The Star Beast written by Pat Mills & John Wagner (adapted by Alan Barnes) and directed Nicholas Briggs

What’s it about: 1980 AD! In Yorkshire, the authorities have dismissed reports that an Unidentified Flying Object was seen plummeting towards the ground… moments before the explosion that destroyed the Blackcastle Steel Mills. After all, Blackcastle is the last place on Earth aliens would ever want to visit… Local teenagers Sharon and Fudge know better. ’Cos they’ve found an actual space alien hiding in the allotments. He’s their alien. Their secret. And his name is… The Meep. He’s not the only alien in Blackcastle, though. His pursuers, the terrible Wrarth Warriors, are on his trail, along with their unwitting accomplice: The Doctor!

Teeth and Curls: ‘I’m the Doctor, for the fourth time…’ The opening episode plays out a little like an episode of season 22, with the Doctor only joining the action at the last minute. Unlike season 22 the gap left by the Doctor is filled with a pair of colourful, funny kids Sharon and Fudge, and it’s so enjoyable in their company that you barely notice he is missing until Tom Baker shows up with his effervescent presence. The Doctor is still carrying his maracas when he leaves the TARDIS and manages to convince that they are deadly dangerous grenades. For a moment I wondered if the fourth Doctor’s latest companion was going to be his stomach (well he has to have somebody to talk to) but I suddenly remembered its gurgling extremities were a very important plot point. Listen to how charming the Doctor is Mrs Higgins. What an old sly boots. One of the best ever cliff-hangers reveals that the Doctor is a living, breathing, trembling…bomb! The aliens think the Doctor is on his way to Earth to help the Meep, calling him his accomplice. Which seems a very odd sort of thing to say about such a cutie wutie little creature. In true Pertwee style he builds a Fizzgig out of a steam iron, a hairdryer and a good strong torchlight. This is the first time he has used a 58 bus to escape from aliens. Utopias never last, admits the Doctor, sadly. Some of the lines Tom Baker gets away with in this are extraordinary (‘That wont of done my old coccyx any good!’). Beep the Meep plans to make the Doctor suffer a level of pain no mortal has ever endured. It’s one of the few times when I believe it might happen.

Politically Correct: How refreshing it must have been to have a black female companion palling up with the Doctor In the comic strips. How remiss of the TV series to refuse to follow suit until its revival in 2005. Sharon as written was plucky, opinionated, moral and a whole heap of fun. Rhianne Starbuck steps into her shoes brilliantly, giving a very honest, down to Earth performance amidst all the madness of this story. Sharon is the first one to come into contact with Beep the Meep and its her decision to keep him and not share her discovery with the authorities. At least she admits that later in the story, whilst trying to throw her life away and stop Beep. Technically everything that happens in this story is her fault then. Sharon works especially well in this adaptation because she has such delightful interaction Fudge. There’s the spark of romance between them but things are kept very much as antagonistic friends and they bounce off each other in a very entertaining fashion. Sharon is fostered by the Davises, posh folk with pampered grass in their garden. She’s never met anybody like the Doctor before and she trusts him implicitly.

Genocidal Fluffball: Ladies and Gentlemen allow me to introduce to one of the best villains to have ever graced a Doctor Who story. A monster whose legendary viciousness and severe lack of remorse has left him miles ahead of even the most celebrated of bad guys. He’s cute, he’s fluffy, he’s going to pluck your eyes out with a blunt penknife…it’s Beep the Meep! He’s such an incorrigible little fluffball, trying to convince that the aliens are after him because they are hunting him for his pelt. He claims to be the last of Meeps and that he alone escaped the slaughter of his species. The Most High is not a common pet that likes to be stroked. He pretends that he wasn’t to protect Sharon but in reality he is keeping her around in case he needs a hostage. Before the Most High leaves this planet he intends for there to be atonement in blood. He’s a genocidal maniac wanted half the universe over.

