality is fracturing, Doctor Song, and it’s taking our minds and our memories with it…’
‘You were happy to eat it when it wasn’t complaining’ is the wittiest line in the entire script, and it involves something that is a complete side issue from the plot.

Great Ideas: Long range scans show that this planet is riddled with temporal anomalies (if you look up from the surface you can probably see Voyager from Star trek flying over to check it out). Time seems to be in flux on the surface. The Earth government rushed the Saturnius into operation, a ship that can withstand entering damaged space/time. It’s based on hyperspace technology, the shield shifts the ship out of physical space without being affected by local conditions. Temporal anomalies aren’t in physical space though and the shield should not work at all. A planet riddled with anomalies, a shielded ship and the TARDIS makes for an explosive combination. That’s three bodies half in and half out of physical space causing casual fracture. Three objects colliding linked both to physical space and the vortex: a multi-dimensional singularity. There is a potential extinction event with the shockwaves rippling through the vortex and physical space. Temporal division is when people are divided into copies. That’s rather a tasty idea, an army of temporal duplicates.

Isn’t it Odd: This really is what a Doctor Who script would be like before if it were written by Brannon Braga. A bunch of ridiculous technobabble disguising itself as drama (because it’s certainly delivered with plenty of gusto). Mind you when River attempts to play the tenth Doctor in Steven Moffat’s hands and boil the science down to its simplest level for her audience I think I actually winced out loud. There must be a happy medium between the two. I don’t think it would have been so bad if this story had taken hold of its huge SF ideas and explored them intellectually. What this ultimately boils down to is some crazy shit happening and people going ‘No!’ and ‘Argh!’ a lot. Hmm…the idea of selective memory is very cheeky indeed. It means the Doctor and River can remember things when the plot needs them to (like the sonic screwdriver) and forget about things when it needs to too (like either of them remembering meeting one another). His last scene where the Doctor absent-mindedly finds himself of the Amazon and rivers for no apparent reason sums this story up perfectly.

Standout Scene: River rediscovering the TARDIS has more emotional impact than her rediscovering the Doctor. It’s a terribly well realised scene. ‘I can see the stars again!’

Result: ‘Can we do this without the need for a physics degree, professor Song?’ Amen to that. It feels more like an episode of Voyager than…I was about to say Doctor Who but of course this isn’t Doctor Who and at this stage in the game the River Song series can emerge with whatever formula it wants. Let’s just hope it isn’t like Voyager because temporal anomalies, amnesia and reset buttons all get tiresome very quickly. The key point in this episode is that the seventh Doctor was never going to remember River because his head is in something of a fog. If there’s going to be no impact to the character, what is the point of meeting them? This story has the get-out clause firmly in place before it has already began. Perhaps Big Finish should be brave in a Terrance Dicks/Robert Holmes fashion and just decide to fuck continuity and tell the stories they want to tell. Rather than slavishly adhering to continuity like this and ultimately damaging their output because of it. This should be rather more fun than it ultimately turns out to be; it’s got big science fiction ideas in it and interaction between the seventh Doctor and River. The former is handled in a sterile and unapproachable fashion and the latter is treated as exactly what it is; a marketing strategy rather than exploiting the situation for its dramatic, romantic or humorous worth. If you paused to ask the question ‘is this story worth telling?’ I think you would find about a third of Big Finish’s output wanting, and this release would be added to that list. It’s a handsome production, well-acted and directed but the two things that would ultimately make it worth listening to – storytelling and characterisation – are lacking. The best moment is all set up for the next story, which tells you everything you need to know. I know Guy Adams is better than this: 5/10

The Movellan Grave written by Andrew Smith and directed by Nicholas Briggs

What it about: When an archaeological dig in 1980s England finds a Movellan power pack buried amongst Iron Age artefacts, the Doctor and Romana have no choice but to investigate. And what they discover worries them very much indeed. A Movellan ship is buried under the ground. Soon the robotic enemies of the Daleks are making their way to the surface, but they are not the biggest threat humanity faces. Because on board this ship is the greatest weapon the Movellans have ever devised. A weapon that could stop the Daleks forever... and anything else that gets in their way.

Teeth and Curls: He’s living at 107 Baker Street these days. The Doctor thinks Mork and Mindy is a less than accurate account of extra-terrestrial life. He’s the sort of fella that would give a cabbie an extra three pounds and tell him to invest wisely.

