TNG – The Last Outpost

Plot – The long-awaited chance to make contact with a Ferengi vessel. This is another one of those little details that Trek rewrites later because this is certainly not the point where the Federation first makes contact with the Ferengi, they have clearly been a presence in the Quadrant for a long time. It also highlights how much work there was to be done in the world of TNG if they thought that the Ferengi were going to be the new big bad. I’m guessing the idea was to make them this series Klingons but this episode single-handedly destroys that notion by making them such idiotic, one-dimensional savages. Could it have had worked had the writers/director/actors managed to make them a formidable force in The Last Outpost? Why not, it worked with the Borg in Q Who? But it was going to take much more than an electric whip to make these bumpy headed, spiky teethed, big eared aliens a threat to the Federation. Whoever gave the direction for the Ferengis to behave like ‘crazed gerbils’ (according to Armin Shimmerman) needs shooting because it dispels any menace that this race might have elicited. There might be some insane person out there that thinks that this is the best depiction of the Ferengi…but that person would not be me. The scenes of them gyrating in front of the Enterprise crew in a way that I think is meant to be threatening baffled me.

Character – Data: ‘Captain, this shouldn’t be.’ Riker: ‘They know they’ve got us in deep trouble.’ Data: ‘I doubt they wear red, white and blue or look anything like Uncle Sam.’ Geordi: ‘We come back fighting! Whoo-wee!’ Picard: ‘Merde.’ Ferengi: ‘Your alien image again shock us!’ Data: ‘Nothing to write home about.’ Worf: ‘Pygmy cretins!’ Tasha: ‘Paws off, Ferengi!’ Crusher: ‘Not a moment too soon, Jean.’

Either this script was run through a machine that put together random sentences for the characters to say or it was written by somebody who completely fails to understand who these characters are and how they have been presented, even at this early stage. Geordi comes across as a black rapper on da Bridge with his hipster dialogue, Data makes more emotional statements than an android should, Riker is portrayed as a big, butch hero who is all brawn and no brain. The story goes that this script was tampered with before it reached the actors and the writers original dialogue was ‘tweaked.’ It can’t have been any worse than what the script became and I would be intrigued to see where it began. Watch as Data reaches a functional impasse and gets frustrated and emotional over his dilemma – the writers clearly haven’t decided upon the level of emotion he is allowed to display at this point.

Why does Captain Picard sound so nasal in season one? It is the strangest of phenomenon’s because it is dropped completely between seasons two and three where Patrick Stewart can be seen to be physically relaxing into the role. It’s a bizarre uptight, bureaucratic affectation that I find very distracting. It is the voice of a man who thinks, at this stage, that all this is a little above him.

Production – It’s the strangest directorial choice of communication with the Ferengi vessel with a shocking close up on the Ferengi with Picard silhouetted in the background. It would have been very amusing if at the end of the episode the Ferengi stated ‘Oh goodness, I was sitting too close to the camera.’

It might not be the sophisticated matte paintings that Trek would later deploy but I appreciated the efforts the director went to to suggest that this was a vast, compromising landscape on the planet. Add in some lightning, smoke effects and a camera that roves between the rocks on the physical set and you have a planet’s surface that is clearly studio based but pleasingly inhospitable.

The fight between the landing party and the Ferengi literally has to be seen to be believed. The little trolls attempt to bite them like crazy little savages and watching Worf wrestle with one made me laugh until my sides hurt.

Best moment – The electric whips. Frankly everybody deserved a good zap before the end.

Worst moment – The first 20 minutes of The Last Outpost might be the most balls achingly dull material I have been forced to sit through yet in this marathon. The trouble is I know exactly who the Ferengi are and what their real impact will have on Star Trek and so the rewatchability of this episode is hampered by that. Not only that but 20 minutes of two stationary ships in a stand off with no dialogue between the two is simply not riveting television. It’s the Enterprise crew making a ton of guesses about a foe they know nothing about. When the story heads to the planet I wouldn’t say the quality rises, but it is at least visually much more interesting. Everybody dashes off the Bridge so quickly as if they are so excited to simply being doing something.

I wish they hadn’t done that – Do you imagine that Picard will ever live down the fact that he surrendered to a Ferengi vessel?

It’s supposed to be extremely cold on the Enterprise but nobody bothered to have steam coming from anybody’s mouths or frost on the sets. It’s just a bunch of actors in a perfectly warm room pretending that it is freezing. When the Enterprise is released from the Guardian’s grip it looks like everybody is waking up from a light nap.

The conclusion that The Last Outpost seems to draw is summed up in the chat between Riker and the Guardian. ‘We are superior to the Ferengi in every way. Goodbye. Hahahaha.’ Loathsome.

A reason to watch this episode again – Destroying the idea that any Star Trek is good Star Trek, The Last Outpost is an appalling script (in terms of plot, character and dialogue), paceless, unsatisfactory (in that it promises a new foe for the series and it fails to deliver) and climaxes on a painful sentiment. The sad truth is this isn’t the weakest episode of the first season (that probably goes to Code of Honor) but it is certainly the sort of standard you could gauge the other Trek series’ worst offerings against, because I don’t think DS9, Voyager or the others ever delivered anything as cack-handed as this production. Everything that is wrong with this episode can be summed up with this exchange between Picard and Crusher talking about Wesley: ‘He has a right to meet death awake’ ‘Is that a male perspective?’ Just hideous. With its powerful godlike being, silly aliens and studio planetary backdrop this is perhaps the most TOS like episode of TNG…but without any of the wit, fun and colourful characters that come with the Original Series. This was so bad I had to come away from it three times just to finish it. It even ends on a terrible joke.

½ out of *****

Clue for tomorrow's episode: