Q-Less written by Robert Hewitt Wolfe and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: Vash returns from the Gamma Quadrant and she has a certain omnipotent lifeform in tow…

Single Father: Q asks Sisko in one of many hilarious scenes ‘is Starfleet penalising you or did you actually request such a dismal command?’ Q was hoping for a little witty repartee but obviously he has come to the wrong place. Sisko is absolutely terrifying when he realises his crew have all been whisked away; I hope we see more of this anger as the show progresses. ‘I’m not Picard!’ Sisko cries. Indeed not, Picard doesn’t look half as hot in wrestling gear. Looks like Q has hit a sore point when he pokes a finger in the wound by criticising the fact that Sisko isn’t running a Starship. Sisko's growth continues and I can't wait to reach a point where his boiling anger sees the light of day more often. 

Community Leader: So far Quark has slipped a sly hand on Kira’s thigh, tempted Dax through his door with a double whipped Idanian Spice Pudding and demanded sexual favours from one of his employees and but Q-Less gives perhaps the best evidence of what a horny devil this Ferengi toad really is as Vash ensnares him with her feminine wiles. She literally straddles him on a couch and masturbates him without shame to turn his head away from money. Is this the horniest character in all of Star Trek? When Q bids the impossible amount of a million bars of gold pressed platinum Quark begins stroking himself unconsciously. Quark's ‘select clientele’ are all ridiculously wealthy and not too bright. When Vash starts lecturing the bidders on the historical context of each artefact it gives Quark a chance to step in and do what he does best, whip up an atmosphere of profit.

GE Doctor: And Bashir is just a heartbeat away from Quark, attempting to woo Vash and romancing a cute Bajoran woman with stories of his Starfleet medical finals. He surely has the sleaziest one-liners in the history of Trek trying everything from ‘its sure to be a bestseller round here’ to ‘your excellent health has robbed me of any excuses to drop by.’ Q appears behind Bashir as he tries to charm Vash and starts making faces which is pretty much the go to response to Bashir at this stage. ‘My God you’re impertinent waiter!’ says Bashir in what is probably the most demeaning line spoken by any Star Trek character. Q gives the female population of DS9 time to rest by sending Bashir to sleep for a few days. 

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘And they weren’t exactly thrilled to see you on Brax. What did they call you, the God of Lies?’ ‘They meant it affectionately.’
‘The galaxy can be a dangerous place when you’re on your own.’
‘Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this technobabble hours ago!’
‘I’d keep my eye on this one, chances are she’s after your job.’
‘Quark, you obsequious toad!’ 

The Good: If you are going to bring in characters from TNG you may as well have some fun with continuity. We never hear anything particularly pleasant about the Daystrome Institute, do we? It sounds like a bunch of petty bureaucrats rather than scientists and archaeologists. Captain Picard’s dirty laundry gets aired in public (‘the Captain likes a good challenge, sir.’). It’s great to have some follow up to the frankly dismal TNG episode Q-Pid and for Jennifer Hetrick and John de Lancie to have some fun sparking off each other. The make up team once again prove they are the best in the business when Q forces the stages of a degenerating disease to show Vash that she would be dead without him. The shot of the hand with six fingers is delightfully silly. There’s something very sweet about Q telling Vash that through her eyes he was able to see the universe with a sense of wonder. It's when the character shows moments of depth like this that he really shines. 

The Bad: What a shame that we have to keep cutting back to Ops and the dull subplot about the station being sucked into the wormhole. It takes the writers a little time but they soon come to realise that backhanded TNG plots simply don't transfer well to DS9. Once Voyager came along they could all be passed thataway and DS9 could be left to get on with its own thing. The ending is precisely like that of Encounter at Farpoint but at least we don’t have counsellor Troi driving home the appalling sentiment of the moment ('I sense great happiness and contentment!'). But it is derivative all the same. 

Moment To Watch Out For: Q turns Quarks into a rowdy boxing ring in a very funny sequence that sees Sisko knock two tons of shit out of him. The outtakes of this sequence are as riotous as the scene itself. 

Foreboding: Q mentions that there is still the Delta Quadrant to explore and sooner or later he would be hounding Janeway’s footsteps when she is lost in that region of space.

Result: It’s not in the league of best Q episodes (those honours go to Q Who, Deja Q, Tapestry and Death Wish) and it certainly isn’t amongst the worst (Hide & Q, Q-Pid, The Q and the Grey and Q2), Q-Less is a disposable but occasionally very funny and enjoyable episode. John de Lancie is a delight as ever and has a hoot and a half poking fun at all the foibles of the newly staffed station and it's nice to finally see Jennifer Hatrick in a halfway decent episode that doesn’t involve Sherwood Forest or ridiculously characterised Ferengi’s. What I really enjoy about this episode is how it reaffirms this show as being the black sheep of the family with characters allowed to be sleazy and sex obsessed and revel in naked avarice. Its so refreshing after all the pompous do gooders on TNG to see some real people propping up the 24th Century. The main plot echoes Encounter at Farpoint in all the worst ways and really should have been dropped in favour of more throwaway antics because the stress here is on continuing and improving TNG continuity which to it's credit it manages to do very well: 7/10

Captive Pursuit written by Jill Sherman Donner & Michael Piller and directed by Corey Allen

What’s it about: O'Brien befriends an alien involved in a deadly hunt…

Single Father: Nice to see Sisko bearing his teeth again after a couple of episodes of fannying about. He tears into the alien hunter with real gusto and then chews out O’Brien in the sparkling final scene that shows that he can at least think outside of the dull Starfleet box. ‘Another stunt like that and your wife wont have to complain about the conditions here anymore!’ – phew, go Sisko! 

Everyday Engineer: Frankly even if O’Brien wasn’t the engineer I would still send him on his own to go an meet the first new species from the Gamma Quadrant because he’s so damn down to Earth. He's exactly the sort of person I would want to befriend in an unusual environment. When he walks along the Promenade O’Brien thinks he is living in the flea market of the sector. He may have a point about that. It’s in his nature to take the piss out of people and Tosk is the most natural straight man he has met in ages so it is doubly irresistible. I love how O’Brien talks right over Bashir when he tries to help, their relationship would be very different when they get to know each other. O’Brien's dilemma is touchingly played by Colm Meaney and is all the more convincing because he clearly has a great respect for the Prime Directive but his feelings towards Tosk are even stronger. The way he bends the rules to allow him to free Tosk and satisfy Starfleet conduct of non-interference is inspired. I have to admit when the smoking bodies started piling up I started thinking how the hell O’Brien was going to talk his way out of this one.