Aristocratic Adventurer: Romana is astonished to have three channels and three choices on British television. Three? Yep, that's all I got from Romana in this story. Gosh, they're doing her justice.

Great Ideas: When it comes to black holes you’ve just got to have been there otherwise they’re just not funny. A Movellan power pack is unearthed, dated back 2000 years. It’s an intriguing opening and gives a good reason for the main storyline to get started. It has exactly the same sort of opening as Resolution, excavators digging up something alien that turns out to be more trouble than its worth. Humanoid in appearance, aesthetically beautiful but robots, slaves to logic and lacking all emotion. Their mission is to create a weapon to defeat the Daleks.

Isn’t it Odd: The Movellans have overcome their need for a power pack? They’ve overcome their need for power? They’re robots!

Standout Scene: The cliff-hanger features the Doctor trapped in an airlock and running out of oxygen. A bit like that cliff-hanger in The Ice Warriors without the drama. A bit like the cliff-hanger in Frontier in Space without the suspense. A bit like that cliff-hanger in Shada without the wit.

Result: +++++ STOP START +++++ REVIEW WRITTEN BY THE SAME COMPUTER THAT SPITS OUT 4DAS +++ The curse of the 4DAs trips up another reliable writer, this time Andrew Smith. How a writer who contributed towards the season that this story is apparently set in could fail to capture its tone or style so spectacularly boggles the mind. Big Finish has an obsession with picking over Doctor Who continuity like a vulture over a corpse and the poor bird has only got the scraps like the Exxilons and the Movellans left now the really juicy stuff like the Wirrn and the Zygons have been used up. It smacks of desperation on the part of the writers of this range, using an element of the past to dredge up some interest because ultimately without it this would be a hollow, shallow action adventure of no consequence whatsoever. I don’t understand why the revelations about the Movellans are packaged in this way because we already know all the set up about them from Destiny of the Daleks. Let’s take a step back and consider what workmanlike means because I often use it to describe these fourth Doctor stories – it suggests a competence, a reliability and that at least some effort has gone into making the piece entertain. Half the time these hour-long vignettes feel like they have been plotted by a computer; fitting together to form the most predictable pattern it can. Even the performances seem listless and drained of any vigour. The Movellan Grave is so tedious it saps the life out Tom Baker and Lalla Ward, two of the sunniest performers in Big Finish’s arsenal. It’s a story that is about a race of cold, emotionless robots and so the cast have no choice but to deliver monotonous performances, except the one Movellan that sounds like you typical ranting Doctor Who monster. His name is Chenek, which is as vanilla a name as a Doctor Who villain could have. I’ve tried to review this story three times and each time it has left me cold and desperate to turn it off. Avoid at all costs. +++++ REVIEW ENDS +++++ START STOP +++++: 2/10

The Night Witches written by Roland Moore and directed by Helen Goldwyn

What’s it about: When the TARDIS materialises north of Stalingrad in 1942, the Doctor, Jamie, Ben and Polly are captured by the Night Witches, an all-female unit of flyers tasked with disrupting the German forces nearing Moscow. They suspect that the travellers are spies - part of the Germans’ Operation Barbarossa. Despite their pleas they are locked up while it is decided what to do with them. Polly, however, is receiving strange looks from the pilots and clearly unnerving them. When the TARDIS crew discover why this is, it becomes clear that they’re about to get far more involved in the war than they could possibly have imagined.

Oh My Giddy Aunt: The Doctor is not saying that he is to continue teaching his companions how to fly the TARDIS, just that she is a stubborn old girl and she likes going where she likes going. He speaks Russian but it is clearly not his mother tongue and so it is very easy to identify him as a spy. Even at this early stage of his life it must be tiresome for him to constantly have to prove that he is not. A man who looks like a tramp and a guy in a skirt, they really are the unlikeliest group of spies that you could imagine. The Doctor cannot feel pity for somebody that was willing to sacrifice one of his friends at the drop of a hat.

Handsome Scot: This story is much more about Ben and Polly and Jamie is relegated to being the Doctor’s sidekick and seeking out food. But given Hines’ double duty playing both the Doctor and Jamie perhaps that isn’t such a bad thing. Hines flitting between the two characters continues to amaze me.

