The Mark of the Rani written by Pip & Jane Baker and directed by Sarah Hellings

This story in a nutshell: The ultimate Time Lord bitch fest!

Theatrical Adventurer: I don’t care what any of you say, Pip’n’Jane know precisely how to characterise the sixth Doctor. Gone is the arrogant bullyboy of his first handful of stories and in steps a much more thoughtful, verbose and intelligent chap who is more than up to a duel of words with two pestilential cast offs from his home planet. It’s probably the most responsible take on his character in his first year (The Two Doctors comes very close) and for once he is right at the heart of the action, shows appropriate remorse and has a sparky relationship with Peri which isn’t all about insults. He makes me scream with laughter when he walks straight into the Pit past the guard with the slavering Doberman with a look of pure superciliousness on his face and acting as if he owns the place. I know some people prefer Davison’s gentle approach, but Baker’s overconfidence just makes me howl. My dear fellows, he’s a VIP! Eccentric? Him? Preposterous! The Doctor likes nothing better than to teach Peri a lesson but when her life is in danger he is the first one to stand in her way and take the fall. The inference is that the Doctor and the Master are a well matched pair of pests that bring nothing but trouble…I don’t know if I can disagree with that sentiment. There is a small moment when we cut to the Doctor looking devastated that a mother and child should be so distressed at the loss of the man of the house. To see him showing appropriate concern for the people whose lives are affected by these adventures is essential. ‘These are human beings, Rani! Living creatures that have don you no harm!’ – how wonderful to hear the boisterous and abusive sixth Doctor sticking up for humanity with such passion.  I wouldn’t go as far as to say that his sense of humour is famous. The scenes between the Doctor and Stevenson are genuinely wonderful, he gets to pause for a moment and tinker with machinery with one of the greatest minds of the age and he treats him gently and shows the appropriate respect. They often dropped a male figure into Colin Baker’s stories who served as a one-off companion for that particular story (Hugo in The Twin Dilemma, Jondar in Vengeance on Varos, Jamie in The Two Doctors, Herbert in Timelash, the Commodore in Vervoids, Glitz in Mysterious Planet and The Ultimate Foe) and he gets three very good ones in Mark of the Rani (Ravensworth, Stevenson and Luke) with whom he has a good rapport with all. He objects to being called a dilettante. The Doctor wanders around the Rani’s TARDIS with a playful smile on his face and a screwdriver in his hand – he’s going to fuck up her console and have great fun doing so. I like this cheeky sixth Doctor, he’s very engaging. What you have in The Mark of the Rani is an actor who is loving the chance to play the Doctor at a point where he has established the character and the future seems very bright indeed. A shame about what was coming around the corner but for a handful of stories – Vengeance, Mark and The Two Doctors, you can experience Colin Baker at the height of his powers.

Busty Babe: ‘A hyperactive Peri, too ghastly to contemplate!’ Not exactly a casualty of the story but Peri could certainly have done with a little more spunk and a little less dependency in The Mark of the Rani. At times I wondered if she was a little special, she queries ‘manoeuvred off course’ in a manner that suggests she doesn’t understand what the words mean rather than the fact that she is puzzling out who by. For once she has the right to have a right paddy as soon as she steps out of the Ship, as she is decked out in Edwardian finery and the Doctor has brought her to a slag heap. Pip’n’Jane do remember that Peri is something of an amateur botanist thanks to her studies and give her some detailed dialogue and concerns to discuss. Whilst her dialogue is occasionally stilted (in the same way that Hitler was occasionally dictatorial), there is a natural chemistry between Colin Baker and Nicola Bryant that has started to emerged despite them being forced to be at each others throats more often than not. Peri suggests she is not totally ignorant but sometimes she does a great impression of it. Occasionally her smugness infuriates the Doctor (occasionally?). Peri is so, so stupid that when the Doctor shrieks for her to push him to safety, she pushes him down a hill and out of her grasp instead. Words fail me (‘No! The other way!’ is priceless). I remember when I first watched this with Simon and he was left aghast at her retarded behaviour and questioned how any woman could be characterised in such a fashion. ‘Can you jump without falling on your face?’ the Rani asks of her…I’m not saying a word. Peri is given the chance to redeem herself by holding the Master and the Rani hostage and looks as if she might succeed for a while before falling for the oldest trick in the book.

Crone Transformed: ‘They should never have exiled you, they should have locked you in a padded cell…’ There is such a world of difference between the Rani’s first appearance and her second and the funniest thing about it is that Pip’n’Jane seem to think they are writing for the same character in both. In Mark of the Rani the titular character is a genuinely strong in her own right and one who thinks that her work is the mot important thing to consider and everybody else (including the disturbing presence of the Doctor, the Master and Peri) is a distracting irrelevance. The Rani is being set up as a recurring villainess and one that is more than capable of holding up the story without the Master to hold her hand, she’ll just knee him in the nuts and shove him out of the way anyway. I love a bad girl with attitude and Kate O’Mara pitches her performance at precisely the right level (in a way completely different to how Susan Engel and Myra Frances tipped over into pantomime), mostly straight but with enough winks to the audience to let them know that she is enjoying every second of it. What is so wonderful about pairing up the Master and the Rani is that just like the Doctor and Peri, their relationship is acerbic and spiky and you can happily contrast the two. It is about time that somebody took the piss out of his lunatic schemes (hers are far less showy and more sophisticated) and the Rani has a line in dry put downs that had me gagging.  She’s got a grudge against the Time Lords who exiled her and I would love to have seen the day where she caught up with them (wouldn’t it have been wonderful of she had given the Daleks the key to Gallifrey and been responsible for the Time Lords downfall?). For the sixth Doctor to compliment anybody is a near miracle and so for him to laud the Rani with the acolytes of being a brilliant tactician and chemist must mean she is something pretty special. It is no use simply telling us that the Rani is a dispassionate scientist, we need to see some evidence and the moment where she kills Josh and Tom simply because she doesn’t want to leave any unfinished business is very cold. The Turner painting is given far too much attention but trying to murder the Doctor and Peri with mustard gas is pretty nasty method to choose. You’ve got to watch this one. She should stick to brain experiments, if her coughing fit is anything to go by then amateur dramatics isn’t really her thing. I’m not sure what happens to the Rani between this and Time and the Rani because she develops from a (relatively) sensible character into a panto ice queen. The only explanation I can think of right now is that she has now experienced how much fun it is to toss logic aside and indulge in grandiose masterplans. The Master has a lot to answer for.

Hehehehe: ‘I’m indestructible of course, the whole universe knows that!’ Oh bless him. He’s a bit irrelevant, isn’t he? However this is one of my favourite appearances of Ainley’s Master for that very reason. For once we don’t have to rely on him as the dramatic lynchpin of the adventure and so he can just hang around on the sidelines as the Rani’s companion, concocting his nuttier than squirrel shit plans and giggling away like a woman in labour that’s just a had a heavy puff of gas and air. Once you stop relying on this incarnation of the Master to scare you (that only happened once for me, in his final appearance in the series) he actually becomes a lot of fun and you can see some of the charm that the actor brought to the role. Isn’t the thought that he has been waiting in that field for months, possibly years, dressed up as a trampy old scarecrow and hanging about for the Doctor to arrive wonderfully ludicrous? No-one but the Master would ever think of wasting so much time in such a preposterous manner. The way he holds his tissue compression eliminator looks more like he is grasping hold of a giant knob with each consecutive story. Is he trying to compensate for something? The Master enjoys winding up the Doctor and Peri so much that he needs to be reminded by the Rani to shut up and get on with killing them. Watch as the Master and the Rani share a smile of mischievousness at the thought of getting up to messy business that the Time Lords would never permit. They are like a pair of naughty school kids (one sensible, one completely batty). If the Master turned into a tree it would be a laburnum because the pods are poisonous. He refuses to run away and let that ‘crack brained freak win again!’

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Peri, how would you like to meet a genius?’ ‘Thought I already had.’

‘An inspiration of geniuses?’ – sometimes Pip’n’Jane hit upon something special. Not often, but sometimes.