Community Leader: Quark continues to be the black sheep of the Star Trek universe, this time demanding sexual favours from his employees. He offers Tosk an adventure in the holosuite full of excitement and nookie. The scene between O’Brien and Quark once again shows what a bright idea it was to place so much emphasis on the bar and its Ferengi owner, it gives the show some real colour. 

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Piece of cake. Ram Scoop. Abernauts.’
‘You sleep a full third of your rotation, you rest and relax when you are awake…Alpha Quadrant has far too much down time.’
‘Die with honour, O’Brien.’ 

The Good: This is the first of two very impressive alien characters that Scott McDonald would play in DS9 (the second being a Jem H'adar soldier in the superior Rocks & Shoals from series six). His performance is wonderfully nuanced with tiny movements of the head and body to suggest his dissociation from his natural habitat and his wonder at the new environment he has found himself in. There are lots of little moments like how he recoils when the computer talks to him, looks in awe at Quark and stares agog into the drink put in front of him. The make up is phenomenal too with his reptilian features stretching down his neck and into his costume with lots of tiny segmented pieces adding to overall effect of the mask. Everything about these new aliens feels fresh from their ability to turn invisible, their striking scanning beams and their incredibly destructive weaponry (and they can catch phaser beams in their arms and redistribute the energy, how awesome is that?). To show just how alien these creatures are the most humiliating thing that could possibly happen to Tosk is that he can be captured and taken home alive. The episode skilfully builds Tosk up as a potential threat before revealing he is the ultimate victim. How embarrassing to be dragged through a public place wearing a collar. Odo’s gentle stroll back to the security office to stop Tosk is a lovely touch that only DS9 could pull off this well. You’ve got aliens flying off the top level of the Promenade, scanners tearing through bulkheads, explosions and slaughter in the corridors – it’s a very satisfying, action packed conclusion. 

The Bad: This might feel like a random observation but it is something about Star Trek that really gets on my nerves. I hate it when the direction of a show points to a plot twist before it has even happened and there is an example in Captive Pursuit that happens all the time across all of the Star Trek shows. Whenever there is a camera angle that features a character to one side of the screen and there is a huge amount of space to the other side you know that something is about to appear. It happened in Encounter at Farpoint when Q appeared behind Picard and it happens here when Tosh appears behind O’Brien. I know it’s a small thing to complain about but stories should not be this visually predictable. 

Moment To Watch Out For: As DS9 was pitched as something like a western town in space with a Sheriff’s office (the Security office), bar (Quark’s) and church (the Temple) it's great to see a proper western stand off. The Federation and the aliens walk towards each other on the dusty streets (the Promenade). and to add to the feel of the genre the gunplay is genuinely impressive and the security doors are literally blown to pieces. 

Orchestra: The music in the early seasons of DS9 is adequate with only a few episodes providing standout examples (Emissary, Duet, Necessary Evil). It would be from series four onwards that the various composers really started to up their game and provide some very memorable music. I do like the quirky score as Tosk explores the station and the action scenes are given some weight with a pulse pounding score to accompany them.

Result: Something unknown, mysterious and exciting comes through the wormhole – this is more like it! Captive Pursuit is a fine piece of writing which offers an intriguing mystery and an exciting resolution with plenty opportunities for action and a touching spotlight on O’Brien. The first half of the episode slowly builds up the relationship between O’Brien and Tosk before the rest of his people arrive to hunt him down and the pyrotechnics begin. Corey Allen provides some fine action sequences that really have some punch and yet still keeps the focus on the central relationship. The story climaxes in a very sweet ending that sees O’Brien defy authority and help his friend to escape. I really love that the poignant conclusion works through nothing more than retrained performances and that Tosk manages to remain an alien character throughout (had this been TNG he would have been happily humanised by the conclusion). Well paced with some dynamic sequences and DS9’s own brand of exceptional character work, Captive Pursuit gets two thumbs up from me: 9/10

Nick Briggs Interview Extra

Hi Nick, thanks for agreeing to take part.

It has been 15 years since Big Finish launched. What are your most proudest moments in that time?

Nick: 15 years of Big Finish Doctor Who. There’s an old fashioned view that pride is a sin, and if that is true, then I’m quite a sinner. I have to admit that I’ve lost count of the moments I’m proud of. I suppose, winning the BBC Audio Drama award for Dark Eyes was a pretty proud moment. The award was for the production as a whole, so all of us won it! Getting Tom Baker to agree to come on board with us. The fact that he’s having such a fun time with us, that makes me proud. I’m generally proud of the great time we give all those who work for Big Finish. I’m proud I’ve been able to, for the most part, get the right people on board behind the scenes to make the whole, improbable operation actually work.

Are there any audios that you are especially proud of, either of your own making or not?

Nick: Immodestly, I’m proud of a lot of mine, but often because of what other people have brought to them. Alistair Lock’s sound design and music for The Dalek Contract and The Final Phase was so good it made me weep with nostalgia, for example. I’m very proud of David Richardson’s achievements. He does such brilliant work and his enthusiasm inspires me. I love what he’s done with Counter Measures and Survivors and can’t wait to see what he’ll cook up for The Omega Factor. The Worlds of Doctor Who is going to be a corker too! Scott Handcock is doing some great stuff for us. I think James Goss and he have done brilliant work on the New Adventures of Bernice Summerfield. And Scott has produced and directed the fantastic Frankenstein. Arthur Darvill is amazing in that.

Do you think there have been any mistakes made along the way?

Nick: I think there are inevitably mistakes. A lot of them have been organisational. The website was not as fit for purpose as it should have been for a long time. The trouble is, when an area is not your speciality, you are rather open to having the wool pulled over your eyes. I won’t elaborate further, but I was finally given vital help by my good friend and colleague Kris Griffin (our marketing guru), and this enabled us to turn things round. Now, we’re only caught out by things being more popular than we anticipated, which isn’t the worst of mistakes. I’m not very fond of The Nowhere Place. I think it’s largely a bad script — that’s a personal mistake of mine. Do you want to prompt me with anything you think is a mistake?

