An Alien Werewolf in London written by Alan Barnes and directed by Samuel Clements

What’s it about: A space-time summons brings the TARDIS to the strangest place Mags has yet visited. A haven for the freakiest freaks and the weirdest weirdoes: Camden Lock, London, in the early 1990s. But there's a reason why former TARDIS traveller Ace has brought the old gang back together. She’s on a mission to rescue an alien being, held prisoner in a massive mansion… A mission that can’t possibly go wrong. Can it?

The Real McCoy: Has Sylvester McCoy forgotten how to act entirely? He’s singularly unconvincing making breakfast, let alone playing the spoons and making balloon animals. If this is supposed to be a Doctor at the end of his time in this incarnation then why is he behaving like the buffoon from season 24? When he’s dressed like he was in season 24? Did the script editor speak to all of the writers of this trilogy and get them all on the same page? When the script editor is the WRITER of this script you have to wonder how the depiction of the Doctor from Gokroth to Werewolf could be so different. Time Lords and Vampires have some ancient beef, apparently. Why this is a Doctor Who story baffles me because he really doesn’t have a great influence on events, popping up every now and again to provide a goofy moment but little else.

Werewolf in Space and Time: What was the point of bringing Mags back into the fold? Was there a juicy creative reason for doing so? Don’t get me wrong I think there is serious dramatic mileage in having a werewolf as the Doctor’s companion but the way that Big Finish has tackled it is the most obvious angle I can imagine. A Frankenstein’s monster tale followed by a Twilight tale followed by a story tale that pits werewolf versus vampire. It’s like a tour of the monster film rip offs (the titles of the three stories reveal exactly what they were going for). It would have been better to have really knuckled down and get under the skin of the character, to explore what the transformation feels like, to have her on the edge and a dangerous friend to keep close. Mags’ transformations have felt entirely expediated by plot rather than rooted in character. I don’t feel I know her any better than I did before, and I’ve even taken a trip to her home planet. The Doctor has brought Mags somewhere where punk is alive and she might fit in. I rather liked how she stepped from the TARDIS and instantly caught wind of the medley of smells in Camden, giving the listener a chance to really capture the scene. She’s lost control of her Vulpanan nature and she thinks that travelling in the TARDIS has only made things worse. I’m not sure having Mags, who has bestial tendencies herself screaming ‘you’re monsters, all of you!’ at a bunch of vampires is the most subtle way to bring her trilogy to an end. Other Mags leaves because she’s free of her transformation and Camden feels like somewhere she could fit in. The monster will always be there in Mags’ shadow.

Oh Wicked: She has a space/time pager that the Doctor left with her. This is a long time after she has left him and no longer goes by the name of Ace. I heard a comment recently that Ace was more of a middle class, BBC executive version of what a street kid would be like in the eighties rather than the real thing. That there is a distance between the reality of a punk kid from the suburbs and what Andrew Cartmel and Sophie Aldred delivered. It’s very apparent here with Barnes having Ace drop pop culture references in a very unconvincing way. She’s trying to sound hip and with it by mentioning Thriller and Brookside but it just doesn’t come off. Leave that sort of thing to Russell T Davies. This might have been a nice chance to see the Ace that was mentioned in the Sarah Jane Adventures, doing fantastic charity work. The story is sold on the idea that we are catching up with Ace long after she has left the Doctor and yet it’s like she is the same character we have always known. There’s nothing to indicate the passing of time and on the cover it’s the Ace from season 25. Ace turning into a vampire is completely wasted. I mean completely. Remember when she succumbed to the Planet of the Cheetah People and how beautifully that was characterised in Survival? Yeah, you get none of that. This is entirely plot driven and is discarded as soon as the plot no long requires it of her.

Standout Performance: I’m unconvinced about McCoy’s chemistry with Martin. There is a distance between them that prevents me from buying into the relationship. Martin is playing Mags in a very haughty, ‘I don’t really want to be here’ sort of way and McCoy is trying to manufacture warmth between them that just isn’t there. It’s especially highlighted with Aldred is around because she and McCoy have such a relaxed shorthand. In comparison it’s like the Doctor and Mags are like ex-lovers who can’t find a way to be around each other anymore.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘What is this drivel?’ the Doctor says at one point. I’m with you, Doc.

Dreadful Dialogue: A good gauge of dialogue is to say it out loud and see how it sounds. I don’t think that was done here…
‘Nitro Ten. It’s one louder, I’m told.’
‘Vampires, are you sure?’ ‘The eyes and the fangs gave them away.’ No shit Sherlock.
‘Oh Doctor, I’m so gonna have you. You see if I don’t’ is not a line that should ever be uttered.
‘Check out the canines! Proper Lost Boys job!’
‘Wading in gore looking like The Cure on Halloween!’
‘Time Lord TV is about to hit the airwaves!’
‘So that’s what Rufus wants! To bring back the Dark Ages, vampirically speaking…’ – it’s troublesome when the plot has been so ill defined that you need to spell it out this broadly in episode four.
‘We’re Aussie soap stars! We can’t age ten years!’

Audio Landscape: A genuinely terrific score, well worth listening to in isolation. In fact the music for all three of these stories have been exceptional. Perhaps the main range should just be soundtracks from now on because the pesky stories and dialogue seem to just get in the way of the good stuff.