‘One that encompasses the whole human race!’ ‘You’re unbalanced…’

‘It’s probably something devious and overcomplicated. He’d get dizzy if he tried to walk in a straight line…’

‘Use some of that famous American initiative! Push him outside!’

‘The Rani is a genius. Shame I can’t stand her…’

Dialogue You’ll Never Forget: After some discussion with a friend, I feel that Pip and Jane’s eccentric form of dialogue would be the perfect style of grandiloquent verbosity to carve a musical out with. Try singing this dialogue in the form of I am the Model of a Modern Major General from Gilbert and Sullivan – 'The Catharsis of Spurious Morality!' 'No it’s an Apposite Epithet!' 'Wait! A Megabyte Modem!' 'Hark! You are Elevating Futility to a High Art!’ ‘Pray...hurry along to the hydroponics centre!' 'Are we to be subjected to more chicanery Sagacity!’ Trust me, worse musicals have been written. Pip’n’Jane: The Musical – coming to a theatre near you.

And of course here are the gems from The Mark of the Rani…

‘Hoist of your skirts, Peri, off we go!’

‘T’others’ll be along when they’ve emptied Toby’s!’ – is it possible to stress Northern descent more?

‘Murderous would be more apt!’ – Peri gets some gems in this story. I really wanted the Doctor to ask ‘who the hell are you?’ at this point.

‘Fortuitous would be a more apposite epithet’ – where’s the dictionary?

‘You don’t get much, do you?’ – the Master comments on the Rani’s unfortunate state of affairs.

‘Do they worry about the lesser species when they sink their teeth into a lamb chop?’ – sheer poetry!

‘He wants to pervert history!’ – the mind boggles…

‘All the way down - to the bottom!’ – courtesy of Mike Wilberforce and his filthy mind.

‘Peri-pheral vision…’

‘The tree wont hurt you!’

The Good:

• It’s a promising opening and the sort of thing that eighties Who shied away from and should have indulged in more often – a luxurious location sequence that takes the time to set up the location and period. Afforded more location work than a normal Doctor Who shoot, Sarah Hellings takes the opportunity to plaster as many stunning exterior shots across the screen as possible and the net result is one of the more gorgeous looking stories of the period. The opening is unhurried, complimented by a beautiful score and takes the time to show the background characters going about their business before they become central to the plot. It’s unusual in it’s easy temperament and relaxed scene setting. As daft as the end of episode one is with the Doctor tearing down the hill on a trolley, it is very dynamically shot with an awesome POV camera so we can witness the furious pace from through his eyes. As the story progresses you become aware that this story has a wealth of OB work compared to the others of this period and Sarah Hellings is particular adept at ensuring that no matter how perfunctory the scene is, the scenery is beautiful and distracting. Shooting through the spiders web was inspired.
• It is another generally strong cast with some impressive names showing up to take part. Season Twenty-Two is quite avant-garde in that respect with each of the stories sporting some big names (even Timelash features Paul Darrow but each other stories has several memorable performances each). Terrance Alexander isn’t given a terrific amount to do but he sure makes the most of his screen time and he gets to stand up to Colin Baker’s Doctor to such a point that he is almost apologetic in his presence. In the first episode he gets quite a meaty share of the screen time but once the Time Lords takes over and all the fun with etymology begins we only cut back to him occasionally (‘Confounded!’). Gawn Grainger only turns up halfway through the story but gives a charming turn as George Stevenson, with able support by a very handsome Gary Cady as Luke Ward.
• Once the three Time Lords get together and start bitching at each other I was in sheer bliss. It might be reducing their interaction to the lowest common denominator but who cares when it is this fun? The Doctor insults the Rani’s clothes, she insults his general appearance and tells him at least she can change hers, the Master gets off on having the Doctor at his mercy and a chance to kill his assistant, the Rani wants him to shut up and get on with it…and everybody insults Peri. It’s sublime viewing with some of the most florid (yet wonderful) dialogue you are ever likely to hear.
  
• The musical scores in season twenty-two are some of my favourites too. I don’t even mind the explosion of plastic eighties synth that Malcolm Clarke pumps all over Attack of the Cybermen (although I do always take a couple of Paracetamol before hand). Vengeance on Varos is injected with pace thanks to it’s dynamic and spooky music, The Two Doctors is given a Spanish flair, the score is one of the few things to commend about Timelash and once again Graeme Harper manages to squeeze atmosphere out of Roger Limb for Revelation of the Daleks. Jonathan Gibbs was a last minute replacement for John Lewis who fell ill before completing work on the story and he brings a much more involving, far less artifical musical style to the story (you can listen to a rough cut of Lewis’ soundtrack to episode one on the DVD which, despite having some merit, is far too sci-fi for the setting). For the period it is a pretty relaxed score but really charming in places and easy to listen to. It remembers to be incidental (something that much of the synth music of the eighties neglects to remember often) but also draws attention to itself by it’s delicate nature. The subtle menace when Luke picks up the tool to attack Lord Ravensworth if he isn’t convinced of his information is precisely the sort of thing I am talking about, and the creeping danger when Peri is exploring the Dell.
• How comes the Rani gets to enjoy such a stylish TARDIS when the Doctor is stuck with one that is bare and impossible shoot with any kind of dynamism. It is a glorious piece of design, chic Time Lord technology with a hint of mad scientist. An impressive central dais (with a rock solid looking console) with many examples of the Rani’s obscene biological experiments on display around the room. However my favourite touch is atop the console, the stylish indication that the TARDIS is in flight.
• The Rani’s T-Rex experiment grows to gargantuan proportions and the Master gets kneed in the nuts. A very satisfying ending for this troublesome pair.

The Bad:

• Do people in the north of the country genuinely talk like Jack Ward? It’s just I’ve been to a fair amount of places in upper regions of the country, including Newcastle, and I have never come across a single specimen of humanity with a dialect quite this incomprehensibly garbled. In fact most of the material surrounding Jack Ward doesn’t quite come off as it should, especially the playground bullying that he and his mates start dishing out which should come across as something altogether scarier like a mob riot. Although the bit where they spoil the jacket spuds and kick the kid over is hilarious. Surely if you smacked somebody on the back that hard with a spade it would do some damage? Or is the Rani’s aggression enhancing experiments sufficient enough to render it’s subjects pain-free? Jack’s little mate (‘talks funny don’t he, ‘hold hard’, this hard enough?’) is even less comprehensible. By the end of the story you might just get a little bored by their attempts to kill the Doctor and their general ineptitude in this task.
• You’ve just got to love the moment when the Doctor is hanging on for dear life over the pit and his attackers tap at the chain ineffectually so not to cause Colin Baker any harm. Even the Master is watching from the distance pissing himself.
  
• There are two plotlines that the Master and the Rani discuss in episode one that the story could potentially be about. Either her experiments to gain the brain fluid and sort out her problems on the planet she rules or the perversion of history that the Master suggests putting into action. The story could run with either of these and be quite a satisfying hour and a half. Bizarrely it decides to jettison both and become nothing but a game of Time Lord tag as the Doctor, the Master and the Rani dash about and try and outwit each other. Whilst that is fun on it’s own terms I can’t help but think that the narrative does suffer as a result. In my ideal version of this story the meeting does take place (which would give us a chance to catch up with some of the finest minds of the age) and the Master/the Rani stage an assassination attempt. It would certainly be a more dramatic conclusion than what we get (the Master and the Rani leave with their tails between their legs).
• The Mark of the Rani might be more frightening if it didn’t look as though it had been drawn on with lipstick.
• Why would dropping the TARDIS down a mineshaft destroy it? Surely the Master knows better than that?
• It’s absolutely nonsensical, I recognise that, but when you take a look at the Rani’s character spec then turning Luke into a tree isn’t quite as illogical as it might seem. It just looks humiliating. Why they couldn’t have just shot a normal tree baffles me, one with an branch that could be pulled with a piece of string to cuddle up to Peri. Instead they choose to slam a rubbery example in the middle of a gorgeous wood that sticks out like an erection in Speedos. Somehow that baffling sequence is trumped by an even more unlikely scenario – the Doctor being held up by two men who miraculously turn into trees at the same time. God bless Colin Baker who managed to keep a straight face through all this lunacy and continue acting. It is unfortunate that the story should run out of steam in the last fifteen minutes, especially the flat final showdown in the mineshaft. This pair-on-pair rivalry deserved something a little more showy.
• You have to admire the cockiness of Pip and Jane Baker in final few scenes, suddenly remembering they have two plots that were left hanging from the previous episode. ‘Doctor, now you’re done hanging about on trees and playing in mine shafts there are men deprived of sleep and a meeting of geniuses to worry about!’ ‘Pish Peri! I picked the Master’s pocket of the sleeping draught and I’ve kicked those meddlesome Time Lords to the End of Time…now do stop dilly dallying and let’s go fishing!’