Which ranges continue to prove the most popular?

Nick: The Doctor Who ranges are our most popular. I think the Tom Baker ones, by virtue of being something new, sold quicker. But all the Doctors are popular. 

Are there any writers that you believe have particularly excelled themselves on audio?

Nick: I think all our writers put in maximum effort, so I feel a bit bad naming particular writers. I worry it might upset the others, but hey-ho, I’ll wade in. Forgive any tactlessness, folks. I think John Dorney, Matt Fitton and Jonathan Morris are our kind of ‘go to’ guys for most things. They really get it. I think Alan Barnes is a story genius. His guidance makes most of the stories he deals with so much better. Jonathan Barnes is a rare and precious talent. His Sherlock Holmes scripts and his adaptation of Frankenstein are great works.

Going back to a question that I asked you in the previous interview about the criticism about the lack of female writers/directors working with Big Finish do you think that steps have been taken to rectify this? Certainly there have been releases recently that have had a dominating female presence (Charley Pollard: The Shadow at the Edge of the World, Starborn, The Abandoned) plus the emergence of Una McCormack, Emma Beeby and Louise Jameson to the writing pool.

Nick: I think steps are being taken. I think it’s important that a broad range of people with a broad range of life experiences write for us. Sometimes it’s difficult to pursue that policy with purity, because we need things fast; but we’re persisting.

The subject of the 4DAs is a divisive one of the online forums. Some people adore the traditional nature of the majority of the stories and others disapprove of the lack of ambition, the stories mostly sticking to tried and tested formulas. How do you respond to this? Are they one of the highest selling ranges thanks to the draw of Tom Baker and his supporting companions (Louise Jameson, Mary Tamm, Lalla Ward)? Are there any plans to reunite Tom, Lalla and Matthew Waterhouse for more E-Space adventures? 

Nick: I wasn’t really aware of that criticism. I think we have a responsibility to be authentic, but I do actually reject the notion that there’s a lack of ambition and a sticking to tried and tested formulas. I also think that sticking to a tried and tested formula is not a lack of ambition. Tried and tested ideas are actually the hardest to get right. Anyone can go crazy and invent ‘Monkey Tennis’ or just do crazy stuff without rules. I think the hardest job is to make sure something feels like it belongs in a particular era of Doctor Who, then give it a twist. None of the stuff we’ve done with the Fourth Doctor could have actually been broadcast back in the Seventies. It’s too modern in its approach, but, like the incidental music in these releases, it has a feel of the old ways, but reinvents itself for a newer, more sophisticated Doctor Who audience. I don’t know the precise criticism, but I would acknowledge the scenarios might seem familiar or tried and tested, but we go further with them and do new things. For example, my script for Destroy the Infinite was a deliberate attempt to use lots of very traditional Doctor Who ideas. Conquest, possession, space-opera etc. But I was using the fact that those are traditional, familiar themes and settings in the series as a kind of shorthand to tell an anti-war story. It seems to be like a typical ‘invaded planet’ story. It seems to be about aliens taking people over. It seems to be about battles and explosions. What it’s really about is how there can be no real winners in war, because it dehumanises. Yes, an evil foe can be vanquished, but that process leaves the victors perhaps a little less human than they were. I don’t think that kind of story lacks ambition or is traditional. 

As I say, I think the Tom series sold quicker, but ultimately the sales balance out between all the Doctors.
There are no plans to reunite the E-space team currently.

You have written a great deal of 4DAs now. Do you have any favourites? Is there an urge to write to please Tom or are you always invested in the story first? Can you tell us a little of each of the stories that you have written and what your inspiration was?

 
Nick: Aha, I’ve started to answer one of these questions already. I don’t really have favourites. I don’t write to please Tom, although luckily he always does seem pleased with my scripts, because he finds them pleasingly preposterous, I write for the Fourth Doctor. I’ve said this before, but the trick is not to write ‘whacky’ stuff for Tom. If you look at the best Tom Baker stories, the dialogue is pretty functional most of the time, with the exception of a few standout moments. It’s what Tom brings to it that’s important. It’s when Tom puts a bizarre and unexpected spin on a traditional adventure story situation — like running away from monsters etc — that the real magic occurs. I do accommodate a lot of his suggestions during studio sessions, because a lot of them are brilliant.

As for the stories themselves… A lot of them are suggestions from David Richardson, who is the real creative force behind these releases. Destination: Nerva was his idea. He thought it would be fun to bring back Nerva. We had some false starts with that. I wasn’t originally going to write it, but the other script wasn’t quite doing it for us, so David asked me to write it instead. Energy of the Daleks was the first one we did and I wrote that pretty fast. My inspiration was a couple of documentaries I’d seen. One was about solar panels on the Moon, the other was about how vital the Moon’s distance from Earth is. Any tiny deviation and we’re screwed. I thought the Daleks might know that! The Sands of Life/War Against the Laan stories were inspired by early conversations with Tom, when he wanted to do his ‘whale’ story… you know the one! I said, ‘Look Tom, I can’t do your story about the whales killing the Japanese whalers, but if you’ll trust me, I can do a more sic-fi style story with sort of whale-like creatures and get the moral across.’ Tom seemed fine with that. David asked me to wrap up that season with two connected Dalek stories, also tying in the character of Cuthbert (from Sands of Life — this character was something I created for the old AV stories). Destroy the Infinite was inspired by the movie Sink The Bismark, and my desire to create a new menace to challenge all our Doctors, the Eminence! The Evil One was again commissioned by David, who asked me to write a Master story. I was lost for a while, but then we started chatting about how Leela’s father had been very roughly treated in Face of Evil and that was our starting point. What if the Master knew about how Leela’s father had died? Zygon Hunt: David asked me to write a Zygon story and set it on an alien planet. I didn’t want it to be a straight, bad Zygons fight good humans story, so I set out to write something morally ambiguous.

Your vocal talents are now legendary in the TV series and audios? Without listing all of the monsters/characters that you have played in fear of overwhelming you...do you have any particular favourites (beyond the Daleks).