Lovely Lashes & Able Seaman: ‘Be lucky, Duchess…’ Ben is asking for trouble by suggesting that Polly isn’t bad for a woman driver. I like it how Ben refers to previous adventures to give context to where they might have arrived this time round, it helps to think of their escapades as a continuing series of adventures. They’re straight out of the TARDIS and having a snowball fight. It’s always worth remembering how much fun this pair were to be around. It might have been nice for Ben to have had a romance on the telly, or at least to catch the eye of somebody and make Polly jealous. His gentler scenes in this story bring out a softer side to the character that was rather appealing. Maybe they should have been braver and had the Duchess and the Sailor get it on. The chemistry between them was unquestionable. In a great moment Ben makes a slip and accidentally mentions that they travel in time and his companion wants to know how the conflict ends. It’s lovely seeing these characters cocking up in history because we so rarely got the chance to see that on screen. Polly expresses the very dark thought that if they had gone with the Doctor and Jamie, at least they would be dead too. Ben genuinely thinks he is going to die at one point and thinks of Polly before he prepares to go.

Standout Performance: I can’t help but notice that, whilst sounding very like Michael Craze, Elliot Chapman has much more humour in his portrayal of Ben Jackson. Craze played up the aggression and suspicion in the character much more where Chapman has a lighter air about him. I’m not complaining (because I might even prefer the character this way) but it is noticeable. I also enjoyed Anneke Wills playing Tatiana as Polly at the climax as she tries to convince her ‘friends’ to take her with them by slipping in under the radar.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘They say that if you meet your double, one of you die!’
‘Meanwhile the German tanks were making their inexorable way towards the Night Witches base…like an unstoppable force they were coming.’

Great Ideas: A tank being pointed right at the TARDIS and fired! What is it about the Second World War and the second Doctor that feels perfectly authentic, especially given that the historical stories were phased out during this time? Could it be that the mammoth ten-part story The War Games has identified the little clown with this devastating conflict irreparably. Given Polly’s doppleganger it is perfectly plausible to think that Polly is a spy that has come to take her place. An honest answer is given when asked if they can beat the Germans: no, because they have more power, more weapons and more troops. You have to remember that the outcome of the war was far from a foregone conclusion and I suspect the majority were of the opinion that the Germans would ultimately win. I really liked how Ben was able to escape to help Polly because he had made a friendship with one of the Night Witches. It makes the earlier scenes between them have more impact.

Audio Landscape: There’s some handsome action in the first episode, which is perhaps a little too over described when Helen Goldwyn conjures up the dazzling sound design Toby Hrycek-Robinson to plant us right in the action.

Musical Cues: There’s a terrifically atmospheric score, which is more about creating an air of disquiet than mimicking a new series full orchestra soundtrack. There are moments where it sounds remarkably like the second assignment of Sapphire and Steel.

Isn’t it Odd: What is it about turning up places where exact duplicates of the Doctor and his companions feature? It is a bizarre phenomenon that reaches from the Chancellory guard on Gallifrey to Cranleigh Hall. Let’s not beat around the bust it usually leads to an interesting performance from the actor chosen to play the doppleganger and it’s a fun convention. But the frequency with which it happens beggars belief. It’s almost as if the TARDIS – that can witness all of time and space in an instant – deliberately seeks these people out. The Doctor even says as much. The joy of audio is that Anneke Wills doesn’t have to play this character and we can still believe that she is the spit of Polly. The idea that somebody would be the spit of one of the Doctor’s companions and sounds just like her too is stretching credibility.

Standout Scene: The end of episode one, which features a lovely (if predictable) cliff-hanger where Polly appears to be dragged out of the wreckage of a plane. In a moment that I found fascinating rather than dramatic, Polly bursts into tears at the thought that Doctor and Jamie have been killed by the soldiers. It really hit me that so much of season four is placed for entertainment value rather than dramatic value (but then what else can you do when you are faced with the terror of Professor Zaroff’s killer Octopus). I would have liked some stories in this vein where the stakes were high. When you watch The War Games it goes to show just how much high drama can be mined from both the era and the WWII. Very sweetly, Ben tells Polly he will look after and nothing will happen to her, realising they are now stranded here.