Result: Hugely underrated, The Mark of the Rani has a shopping list of great elements that ensure that it is an enjoyable experience. Just don’t go looking for a plot. Kate O’Mara is a revelation as the Rani, clearly enjoying the role immensely but ensuring that the character never descends into pantomime (unlike her second appearance). The Rani so strong a villainess that she relegates the Master to the role of her assistant and strangely enough (and as much as he might have objected) Anthony Ainley is a scream in that role, no longer having to support the story and filling the quite moments with the Master’s moments of insanity. As a duo, they contrast very nicely against the Doctor and Peri and whilst Nicola Bryant is hardly afforded her best material, Colin Baker is at the height of his powers, battling playfully with the villainous Time Lords and playing a crucial role in the story. There are a wealth of other treats too; the prosperous amount of location work that helps to set the scene vividly, a delicate and beautiful musical score, a memorable guest cast including star turns from Gawn Grainger and Terrance Alexander and a stunning new TARDIS design for the Rani. The most discussed element of any Pip and Jane Baker script is their use of dialogue, which would cause the viewership of TOWIE and other reality treats to come out in hives, and everybody else reaching for the dictionary to try and dissect each sentence. The Mark of the Rani is easily their finest script in this department, whilst there are moments when you cringe at the bizarre juxtaposition of words, there are also plenty of gems and when the dialogue is rooted in the rivalry between the Time Lords I was rolling about on the floor. In comparison, Vervoids has a stronger plot and Time and the Rani offers more opportunities for visual storytelling. As I have discussed the narrative chugs along in one direction until the first cliffhanger and then abandons its course completely and instead of taking any of the suggested plots to their natural conclusion chooses to forget about them and indulge in some antagonistic Time Lord frippery in the second episode. It’s fun but not everything that it could be. I could make a decent excuse for much of this material but even I would struggle when it comes to the tree antics in the Dell, that is when this tale plunges over a cliff into pantomime. After this I was gagging for a Rani and Master spin off, exploring the universe like an old married couple, her kneeing him in the nuts every time their extravagant plans go wrong. For an era of Doctor Who that was about to take a massive knock, this all feels extremely optimistic about the future. I want to be harder on Mark of the Rani than I am but frankly I find it all so gloriously entertaining I cannot award it any less than: 8/10

Snakedance written by Christopher Bailey and directed by Fiona Cumming

This story in a nutshell: The Mara is trying to crawl its way out of Tegan’s mind…

An English Gentleman: ‘If I’m allowed to leave long enough, I’ll explain…’ One of the few stand out characterisations of the fifth Doctor in his second season, Bailey throws away what everybody else is doing with the character (aside from a few efforts, not a lot) and does his own thing. Instead of trying to portray what a formidable force the fifth Doctor is he goes in the other direction, looking over his shoulder and seeing what the other writers are doing and amplifying it to dramatic and comedic effect. As a result none of the characters seem to respect or have take much notice of this raving lunatic that sprints through the story trying to warn them of imminent disaster – he comes across as something a paranoid nutter simply because nobody is taking him seriously. Gone is the time when the Doctor could walk into a room and command everybody’s attention (‘Gentlemen this lighthouse is under attack and by tomorrow we might all be dead’), now he is more than likely to be thrown out on his ear for making wild insinuations. Both Bailey and Cumming exploit Davison’s youthful, softer look so this travelling student spends most of this story piecing together the mystery whilst screaming prophecies of disaster at a brick wall. It wouldn’t work if this was the default Davison characterisation but it makes for a fascinating and thrilling one off. The energy that he brings to the part in this story is extraordinary, he is like a beige blur at times with the speed he flies in and out of scenes, reeling of exposition like it might be his last line and yet making it entirely comprehensible. It’s only highlighted by the scene in the TARDIS where he sits deathly still and focuses on the Great Crystal and when that doesn’t work he bursts into life and volume to try something else. When he is given the chance, Davison is fantastic in the part. I always crack up when the Doctor is dragged away from the reception dinner ranting and raving about the Mara. It’s all the more hilarious because he is right. For once the Doctor decides to stay on the periphery of the story until he has all the facts at his disposal to defeat the Mara, heading to the hills to make contact with Dojjen. He is perfectly willing to face the venom of the snake in order to communicate with him, even though he is clearly afraid and disorientated by the experience.

Alien Orphan: Make no mistake, this is Nyssa’s finest story bar none. Forget her introduction in The Keeper of Traken or her re-introduction in Logopolis. Move on from her doppelganger tricks in Black Orchid and her gun wielding antics on Gallifrey in Arc of Infinity. Snakedance is such a good story for Nyssa because it allows her relationship with Peter Davison’s Doctor to flourish without Adric, Tegan or Turlough getting in the way and proves without a shadow of a doubt that the two of them could easily have held up the show given the right material. They are fantastic together here, afforded razor sharp dialogue and fun banter by Christopher Bailey which only seems to have been encouraged by Eric Saward. Nyssa is either trying to get a reaction out of the Doctor because she seeks his fashion advice (which, judging by his own raiment, why would you do that?) or she is trying to make an impression on him. I always thought there could be something special between these two. They are driven by their concern for Tegan and it brings out the best in both of them, dashing about, sparking of each other and intelligent mapping out the history of the Manussan Empire and the Mara’s effect on it. I love the little gag with the door control. Sutton is quiet as a mouse during the scene where Tanha catches her red handed with the key attempting to free the Doctor and the scene is far more effective for it (Fielding would have been hysterical).

Mouth on Legs: Another chance to see Janet Fielding act rather than stomping around the sets and bellowing at the top of her voice. More than that, there were a few moments in Snakedance when I first watched it where the Mara-possessed Tegan genuinely gave me the chills. Ahhh…Tegan asleep in bed having terrible dreams. That means she can’t be up and about and grousing. It’s not like Doctor Who to aim for such adult conceptual horror like this and the thought of something penetrating and evil pulsing away at the back of Tegan’s mind and taking control whilst she sleeps is really rather frightening. Psychological horror is my favourite because it helps to explore the more uncomfortable aspects of our psyche and Snakedance taps into the gnawing fear that that multiple personality syndrome sufferers must face…is there a personality in my mind that is unsafe and independent of me? Tegan is really scared that the Mara is at loose in her mind and Fielding successfully makes the character feel vulnerable. As much as I admire her sinister turn as the Mara, I found Fielding’s playful eight year old Tegan talking about playing in gardens and eating ice cream much more chilling. Juxtaposing this character at her most innocent and at her most frightening works fantastically well (‘Go away!’). The disturbed way Tegan asks the fortune teller ‘you look into the future in that?’ always gives me the shivers. In the first two episodes it is the way Fielding goes from glimpses of the Mara with Tegan in control to glimpses of Tegan with the Mara in control that is so impressive. The emphasis is very different. The simple fact of the matter is (although there is nothing simple about how the Mara manipulates and frightens her into it) that Tegan chooses to submit to the Mara for the second time. I love the Mara’s last ditch attempt to subdue her final dissenter – the Doctor – by pretending to be Tegan in a great deal of pain and needing his help.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Once a man fell asleep and dreamt he was a frog. When he woke up he didn’t know if he was a man who dreamt he was a frog or a frog who was now dreaming he was a man…’

‘Mind you it is surprising what does come into your head…’ – Bailey gives all of his characters, even if they only appear in a few short scenes a real sense of personality, like they could always give you more.

‘The sixth face of delusion is the wearers own. That was probably the idea, don’t you think?’