Nick: Well, the Daleks really are my favourites. But I also love playing Sherlock Holmes.

Robophobia was a chance to write a sequel to the extremely popular Robots of Death. Was that a daunting prospect? You capture a cheeky, manipulative seventh Doctor. Why was he so secretive in this adventure? Did you see potential in Nicola Walker as a regular character from the off? Jamie Robertson provides some stunning music...were pleased with the overall result?

Nick: Alan Barnes asked me to write a sequel to Robots of Death and he made one stipulation. He said, it must turn the original concept on its head. Make it about humans destroying robots. Which is what I sort of did. I was a bit daunted to start with and had long chats on the phone with Alan about it. But once he’d set me on my way, I was all fired up and really enjoyed writing it. Alan’s brilliant like that. I think one of Sylvester’s biggest strengths is that very quiet, all-knowing quality he’s so good at. I love it when he just pops up now and again and people say, ‘Who the hell was that?’ I wanted to create in Liv Chenka a character who people might want to be a companion; but I wanted her not to be in a position to go with him. One that got away. I have to say that she was brilliant and David Richardson encouraged me to bring her back for Dark Eyes 2.

I can't help but notice that you seem to earmark the Colin Baker stories to direct. Is there a reason for this beyond simply wanting to work with Colin? Is it preferable to direct an entire trilogy of stories rather than an individual one. Were you happy with the second Flip trilogy and will we be seeing any more of her after that gripping cliff-hanger ending? 

Nick: The fact is that I’m rushed off my feet and working flat out all the time. This means I have to delegate. And there are talented people in the team who need to express themselves. Those are the reasons why I don’t do everything! I can’t run all the trilogies. I largely leave Sylvester and Peter to Alan Barnes and Ken Bentley. I don’t work that closely on those. I see the story lines and comment. I have concentrated on Colin ever since I got involved with the Charley Pollard stories. I get on with all the Doctors and pop into recording sessions to say hi whenever I have the chance, but I suppose I have known Colin the longest and have a special affinity for working with him. Of course, I do most of the Tom Baker ones as well. If my name isn’t down as a director on those, it’s because I simply wasn’t available. Back to the trilogies, I think it’s not essential to direct a whole trilogy — recently I directed just one of a Colin Baker trilogy — but sometimes it can help to keep the thread of any story arcs going through them. I was very happy with the second Flip trilogy, because working with Lisa Greenwood is such a pleasure. It was also lovely to be able to get Anjli Mohindra in too. And there will be more of Flip. Of course there will be!

Dark Eyes has really kicked off a renewed interest in the 8th Doctor (aided no doubt by Night of the Doctor and Steven Moffat's comments about the continuing audio adventures). Does the eighth Doctor's future lie solely in box sets? Is this in finite story or do you intend for it to run and run? Are other commitments what is keeping you from the next instalment in the series? What are your thoughts on the first two box sets? 

Nick: All our plans for the Eighth Doctor are for box sets, currently, because we think it works well for him. That’s just a gut feeling thing. These epic, dark stories are very much what Paul likes to do too. In many ways, I felt I’d told my story in Dark Eyes. It was Jason’s brilliant idea to make it into a four box set series, so I had discussions with Alan Barnes and Matt Fitton. They had some brilliant ideas, so I thought it was only right that they should run with them. I wanted to write a kind of transitional story, introducing my character Liv Chenka into the Eighth Doctor stories, then I handed it over to them. I continue to oversee stories and scripts on Dark Eyes, though. But Dark Eyes ends with Dark Eyes 4. We already have a great new sequence of stories lined up, which David Richardson and Ken Bentley are handling. It’s going to be great.

Can you offer us any sneak peeks into Big Finish's future? Are there any exciting projects coming up?

Nick: As you know, we’re doing a dramatisation of Russell T Davies’s Doctor Who novel, Damaged Goods. There’s more Sherlock Holmes coming up, with The Judgement of Sherlock Holmes. And then there’s The Omega Factor, which I’m very excited about. But I can’t give you any exclusives. Will you forgive me? I’m currently working on an Early Adventures script for the Troughton Era and I’ll be directing something linked to the Pertwee Era. There, some tiny hints for you...

Thank you for your time, Nick. It is much appreciated.

You are most welcome, Joe. Hope that was all okay for you.

The Devil Cat written by Mark Thomas Passmore and directed by David Darlington & Darren Gross

What's it about: 'Only we could get lost in the English countryside and find ourselves trapped in The Wicker Man!' While on vacation in England, detective Tony Peterson and the witch Cassandra visit Tony's estranged cousin Lord Trent Malkin and his wife Ruby. The two couples team up to investigate the disappearance of a maid from the manor and a series of murders by an ancient cat cult. Complicating things are hostile villagers, an unfriendly vicar and amateur sleuth, Miss Emma Simon. Who can be trusted in the village of Little Bascombe? And if the legend of a Devil Cat wandering the countryside in search of souls to devour is true, are Tony and Cassandra about to face the greatest threat of their lives?

PI: It's also nice to catch up with family members of regular characters because it allows us to see them in a whole new light and a fresh dynamic. Trent and Tony have never been close and he only told him he was coming to England out of courtesy. He has lingering feelings of jealousy about his cousin because he was always made to feel as though he was better than Tony. He was often blamed for Trent's misdemeanours to the point where even his parents would collar him for things that he never did. When his dad died and his mum wasn't coping, Tony felt as though his Aunt Claire could have done more to help her sister. All these things have been brewing in the back of his mind for sometime and the result is a general ambivalence and resentment about his cousin. He comes from a long line of stubborn idiots who can't leave things alone even if they should. Tony is in love with Cassandra and his feelings are out in the open now, whether either of them want them to be or not.

Witch: As annoying as she can be, there isn't anyone that Tony would rather have watch his back in a crisis because she knows how to take care of herself. Cassandra is an expert in practically everything that Tony isn't. Tony might be drunk ( he claims not) but he means every word he says about Cassandra and how beautiful music reminds him of her. You can't help but wish that she would lower her defences and let him in...they are clearly meant to be together. It is a long time since she has been in a church. Tony believes he has a clear picture of the woman that Cassandra should have and would have been...and he is sure that she can be that person with his help. Spending time with him, pretending to be that woman has brought her out. Being away from Collinwood and Barnabas was what allowed Cassandra to develop...and now she has been dragged home and back into his clutches. Where will this leave her relationship with Tony? With her memory of her recent time with him erased, I can't wait to find out!

