Thursday, 21 June 2018

Journey’s End written by Russell T Davies and directed by Graeme Harper


What's it about: The literal interpretation of everything but the kitchen sink...

Mockney Dude (times two!): Much like the story itself the treatment of the Doctor here is full of good stuff and bad stuff which leaves me kind of ambivalent. I loved his cheeky little grin when Rose tells him that she came back for him and Davros’ assertion that even when powerless he is best contained. There is a breathtaking moment where Davros reveals he is a Time Lord who has butchered millions and we get to see flashbacks of all those that have died in his name. He keeps running and never looks back for fear of shame. That’s all really good, meaty stuff. And it's about time somebody held him to account for his dangerous lifestyle, because people do seem to get caught up and suffer in his wake. I just never thought it would be the most evil man in the universe to do it, which makes it even more impactful.  But all the stuff surrounding the second Doctor is a bit hit and miss for me. I personally think it is a perfectly workable and fun idea but it's another element in an already busy script and would work much better if played entirely for laughs in a comedy episode (as proven in the delightful moment between the Doctor and Doctor when he first shows up). When it comes to repeating the beach scenes and having to spell out about the war torn ninth Doctor and all the snogging…I thought I had wandered into a really odd soap. I know a lot of people feel that way a lot during the Davies era but I think it is balanced with the science fiction elements alot better elsewhere. In Journey's End it feels like the ending of the plot is throwaway and incomprehensible so the endless love story between the Doctor and Rose can be lavished with time and attention. Good idea, bad execution. It really tips the story into farcical melodrama and that’s a shame because there is a lot of good stuff elsewhere. David Tennant is at the top of his game here, at as point where the audience is completely in love with him but even he is only as good as the material he is given.

Tempestuous Temp: I love Donna with every fibre of my being and then a little bit more! This story demonstrates everything I adore about her character and Catherine Tate’s magnificent portrayal. In my top companion stakes Donna would probably only be beaten by Sarah. That’s how much I like her. The story makes such a big deal about the timelines converging on Donna that I'm glad Davies gave her a suitably unforgettable ending. She keeps stressing that she is a nobody, just a temp from Chiswick and in a quietly powerful moment the duplicate Doctor gets inside her head and reveals that it really isn’t a lie, that it is genuinely how she sees herself. She doesn’t believe she is anything special and she shouts at the universe because nobody is listening. Donna is screamingly funny as well, I love her squeaky voiced ‘You’re naked!’ and the chemistry between her and DonnaDoctor (‘Oi watch it Earth girl!’ ‘Oi!’ ‘OIII!’ ‘Stop it!’) is priceless. A shame that we didn’t get more of that since Tennant and Tate are unstoppable magic at this point. As magnificent as Midnight and Turn Left both were, it's sad that they should have been kept apart for two episodes of their one season run. I screamed at the telly when Donna was zapped by Davros…surely she wouldn’t get such a trivial end? Thank Goodness we didn’t get super clever Donna all the time since her smug technobabble is practically unintelligible. Donna making the Daleks go for a little tea dance is probably the sort of material that everybody feared when Catherine Tate joined the series full time so it's probably a good thing that Davies left this sort of farce for after the audience had completely fallen in love with her and could practically forgive anything. ‘The universe has been waiting for me!’ Donna tossing Sarah Jane away from Jack is laugh out loud funny. The climax kills me everytime, after the extreme melodrama of Rose going off with her boy toy Doctor I never expected such a gut punch straight after. She has a great big universe packed inside her tiny human brain and things suddenly turn dark when she admits ‘there can’t be’ a Time Lord/human metacrisis. It's painful to watch when Donna begs the Doctor not to take away her incredible experiences with him, this is Davies’ writing at its most powerful and cruel. Tate’s casual ‘Yeah, see ya’ is heartbreaking. Wilf swears she was a better person with the Doctor and I have to wonder if the Doctor was a better person because of Donna. Companions haven't had an ending this heartbreaking since Jamie and Zoe. It's during these moments where Journey's End really sings. Series four was a great run, but it was given an extra layer of magic by Donna Noble.

The Others: Well I wasn’t going to have a category for the entire menagerie of companions in this story or you would be reading this review until the cows come home. Everyone gets a nice little moment and this where they will be listed. Jack is exterminated again , which is probably the most hard hitting death of his many deaths because it takes him back to the first. In what other show would you write that kind of nonsense? Gita Kapoor makes her second appearance in Doctor Who (Dimensions in time being the first) and this time it catalogues her death. I wonder where Sanjay was. I really like that Martha has learnt from the Doctor to give the Daleks a choice to surrender before she scuppers their plans. Martha impresses Rose, a small but defining moment between the two characters who have never met before. Although why anybody would want to impress such a self centred mare is beyond me. Mickey is a joke these days, butch muscle and little else. A shame because Noel Clarke has a lot of cheeky personality that could be tapped. Nice ‘good to see you again’ moment between Sarah and Rose. No bitch fight this time. I miss Jack’s cheeky humour; he wants a foursome with the two tenth Doctors and DoctorDonna! Honestly, when did this show get so damn horny? Martha grinning at the audience is a lovely touch and one of my favourite moments of the story. Sarah screams with joy when she sees Luke again. Being a mother really is one of her defining characteristics these days. Who didn’t cry out with joy when K.9 appears? ‘Maybe there’s something else you could be doing?’ Jack says to Martha, which has never been followed up on. Hang on if this Doctor is infected with Noble personality does that mean Rose is kind of snogging Donna? Wilf’s tears are agonising to watch and he tells the Doctor that every night he will look up at the stars on Donna’s behalf and think of the Doctor. Bernard Cribbins breaks my heart a little too often for my liking, he's a dangerous man to be around if you're feeling delicate. The Doctor condemning Sylvia for her treatment of Donna is deliciously tense. I wish there could have been an episode where they could have had their differences out. I think it would have been explosive.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘The last child of Gallifrey is powerless…’
‘They are the playthings of Davros now…’
‘I was wrong about your warriors, Doctor. They are pathetic.’
‘Don’t just stand there you skinny boys in suits…get to work!’
‘I was gonna be with you forever…’

The Good Stuff: The German Daleks are very cool. In fact the German sequences in general open out the question as to why we don't get more scenes in subtitles that allow the expression of other languages rather than turning every nation into English speakers. It's a pretty unique story in that respect. I love being able to see a fully-fledged Dalek Empire at its height with the budget to make it look as awesome as you would imagine. It's not the case of cutting to hundreds of Louis Marks models in ice tunnels or shoving cardboard cut outs in the back of scenes. Whilst I admire the attempts of the directors to swell the numbers of the Daleks with the resources they have, Journey's End is pure Hollywood and needed to look expensive in order to pull of its ambition. Donna in the exploding TARDIS is gripping, roundels detonating, fire raging and Ms Noble screaming in desperation. It's rare that the TARDIS is treated as a place of danger like this, its usually our sanctuary. Should Davros have been characterised as a pathetic little man, living in the basement as the Daleks' pet? It's interesting how powerful he seems despite that. If you're looking for innovation, Dalek Caan is your man. With his excitable, icky tentacles raging and his childish, angry temperament, we've never seen a Dalek quite like this before. When you think of the scale and immensity of the Reality Bomb it makes the mind boggle…27 planets in alignment creating z neutrino energy and compressing reality into nothing. As Davros’ parting gift to the universe it is pretty much perfect. Destroying everything that isn't something he created is pretty much everything he stands for. When Davros recognises Sarah I get a chill of nostalgia that almost makes all this madness worthwhile. One of my favourite scenes in NuWho is Julian Bleach's 'Detonate the Reality Bomb!' sequence. It's a beautifully paced sequence where Davies dialogue (always a strength) absolutely sparkles. How Bleach grabs his head as though Davros is experiencing too much pleasure at the thought of wiping every living creature that he is in pain is ultimate indication of madness. There's something rather satisfying about the Daleks being destroyed by one of their own kind with a conscience. Who would have thought it possible? I love the ‘guess which planet is left’ gag…would it ever have been anything other than Earth? It's nice that I can still be surprised by things I thought I knew everything about such as the six operators in the TARDIS.

The Bad Stuff: This was the most anticipated Doctor Who episode ever with the highest ever placing in the charts and it begins with the most crushingly disappointing cliffhanger resolution in the history of the show. It becomes a bit of a joke when Mickey and Jackie show up as gun toting gangsters. Whereas The Stolen Earth got the balance just about perfect, it feels at this point that there are too many extraneous characters at the party with nothing to do. Jackie has absolutely no characterisation beyond ‘Where’s Rose?’ That's a huge oversight because she was one of the defining characters in the series return to the screen in 2005. The Doctor pauses to tell all his companions that they were brilliant before stepping out to face the Daleks…oh fuck off and get out there! Its  Davies slapping all of his characters on the back for being amazing before things get nasty. I find it very odd that there should be a final devastation option where the entire Earth can be blown up if it looks like the planet will fall completely into alien hands. Why didn't they use it during the Dalek Invasion of Earth? Well, both of them. It suggests the death of hope, which goes against everything Doctor Who stands for. How could I go without mentioning the astonishing twee and scientifically ludicrous idea of the the TARDIS towing the Earth back to it's correct orbit. There's a reason this wasn't done during the Trial of a Time Lord season where the planet befell a similar fate of being dragged away and renamed...because it's a bit shit. Davies is generally at his worst when he is drowning in celebratory syrup like this and this kind of hero worship (the music swells to ridiculous 'we're all wonderful characters doing an amazing thing for the people of the Earth' proportions) just makes me want to vomit. Just have the characters behave honourably and do good things. Stop giving them such a spectacular round of applause. It's telling us that they are wonderful rather than showing us. There are more goodbyes in this episode than there was in The Return of the King. Davies cannot bear for his treasured companions to have an unhappy ending so the death that was promised isn't really delivered. Doomsday had an unforgettably dramatic ending and yet Rose’s end here is sickly and indigestible. Both were soapy but it's clear to see when you compare the two how far Doctor Who can push that. Doomsday went for pure character drama and it worked a treat, Journey's End throws in weird science fiction doppelgangers and it's all a bit tasteless and unbelievable.

The Shallow Bit: Jack looks as hot as ever and I have bad thoughts when he hugs Mickey. Is it my imagination or is Catherine Tate the best looking female companion in this story? Maybe she's just naturally radiant.

Result: I watched this episode with a non-fan and at the end she turned to me and asked, ‘What was that all about?’ Journey’s End finishes off (in my eyes) the most successful year of NuWho in chaotic style; it’s a noisy, busy, jumbled mess with the occasional brutally thoughtful moment thrown in. It looks fantastic throughout and Graeme Harper’s direction is as strong as usual but he is fighting a losing battle with a script that is overloaded with elements screaming for more attention and a number stomach turning moments of melodrama. Davros doesn’t get nearly enough screen time considering he is the most interesting thing here and that is a crying shame given how much effort everybody has put into making him as ghoulish as possible. The duplicate Doctor thread doesn’t work for me and Rose’s fate is like swallowing a bitter pill. Rose is a bit of an anchor in the series at this point that the show needs to move on from, especially when the elements that have been introduced since her first departure have been so successful. The final 15 minutes sum up this story well; some cringeworthy moments (towing the Earth back into it's correct position) and some treasurable moments (Sarah Jane's goodbye, Wilf's tears). Once all the noise and bluster is over we are handed one of the most achingly poignant companion departures ever, a scene that left me screaming at the screen at the injustice of it all. It's a brutal end to a gorgeous companion which almost makes up for a lot of the nonsense that came before: 6/10


Thursday, 7 June 2018

The Mouthless Dead written by John Pritchard and directed by Lisa Bowerman

What’s it About: The TARDIS arrives in 1920s England, the Doctor, Jamie, Ben and Polly finding themselves in a wintry dusk beside a railway line. The station nearby appears deserted, but there are figures watching from the shadows, all of them waiting for a dead man’s train...

Oh My Giddy Aunt: Human technology impresses him. There is an element of him playing about with very simple toys but he genuinely admires the intricacies of alien mechanisms. The Doctor mentions not having lost anybody in this war, which matches the sort of cryptic comments he used to make about his background in the first six years of the show.

Lovely Lashes: It might seem terribly sexist to leave Polly to chat away and empathise with the only other female character in the story but she’s such a personable young lady and has an ability to get close and help people that it can only be considered a strength of her character.

Able Seaman: Sailing is in the Jackson family line, and Ben is well aware of the dangers of the sea thanks to his father’s tales.

Young Scot: Jamie is still confused by the whole nature of the TARDIS and how it travels, it’s early days for him. His just as confused about trains, but he’s very willing to learn. He’s seen the kind of grief war leaves behind and when you march off to fight it’s impossible to think about how your loved ones will react if you didn’t come back. Jamie is taught about the Second World War, thus ticking the box of Doctor Who educating its audience. We were just on the tail end of that in the early Troughton days before the historicals were written off completely.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I saw it coming out of the tunnel. A massive iron beastie snorting smoke…’
‘As someone wise once pointed out…only the dead have seen the end of war.’