Result: ‘If you betray us, Ben and Polly will be executed…’ The Night Witches were a corner of history that I knew nothing about and I have to say I’m very pleased that Doctor Who took the time to educate me about them. Russia’s involvement in WWII may have been well documented but I certainly wasn’t exposed to any of that literature at school or in any subsequent movies or novels I have read so much of this material came as a refreshing take on a well-worn period. And how nice to listen to a Doctor Who audio that favours atmosphere over action and gives over time to characterise its guest cast with care. It’s always nice when we head to another part of the world because there is a chance to hear some different accents to the norm and the Russian actresses all give very impressive performances. I’ve read criticisms that not a great deal happens in The Night Witches and it is true that it is a little short on incident given its two-hour running length but I found the production, the performances and the interactions between the characters more than compensated. Elliot Chapman and Anneke Wills in particular shine in a story that affords Ben and Polly some decent character development and Hines’ second Doctor continues to excite. Episode three was my favourite with the two Londoners apparently marooned in World War II and having to come to terms with what that means. At times it is like Troughton is really taking part, it’s truly the most loving recasting Big Finish has happened upon. The dialogue is naturalistic and helps to make these characters seem real and how nice to avoid the pitfalls of so many historicals that dive into your typical Doctor Who SF nonsense instead of leaning on the drama of the historical setting. The Night Witches isn’t the best Doctor Who historical or even the best Troughton era audio, but it is a superb production, beautifully acted and written with care: 8/10

The Iron Legion written by Pat Mills & Jon Wagner (adapted by Alan Barnes) and directed by Nicholas Briggs

What’s it about: 1979 AD! Led by the terrible General Ironicus, the mighty Iron Legion – robot veterans of the Eternal War – have come, seen and conquered the English village of Stockbridge! Caught up in the mayhem, the Doctor pursues the Legion back through the great Dimension Duct to their place of origin – an alternative Earth where Rome never fell… But can he survive the horrors of the gladiatorial Hyp-Arena long enough to uncover the terrifying secret at the heart of the Galactic Roman Empire?

Teeth and Curls: ‘Eccy Eccy Eccy! Ogg Ogg Ogg!’ Why does Tom Baker sound more like the Doctor of his television period in a story which isn’t a part of a range that is trying to capture his television period? This is a hugely assured, charismatic performance with the sort of animated material that brings out his younger self. I hate to render the role of the companion defunct but Tom baker was right when he suggested that his Doctor could go it alone in the universe! He spends this story dancing from one peril to another, witty and effervescent and commanding the audiences attention all on his own. He’s been all out of jelly babies ever since he took off from Zagger Six so a quick trip to England to the local shops is just the ticket. Hearing Tom Baker talk about his old enemy WOTAN makes this worth the admission price alone. The Doctor thinks nothing of decapitating a robot before breakfast just in case it blows a fuse over his non-terrestrial nature. How like the fourth Doctor to wake up facing the horrific Ectoslime creature and doff his hat and say ‘hello there!’ Very Creature from the Pit. How glorious that he manages to save himself from being drunk by telling as particularly good joke. His relationship with Morris is instantly charming, refusing to be frightened of the cyborg and telling him he is beautiful and talking in his broken English. Worth just hear the Doctor say ‘keep up mate!’ It’s a good job that each TARDIS carries a few spare dimensions as standard and the Doctor uses one to his advantage at the end of this tale. ‘Bye Bye Magog!’

Standout Performance: Huge kudos to Brian Protheroe who has the thankless task of bringing the broadly written Ironicus to life. I listen to a lot of audios and so I hear an awful lot of voices and it is the ones that make me pause, drawing attention to themselves due to the inflection, the performance or the delivery that really stand out. I kept being drawn to Protheroe in The Iron Legion, he was still the boastful bully of the comic but he managed to make some memorable out of that role all the same. A shout out to both Joseph Kloska and Toby Longworth as Morris and Vesuvius, two difficult roles to play who manage to walk the fine line between humour and pathos very effectively.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘What an interesting salad, you should give it a name!’ ‘Great Caesar!’ ‘Oh, that’s a good name.’
‘Oh I say my trident! You’ve melted it!’ might just be the campest thing I’ve ever heard in a Doctor Who story. And that is up against some pretty stiff competition.
‘You’ve heard it before I can tell.’
‘I couldn’t help but notice your head seems to be erupting.’
‘Well said Viv Bytheway!’
‘Not to me, you prannet!’ I don’t know what a prannet it is but I can only imagine it is the most heinous insult in this universe.
‘Empress of the Empty Dimension and Queen of the Big Zero!’