Standout Performance: Well well well...how lovely to hear Sarah Sutton playing something other than a prudish orphan girl from Traken. Whilst I am pleased that the Dark Shadows range has avoided the temptation to fill its releases with performers from Doctor Who (it gives the series an identity of its own), the odd appearance of a well known voice is a most welcome treat. Sutton proves how versatile she really is, bringing to life an elderly investigator in the Miss Marple vein. She is portrayed as such an innocent doddery old spinster that I had her pegged as the villain of the piece from her first appearance. What a surprise when she turns out to be nothing of the sort! And what another surprise when she turns out to be playing another role entirely. More twists and turns than a visit to Alton Towers!

Great Ideas: Malevolent forces are gathering, scheming to destroy the friendship that has built up between Tony and Cassandra. I like the idea of the supernatural investigators skipping across to England to solve a case in a foreign clime. With the succubus' warning leading Tony and Cassandra to their next case, this particular thread of the Dark Shadows audios is starting to feel a little serialised but not in away that makes buying individual releases difficult to follow. A missing maid and reports of a black cat parading the grounds...surely the two must be connected? One of my big complaints with American television is that they often go down the most stereotypical route possible with their depiction of the British. It's either appalling cockney of upper class toffs. With a Dark Shadows audio that is technically set in the US but being made in the UK and featuring two American leads there is something of a wink to the audience in the depiction of Trent and Ruby. They are clearly well bred and speak with alarming alacrity and manners...but if this was being made overseas I think I would be the first person to complain about how awfully awfully their accents are. Maybe the protection of our cultural identity is in built and only comes out when somebody seems to be taking the piss... It seems to Cassandra that wherever they go there are people exploiting each other for their own gain...however Tony has a more romantic view of things and sees love at every juncture they visit. That says a lot about both of their characters. Trent's father was the leader of the coven and he has taken over in his place. Interestingly it appears that Trent was just as jealous as Tony was, hearing tales about how smart, supportive and caring he was. Reciprocal family resentment. Trent killed his own parents and made it look like an accident. For once the most obvious suspects really are the culprits whilst those who appear innocent really are innocent. I am so used to being hoodwinked that I forget that sometimes things can genuinely pan out this way...which in a wonderfully traditional way managed to surprise me! Cassandra makes a terrible choice at the climax to save Tony's life...a choice that is going to have terrible consequences for their relationship. Is Cassandra really dead and buried? Really?

Audio Landscape: The car swerving off the road, a mewing cat, a shouting mob, birdsong, a terrifying scream, crackling flames, music playing over dinner, rumbling thunder, lightning tearing through the sky.

Musical Cues: Lovely, maniacal music from David Darlington when the secrets have all been spilled. He's like a mad musician, bashing away on a church organ to stress the melodrama of the climax. 

Standout Scene: The moment we have been waiting for ever since the Tony and Cassandra turned up in the Dark Shadows audios has finally arrived...it looks as though they might finally drop their barriers and share a kiss. The music is especially wonderful in this scene, the performances even more so.

Result: 'We never finished our dance...' A delightful departure from the norm for the Tony & Cassandra thread of Dark Shadows, this is a satisfying hybrid of Agatha Christie and supernatural horror set in rural England. Mix together old family wounds, a dotty old spinster with an eye for detail, the developing relationship between the leads, a supernatural feline that has developed a mythology of its own and some seriously dodgy cult action you have a hugely entertaining adventure to enjoy. One that traverses genres with some skill. I knew with a title like that there would be at least one sequence with hissing, squealing cats and I was dreading it...an angry cat attacking is one of the most terrifying things imaginable (the most frightening moment in Ghostwatch is the climax with the chorus of angry moggies). I have two cats myself...so thank you very much Mr Passmore for making me eye them suspiciously tonight! What really satisfied me though was the consummation of Tony and Cassandra's relationship. Dangerous events seem to bring them closer together and they have now confessed their feelings for each other. The story itself deserves a solid 8 but because of the dramatic last minute developments that threatens to tear the two lovers apart forever, I award The Devil Cat two thumbs up in the form of: 9/10

Babel written by Michael McGreevey & Naren Shankar and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: A virus that makes the station personnel talk nonsense. No seriously.

Single Father: The trouble is I can understand why some people have an issue with Sisko's quiet approach to command in these early episodes. If the material is strong enough (pretty much the entirety of the second half of season one) then it highlights the sensitive, thoughtful side of the character but if the material is lacking, he just comes across as somebody who isn't engaging with his post. Sisko only registers when he shows concern towards his son being infected. Compare him to the firecracker of emotion he is in season four and you can see the writers reacting against his gentle nature in these formative shows. 

Everyday Engineer: In a couple of minutes footage we get to see just how hard O’Brien is working his butt off to try and keep the Station running. He is literally holding the place together with super glue and sticky backed plastic. I wonder if he has daydreams about hanging out in the transporter room back on the Enterprise? What I love about his character is that even when he is in a grumpy bastard of a mood he is still written and played with a great deal of humour. Colm Meaney is a likeable guy and as such so is O’Brien. His first slip of aphasic language is a genuinely odd moment. He tells Sisko that Keiko is fond of Jake but because Sisko questions this it almost seems as if he has said something improper. I’d love to know what O’Brien said to Kira when she joked about the broken turbolift (I bet there was some colourful Irish language in there).

Unknown Sample: Quark is such a crafty character and it's no surprise that Odo sees through his sudden luck at having his replicators fixed. It's interesting to see that once he is taken out of comfort zone of security and has a station full of lives on his hands he almost falls to pieces.

Community Leader: In the space of one episode Quark has gone from doing fantastic business to it being practically non-existent with Odo commenting on both. I guess that’s the way it goes in the hospitality industry. Security verification never seems to be a problem for this Ferengi; he just pulls out his isolinear rods and gets snooping. He lures Dax through his door with a double whipped Idanian spiced pudding. The scene where he is making sure his less fortunate customers aren’t faking the illness to prevent paying their bar bills is hilarious – Quark really is a wonderful scene stealing character. Look at him swaggering into Ops and offering his help to Odo, he is loving this (and his ‘I must have witnessed the procedure hundreds of times’ is priceless). 