Great Ideas: A train strikes the TARDIS a glancing blow as it materialised and the Ship requires time to heal itself from the wound. I really like this idea, although it does contradict other times when the TARDIS has come under much greater assaults and come out beaming. But then the abilities and weaknesses of the craft have always been made up as they go along so this is entirely consistent. The stories of trains colliding with one another are told in the form of creepy horror tales. It shows just how dangerous a job it could be in the early days. How many people would have thought that the unknown soldier was their brother/husband/father? Standing as a symbol for all the men anonymously lost to conflict, it must have been an enticing symbol of what people had lost. How many people visited that monument and wondered ‘what if it is…?’ England has been ravaged by the worst war in its history and there are soldiers being mourned in every home. Minds are focused on the journey of the train bringing the unknown soldier home. On everything that he represents. The TARDIS is right there in the middle of all this with all those thought waves pouring in and it has given them some kind of substance. The TARDISes telepathic circuits were damaged when the train hit her, it took the memories that people had associated with war and projected them onto the creatures approaching. That’s why Jamie sees Redcoats but Ben sees a very different sort of walking dead army. They’ve coalesced into the real world, representing a universe of loss. Touching them will destroy your utterly, a blast of overwhelming grief. If the science is a little shaky (like Hitler was a little naughty), it is at least a reasonable technobabble excuse to capitalise on the emotional impact of the war. This story really does drive home the collective tragedy of all those lives lost.

Audio Landscape: Big Finish excels at this kind of unnerving horror. It’s very Sapphire and Steel in tone how it utilises unpredictable but recognisable sound effects to make your skin crawl. Bells sounding, breathing in the darkness, the hissing of a steam train.

Standout Scene: It was very Doctor Who to have a first episode that generated atmosphere and suspense rather than pushing the plot. The Mouthless Dead really goes for that approach to the point where the first episode is practically plotless but it is generating a sense of unease by talking about previous horror tales surrounding trains only serves to whet the appetite for the approaching horrors to come. So, when the train finally makes an appearance and the dead soldiers lumber out of the tunnel at the cliff-hanger it is a truly gripping moment.

Result: ‘Any man who fell can represent them all…’ An effective chiller, standout because so many Troughton tales ignore the fruits of exploring history. I really appreciate it when the companion chronicles take the second Doctor back in time (Resistance was another striking piece) and The Mouthless Dead doesn’t want to dash into a shallow action piece like so much of season four, it takes its time to build up an atmosphere of disquiet. Mind you, this is much more like a full cast audio than a regular companion chronicles, it lacks the intimacy that I associate with the range at its best featuring just one regular telling the tale. Instead the story confines itself to one location, which traps all four of the regulars and has more than a little touch of Assignment Two of Sapphire and Steel. Jamie and Ben both have their own tales of work in the forces, and Polly puts her charms to good use. Just a few years previously Doctor Who was all about educating its audience and so the use of the Unknown Soldier adds a little real historical colour and the line ‘any man who fell can represent them all’ from Polly really drives home what he meant to a lot of people. To add a dash of science fiction to the mix the TARDIS gets to display some intriguing regenerative qualities, which gives a good reason to strand the TARDIS crewmembers. I’d prefer Chapman to narrate more of these as he has slipped into these season four stories effortlessly, but you know you’re in for a skilful reading with Wills and Hines at the reins and all three performers give emotive performances that draw you in. My one serious complaint about this creepy adventure is that it shares the setting and tone of The End of the Line from the Sixth Doctor Last Adventure set and isn’t quite as in your face scary as that one. But if my only real downer is that one of best releases of recent years was superior, that still leaves The Mouthless Dead as a superior Companion Chronicle and one that I suggest you listen to in bed with the lights off before you shut your eyes. If the story gets a little bogged down in the mechanics of the plot in part two, it remembers to ground the story in personal moments. If there was one overriding thought that I took from this story it is that is better to remember the bravery and the heroic deeds of those who don’t make it back from combat, rather than dwell on the fact that they won’t be returning home. The Doctor’s suggestion that he would love to find out who the unknown soldier was would be missing the point. The best ‘classic’ range of Big Finish adventures hits with a striking tale: 8/10

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe written by Steven Moffat and directed by Farren Blackburn


This story in a nutshell: Lemonade on tap, presents to another world and a man following a star home to Christmas with his kids. It’s the Doctor Who Christmas Special! 

Mad Professor: If there was ever proof that Matt Smith went off the boil as the Doctor during his rein then you need look no further than this Christmas special that sees him handed a script that sees him reduced to a series of cute quirks rather than the complex character that he was handed in his first season. It’s such a dumbing down of the central role it is one of the few times where I would say that the Doctor is a little embarrassing to be around, and that is a very rare occurrence (The Underwater Menace, Nightmare of Eden, Mindwarp, Paradise Towers and The Happiness Patrol have their moments too). It’s the ultimate example of portraying him as a completely child friendly gimp, all hand waving, sonic madness and toothy grins. There’s no substance to his portrayal, no way of engaging with such a goofy sonofabitch. He’s wearing his impact suit backwards so gawp at the Doctor walking in a funny way all back to front because that would simply be hilarious. Note the sarcasm. Maybe the Doctor shouldn’t be companionless at Christmas because it rarely ends well for the quality of the story being told (The Next Doctor, The End of Time Part One, this abomination, Twice Upon a Time). The Doctor is then presented as the supreme fun time caretaker who skips about an old house pouring lemonade from taps, tearing doors of hinges and ripping off Narnia wardrobes with giant presents. Oh my, what happened to this character? It’s just a bit of fun, Joe, I hear you cry. Only this isn’t fun. This is Mary Poppins as told by a socially awkward, self-knowing geek. And in the most knowing winks at the audience Matt Smith grins at the camera and says ‘I know!’ as if he’s telling us THIS IS FUN! When the Doctor starts itemising the super fun things in kid’s rooms (‘The Magna Carta!’) I wanted to reach into the screen and strangle him with my bare hands just to shut him up. Should I ever want to do that? Even when he was trying to kill Peri I was kind of on the fence because she was so whiny. I’m so so so so fun! I’m the funnest fun Time Lord ever! Oh fuck off, Moffat. Also, the eleventh Doctor looks so tailored these days whereas he looked such a wonderful old scruff in his first year. Smith has gone Hollywood, Doctor Who style. What The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe tells us is that with Moffat at the reins, Matt Smith had shown us everything he could do with the Doctor at this point. There isn’t anything that we see here that he hasn’t done smarter/funnier/more commanding elsewhere. Another season of hand waving and he’ll be gone.

Dreadful Dialogue: I could put the majority of the script in this section but here are a few examples of the agonising self-parody…
‘Is it fairyland?’ ‘Fairyland! Oh grow up, Lily! Fairyland looks completely different!’ Don’t rise to it, Joe…
‘I have mother issues, sir. It’s all on file.’
‘Aliens made of wood! This was always going to happen, you know!’
‘What have I told you about opening your presents early?’ Really?
‘Mother Christmas!’
‘It’s Christmas Day, my love! Where else would you be?’
‘Humany wumany.’