‘I’m so tired’ ‘Then borrow my strength…’ – brrrr

‘At the end of the day when the lights come up, as in one form or another they always do, there’s always someone standing there with their hand out waiting to be paid!’

‘I offer you fear in a handful of dust!’

The Good:

• Despite the slightly wobbly insertion of Dojjen into the painted backdrop, the overall effect of the opening is quite inspired. It is one of those introductory scenes that immediately makes you think this is going to be a bit different. Fiona Cumming has said that she wasn’t happy with the dream sequence where Tegan is coaxed towards the mouth of the snake and whilst some of the effects are a little ropey it is one of the few times that they can get away with that. Dreams don’t have to have a budget or decent production values, they don’t even have to make sense. They only have to amuse or frighten or bewilder and this sequence certainly does a good job of two and three. Just what does Tegan see that makes her scream so hysterically? The skull filling the crystal ball, the rising music, Tegan’s mind finally gripped by the Mara, the glass shattering towards the audience as Cumming cuts to the titles…the first cliffhanger is one of those moments of perfection Doctor Who serves up on rare occasions.
• One of those most impressive assembled casts in any Doctor Who, Snakedance features a formidable number of very strong performers that help to bring Manussa alive vividly. It is very easy to buy into the relationship between Lon and Tanha, a bored young aristocrat who is waiting for his father to pop his clogs and a disapproving but patient mother who loves her son but wishes he would do something with his time. If Adric taught me anything it is that arrogant, petulant youths are not my cup of tea but Martin Clunes goes to show how well it could have been done. Considering this was his first telly he has a striking screen presence, when he is on screen my eyes immediately draw to him to see what he is doing and he can more than hold his own around these experienced, veteran actors. Colette O’Neil is quite a find too, bringing a great deal of subtlety to her role and from her first appearance suggesting that this character has a life that stretches far beyond the confines of this story. I like how Tanha defers to Lon when he puts his foot down, but maintains control of him on the whole. It’s not often that you see complex dynamics between your guest characters like this and it feels like Clunes and O’Neil have worked extra hard to make this relationship as authentic and involving as possible. Rob Shearman is bang on the nail when he slates Tanha’s gentle sigh of ‘Even then..’ when discussing her husband when he was younger as a complex moment of dialogue. It pretty much tells you everything you need to know about their relationship in two words, or at least enough to paint a picture of an unhappy marriage amidst luxury. Nothing succeeds in rousing Lon except the allurement of being inviting out on a cold night by a woman. Nice to know that there is some blood pumping around in that body.
• I was going to confine all the actors/characters discussion to one block of this section but it would be the longest paragraph ever. Instead I’ll split it between the Manussans and the visitors to their world. Because the natives of this world are brought to life by performers of the calibre of John Carson, Brian Miller and Jonathan Morris. And impressive they all are. I love the moment of humiliation that Lon brings to bear on Dugdale who is simply trying to earn a living, a scene that highlights how the upper classes can patronise and belittle their inferiors and there isn’t a damn thing they can do about it. In real life Ambril would probably be the a crushing bore but when executed by John Carson he is a delight, reeling off academic dialogue like poetry and with a twinkle in his eye. His performance reminds me of Nicholas Courtney’s as the Brigadier, a character that should technically be duller than dishwater and the sort of stereotype that other shows churn out as a matter of course but thanks to his cheeky portrayal it becomes something far more engaging and alluring. Ambril has a great line in sarcastic humour that made me howl (‘I’ll cancel the whole thing…and now my assistant will show you out’) and is such a terrible old fraudster that he walks willingly into the lions den under the pretence that he will be able to take the credit for artefacts that have already been discovered. Brian Miller (husband of Elisabeth Sladen no less) delivers a massively entertaining turn as Dugdale, packed with lovely little details (he plays about with hanky all the time). Only Jonathan Morris is playing the story entirely straight like he has stepped out of any other drama but he stands out because of it. There are no overt theatrics in his performance and as such his is the most naturalistic (he could have stepped straight out of Bread for all the difference in his portrayal). He quickly develops a fine chemistry with both Peter Davison and Sarah Sutton and I can see how this could have worked put on a longer basis (check out the cheeky look Chela gives the Doctor when Nyssa has a go about helping her over a ledge).
  
• Who cares if they are recycled from BBC entertainment shows, these are some of the finest sets of the era. Elaborately filled with exotic props, atmospherically lit and well shot, Snakedance has a terrific sense of style and brings home the affluence of the Federation. I particularly like the lighting effects that Cumming using to suggest day and night, it is such a simple way to create atmosphere but one which is lost on so many Doctor Who directors. It might be a bizarre moment to praise but I get tingles when the Doctor, Nyssa and Tegan emerge from the TARDIS that is lost in the shadows and covered by awning and step out into the noise and bustle of a marketplace. Every time I see it it reminds me of how thrilling it must be to step out onto an alien and exotic world through great design, subtle lighting and sound effects. Showing what a decent lighting engineer can bring to Doctor Who, the exquisite design of the caves (they feel genuinely cavernous, walls twisted with roots) would count for naught if the lighting wasn’t able to create a feeling of oppression. The one area where the illumination is too bright is the scenes set at the mouth of the cave…but that snake mouth entrance is so creepy (I have a morbid fear of snakes, cut me some slack) I’ll let it fly. At the risk of waxing lyrical too much about the general design of this piece, the chamber of the Mara (as scribbled down by Christopher Bailey who didn’t want the designers fudging this most important of designs) is probably my favourite set in all of eighties Who. Clearly a studio, the marketplace is nevertheless bustling with extras, the air full of authentic sound effects and the sets packed with little details that it feels lived in. The difference between this and the all studio exteriors of something like The Happiness Patrol is extraordinary. The reception is a small scene in the grand scheme of the adventure but it encapsulates everything I have been talking about here; a great set, seductively lit, filled with detail and beautifully shot.
• Peter Howell provide one of the series’ most memorable scores in Kinda and looks set to trump that one in Snakedance, this time going straight for the fear factor with very little relief. He punctuates the dramatic moments with stings and screams that send fingers up and down the spine. A huge round of applause for the special sounds on this story too which help to create an exotic atmosphere on Manussa and really set it apart from the Earth.
• The only Doctor Who story that stops to tell a Punch & Judy show. This pleases me.
  
• Talk about getting more than you bargained for. I never thought we would get to understand how the Mara came into being because it works so well as an indistinct conceptual threat but Bailey is smart enough to know that if we are going to get answers, then they better be good ones. The Manussans blindly brought the Mara into being themselves, amplifying their mental forces including restlessness, hate and greed, reflecting it and creating a mental force so malevolent it turned on them in a reign of terror. Now there is a story that is worth being dramaticised (and don’t bang on about The Cradle of the Snake, Big Finish’s hugely disappointing Mara tale). Much like the story that follows this one it is a message in not messing about with technology and forces that are beyond your control. In Mawdryn Undead it is more explicitly stated but given we have already encountered the Mara before in Kinda the revelations are much more satisfying because we have had to wait for them. That’s why the third episode syndrome doesn’t hit Snakedance despite the Doctor being locked in a cage for 25 minutes and the villains preparing for their evil masterplan rather than actually doing anything malicious, because the information fed to us in the first two episodes converges in this installment to spill out the nature of the Mara and the scope of it’s malevolence.
• Much like Kinda, Bailey is determined to make the location that his story takes place come alive through it’s little details, it’s customs and it’s people. Fiona Cumming brings a great deal of strength to it’s realisation in a way that Peter Grimwade failed to do with Deva Loka in Kinda and the story climaxes on an episode that sees a planet in a party spirit, ready to celebrate the destruction of the Mara and to be shocked by it’s return. I love the smaller moments like the ‘return’ demon that touches you and threatens to tip water over you unless you pay him for his troubles (there’s always money to be made out of revellers) and the uproarious procession of the snake and the heroic fanfare that greets Lon when he wears the costume of the man who once defeated the Mara all combines to paint a vivid picture of a people trapped in the past and trading on past glories. I love how the procession of the snake takes place in various parts of the streets and the entrance to the cave mouth because by switching locations as it makes its way to the chamber of the Mara you can suggest a great number of inhabitants filling the city (when it reality it is the same extras). Little tricks like that go a long way.
• What is it about eighties Who and goo? Not content with melting the faces off of the Tereleptils, the guards in Ressurection and Mestor, it also features both the Mara and the Malus vomiting up great waves of thick liquid upon their demise. JNT understood that kids love the chance to go ‘Ewwww!’