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Rom’s an idiot, he couldn’t fix a straw if it was bent.’ 

‘You. Gold. Owe. Me!’
‘Bread the arrive seen earlier!’ - finally Sisko is emoting!

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘I’m holding you personally responsible if anything turns up missing’ – Odo developing his use of the oxymoron.

The Good: Straight off we visit a cargo bay, Ops, a science laboratory and a corridor – this really does feel like a large, functioning area teeming with activity. It’s only a small detail but I love the shot of the fluids running through the circuitry. DS9 really knows how to stage action and the gripping final set pieces is all flames, smoke and explosions.

The Bad: Colm Meaney gives all he’s got to make his nonsense speak as funny as possible (and I did laugh at ‘Simple hesitation!’) but really, this script and premise would be thrown in the trash in a few seasons time. It's one of the early DS9 episodes that is trying out a TNG premise to see if this sort of thing will work on a station bound show. And the answer is not really, or at least that it is a step down from the political intrigue and character drama that the series excels at. There will be a couple of other examples as we work our way through the first season (Move Along Home, If Wishes Were Horses, Dramatis Personae) but they would soon peter off as DS9 develops its own identity. The fella playing Jarheel might be able to send you to sleep with his relaxed delivery. Even DS9 isn’t above having a duff punchline at the end of the episode in the best traditions of BUGS but at least Colm Meaney has the guts to look embarrassed by it. 

Moment To Watch Out For: There is a pan across the Promenade that ends on Jake where you can see that the upper level is unfinished. The producers did not have the budget to have a two storey set like this in the shows first season and it is interesting to see it displayed here so bold facedly. In the next season both sides of the Promenade are walkways with shops and lifts and lots of activity. Once completed it is one of my favourite sets in Trek, as distinctive and exotic as an alien bazaar should be. 

Orchestra: The music is really exciting in the finale as Odo struggles to explode the mooring clamps in a race against time sequence to save the day.

Result: Imagine if the crew had been wiped out by the aphasic virus? What an embarrassing way to end the series that would have been. Babel proves again that DS9 has better luck at dishing out these naff Star Trek premises because its core of characters is strong enough to provide some entertainment when the plot fails to do so. You’ve got Odo panicking when the Station is his responsibility, Quark causing a whole lot of trouble but redeeming himself by coming through when a crisis needs him to and Kira providing her own unique solution to curing the virus by infecting the man who created it. Now we’ve done the standard Trek virus and the murder mystery plots, can we get on with something more interesting? Disposable but fairly watchable especially in the thrilling final ten minutes: 5/10

Let’s Kill Hitler written by Steven Moffat and directed by Richard Senior

This story in a nutshell: The Doctor finally meets the Fuhrer…

Nutty Professor: It's quite satisfying for the Doctor to be able to say ‘spoilers…’ to River before she ever got the chance to say it to him. He looks genuinely apologetic about it though whereas his missus has always loved piling on the enigmatic. Nice to see where she got the slogan that has irritated him for the last couple of years – from him. That's Moffat's approach all over; clever-clever. River was never going to kill the Doctor with a gun. She knows the only kind of warfare you can use against him is love and (almost as if she is working for all the fans that hate this development in the new series) she strikes him down with a kiss. It’s a real joy to see holographic images of Rose, Martha and Donna and to confirm that they haven’t completely left the Davies era behind (I was starting to wonder) and the Doctor going through them all and asking for somebody whose life he hasn't screwed up yet made me realise just what a dramatic impact he had on all three of their lives and where he left them. The only person the TARDIS can offer him who is still untouched by his presence is young Amelia Pond. I still wish it had been her that had travelled with him. Then we could have forgotten all this pregnancy nonsense. His assertion that you should always waste time when you don’t have any is definitively Doctorish. The Doctor knows when and where he is going to die now and as he comments, foreknowledge can be a dangerous thing… Matt Smith is one of the shining beacons of this season and arc, he is putting his heart and soul into the material...even when it doesn't really deserve it.

Scots Tart: I'm in two minds about the whole Melody/Mel's scenes that play out at the beginning of this episode. On the one hand it feels as though Moffat has been making this up as he goes along and feels like a another irritating complication in an already outwardly complex (but actually pretty simple) arc (Amy and Rory are River's parents, that's essentially it).And yet the way they are presented and packaged as a twist are rather lovely and scenes showing them growing up are quite adorable (especially the focus on Rory and the music). The idea of Amy looking after her own daughter throughout her own childhood is not just timey wimey but perversy wersy. Watching the penny drop as Amy realises that Rory isn’t gay because he has been paying attention to one and only one girl in the last ten years always makes me smile. At their best these two are the cutest couple. The look on Amy’s face when Mels regenerates into River is blissful because she is literally re-writing her entire life to fit in this staggering revelation. After the first fifteen minutes however Amy and Rory are practically superfluous to requirements as the Doctor and River take centre stage and enjoy their toxic waltz through Germany. My biggest complaint and this is not only of Let's Kill Hitler but the season at large is that Amy seems perfectly content to have lost her child and to have missed the vital years that a mother has with her baby after it is born. If that were me I would tear down the timelines to get my baby back, screw what established history says about Melody's timeline. Amy seems to just shrug it off and get on with her travels (in Night Terrors it isn't even mentioned by either parents). That's a shocking oversight.

Loyal Roman: Poor lonely, lovely Rory stuck playing hide and seek by himself at Amy’s house and in the playground because the girls don’t want anything to do with him. I love the look they give Arthur Darvill for the moment Amy realises that he isn’t gay (bless him, he would make a very sweet gay guy) with the flattened down hair and tight clothes, he looks like an absolute dweeb and more huggable than ever. Rory does an awesome piss take of Amy’s action and looks rather splendid riding a motorbike through the streets of Berlin.