The Good: I’m not sure if this belongs in the ‘bad’ section but the opening few seconds which depicts (another) attempted attack on the Earth by alien interlopers is by far the most interested I was in this story. Before long the Doctor is spat from the impressive looking spaceship and treading water in the atmosphere as he screams towards the Earth and goofing about on the streets at Christmas but for five seconds or so I got a Christmas Invasion type vibe about the story that looked as though we were going to get something much more gripping than we actually do. Never let your audience take a peek at a story that is much more sophisticated looking than the one you are actually going to show them. Amy and the water pistol ready to squirt carol singers. Worthy of the one point I gave this story.

The Bad: Doctor Who has a very bad grasp of understanding of how the vacuum of space works. Don’t get me wrong this is science fiction (emphasis on the fiction) but it is still quite a stretch to fundamentally change how the laws of science work. The effects of the Doctor dancing with the spacesuit are desperately unconvincing – you never had that trouble with Jon Pertwee in Frontier in Space! Is there anything more annoying than a child in a Steven Moffat show ran episode? Let’s take a look at the evidence; Angie and Artie (kill me now), George (wimpy), Mels (so smug), young Kazran (pure as the driven snow), young Danny Pink (insufferably cute), all the children from In the Forest of the Night (literally the most agonising cast of children every to be committed to film)…the only exception is Young Amelia who thanks to a engaging performance manages to actually warm the heart a little. Otherwise it is like the creche from hell and Cyril and Holly are no exception. They never manage to emerge from their roles as cute as a button kiddiewinks and as such I just want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork every time they are on screen. Whoever chose to put Cyril in this thick rimmed specs that give him the additional hindrance of looking completely gormless too deserves shooting. The scenes of Reg flying his damaged plane over the Channel lack any sense of danger whatsoever. Partly because we haven’t spent any time with this character and haven’t been given any reason to care about his death and partly because the scenes are filmed in a dreamy, fairy-tale kind of way that plagued the Matt Smith era and reduced some potentially gripping scenes to cartoonish nonsense. There’s no real drama surrounding Reg not coming home to his kids because it is presented in the most unimaginably twee was possible, with cute as a button one dimensional characters hanging around waiting for him at Christmas. Is this really the same writer who wrote stories as dark as The Empty Child and Heaven Sent? Remember when Moffat stated in The Girl in the Fireplace that you have to keep throwing in visual curveballs to keep the audience interested (some people might say that is the job of an engaging story but I digress)…well overscheduling his talents has clearly exhausted his imagination. Huge Christmas baubles! Living trees! Presents that are a gateway to another world! Just saying that characters have come from Androzani isn’t enough to impress me…it’s a throwaway reference to a far, far superior story (you know, when Doctor Who used to good) and the characters are so aesthetically different from anything in The Caves of Androzani that I can’t make the visual link anyway. Like so much of this story, it’s a misguided attempt to impress in the wrong way. The dialogue between the three characters from Androzani is like some terrible old sitcom version of Doctor Who where everybody talks in a hideously self-knowing way. Monsters that barely have any dialogue, child characters I don’t give a damn about and a bunch of trees that are under threat of acid rain…why should I give a damn about any of this? People said that the Cyber King from The Next Doctor was absurd…how about Madge getting into a piece of futuristic hardware and riding successfully through the forest? The ending is a loathsome metaphor for Mother Earth (Madge being able to save the day because she is a woman and has the strength of a mother’s love…or something) and a parody of the stars lighting the way for the Wise Men (Madge providing a star for her husband to follow to get home for Christmas for his children…or something). It’s a conclusion that uses sentiment as logic and abandons reason and intelligence. It’s an ending in a self-knowing Christmas special that knows it has to have a happy ending…and so it does just because. It’s the laziest ending to a Doctor Who story that I can remember. Everything’s alright…because it should be. Oh vomit.

Result: ‘This Christmas is going to be the best Christmas ever!’ You need to be careful when you scripting words like that. A fatigued writer, trying to out-Christmas his previous year and ending up dousing the series in syrup and producing one of the least effective scripts in the shows long history. Some people will give this episode a pass because it is a Christmas special (and you know, they’re never supposed to be very good…until they are like The Christmas Invasion and Last Christmas) but there is no point where Doctor Who should be this unengaging, this lethargic in its attempts to impress, this reduced to cliché and sentimentality and this lacking in incident, relatable characters and memorable moments. I know Russell T Davies hates this word when it comes to describing writers, but this script is just so lazy. None dimensional characters (I include the Doctor in that) trapped in a dreary alien landscape, monsters that fail to raise an eyebrow (even visually), and a score that beats you to death with how golly gosh fun this is all supposed to be. This is the story that reduces the grief of losing somebody to something chokingly twee, offbeat and repairable. Yeah, that’s a message you should be promoting at Christmas, Doctor Who. I lost count of how many times I wanted to kill myself during this rewatch and I recall falling asleep long before the credits when I first watched it…something that has never happened before or since. This could be held up as the cure for insomnia or the piece of television to be studied by those who are entering into the medium to warn them of how not to make a seasonal spectacular. I hate how horribly self-knowing the show was during this period too (‘we’ve gone through a dimensional portal little girl from the Second World War’), taking everything for granted and refusing to present anything as fresh and original. Oh wait, that’s because nothing here is fresh or original. It’s a hackneyed piece of old SF tat, the visual equivalent of watching paint atrophy over a millennium and about as creative as a lecture entitled the future of plumbing. The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe has all the key ingredients of Christmas but it is being put together by somebody who fundamentally doesn’t quite know how to pull off the festivities. Imagine going to a family Christmas where everything is present and correct but it winds up being a funless bore. That’s this story. And to waste Claire Skinner, Alexander Armstrong, Arabella Weir and Bill Bailey in one story is nothing short of indecent. How Moffat recovered (and survived) from this obscenity I will never know: 1/10

Thursday, 24 May 2018

The Thief Who Stole Time written by Marc Platt and directed by Ken Bentley

What’s it about: A god has died. A crime has been committed. And an even greater threat lies beneath the surface. On the ocean world of Funderell, Romana has been reunited with her old friend from Gallifrey, Sartia, and the Doctor is investigating the history and religion of this strange world. But events have quickly spiralled out of control. Why is this planet of such interest to the Time Lords? What lurks in the depths? The life of more than one world is at stake. But time is running out.

Teeth and Curls: I’ve had my criticisms about both Tom Baker (who occasionally tips into self-parody when playing the part) and his range (more like the standard of writing from certain quarters) but it has to be said that when he knuckles down and gives a committed and focuses turn he is still the best Doctor we have ever had. It’s there in Foe From the Future, it was there is The Paradox Planet and it’s here in Marc Platt’s four part finale to season six. He shows appropriate concern for those around him, he’s willing to get anxious in the stressful moments, he has delightful chemistry with his companion and he smartly and intelligently tackles the problem at hand. It’s become easy to criticise the fourth Doctor on audio so I think it’s time the tables were turned a little and Big Tom was given the praise he deserves. Baker gets the chance to narrate at one point, which just goes to show what a gorgeously rich voice he has for audio. He literally makes the words come alive. How very Tom Baker to enter a scene and apologise for a recently deceased God.