The Bad: Why does Tegan/the Mara’s face start turning a fiery shade of puce? Is it because she is consumed with such a rage? The end of episode three is justly criticised. It feels as though it was made up on the spot and Nyssa has faced far worse moments when she has felt the need to scream so voluminously. What a shame that the snake that Tegan handles is clearly of the rubber variety because those scenes could have been extraordinary with a real one wrapped around her arm. When it falls to the floor, limp and lifeless, it’s artificiality is highlighted. The wobbly teeth don’t help either (although the animatronic eyes are a lovely touch and quite creepy). Still, it is miles better than the original Kinda snake. I would have quite liked there to be a suggestion that the Mara still existed in the mind of one of the Manussans (not Tegan though, she’s been through enough and peddling out this story a third time might be pushing it…Big Finish). 

The Shallow Bit: What to say about Nyssa’s new costume? On the one hand it is  absolutely hideous, a clash of styles that simply don’t belong together except in the fevered imaginings of John Nathan-Turner (and would only seem remotely fashionable if Nyssa was paired up with the sixth Doctor). On the other hand all the constituent elements are quite trendy and it is great to see Nyssa loosen up a bit and get out of those trouser suits. You decide. The Doctor can’t make up his mind either, so rather than come to a decision he decides to prevaricate with the latest travel dilemma. It is rare that you ever come across such a stunning array of hats in Doctor Who. Everything from Ambril’s Russian inspired hat with a hint of pink to Dugdale’s more showy example laced with sequins to the unforgettable piece worn by Lon during the ceremony, it is one eclectic example of millinery after another. It’s fortunate that the Doctor doesn’t choose to sport his during this adventure because his would look quite mundane in comparison. Jonathan Morris – hubba hubba. Tanha’s cloak to head off to the reception has to be seen to be believed. Shiny chiffon, eat your heart out. Lon’s costume for the ceremony is justly infamous and can be see advertising the show in the most ludicrous of fashions on any chat show that Martin Clunes cares to appear on. The fact that Clunes manages to act his way out of such an absurd piece of clothing is proof that he will go on to do great things.

Result: Astonishingly good, this is how formidable Doctor Who can be when everything comes together like a perfect puzzle. If I’m honest this feels more like a Hartnell historical than a slice of eighties Who; much more concerned with character, setting, atmosphere and intelligent dialogue than glossy set pieces and pacy plastic action. If you prefer the latter then you might be disappointed but if you have the patience to soak in the former then there are a wealth of riches to mine from this script and production. What struck me was the strength of the performances of the guest artists and the complexity of the characterisation – this cast of characters has a rare depth to them and a feeling that they have legs way beyond the length of this particular adventure. The characterisation of the Doctor is fascinating, he is basically treated as an irrelevance but purposely so this time around and Davison plays the part of the impotent portent of doom to the hilt with fine support from Sarah Sutton who once again proves she is the ideal companion for this Doctor. Fiona Cumming’s direction of the two stories in season twenty is such a cut above the other efforts that it scarce bears comparison. A female touch in the generally quite masculine eighties era of Doctor Who is very welcome and she brings a fresh visual style and a willingness to experiment. Snakedance is the best Tegan story too, with all the complexities and scares of Kinda but giving her a substantial role in the tale too. I really can’t find much to fault this story beyond the fact that it has a stagey feel because of the heightened performances and studio bound exteriors but even that feels deliberate. This feels like a really strong stage play with a rock solid plot and truly engaging characters and I can see it transferring to the stage with a minimum of fuss. Eighties Who could do with a bit more the subtleties and complexities of Snakedance and it automatically elevates the era because of it’s existence. I loved it when I first saw it and I have found even more to enjoy now I have studied it critically: 9/10

Arc of Infinity written by Johnny Byrne and directed by Ron Jones

This story in a nutshell: Omega wants to cross the bridge between his universe and ours with the help of the Doctor's body, a gaggle of Australians, a Time Lord traitor and a giant chicken...

Open Honest Face: I know that the fifth Doctor is supposed to be a genial, agreeable sort of chap who faces his adventures with a pleasant open face (TM Terrance Dicks) but come on. He is recalled to Gallifrey and told that he is going to be executed for something that wasn’t even his fault and he accepts his fate with little care. The Doctor claims he has a great deal to say about the matter but never quite manages to make his defence and resignedly heads to his execution as though he’s actually a little bored of this body after all (in adventures like this who can blame him?). Even if he did know that his mysterious benefactor was going to save him you would at least expect him to put on some sort of show of defiance. The sixth Doctor would have railed and kicked the shit out of half of the High Council before being dragged to his death…there's nothing wrong with a little theatre to pass the time, you know. Davison is just…bland. It’s a complaint that I have levelled at his Doctor on many occasions and have (in recent years) felt necessary to retract but I still find most of his input in his second year hugely unmemorable. Guess what he and Nyssa do for fun now they have finally got rid of Tegan? Not visit the Great Exhibition or the Pyramids or the Singing Sands of Anangonia…nope they do some TARDIS repairs. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to feature solely these two characters if this is the best Byrne/Saward can come up with. Before his execution he is shot in the chest and yet incomprehensibly he is still remarkably civil and polite to the man who gunned him down. Grow some balls man! In episode three he is subjected to the indignity of the wibbly wobbly floaty Matrix. The dullard even disapproves with Nyssa’s penchant for evasive action (i.e. grabbing a gun and shooting everybody). The fifth Doctor looks quietly hurt by Hedin’s betrayal whereas Sixie would have lamped him (and probably saved his life as a result). This is not a relationship we can buy into because it isn't one that we have ever heard of before so it has little impact. Imagine if it had been Borusa who was the traitor...surely no writer would go as far as that. The Doctor finally shows his teeth…but to Nyssa! ‘Wait in the TARDIS!’ he screams. Yeah, nice one Doctor, bully your only friend. Davison looks as though he is having much more fun as Omega; marching about in grand robes, smiling at the thought of beating up a gardener, discovering the beauty of music and sharing a tender moment with a little boy. My favourite moment comes at the end of the story where the Doctor discovers Tegan has lost her job and he will be stuck with her, he grins half-heartedly and then when he thinks the scene has ended and Tegan is no longer watching him his face drops and he looks utterly horrified. That's the genuine reaction of both the Doctor and Davison. 

Alien Orphan: Sarah Sutton is wasted on this show. She’s by far the most able and accomplished actor in this piece and she is forced to recite boring technobabble like she is reciting a Shakespearean sonnet. Frankly she is the only person giving the Gallifrey scenes some oomph, caressing the case that holds the stasers, shooting down guards a aplenty and holding the High Council at gunpoint and arguing the Doctor’s case. I love the way she spits out the line ‘So much for your justice!’ and she even takes on the dastardly Castellan with, ‘It’s a pity you weren’t so concerned when the Doctor was alive!’ Sutton mines a vein of drama that is missing from the rest of the story, bless her. Unfortunately all that good work is undone when Nyssa is confronted with the Ergon and screams like a harridan, horror movie style. Gales of laughter would be more appropriate.At least she plucks the intergalactic chicken for good.

Trying Tegan: I cannot handle the way that Tegan gets off the aeroplane in episode two smiling. Who ever knew she had teeth since she spent so much of season nineteen pursing her lips? There is such a difference in her look from last year it is clear that some time has passed since we last saw her. She’s lost her job so all that fussing last year was for nothing. It’s interesting how we see so much of her family over the three years; Auntie Vanessa, Cousin Colin and Grandfather Andrew. Has any other companion been afforded this sort of domestic development and yet still managed to come across as entirely artificial? Mind you, what an odd bunch they all are. My one residing memory of Tegan is her wailing in the Matrix: ‘Holland, Doctor! Aaaaam-ster-daaaam!’ That and the fact that she really doesn't complain too much in this story and it feels as though it might genuinely be the start of a new era for her character.