The Missus: Another on the road to re-brand the show as River Song. Depending on your opinion of the character this is either a very good or very bad thing. I'm on the fence personally. She works perfectly fine as a companion who knows more than she is letting on but I do feel that her exposure in series five and six has been a little extreme. Moffat seems to spend so much time saying that she is sexy, clever and mysterious that she winds up being little more than an irritant. Let's Kill Hitler promised to be a gripping historical thriller but instead is obsessed with River Song...and yet not in the way that you might have thought it would be. I’m not going to lie I was completely hoodwinked (and totally floored upon broadcast) by the twist that Mels is River and the revelatory scene is scripted and scored to perfection. As soon as Murray Gold’s score kicks in it is the final proof that this really is River to get to share that moment of shock with the Doctor, Amy and Rory is one of the highlights of season six for me. Expertly done, and a real thrill to experience. Much like the twists at the end of The Almost People and A Good Man Goes to War, it provides a great experience in the moment but loses impetus as soon as you start thinking about it for even a moment. Looking at the hoops that the narrative has had to jump through in order for such a powerhouse twist to make sense exposes the insufficiency of the arc. River's ‘I’m going to wear lots of jumpers!’ might be the rudest line in Doctor Who – actually no that comes at the end of Love & Monsters but this is a pretty close second. Whether you like it or not, Moffat's Who is obsessed with sex. When River was first introduced everything she said meant something but I noticed during this episode that every action she takes means nothing because there is always something behind what she is doing (stealing a gun, murdering the Doctor, etc). Has she become a vacuous character devoid of meaning just used for clever stunts? I hope not. I really like River usually but there is something about her smug, superior attitude in this episode that bothers me. Suddenly she can leap impossible heights, survive a hail of bullets and is seen riding off through Berlin with machine guns strapped to her back. I just wanted to tie her down so she could talk with her mum and dad rather than this preoccupation with trying to make her look hip. That could apply to the series too...Moffat is so busy trying to make it smart and chic that he forgets to slow down and deal with the real emotion behind what he is presenting. The enigmatic River Song really suited Alex Kingston, I’m not sure if the rock action chick does. She doesn't seem comfortable with half of what this episode is asking of her. However mentioning that she might take the age down a little to freak people out a bit was gorgeous, explaining how she seems to be getting older the more we head into her past. River losing her regenerations might feel like a cop out but I wouldn’t want them to blunt her end in Forest of the Dead and so it had to happen somehow. It's having your cake and eating it (again Moffat is making it up as he goes along, nobody has ever had to waste all their regenerations before) but at least it makes sense. Again though, the implications of this aren't explored. It's all plot plot plot...there's no time to explore the ramifications of sacrificing eleven lifetimes and what the Doctor must mean for her to do that. The audience has to fill in all of the important gaps.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Putting Hitler in the cupboard…’ – that did make me chuckle, especially coming from Rory.
‘Berlin on the eve of war…a whole world about to tear itself apart’ – can’t we watch that story at another juncture?

The Good: The FX shot of Mels tossing the toy TARDIS into the air and it transforming into the real thing cruising through the sky is one of my all time favourites, a great concept and executed with such fluid precision. Let me just get my head around this because it took me a few minutes to digest just how awesome the concept of the Tesselecta was on my first viewing – a humanoid sized spaceship which can transform into any person and travel through time where its crew find people that history has failed to judge and puts them out of their misery. That is so many kinds of cool I don’t know where to begin. Add to the concept the glorious effect of the Tesselecta transforming (it has the look of a train information board flipping its segments to alter the details) and the clever visual storytelling of walking along the eye and panning outwards to reveal its true nature. Extraordinarily good, we haven’t seen such dizzying imagination since the time of Douglas Adams. I especially like the inference that since the disappearance of the Time Lords all kinds of unlicensed time travel is taking place and people are ‘taking responsibility’ of the timelines. That’s something that might be worth investigating in the future with lots of dramatic potential. It's nice to see the TARDIS making such a dramatic entrance, its been a while.

The Bad:  The Brigadier uses the Space Time Telegraph, Martha Jones a mobile phone, Donna Noble trails strange happenings and Wilf erects the Silver Cloak! Amy and Rory on the other hand draw a massive crop circle that spells out DOCTOR. It's cute but its starting to feel like this season is far too full of cute touches rather than comprehensible ones. These kind of ‘look at us, we’re cool’ moments have become a little wearisome. Mind you I love the touch of ‘We never did that’ as Mels screams through their handiwork with one final line. What a waste of a great location. Seriously, the Doctor meets Hitler and this is where we end up? It's comic book Berlin all the way with the Fuhrer being treated as a naughty schoolboy rather than a facist dictator and by being tossed in the cupboard it eliminates any chance that this might transform into a worthwhile historical adventure. I don’t want to sound like I’m trampling over all the fun but there is clearly a gripping adventure to be had with the Doctor meeting Hitler and this simply isn’t it (BBC Books’ Shadow in the Glass make a great attempt, check it out). It's treated as a sub-plot, no even that is too kind, he’s basically a walk on extra just there to provide a few laughs. I don’t mind Doctor Who aiming for the funny bone but this screams of lost potential and that really irritates me. The line ‘we cannot of just saved Hitler’ deserves to be the highlight of a morally ambiguous drama and not cheap gag in a River Regenerates episode. The lack of blood when Mels was shot guts the scene of any kind of realism. Even Midshipman Frame was clutching a bloody wound in Voyager of the Damned. Surely Melody had ample opportunities to kill the Doctor during his very public status during the Davies years (was she out partying the night Harriet Jones made a public plea for his help in The Christmas Invasion?). All the stuff with the gun and the banana doesn’t impress me very much, this was the point where the story needed to knuckle down and explore the revelations it has thrown up but never mind that when it can dazzle you with more clever clever sleight of hand. The Millennium Stadium again? I’m getting bored of seeing those marbled walls.