Aristocratic Adventurer: There’s a spectacular moment when the usually unflappable Romana is rescued and she’s practically in floods of tears because she thought she was going to drown. We could do with a little more of that kind of danger for these two because this really feels like breaking new ground for them. You just know she is going to tear Sartia’s head off when she gets the chance. Sartia’s anger towards her makes her question if she really was that obnoxious in her previous incarnation but the assures her it was just over confidence. It’s not the most probing of evaluations of her character but I do appreciate the effort all the same. The only way that Romana could ever be tricked into letting Sartia into the TARDIS would be if she thought the Doctor was in danger. The Doctor couldn’t ask for more in a companion, that’s how he makes her feel better when she questions how everybody hated her in the Academy. It doesn’t matter who she was, it’s who she is that counts.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Anyone can do naïve! You look at me…how else am I so charming?’
‘I’ll make it dance until the stars bleed!’
‘Prydon Prejudice!’

Great Ideas: I love how the storytelling device that was employed at the beginning of the previous episode and was so unusual and off-putting is now deployed to spin the events The Skin of the Sleek and now includes the Doctor and Romana. It mythologises them, places them in a myth. You’ve got to love being exposed as a villain but not to all of the characters and so we get to enjoy melodramatic supervillain Sartia lamenting over Romana after she has just placed her in peril. Funderell’s depths and it’s great panoply of flora and fauna are all one great big entity. Too many parallel times coursing through one area of space…and Funderell is the plug! There’s a lethal conjunction of timelines at the heart of the world but the depths and creatures form a specific pattern designed to seal the anomaly in. The Time Lords knew how to build planets in those days and this one is particularly ecologically elegant. With control of the timelines Sartia thinks that she will become a God. She’s annoyed that these kind of dirty secrets are the ones that the Time Lords never reveal to their up and coming students. She’s so potty she’s willing to hand some control over to Romana and create both the Sartiaverse and the Manaverse! I love the idea of being able to grab hold of threads of timelines and weave them into a universe of your own making. It’s those sorts of brain expanding concepts that I really love Doctor Who for sometimes.

Isn’t It Odd: Given that everything was kicking off so spectacularly at the end of the last episode, the first ten minutes of The Thief Who Stole Time are very quiet and subdued. I wondered if Sartia had just buggered off and abandoned her plans. Leaving Romana for a while was a smart move though because it genuinely gets us worried about her fate. Ultimately it is very predictable that Sartia will bite off more than she can chew with this planet sized plug. I was just waiting for the inevitable to happen and her arrogance to punish her.

Standout Scene: Sartia, insane with megalomania, playing the timelines like a musical instrument and making the universe sing to her tune.

Result: ‘The universe is mine!’ I tell you what Marc Platt…you think big. It’s very rare for Marc Platt and I to have an off day together and even if I am not insanely enthused by something he has written, I always appreciate the detail of his world building, the poetry of his dialogue and the subtlety of his characterisation. Ever since Ghost Light through his novels onto Big Finish, Platt has been a trailblazer for high concept, intelligent and memorable tales. His four parter at the end of season six is no different and once again he is plunging into the depths of Time Lord history to air some of the dirty laundry. That’s how I like the Time Lords portrayed, terrifying mythical bastards who weave planets to plug holes in space time and forget about the consequences. In an audio season that fails to capture the essence of it’s intended era, I’m pleased to say that Platt and Bentley have finally managed to evoke something of season 18 thanks to inclusion of a world with secrets (Full Circle, Logopolis), an ignorant society that is part of the mythology (State of Decay) and a rogue Time Lord up to no good (The Keeper of Traken). It’s the best use of the Doctor and Romana all season too, which is generally seen the main man acting in a very frivolous fashion and the leading lady frown her way through the stories. Here they are both engaged, the Mighty Tom getting his teeth into his exploration of the planet and the Time Lord involvement and Romana facing up to the disappointments of her past in the form of her relationship with Sartia. The villainess isn’t the subtlest the series has ever seen but Joanna Tincey gets to play the part full throttle now the Time Lady’s bonkers plan is revealed. And villainesses are always fun. It’s so nice to point some positivity at this range after writing so many reviews complaining about the same points. The Skin of the Sleek and The Thief That Stole Time aren’t perfect, but they are trying very hard to be different, with vivid imagery and bold concepts. More like this please: 8/10

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

The Lure of the Nomad written by Matthew J Elliot and directed by John Ainsworth

What’s it about: For thousands of years, it has drifted through space, unimpeded, forgotten, seemingly lifeless. Now, finally, it has been discovered. Responding to a distress call from the mysterious hulk, the Doctor and his companion, space pilot Mathew Sharpe, walk into a desperate situation. The multi-tentacled semibionic Makara were tasked with renovating the abandoned craft, but now they’ve begun murdering their employers. The Doctor soon realises that the Makara have been programmed to kill, but by whom, and for what reason? Finding out the truth will mean uncovering a secret that threatens the entire Universe.

Softer Six: He promised Matthew one trip in the TARDIS but things have gotten waylaid somehow. They’ve had adventures with the Quark, the Mermadons and the Chronosaurus with Samuel Pepys. He thinks the TARDIS must be due for a complete overhaul, top to bottom. Ever boastful, he modestly claims that he is quite the climber and used to scale the side of Mount Callisto on Gallifrey. Apparently, he was also responsible for calling the TV show Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Name dropper. He’s incredibly verbose in MJE’s hands, but full of good humour and smart observations. I was pleasingly surprised at his characterisation here. The Doctor mentions Peri, which places this story after her time (or at least her first tenure with him). Usually the camera loves him! Curly hair is a look that he keeps coming back to. He’s known as the Doctor, omniversally and his reputation precedes him. He’s knowns as the protector of all things solid and magnificent, at least to the Geist. Unlike his predecessor he has looks and perspicacity to spare. For the first time ever somebody finds the Doctor’s wardrobe extraordinarily tasteful. It is revealed (somewhat slyly) that the coat is from the collection of the Contessa Withagee of Kolpasha. He’s not accustomed to putting his faith in braggats boasting with guns…and he’s not afraid to say so either. You could say how the Doctor has been duped so spectacularly for such a long period of time might make him look like a galactic dunce but his new companion being comprised of an entire universe means that he could justifiably have the advantage. Also the sixth does have form for this kind of blind spot…remember mysterious Charlotte Pollard? The best part of the climax features the Doctor being a cold bastard and turning his back on Mathew, who is begging him for help.