Great Ideas: I never used to have much love for the Doctor Who comics. It was a part of the magazine that I just couldn’t get my head around. A story told in static pictures? How does that work? More fool me. I waited until I had pretty much exhausted every other option when it came to exploring Doctor Who and then I bought one that came recommended. The first eighth Doctor graphic novel. I loved it, and there was a surprising amount of energy and momentum that could be built up with static pictures and dialogue. I was especially surprised by the intense characterisation that could be packed in an eight-page instalment. So, I bought another. And another. Eventually I had an empty wallet and the entire collection. My favourites were split into three periods – the 4th, 6th and 8th Doctor’s eras (with a huge mention for the latter day 10th Doctor stuff too). I had less joy with the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 11th Doctors but that was more down to the style of the artwork and the writing of those eras. The lack of budget meant that for once Doctor Who was as big budget and unlimitless as I always imagined it to be. The Iron Leigon was a particular delight. Bursting with wit, beautiful artwork and a crazy imaginative story, it really leapt from the page as one of the most memorable adventures the 4th Doctor had ever had. An alternative Earth where Rome never fell but instead developed a sophisticated technology and robot legions and conquered the galaxy is still one of the best ideas to ever have been dreamed up by any writer of a Doctor Who story. It made for a visually stunning comic strip and it makes an equally imaginative audio setting. The dimension duct is what allows the Iron Legion to travel to other worlds and conquer. The twist that the Emperor of this false Rome is nothing but a child works even better on audio. Eccy the Ectoslime creature has acid drool that he uses to liquefy his victims before he drinks them! What a way to go. The people of Stockbridge are being offered as sacrifices to the Malevilus, five hideous siblings from galactic mythology. Four evil brothers and most foul of all their sister Magog! Somehow their legend crossed the dimensional divide into Gallifreyan records. The Bestiarus are beast men genetically engineered super soldiers created by orders of the mad false emperor. They smashed everything in sight and had to be contained, that’s why they turned to robot technology. The General murdered the Empress when the Emperor was but a babe in arms.

Audio Landscape: The opening is double punch of madness featuring robot Romans attacking rural England and it could have been terribly confusing but Alistair Lock is on hand – not a name I see enough attached to Big Finish releases – to make sure that it is perfectly comprehensible. There are sequences that are told from the robot legionnaires point of view. Did Lock manage to get a recording of Magog transforming in real life? It sounds so real.

Musical Cues: Lock provided the first score for the Big Finish story I heard – Oh No It Isn’t – and his music for The Iron Legion is every bit as memorable. I love the dramatic militaristic theme for the Legion approaching, it gives the story an immediate sense of pace and excitement. The comical cues were a delight.

Standout Scene: The concept of having a commentator announcing the cliffhanging endings to try and lure back the punter in the next episode is a genius one. What a fantastic way of being able to tell the listener what is going on without having to resort to having the actors describe their every move (although there is a fair amount of that here too). This is cheeky beyond imagining, and very funny. I don’t quite know how or why but in both comic strip and audio form, the Death of Morris is very affecting. ‘Morris get to Rust in Peace.’

Result: ‘My Doug! And he’s more than stupid enough to lead a rebellion!’ I don’t think a first episode of a Big Finish adventure has ever flown by so quickly with its stunning central concept, terrific soundscape and musical score and star turn from Tom Baker who fits into this barmy comic strip world perfectly. The strip bounced from one hugely creative idea to another with stunning artwork from Dave Gibbons making the transitions in the plot seamless and visually stimulating. Alistair Lock takes his place on audio and more than does the story justice, creating a number of immersive soundscapes and a fully realised alternative Earth. The Doctor slips effortlessly into this broadly drawn world, a perfect prototype of who he would be at his glittering best in the Williams era and he is aided by two desperately sweet robots and a mouthy pair from Stockbridge making this a jolly team effort. I would have liked to have seen more from this five but perhaps they work so well because they are in this story and wouldn’t bring much to something a little shadier. How the story saves its secrets for the end of episode three is dazzling, a flashback to the past that reveals how things have come to be such a bloodthirsty mess. This the story where the Doctor fights a massive slime creature by telling it a joke, makes friends by simply being kind, flies a skimmer through a huge window with robot companions, and uses a herd of robotic elephants to save the day. I have heard many a 2-hour Big Finish story that has felt like it has stretched a simple story to an interminable length but The Iron Legion is one of those tales that fits perfectly into the four-episode format with plenty of incident, twists and turns and engaging characters to see the distance. I might be giving this full marks because I love the source material so much, because it made me smile from ear to ear throughout thanks to its sunny content or simply because it captures the innocence of childhood so spectacularly and excitingly. Briggs and Lock need to get together again soon. Bring back Vesuvius!: 10/10