Result: And breathe. I find this episode more frustrating than most others because whilst it served as an inventive and confident return to series six when it was first broadcast it has since gone down in my estimation because I have given the material a degree of thought and it all comes tumbling down like a house of cards revealing no foundation underneath. Let's Kill Hitler is packed with great ideas but misses pretty much every emotional beat and ignores so many important questions. How has Amy given up on the idea of experiencing her baby's childhood? Why would River give up all of her remaining lives for a man she barely knows? What are the emotional consequences of that? How do Amy and Rory feel about spending their childhood in the dark about Mels? It is caught in the middle of a spiders web of a narrative arc like a little fly struggling desperately to entertain and look hip to disguise the fact that a lot of what Moffat is presenting doesn't actually come off if you give it some consideration. We lurch from one crazy set piece to another by the master magician, the King of distracting the audience with eye catching imagery, quick one liners and insane twists. What this story needs is double the length to explore its exhilarating ideas and give an emotional backbone. Perhaps this should have been a two parter in its own right but I'm not sure even with more time that the writer could have made the middle sections of this defective arc work. It is fundamentally flawed. Smith, Gillan and Darvill deliver wonderfully baffled performances and make this piece a bubbly delight at points although Alex Kingston lets the side down with her unpersuasive portrayal of the rebel River and I fear that has more to do with the writer squeezing her into an unsuitable role rather than a lack of talent. Moffat can marry great ideas and great drama (Forest of the Dead, The Doctor Dances) and it would be wonderful if he could remember the latter but at least he doesn’t seem short of the former which in this season is bursting like crazy fireworks. Let’s Kill Hitler is fast paced, witty and overflowing with creative but it also has a weight of smugness that makes you want to slap it round the face and tell it to calm down. A story which is trying to hold up in its own right and yet is burdened by the arc that it contributes to: 5/10

A Man Alone written by Gerald Sanford & Michael Piller and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: Odo is framed for murder by a criminal he once put away…

Single Father: This episode juggles a plethora of subplots that make the overall experience more palatable. Sisko’s new friendship with Dax is spoken about and his awkward dinnertime conversation with Bashir puts to rest any fears that the young Doctor might have feelings about her. This is a very different Sisko to the one who has to juggle up a hundred problems in later season – he preaches to Odo about playing by the rules but in later seasons he goes on a manhunt, frames an entire species and starts a full scale war. Nice to see Sisko taking a different lead from Picard and happily socialising with his crew. 

Unknown Sample: It is a shame that the first Odo vehicle is a bit of a missed opportunity because the character deserves better. He would get a much better crack at the whip in Vortex later in the season. Odo has never seen the need to ‘couple’ but by the end of the seven-year run he would be quite the expert. I would love to be able to argue with his disparaging assessment of a night in with the other half but anybody in a relationship would recognise what he is saying. His creed is laws change depending on the administration but justice is justice. Not a bad way to live your life, and certainly the most sane. Whilst Sisko would come to admire and respect Odo’s unique approach to law enforcement his unwillingness to be a team player would be brought up several times in later episodes. It's here that we learn that Odo hangs out in a pail at the back of his office when regenerating. There is something tragic about Odo feeling so detached from humanoid life and makes his eventual integration all the more satisfying.

Community Leader: Business is doing well and he’s (almost) making an honest living. Quark practically salivates at the sight of Dax so her number of admirers is growing by the day. When told he is Odo’s worst enemy he bites back with the knowledge that an enemy is the closest thing Odo has to a friend. I love this partnership and there are so many touches of loyalty and (dare I say it at the risk of making something so gloriously acerbic sound twee) friendship between the two rivals. It’s an engaging love/hate relationship played by two actors that adore each other. Quark’s reaction when Odo asks if he needs a shape shifter in his organisation is priceless; he doesn’t know which way to jump. 

GE Doctor: Bashir is persistently trying to sneak his way into Dax’s knickers. To give him his credit by the end of the season he would succeed albeit in a product of his own imagination.

Nine Lives: Dax seems to suggest that Trill’s are above sexual needs but that really jars with the good time girl that beds the most frigid Klingon later on in the show. I think she was just trying to stay off Bashir's lustrous advances. 

The O’Briens: Our first glimpse at the problems besetting Miles and Keiko and their move from the gleaming corridors of the Enterprise to the far less family friendly Station. Keiko does whine a little too much but anybody who has suffered a massive upheaval in their life and had to try and find a way to settle in will recognise what she is going through. I really like the scene with Keiko trying to convince Rom to send Nog to the school (and succeeding), it's great to see another neglected TNG character given rare focus. 

Young Friends: Another fine pairing is set up in this episode although perhaps not in the smartest of ways. Jake & Nog would turn out to be one of the most vital explorations of opposing cultures in the series, a Ferengi and human that share a bond of friendship that transcends their race. However the scene with the bolites hardly showcases them at their best.

The Good: The school is a great idea, allowing us the opportunity to see this environment turning into a community and giving Keiko a solid role in the series. I love how nothing is forgotten in this series. In the first episode Kira suggested civil war was inevitable and it is followed up in The Homecoming. In A Man Alone Sisko mentions that Keiko opening the school will be a challenge because the children all come from different cultures which is followed up with dramatic consequences in the series finale. Hana Hatae is the cutest thing on two legs. 

The Bad: The murder scene itself isn’t very excitingly directed – Alfred Hitchcock would be appalled by the lack of atmospherics (plus I cannot think of anything more skin crawling than having a massage by a web-fingered alien). The sequence with the Bolites is a rare example of DS9 going for the comic jugular and failing. DS9 is exactly the sort of place where a mob could easily gather but these scenes fail to convince mostly because the Bajorans are portrayed as weak willed bullies and Sisko’s touchy feely approach to breaking it up lacks any kind of punch. I’d have had the whole lot of them confined to a security cell for a week. The solution to the mystery is a mouthful of technobabble and nobody acts terribly surprised. In true Scooby Doo fashion the killer is hiding under a rubber mask. 

Result: A murder mystery without any mystery, A Man Alone is a tired episode three which only comes alive when focusing on the developing dynamics between the characters. Odo is so clearly the target of Ibudan’s murder and the effortless way hatred is stirred up against him forces the plot to ignore the idea that there could be any other suspects and the wrap up is as contrived as it comes with a twist that hasn’t even been hinted at. Fortunately there are an abundance of scenes that see character pairings come together (Jake & Nog, Sisko & Dax, Odo & Quark) and an enjoyable subplot that follows Keiko finding her place on the station that are agreeable to watch. DS9 has a higher hit rate than most in providing an enjoyable b plots when the main storyline fails to engage (especially in seasons two and three) but that still doesn’t excuse the bulk of the episode falling below par. You expect a few stumbles when a show begins and this one is average but not too offensive given the character treasure that can be unearthed: 5/10