New Recruit: I remember when this tory was announced and it seemed clear that the sixth Doctor was going to get another new companion. Because it had gone so well with Brewster last time. Actually, I was quite keen on Brewster, even though I think he struggled to establish himself with the audience at large. The questions on most people’s lips seemed to be why was the sixth Doctor being offered a regular stream of new assistants when Davison and McCoy weren’t being treated with the same luxury. Was this a one trick pony companion like Fitz in Company of Friends? Or was something more sinister going on and he isn’t at all what he seems to be? With his ‘look at the size of this place?’ I sensed that MJE was trying to capture a Doctor/Jamie vibe. He met the Doctor when his ship got into a spot of trouble over the planet Omelia. Unfortunately, the Doctor had a few errands to run before getting him home. It’s a bit like a replay of that moment when the Doctor shows up in Night of the Doctor but without the drama of the immediacy of the situation. The Doctor mentions that he reminds him of Harry Sullivan. All MJE had to do was bring up Ben and Adric and we would have all the young male companions alluded to.

Standout Performance: Remember when Big Finish could introduce companions like Evelyn and Erimem and Hex apparently with ease. The companion introductions these days (Daniel Hopkins, Matthew Sharpe…even Flip’s initial story failed to make an impression) are far less memorable and vivid. George Sear is brought in to represent new companion Matthew Sharpe and it’s a surprisingly muted performance, rather than one of youthful exuberance that I was expecting. Sear has good chemistry with Colin Baker and that is the more important thing because I was genuinely convinced that they had had a relationship together before this story. I got the impression that Sear hadn’t done a great deal of audio drama before and didn’t quite have the naturalism that I have come to expect. However, I thought it was a perfectly likable performance for a one-shot story and while the character never stood out like some companions do in their ‘first’ story, I warmed to him enough that by the time his true identity was revealed, I was sorry to see him go. Let’s call it a qualified success. Sear has much more success as Mathew than as a galactic superbeing from another universe, it has to be said. It’s great to have Anna Barry back in Doctor Who (Anat from Day of the Daleks) – a terrific actress, giving a suitably weighty role.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Please be aware that we do not wish to kill you. We simply have no choice in the matter. We hope that you will accept our sincere apologies for your murder.’
‘I have always been of the opinion that truly civilised beings should always have freshly brewed tea to hand.’
‘In an unreliable universe you have been a solid presence.’
‘You’re saying I’ve been off the air for seventy-two years?’
‘You have made an enemy today, Doctor!’ ‘You’ll have to join a very long queue, I’m afraid. Even alphabetically, you’re nowhere close to the front.’

Great Ideas: Willoway is a being of pure vapour, which is a pretty original idea for Doctor Who. Because she is intangible she finds the idea of solidity fascinating. The idea of Grand Designs being updated to Universal Designs in the future and following the adventures of new hotels and structures being built on other worlds really raised a smile. The Makara are another really fun idea thrown into the mix – biomechanical jellyfish that apologise when they have to kill you. That’s a Douglas Adams era Doctor Who type idea. How does a humanoid crew live through a journey lasting perhaps centuries without access to suspended animation chambers or faster-than-light engines? Inside a time bubble, of course and using artronic crystals where time runs at a different rate inside the bubble than without. Because the Nomad was the ship that famously transported the population of the doomed planet Mirelle to Erebus. The settlers were all murdered by the Myriad Army. You’ve got some great Moffat-style timeywimeyness with the use of the time bubble and Drazen’s seventy-two-year disappearance. The Myriad are every piece of matter, every person from another universe. The universe that exists after this one, where individuality has been wiped out. Mathew sought out the Doctor because only a time sensitive could retrieve Juniper from the bubble. The Myriad have an insane plan to cause a build up of radiation powerful enough to cause a big bang and end the entire universe and kick start there’s prematurely.

Isn’t it Odd: Clunky exposition makes itself apparent in the very first scene (‘we’re a long way from Mirelle…’). In typical MJE style, the story opens with the story talking all about a more interesting story that has already been and gone. It strikes me that the author has a number of solid ideas at the heart of his stories but just doesn’t have a clue what to do with them. He presents them in a very clear way and as a listener you can see the potential (a gaseous entity, bio-mechanical jellyfish) and they proceeds to have them waffle on for four episodes not achieving anywhere near their potential. It’s a little unforgivable to express imagination and then fail to capitalise on it. Drazen is a dreadfully unconvincing stereotype who spouts lines like ‘I’m rich and important and need rescuing!’ This kind of arrogant businessman turns up a lot in Doctor Who and it’s rare that they are as painfully unsubtle as this. I did appreciate the mention of his father to try and give his bullish behaviour some motivation, but it doesn’t account for the crassness of his dialogue. I find it a little odd when a writer delivers the same cliff-hanger twice without adding anything else to the mix. The climax to episodes one and two both feature the Makara menacing the characters of this story and the plot doesn’t seem to have advance one jot between them. You could pick up in episode three and it could the beginning of episode two. A competent scriptwriter would lay clues about the Nomad early in the script so that when the Doctor comes to reveal all the seeds of information about the ship were already in place but instead when the reveal comes it lacks drama because aside from one mention, we have no clue what the bloody Nomad is until the Doctor eventually deems to tell us.

Mind you don’t listen to me, check out the Big Finish website where the usual list of sites delivers their predictably complimentary reviews of every release. Honestly some online sites are becoming more of a propaganda machine for the company than DWM. Either that or they genuinely think every single release is worth endorsing and is the pinnacle of what Doctor Who can achieve, in which case I question the critical faculties of the people who are compiling those reviews.

Standout Scene: The end of episode three, obviously. Which is a terrific cliff-hanger as scripted but is somewhat undone by the central performance crucial to the moment. Which annoyingly is the reverse problem with the rest of the story (which is great actors salvaging a tricky script). I really love the fact that Mathew has been controlling the events of the story, even from before we joined it.

Result: The worst thing in the world has finally happened…my precious Colin Baker has finally been foisted upon with a Matthew J Elliot script! Given everything that has come before, the first episode isn’t that bad at all. Some intriguing ideas, some pleasingly memorable aliens and a new Doctor and companion team exploring an unknown location with some enjoyably witty banter. It’s almost completely lacking in incident, but I think we have to come to expect that from an MJE script now. John Ainsworth’s direction, which is always something a little bit special, is sympathetic to the script and he has utilised some fearsome talent to bring the verbose and stuttering story to life. Not only that but Colin Baker is attacking this script with real verve, which makes up for a quite a few of it’s narrative faults. An enthused Colin Baker means I get enthused when he is talking and that counts for a lot in these stories and where Sylvester McCoy struggled terribly with MJE’s fractured, endless dialogue, Baker positively revels in it like a pig in shit. If you’re looking for a story with a lot of plot advancement then I suggest you look elsewhere because Lure of the Nomad runs on the spot for it’s first three episodes with very little in the way of narrative development and then after the bombshell at the end of episode three has to explain everything away in a terrible hurry before the curtain call. Elliot’s writing is improving insofar as the dialogue feels more naturalistic but his ability to script a story in an artistic way is still sadly lacking. The last episode features some big ideas (destroying the entire universe shouldn’t be taken lightly) but I found that the universal super beings spent a little too much time waffling rather than kicking their grand plan into motion. And as usual so much of the best of this story happens off screen (the Doctor meeting Mathew and their adventures together, the Myriad attack on the Nomad, the existence of the other universe). I’m well aware of this story’s faults but there are a fair few strengths in there too and all told I enjoyed this far more than I didn’t. If I compare it to a story in last years sixth Doctor trilogy then it is a massive step back but Lure of the Nomad features some strong characterisation of the main man, an intriguing attempt to do something different with a companion, some nifty ideas (the time bubble is especially good) and enough pleasing dialogue to see me through. Sometimes that is enough when bolstered by strong direction. Who the hero of the piece turns out to be came as a complete surprise: 6/10