The Good Stuff: I really had to scrape the barrel to fill this section but here goes…Omega’s mask looks quite impressive when it is glowing with antimatter. The idea of something extra-dimensional breaking into the TARDIS and attacking the Doctor is quite scary and for a few seconds there is some actual drama. Colin’s day glow should be brought up. Colin Baker turns up and hams up his role as Maxil to make things more entertaining – oddly he is the only actor to ramp up the theatrical nature of the piece, to try and suggest this is some sort of operatic piece (which it should be set given it is set on Gallifrey). The irony of Colin Baker shooting Peter Davison is delicious. There is a quick mention of Leela, which is actually one of the few necessary continuity references in a season full of them. It’s something of a minor miracle that Damon as a pleasant and helpful Gallifreyan doesn’t turn out to be a ranting super villain but exactly the sort of chap he seems. The planet can produce some regular citizens then. During the chase around Amsterdam they knock a woman over and her fruit goes rolling down the road…she should have picked one up and tossed it at the back of his head! The snotty, oozing Omega is quite nasty. There's something of a fetish for snot-dribbling deaths in the Saward era (the Tereleptils, Omega, the Malus, Mestor). You’ve got to love that doggie that tries to bite rice-krispified Omega.

The Bad Stuff: What has happened to Gallifrey? It was never exactly the vast tapestry of spires and gothic buildings as promised to us but they had a damn good go during seasons fourteen and fifteen to suggest some kind of splendour and vastness. All that effort is tossed in the bin in favour of a hideous MDF Ikea nightmare; the most sophisticated, technologically advanced planet in the cosmos looks so eighties. Some of those sets actually offend my eyes, especially that Costa coffee meeting joint that lies just off the one corridor that the Doctor and Nyssa have a desire to run up and down ad nauseum. Bleaugh. Ron Jones' direction is like a pendulum that swings between the horrendous (Arc if Infinity and Time-Flight) and adult and gripping (Frontios, Vengeance). When he was good he was very very good but when he was bad he was awful. The conspiracy scenes lack any menace or atmosphere (plus the pencil waving is comically distracting), the TARDIS scenes are unbelievably static with no attempt at camera movement and some real dreary long shots around the console and the Amsterdam scenes are shot with all the excitement and dynamism of a dreary tourist video for the elderly. There’s no oomph to any of it. The music is like a cheese grater to the ears; its so shrill, tinny and distracting it saps whatever atmosphere there might have been. The menacing shadow of a High Council collar on the door is comically gargantuan. The Ergon has to be seen to be believed; a armed, waddling, skeletal chicken. Every time I watch this story I try and think what the designer was aiming for and always come away wondering why I bothered. Why are the High Council positioned like kids waiting to have their class picture taken? I laughed my head when possessed Colin turned around and we cut to a horrified shot of Robin…you would be hard pressed to work out which one is a zombie given their performance value. The TARDIS roundels look fantastic in burnt peach so why aren’t they always that colour? The Gallifrey and Amsterdam scenes are worlds apart (figuratively and atmospherically); they don’t belong in the same series let alone the same story. To hop from one to the other is extremely jarring. Hedin is so overwhelming amiable towards the Doctor that it would take somebody seriously challenged not to realise he is the villain of the piece. Omega's green and red lit TARDIS looks alarmingly like a gay nightclub I visited once. The music grinds on and on, ironing out all of the tension. I know I have already mentioned that but it's worth another gripe because it is so headache inducing. By any stretch of the imagination the Matrix of Arc of Infinity is a massive step down from the nightmare world it was presented as in The Deadly Assassin; with distractingly unconvincing graphics and it's victims stuck in obscenely rude postures. Why would Hedin disguise his voice for his secret chats with Omega unless he knew he was being watched? It is only for the benefit of the audience at home, there is no explanation for it within the story. There is no characterisation for Omega, no sense of his history or importance, no development or addition to the shows mythos…so what was the point? Such a waste of Elsphet Grey, standing in the background whilst lesser actors spout dull technobabble. The Doctor grappling with the Ergon is another of those priceless moments from the 80s along with the Tinsel Timelash and Ingrid Pitt’s Kung Fu Myrka. Somebody should do a compilation. The closing ten minutes feature a brisk jog around picturesque Amsterdam but what baffles me is how can so much running around can lack pace? Plus it is one implausible marker after another that allows the Doctor to follow Omega. Why is the camera static on location? Tegan screams ‘he’s disappeared!’ but there are about thirty hiding places in the road they have just jogged into.

The Shallow Bit: Colin and Robin are two of the most mis-matched hitchhikers you will ever come across. Considering they are supposed to be best mates they share zero chemistry, like two actors who have just met for the first time. Robin leads Colin down to a crypt so they can snuggle up in sleeping bags. They should have gone the whole ho and had them share one. The chemistry between Nyssa and Talor is much better, he might be as beige as Davison (she likes that sort of thing) but he does seem to care a great deal for her. Tegan vibrates madly and groans her displeasure in the Matrix…the mind boggles! Sarah Sutton looks radiant in the crisp Amsterdam sunshine. I don’t wish to pick on the extras but what is going on with that little girls spectacles in the organ sequence? Go watch it again and boggle.

Result: Arc of Infinity features two equally ponderous plots that fail to gel and direction that sabotages the drama on every level. The cameras stand stock still exposing the scripts deficiencies, the actors’ stiffness and the general cheapness of the sets. When did Doctor Who start relying on technobabble over characterisation? Is this all part of JNT’s drive to aim the show at older nerds? I find it hard to believe that a story where the Doctor is forced back to Gallifrey and assassinated and ends with him murdering a mythic Gallifreyan hero can be this tedious. Tegan returns, but considering I was just getting used the peace without her that is hardly something to shout out about either. This is the story that convinced me that Russell T Davies’ decision to eradicate Gallifrey was a damn good idea. The second overseas location shoot should be something to celebrate but unlike the romance and adventurous spirit of Paris in City of Death you have an appalling plod around Amsterdam, which is made to look like the dullest vacation spot imaginable. Add to this list of deficiencies a sentient, skeletal chicken with a gun, the most bizarre pair of squatters imaginable, a bunch of artificially characterised Time Lords, headache inducing music and a villain who only makes an impact in the last fifteen minutes and a lead actor who seems bored with the entire affair and is making the least amount of effort to inject any drama into the piece. No wonder the show had hemorrhaged around a third of the audience in Davison's second year if this is the best they could come up with. It's worth tuning in to see how well Nyssa copes being the sole companion but make sure you fast forward all scenes that don’t feature the fabulous Sarah Sutton: 2/10

Met my favourite writer yesterday

It was very nice to meet my favourite Big Finish/BBC Books writer yesterday. Jonathan Morris gave a really interesting talk at Worthing library and it was nice to hear how he came to work for the companies and why he has such a passion for Doctor Who. And look at the inscription...it is official (and a well placed gag at the reviews...)

The Beginning written by Marc Platt and directed by Lisa Bowerman

What’s it about: When the First Doctor and his grand-daughter Susan escape through the cloisters of Gallifrey to an old Type 40 Time Travel capsule, little do they realize the adventures that lie ahead… And little do they know, as the TARDIS dematerializes and they leave their home world behind, there is someone else aboard the ship. He is Quadrigger Stoyn, and he is very unhappy.

An Unearthly Child: They left Gallifrey because it just wasn’t their home any more…but we all see these things differently, don’t we? We’re with Susan when she says goodbye to Gallifrey, watching the planet shrink away on the scanner to a dot. It would be along time before she returned and only then to play the Game of Rassilon in the Death Zone. Susan believes she has made up the name TARDIS, but the Doctor seems to know it too. He allows her this little victory when it is clearly not the case. Stoyn admits that nobody has Grandfathers these days – is it just an affectation?