Standout Performance: I cannot believe they have managed to secure the services of Angela Rippon to play the part of the newsreader. It was probably drawn as a bit of current affairs fun in the original script but all these years later to hear her reading the dialogue that was put on the page decades ago is a beautiful touch, and an example of the lengths that Big Finish goes to to ensure authenticity. You could not listen to this story without wanting to applaud Bethan Dixon Bate who brings two equally memorable characters to life. To have to take on the mantle of Beep would be pressure enough but she’s also a delight as the prissy and particular Surgeon. Like The Iron Legion, voice modulation cannot break the performance (and trust me many an actor in a Big Finish has fallen foul of that) and in both cases here it actually strengthens the characterisation.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I wonder if there’s anything up down below…’
‘John Craven is not here!’
‘It’s the Wa-zock!’
‘They said it was better done whilst Meep was still alive!’ and ‘You’re the Meep who knew too much!’
‘You’re evil!’ ‘Oh, what took you so long?’
‘The other Meeps bullied me and called me little ears.’
'I'd hate to explode at an inopportune moment.'

Great Ideas: A starship is hanging in geostationary orbit around the Earth precisely where you wouldn’t expect to find one. Inside Beep the Meep’s spaceship is described as being ‘like inside of X-Wing, only better…’ High praise indeed. There’s a gorgeous joke at The Daemons expense (Tom Baker even mimics ‘science, Mrs Higgins, science!’ in exactly the same way Jon Pertwee said it. Far away on the other side of the universe on the planet of the Meeps lived an idyllic species happily living their lives. They were a co-operative society living in a Utopia. A black sun pulled the paradise planet into its sphere of influence. The Meeps became horribly mutated, a mutation of the soul. The black sun itself is a sentient malevolence and part of it is inside the engine. What the hell is a Grundian Blood Nog?

Musical Cues: It’s fabulous how Alistair Lock takes his unforgettable Beep the Meep song from The Ratings War (available in the extras and I definitely recommend you give this a listen on your external speakers with some unsuspecting person around – I did with my other half and he fell about laughing. Once again I tell him that the audios I review are sophisticated, intelligent tales. Once again he shakes his head despairingly) retooled.

Standout Scene: There’s a lovely moment when Sharon berates Fudge for still being a fan of comics to which he responds ‘that’s proper artwork.’ I’m sure there have been many an adult Doctor Who fan that has been tucking into their graphic novels and facing similar recriminations from their partner/family. Let ‘that’s proper artwork’ be all the excuse you need! The first moment we hear things from Beep’s perspective I punched the air with delight. Not only does Alistair Lock manage to explain what is going on entirely through the production but his thoughts are just so damn funny.

Result: ‘Don’t be angry, Doctor! I’m only a little Meep…’ Alan Barnes deserves a huge amount of credit for the adaptation of the comic strips. I had them at my side whilst listening for some visual references and it is clear that he has a massive love affair with these stories. Understandably given he was the chief writer of the Doctor Who comic strips in DWM for years and di some sterling work. He’s managed to take the essence of the stories, which were told in far more economic terms on the page, integrate all the ideas and the characterisation but add some much-needed depth and extended dialogue. He’s pulled them into a much more coherent narrative for audio. And some of this stuff is very very funny. I’d go as far to say that this boxset is some of his very best work on audio. I don’t know if it has something to do with the length of the scenes, the speed of the plot, the general bounciness of the dialogue or because the productions were just so good but these comic strip adaptations both flew by for me. They come in at over 4 hours but such was my enjoyment they felt like they whizzed by in half the time. It’s clear that the actors are having a whale of a time telling The Star Beast and that sense of infectious fun is extended to the viewer. Beep the Meep is an incredible creation, utterly juvenile and yet terrifying and hilarious at the time. In terms of style these are far more like the Graham Williams style material but the sort of storytelling he would have like to have told with a limitless budget. Very witty and very creative. It has been crafted by one of Big Finish’s best directors and best sound designers so it is no surprise to me that the end result is this polished. I’ve only ever given a box set perfect scores once before (the Fifth Doctor boxset) and this also deserves that accolade. It’s not often that I would beg to anybody but Big Finish…please please please please do more. I would love to hear more of the Doctor, Sharon and Fudge: 10/10