Saturday, 12 May 2018

The Skin of the Sleek written by Marc Platt and directed by Ken Bentley

What’s it about: On the planet Funderell you can walk on the ocean. The surface holds you when you move, but if you stand still, you sink. Lights shift in the fathoms and great shapes move beneath your feet - schools of giant electric eels known as Sleeks. There is no solid land and the only locals are the Wavewalkers, hunters who live in floating villages. But recently some strangers have arrived, pursuing their own distinct agenda. When the Doctor and Romana lose the TARDIS to the deep, they need help. Which makes finding a fellow Time Lord on the planet very useful. The fact that Time Lord is Sartia, an old friend of Romana's, is even better! But this is a planet of secrets. Be careful when you explore its depths. You may just drown.

Teeth and Curls: A much more sombre turn from Tom Baker and I have to be honest he does tend to give his best performances when his Doctor is in the shit. When Romana and the Doctor are reunited in episode two you get a palpable sense of relief from both of them, which is more of a connection than I have felt from them in the rest of the stories of this season put together. With the cameras buzzing around their heads, the Doctor is suddenly aware that he cannot be as flippant as usual and curses himself after being caught on film accusing Romana of murdering a deity. As the story progresses, Tom’s performance becomes darker and more gripping. I would love to see more stories with him pitched at this level of panic and anxiety because I was very impressed at how committed to the role he seemed. I am a huge fan of the flippant fourth Doctor of the Williams era but after so many season of that level of facetiousness, it’s nice to finally get some meat.

Aristocratic Adventurer: It is mentioned that K.9 hasn’t recovered from Brighton beach yet, which seems to suggest that most of this entire season has taken place before The Leisure Hive. That would make sense of why so much of this season is season seventeen in tone but not why Lalla Ward has been in such a spectacular mood for the entirety of the year. It’s extremely refreshing then that Marc Platt remembers that she is supposed to be a character in her own right rather than a grumpy cipher that follows the Doctor around like a black cloud. Lalla Ward seems so much more relaxed in this, a tale that delivers an old school friend for Romana to interact with. Sartia calls her ‘Mana’ and has a natural chemistry with Romana, you can feel the history between them immediately. Romana mentions a ‘grade nine sociological enclave’ which places this squarely in the Christopher H Bidmead universe of science fiction. This is Romana’s Aliens of London, where she’s asked to account for leaving the Academy in such a hurry by a loved one back home. Sartia is very quick to pull out a staser which should be all you need to know about her character. She’s a rotten one. Romana would always try and think her way out of a dangerous situation, instead of murdering. Romana is furious when she discovers that the Doctor has taken her punishment instead of him, but in a way that suggests that she is genuinely concerned for him and is touched by his gesture. Apparently, Romana was the tutors favourite at Prydon, a sickening, prize winning perfect girl who had it all. To be fair that does marry up with the snooty Romana we met in The Ribos Operation. Had Mary Tamm still been alive perhaps this story would have been given to her to showcase how much the character has changed since meeting the Doctor. With Lalla Ward in the role, it makes even more of an impact. Spoilt, sophisticated and everything landing in her lap, she was quite the school swot by all accounts. Or at least from the point of view of her competitors.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You are keeping our heads above water…’

Great Ideas: It’s very novel to have a story that starts in a society so different to one that we recognise, with its own customs and unique form of dialogue, and we are forced to catch up before the Doctor and Romana arrive explain to put us in the loop (or to have this world explained to them). We are literally thrown in at the deep end. Because this is a two-part Tom Baker story we can afford to let the story breathe before the regulars arrive and it is almost a full ten minutes before they turn up, there is no great hurry to propel them into the story unlike when there is only fifty minutes to tell the entire tale. Using Eamon as a newsreader means we have an outsiders perspective that isn’t the Doctor’s to explain the nature of Funderell and there’s a seer on the planet that gives us little titbits of what is about to occur in the story. Platt is finding unusual ways to approach his story. Even the surface of the planet is different to anything we have ever experienced before – a planet where you can walk on the surface of the ocean but if you’re stationary the water will drag you underneath. There’s a terrific visual of the TARDIS being pulled down under the depth, giving added depth as the Doctor and Romana attempt to reach the safety of the ship. Funderell feels like an exotic and dangerous place to visit. All records of the planet Funderell are closed, which leaves a whacking great mystery at the heart of the planet. An apocalyptic superweapon? A missing piece to a star chart that will reveal the mysteries of the entire universe? All will be revealed, I’m sure. On the entire surface of Funderell there is only one village, which could in no way evolve on its own. It was put there as a defence by the Time Lords, with transduction barriers placed to protect them that have decayed. They have been forgotten for centuries.

Isn’t It Odd: What is the deal with giving yokels on an alien world West Country accents? It worked somewhere like Metebelies Three because the people there were supposed to be from Earth (although why they should ship the entire population of Cornwall off to another planet I have no idea). I suppose there is no reason why the people of Funderell shouldn’t have West Country accents…but it is such a tired old cliché that you would have thought the director might have avoided it. It’s another story where the cliff-hanger really has no place in the story and the monster feels thrown in to give a moment of peril for the companion to scream at and the story a chance to pause to adhere to the format. It’s the most throwaway of moments that is literally throw away second into the second episode.