Hmm: If anybody was going to script this momentous companion chronicle for the Doctor and Susan it would have to be resident Big Finish expert on these two characters, Marc Platt. When it comes to capturing the voice of the first Doctor and his grand daughter there is none finer and he has written a prolific number of adventures for them both already. Platt writes for both characters as authentically as David Whitaker did back in the sixties, he understands what makes them tick. His Doctor is authorative and intelligent but with a real twinkle in his eye and his Susan is alien, wide-eyed and naïve but an essential emotional anchor for the Time Lord. Wonderfully the Doctor smiles at Susan when she realises that he is going to pilot an old Type 40 out of the Dock and out into the universe. It takes years to learn how to fly one of these machines, to form a bond with it, but he mischievously takes to the controls and defies all common sense and kick starts his greatest adventure. All the Doctor and Susan had was each other now and they clung on to each other as the Ship first took off. Susan could hear his thoughts telepathically at this turbulent point. What had he done? Where would they end up? What would become of Susan? He describes the TARDIS as antiquated but quite serviceable. At home his views were too disruptive, he couldn’t keep quiet was his trouble and there were powerful people that would not endure such dissention. For her Grandfather to just sit and watch would have been intolerable, he had to do something. How great is it that the Doctor has never heard of the Earth at this stage of his life and wonders whether there is a suitable planet for them to put down upon in Sol 3 in order to affect some repairs. The Doctor mocks Stoyn for leaving the TARDIS in an environmental suit, cheekily poking at his precautions when he should experiencing the joy of standing on an alien planet for the first time. The Doctor’s first first contact situation is a bit of a flop, he stands to his full height, clutches his lapels and announces their presence dramatically. When the Doctor gets to watch the history of the planet Earth he is entranced by the experience.

Stoyn: He was down in the inspection webbing when the TARDIS went live – the Doctor almost killed him by setting the controls and leaving Gallifrey and blistered one side of his face. His job is to dismantle the engines before the Ship heads to the knackers yard. He’s a typical example of one of the Doctor’s people and exactly the sort he was trying to get away from. Nervous, insular, impulsive and unable to cope with situations outside of his frame of reference. He pretty much spoils everything the Doctor tries to achieve in The Beginning and then when the shit hits the fan tries to head off with Susan to leave him to his fate. When the Doctor ignores his pleas and removes the TARDIS and his only way of escape, you have to wonder how he will react when they meet again.

Standout Performance: Appropriately this is Carole Ann Ford’s most accomplished performance yet on audio. She understands the importance of this material and raises her game to match it’s quality. Listen to her delivery of ‘It would be a massacre!’ when the aliens attempt to destroy the human race, it’s a fingers down the spine moment.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Let the experiment be purged!’

Great Ideas: To be able to listen to the Doctor and Susan attempting to escape Gallifrey from her point of view gave me goosebumps all over. The story ties beautifully into the TV series’ The Name of the Doctor and Big Finish’s recent Prisoners of Fate with Susan entering one TARDIS and hearing the Doctor talking to somebody outside and suddenly pulling her outside and choosing to escape their home planet in a different TARDIS altogether. Out of date and condemned to the junkyard, the Doctor and the TARDIS begin their long relationship together. As the two runaways stare out at the universe before them they see a universe of possibilities that they had been denied. Beyond the food machine the Ship was as big as a house with many, many doors leading off and awaiting exploration. This old Type 40 is dying, the air getting too thick to breathe…the thought of their travels being over before they have even begun is heartbreaking. As it understands the affinity the Doctor will have with the planet, it forces the Doctor to the Earth. Whether by accident or by design, the Doctor has literally saved the TARDIS from being killed – it is no wonder they form such a close bond. At this point the TARDIS still has a functioning chameleon circuit and is disguises itself as a boulder. Susan gets to watch a ‘first contact induction video’ where she gets to experience the history of the human race from fishes swimming in the ocean right through to homo sapiens. Local time was frozen and the Doctor and Susan were caught in the bubble, centuries have passed, aeons even and in the meantime the Earth had evolved. It was only the arrival of human explorers with that insatiable curiosity of theirs that broke the spell allowed the Doctor and Susan to break free. It is a miracle that the Earth and the human race have turned out as well as they have given all this alien involvement over the years. Was the planet an experiment from the off? Were the human race seeded to try and keep order on a lush and verdant world, an experiment that went horribly wrong? The human race evolved on its own terms whilst the aliens have been trapped in time and have a right to exist, argues Susan. The TARDIS as giant mushroom – that I would love to see!

Audio Landscape: That glorious sound of the first TARDIS flight we ever heard, a staser blast, alarms, trying to cut their way into the TARDIS, unwrapping a food bar, the hum of the console room, a jungle full of verdant life, wet ground sucking at their feet, an eye of ice threatening to consume the Doctor and Susan, the squeaking, vibrating lunar rover, the great gun booms.

Standout Scene: The first ten minutes charter an incident I never thought we would get to experience from such an intimate point of view and so generated a great deal of excitement from the off. How could you not have goosebumps as the Doctor and Susan make their escape from their home world?

Result: The story I never thought we would get experience – the Doctor and Susan’s first flight in the TARDIS. In a year that is turning out to be choc-a-block full of anniversary treats, this is one of the mot exciting because it opens our eyes to the wealth of adventure that lays ahead for the time travellers and shows their first step on this incredible 50 year journey. Marc Platt is too intelligent a writer to simply turn this into a nostalgic exercise though and he weaves in his own brand of exciting, quirky ideas and strong plotting. In the same vein companion chronicle producer David Richardson is too clever a frontrunner to allow this story to stand as a one off and uses the anniversary as a lynchpin to tell three exciting, linked stories that follow the journey of a Time Lord technician who was unfortunate enough to be carried along for the ride. Played with skill by Terry Molloy, I can’t wait to hear the rest of his story. We get to experience the Doctor’s first contact with the human race and the start of his love affair with the species and get to witness the very first time he saved that blue/green pearl from destruction. There are far more treats than those I have mentioned above and you should do yourself a favour and get hold of this priceless little gem and discover them for yourself. It fits in with the continuity set up in The Name of the Doctor, Lungbarrow and Prisoners of Fate but has many other points to be discussed and questioned. For Platt’s expert handling of the first Doctor and Susan alone this is a story to be treasured but there is much more to this than that: 9/10

Your Doctor Who Story...

Hi,

I'm putting together a piece compiling lots of contributors and fans of Doctor Who explaining why the show means so much to them. Would you be willing to contribute? Just a single paragraph would be lovely but please feel free to write more if you want to. It's such an exciting time for the show and it would be great to give this little gift for the fans. Already I have been overwhelmed by the response and the vignettes that are coming in are touching, funny and great reads. If you are willing to contribute then please send your response to joe8simon@aol.com I will be posting next Saturday afternoon before the anniversary special, so if your contribution could be with me by next Friday that would be wonderful.

Thanks for listening and I hope you're up for it,

Joe

Time-Flight written by Peter Grimwade and directed by Ron Jones

This story in a nutshell: It’s quite hard to put this rationally but a Concorde is stolen by a magical genie who brings it down in prehistoric times where he psychologically overwhelms the crew and passengers and gets them to break into a metal egg to reach some psychic aliens. Or something. Doctor Who has never sounded more like a b movie.

Fair Fellow: One thing I have noticed whilst working my way through the worst of the fifth Doctor stories is that Peter Davison is much better than I recalled him being. He was the best thing about mostly yawnsome The Visitation but he acquitted himself rather well in Castrovalva, Kinda and Black Orchid too, even though all three stories portray him as ineffective character. His biggest challenge was always going to be Time-Flight, a story so outrageous in its ambition it was bound to fail and required an actor of steel to drag something respectful from its ashes. After watching Time-Flight it is nothing short of a minor miracle to say that anybody has any dignity left intact, that’s how good Davison is. He strives to give this material significance and that is what you call a game performer. There are some rules that can never be broken and he really goes at Tegan and Nyssa for making the suggestion to save Adric. He points out quite reasonably that Adric did have a choice to stay on the freighter, although I have to wonder if it had been somebody else that he thought something of he might have bent the rules a little and at least tried. Let's be honest that was never going to be the case with Adric. He tries to be responsible for the TARDIS. When he name-dropped UNIT and the Brigadier all I could think of was the fourth Doctor would never do that. Peter Davison declared this story crap (a remark that led to a minor backlash against the actor from fans who thought he was summing up his entire era) and who are we to argue with the lead actor? He’s always found domination such an unattractive prospect, which is lucky considering how many times he’s been offered a hand in controlling the universe. When asked if he loves the company of fools you can only look back at his companions this season and weep. The look on his face when he declares that the Master has finally defeated him is one of horror – could it be that the Doctor enjoys their rivalry as much as his foe? Or that he is simply appalled that he has been bested by such a preposterous scheme? Things are so exciting in episode four the Doctor takes a nap on the floor of the TARDIS. At the climax he was just waiting for his chance to skip back in the TARDIS and dump Tegan, wasn't he?

Acidic Aussie: Finally confirming that she is stark staring bollocking mad Tegan suggests going back to save Adric. Tegan is the embodiment of the ‘wants what she can’t have’ individual, she has spent the whole season arguing, bitching and beating up Adric and now he is gone she says she will miss him. In the same vein she has made such a fuss about reaching Heathrow and when they finally make it she bursts into tears at the thought of being left behind by the Doctor and Nyssa. What the hell? Is that she just likes a moan? I can only come to the conclusion that she will never be pleased. Go with me here because I'm going sound a little loony tunes myself but I am starting to wish that JNT had let Janet Fielding play herself as Tegan rather than forcing her into the characterisation as decreed by Eric Saward and his merry band of writers. It is clear from the commentaries, featurettes and behind the scenes extras over at Big Finish that she is a witty, observant and enjoy woman to spend time with - the complete opposite of the character that she was shaped into on this show. JNT obviously saw some of those qualities in Janet Fielding and then proceeded to let his script editor stamp them all out over three years. It's devastating. Fielding comments that Tegan has a personality but not a character and that is an extremely intelligent observation and not something I had thought of before. In what threatens to become development (but stops just shy of that) Tegan says that flying on an aircraft feels unreal after the TARDIS. When they see Adric in the catacombs is he a vision of her subconscious guilt…or is he simply the worst nightmare Kalid could draw from her mind? In a moment of sheer insanity (and extreme amusement) Tegan talks to passengers that are stumbling across prehistoric Earth towards a Concorde as though they are on the tarmac at Heathrow. It's so bizarrely juxtapose that if you had just switched on you would have to wonder what fresh madness you had stumbled upon. Tegan admits it is not exactly dull travelling with the Doctor. Depending on your opinion of the character (some strange, unbalanced individuals out there admire her) the climax will provoke two opposable reactions. Either her exit will be greeted with a party or tissues.

Alien Orphan: Poor Nyssa suffers all sorts of frightening attacks, loss of control and hallucinations. No wonder shacking up with the lepers feels like the more appealing option come Terminus. Nyssa’s worst nightmare is the Melkur because what came from it killed her father. She is strong enough to see through Kalid’s tricks, though. It is clear that Peter Grimwade doesn't know what to do with Nyssa and so he writes her out of a scene as soon as possible. He does the same thing in Mawdryn Undead, which is probably the worst case of leaving Nyssa in the TARDIS to file her nails since she joined the crew.

The Good Stuff: Contrary to popular opinion there is some good stuff to be unearthed in Time-Flight but it is so swamped by ineptitude that it is often hard to spot. Vanishing aircraft gave me nostalgic thoughts about The Faceless Ones (the memory cheats you know, that one wasn’t exactly a classic either). People mock how the TARDIS crew forget about Adric and get all excited about the Great Exhibition but honestly he was such a fungal rash it was the only sensible thing they could possibly do. It is very funny that the one time the Doctor tries to take them somewhere other than Heathrow that that is exactly where they end up. The Concorde looks resplendent in the snow. For a few seconds of footage you can see exactly what JNT was aiming for. The first half of episode one is an acceptable slice of contemporary drama, it is just when we are slingshot into prehistoric times that things derail so spectacularly. The Master is trapped on Xeraphas desperate to escape, which is at least a decent enough reason for his actions if not his methods (not that you would know he was desperate though because he is still insufferably smug, pantomimesque and looking like he is having a great time). The three stooges, sorry pilots, provide some comedy relief especially when goofing about in the TARDIS. A whole race physically amalgamated into one organism is a lovely idea. A TARDIS around a TARDIS inside a Concorde is another.

The Bad Stuff: Time travelling Concorde crash landing on prehistoric Earth is a crazy enough concept from a fresh writer with no idea about the show but from a director who understands the technical difficulties and budget restrictions (he helmed the under funded Logopolis and Kinda) it is lunacy. ‘Sharaz Sharaz! Jamal! Balor Balor!’ – the Master has finally gone round the bend and started talking in tongues? The cheek of trying to suggest they have genuinely transported an aircraft to the rocky wilderness of prehistoric Earth by building one out of proportion leg of an aircraft in the studio is astonishing. I’m not sure which is more artificial, the performance of Judith Byfield as Angela Clifford or the design of the Plasmatons? How can a story dive bomb so spectacularly halfway through the first episode? The Doctor has a telepathic bubble bath. If you can make matter out of thin air wouldn’t you summon your resources to create something a little more threatening than dancing lumps of white faeces? Arabian Nights? The pantomime at Eastbourne is more convincing than this set up. Hayter is such a stiff character and one who is so deliberately obtuse that literally everything somebody says to him he argues with. Although he has the reverse effect of making Tegan seem quite reasonable. Any point Hayter is proven right I wanted to put my fist through the TV, he’s heartless, arrogant and perfectly awful. A character made out of pure cardboard. Imagine if Kalid had not turned out to be the Master, he would have been the shittiest villain we have ever witnessed…before the reveal you have to ask yourself why but afterwards you have to ask yourself why why why why why? Does the Master only dress up in these outrageous disguises so he can see the look on the Doctor’s face when he transforms? Has he spent entire years/decades/centuries in ridiculous guises waiting for his nemesis to show up (I guess so if you count his stint as a scarecrow in The Mark of the Rani). A more post-modern show would have run with the running gag of the Doctor trying to pull the mask off every fake looking villain thinking it was his arch enemy. Somehow, unbelievably, Matthew Waterhouse is ever worse than ever in his final, infinitesimal performance. Watch the old dear in the holiday hat bashing away at the sanctum; she’s really going for it! There is an extra trying to earn her fee. There’s plenty of talk about the Xeraphin being at war with itself psychologically but this is never dramatised; all we get is explanations, exposition, dry old facts. ‘Soon I will know everything!’ – Hayter dies in terrible agony, which is probably my favourite moment from the four episode, however unintentionally. What is it with extraneous characters flying the TARDIS this season (Tegan in Castrovalva and Four to Doomsday, Adric in The Visitation, all and sundry around the console in Black Orchid and now Stapley in Time-Flight). This isn't a number nine bus, you know. The Master has finally defeated the Doctor…by plugging in a few wires hehehehehe. That would have been a crap defeat. I haven’t even mentioned the musical score which is like a cheese grater driving into your brain and draining the story of atmosphere, although to be fair the director is a co-conspirator in that aim too. How can they take off with all those rocks everywhere? Surely the tires would burst? I can't believe I am trying to rationalize this nonsense.

The Shallow Bit: Stapley, Bilton and Scobie are the campest bunch in a TV show until Gavin and Tim come along in The Brittas Empire. Andrew is the cutest thing. Why does the Master have such a phallic gun? Is it saying something about him psychologically and sexually?

Result: For fifteen minutes you would be perfectly within you rights to think season nineteen will continue the run of luck of the last few stories and end the season on something entertaining and contemporary. I have seen Doctor Who stories crash and burn halfway through (The Ark) or in their last instalment (Pyramids of Mars) but to abandon all hope before the end of episode one is a new record. It’s not just that the story looks hideously cheap or that the plot is told entirely through exposition and pantomime antics or even that we have to suffer another minute of Adric…the very ideas at the heart of this story are so unconvincing you couldn’t even kick start it if you did have decent characters, strong dialogue or decent production values (of which there is a dearth of all three). Time-Flight is the most ill conceived, sluggish, embarrassing slice of hokum. The Davison era hits its nadir: 2/10