Result: ‘Romana, you killed their God?’ How can you fail to enjoy a story where that line features? There’s a drive and ambition to The Skin of the Sleek that really impressed me. Marc Platt isn’t interested in telling a 90-minute nostalgia fest with dreary returning monsters for no reason other than ‘we haven’t featured them in Big Finish yet’ (seriously check out all the other finales of this range). Instead he wants to create a fascinating new environment for the Doctor and Romana to have an adventure in, a truly alien world packed with detail and danger. The structure of the story is intriguing too, allow the tale to set up a handful of characters and situation before the regulars arrive, eschewing the usual buffoonery around the Doctor and Romana joining the story and throwing them straight into hazard and giving Lalla Ward something to do other than bark at the Doctor by reuniting Romana with an old school friend who, perhaps inevitably, knows far more about what is going on here than she is letting on. Tom Baker is extremely good here, giving the sort of intense performance we rarely get in this range and I would definitely welcome more of this kind of panicked characterisation for his Doctor. When he growls, you really pay attention. The story leads to a predictable cliff-hanger but the moment is still satisfying when it comes because it reveals much about how Romana was perceived when she was at the Academy. Actual character development for the regulars! I’m not complaining! Ken Bentley’s direction is a cut above anything else he has done in ages in this range, but then he has a great location to bring alive in The Skin of the Sleek. A story of riches, pleasingly innovative for a range that uses considers that a dirty word: 8/10

Thursday, 3 May 2018

Last Chance written by Guy Adams and directed by Helen Goldwyn

What’s it about: Trying to spare a few creatures from extinction, the Doctor bumps into an old acquaintance on the African plains – Lady Christina de Souza. They are about to find themselves on the endangered list…

Mockney Dude: A very pleasing take on David Tennant’s tenth Doctor and probably the best interpretation of him in the Tenth Doctor Chronicles. Put him up against a good villain and the Doctor always shines and this is a particularly loathsome one that taps into the Doctor’s most sensitive subject, being the last of his kind. Guy Adams writes him as a bubbly and fun character with a tough interior and keeps throwing witty descriptions of his lifestyle throughout the story. It’s very nice when it appears that the Doctor is calling Lady Christina his friend that it transpires that he was talking about the rhino all along. This is always going to be a love/hate sort of thing then. I’d forgotten that it was the Doctor who had said no to her, not something that usually happens when he has shared an adventure with somebody. Trust the Doctor to travel the world and collect endangered species and prevent them from going extinct. The Doctor treats safety in the same way that most people treat cannibalism, we’re aware that it exists but we have no wish to try it. In the face of difficult decisions, the Doctor always reaches for a gadget. Below his affable and cheery exterior there is a heart as solid as rock. The Doctor is used to running: some people join a gym to get this done but he just sticks his nose where its not wanted. He admits that he is dying, which sets this story during his extended regeneration in the End of Time. It’s nice that he got to sort things out with Lady Christina before he goes. I guess he really did go and visit everybody. I wonder how Amelia Ducat was doing.

Rich Bitch: Featuring the much-anticipated return of Lady Christina de Souza, this story re-introduces Michelle Ryan to the world of Doctor Who. When I say much anticipated, I mean as sought after as more episodes from the 60s and 70s going missing. I have a friend whose least favourite Russell T Davies era story is Planet of the Dead and I don’t think he is entirely alone in that assessment. I found it deeply unengaging and Ryan’s Christina de Souza was one of the reason why. Unconvincingly high-born, smug, barely breaking a sweat and lacking even basic chemistry with David Tennant, this was a character that seemed design to get on your nerves and yet she was packaged as somebody that we were supposed to admire. Even want to continue travelling with the Doctor. And whilst Big Finish are determined to cash in on the New Series in every way, shape or form, the return of Lady Christina in her own box set based on the very lukewarm reaction of the audience at large is pretty baffling. Who with half a brain cell wanted this to happen? Were people lobbying it for it? Featuring in this one-off story is fine, it’s a celebration of the entirety of the tenth Doctor’s era after all. But a whole season of adventures spearheaded by Ryan’s icy cold and calculating character? It defies belief. Give it time, we’ll be seeing the adventures of the stewardess who gets sucked out the door in Midnight before her untimely death soon. Tales of a Hard-Nosed Stewardess that Met the Doctor Once it could be called. It’s no less fanciful than what is happening with Lady Christina.

She likes stalking big prey, the wealthier the better. She’s not used to hearing the word no in her life and she wasn’t going to take it from the Doctor again. Because we have access to Lady Christina’s inner voice (thanks to some sympathetic narration) it means we get to experience her doubts about her self and the Doctor and as result she seems so much more human and so much less of a caricature. She’s somebody who has spent a lot of her life hiding her emotions. Emotions are power and she doesn’t believe in revealing sides to herself that people could later use against her. See in that simple sentence alone it gets us closer to the character and more on her side than we did in the entirety of Planet of the Dead. If there’s one thing that she learns about the TARDIS in this story it is that she loves a corridor. I really liked how she was thrown into very dangerous situations and we get to experience her fear and panic and see how she intelligently works her way out of those problems.

Standout performance: What’s interesting is that Michelle Ryan doesn’t really play the character much differently to how she did in her debut. She’s still as haughty and insulting. But it’s tempered with a lot more humility and a affable personality, which brings out a much gentler and warmer side to the character.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Stupid people do like a tusk.’

Great Ideas: Imagine being as ugly as the Deagle where mirrors would rather shatter than reflect his image? His latest pastime is that he is the last of his line and he likes that because it makes him exclusive. He knows there are other species in the universe that are facing extinction and has developed an obsession with hunting done the last of each species and staring them in the eyes and sharing a duality of loneliness before blowing them away. Give the Doctor is (unofficially) the last of his species, the Deagle has an obsession with tracking him down and mounting his head on the wall of his toilet.

Standout Scene: The Deagle getting his comeuppance at the nasty end of a far more effective predator than he was really is his just desserts.

Result: The return of the infamous Lady Christina to Doctor Who! Straight off the bat this has several elements to it that Planet of the Dead lacked; a terrific villain (someone who thinks he is the alpha male of the universe), a decent use of the ‘last of the Time Lords’ idea, a worthy social commentary (although nobody would ever cover it with as much aplomb as Jac Rayner did in The Last Dodo) and some sparkling lines between the Doctor and Lady Christina. I’ve lamented her return in the review above but what Last Chance does achieve it to give the character a second crack at the whip and lo and behold when she isn’t written by Roberts & Davies she’s perfectly tolerable. I like the location hopping that takes place in this story very much, taking us to corners of the globe that Doctor Who has never touched before. I also though this story featured the strongest narration of the four, very witty and dry in places with some intelligent factual description thrown in for good measure. It’s chatty and omnipresent and gives Dudman the chance to inject some life into the narration, rather than just stating facts. One of the most annoying things about Planet of the Dead was that both the Doctor and Lady Christina were competing for ‘smug git and gittess’ of the year award, and their prickly interaction that was supposed to soften over time lacked the genuine chemistry of when this was tried previously in The Runaway Bride. Here they have a mission to complete that let’s you buy into the pairing with much more likeability, globetrotting to save species from extinction. Who couldn’t like a pair that had that on their agenda? Last Chance is very nicely written (I’m coming to find Guy Adams synonymous with a certain level of quality) and achieves something that I would have thought impossible: it gives Lady Christina a agreeable voice and whets my appetite for her upcoming box set. Given I was seen delivering the most spectacular eye roll (you know in the way only a cynical long-term fan of anything can) when I heard about that box set, this story has done some pretty marvellous repair work indeed: 8/10