Isn’t it Odd: What on Earth has happened? When Big Finish stepped into the limelight it as largely acknowledged that the Sylvester McCoy stories were the rotten apples. In those first 100 releases there were a number of gems for the seventh Doctor but they were few and far between and there was a feeling of a lack of direction for the master manipulator, especially compared to what was happening with Sixie and Evelyn, the fifth Doctor, Peri and Erimem and the eighth Doctor and Charley. When Nick Briggs and Alan Barnes took over the main range and the trilogies began things swung around for the seventh Doctor in a dramatic way. Suddenly with Ace, Hex and Klein at his side he had an almost unbroken run of stories over two years that were superb, with stories such as The Magic Mousetrap, A Thousand Tiny Wings and A Death in the Family some of the absolute best that Big Finish have ever released. This carried on into ranges such the New Adventures audios and UNIT: Dominion. It looked like Big Finish had finally found its love for the trickiest of Doctors. But over the past four years that interest, it appears, has completely waned and there has been a record number of duds releases time after time for Seven, that seemed to co-incide with bringing together Ace and Mel. Whilst there are other review sites out there that will continue to sing the praises of every Big Finish releases, despite the obvious inconsistency in quality, the general consensus is that the seventh Doctor has been struggling to find material of interest for a good 13 releases now. A Life of Crime (4/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2017/06/a-life-of-crime-written-by-matt-fitton.html), Fiesta of the Damned (5/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-fiesta-of-damned-written-by-guy.html), The Maker of Demons (2/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-maker-of-demons-by-matthew-j-elliot.html), The Higher Price of Parking (5/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-higher-price-of-parking-written-by.html), The Blood Furnace (4/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-blood-furnace-written-by-eddie.html), The Silurian Candidate (2/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/02/the-silurian-candidate-written-by.html), Red Planets (5/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/08/red-planets-written-by-una-mccormack.html), The Dispossess (3/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-dispossessed-written-by-mark-morris.html), The Quantum Possibility Engine (8/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/10/the-quantum-possibility-engine-written.html), Warlock’s Cross (4/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2018/12/warlocks-cross-written-by-steve-lyons.html), Muse of Fire (9/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2019/01/muse-of-fire-written-by-paul-magrs-and.html), The Monsters of Gokroth (5/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-monsters-of-gokroth-written-by-matt.html), The Moons of Vulpana (1/10 - https://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-moons-of-vulpnana-written-by-emma.html). These reviews explain my opinion of the seventh Doctor stories in much more depth but with two stories in 13 to score higher than 5/10 and it’s obvious that I am far from satisfied. I’ve never been the biggest fan of Sylvester McCoy’s Doctor but it does upset me to see him being constantly delivered mediocre material. He’s a Doctor with plenty to offer if you tailor the story to his character but Big Finish seem to have forgotten how to do that.

So let me get this straight this releases biggest selling point is that it has Ace in it? Ace, who has appeared in umpteeny squillion seventh Doctor stories to the point of exhaustion? You’ll forgive me if I don’t get too excited about that. I was more excited that she wasn’t going to feature in this trilogy and that Big Finish were trialling a new companion with the seventh Doctor but like a bad smell Ace lingers on endlessly. The gag about somebody putting ferrets down their trousers falls flat. This is a script that is trying far too hard to be amusing. Barnes puts everybody in danger at the end of episode one and then like magic has everybody okay by the beginning of episode two and offers a token explanation of how they escaped through flashback. What now? Don’t get me started on the faux Australian soap. You can’t present material as corny as this when it isn’t any better than the story I’m listening to. Ace demands explanations at the beginning of episode four but I have to be honest I was none the wiser after the Doctor had finished. It tries to be a clever clever feint involving two seventh Doctors but it only serves to complicate this story even more. I’m told that Rufus is the villain of the piece but I could barely tell you who Rufus is, let alone what he is about and what he wants. A ton of exposition about the aliens delivered by dreadful Australian clichés.

Standout Scene: I want to blame all of this on the writing but the direction is at fault too. The climax to episode three sees the Doctor turn his back on Ace and throw her to the monsters but it is directed as melodramatically and awkwardly as the mock soap opera scenes earlier in the episode. Has the main range thrown all sense of subtlety out the window?

Result: ‘So they’ll all know who you are? The weirdos, the Goths and the rebel MCs?’ What a great title. What a disappointing story. This is a really confused tale that tells you a lot of plot points but scrimps on the important details. Episode one introduces a lot of characters and takes for granted that we know who they are what they’re about. The Doctor goes on a mission for Ace without ever asking pertinent questions that might help us to understand why that course of action might have unfortunate consequences. All three of the ‘regulars’ are ineptly handled. McCoy is behaving like the joker from season 24, Ace is a carbon copy of her season 25 persona (when they are both supposed to be set way after those periods) and Mags is proving to be as much of a problem as Kamelion was, but with her Vulpanan transformation rather than being subject to everybody’s will. They gelled together so well in The Greatest Show in the Galaxy and so I’m not sure why it doesn’t work here but then with a script that is trying a little too hard to be hip (with an emphasis on embarrassing contemporary pop culture references) I’m not surprised. Doctor Who isn’t a ‘cool’ show and when it tries hard to be one it usually falls flat on its face. This show is the stuff of battered police boxes, sonic screwdrivers and cravats. Not grungy East End locations, vampires and Australian soaps. It’s like some hideous middle-class version of the dodgy end of town or a socially inept geek walking the street in leathers and a cocky walk. The dialogue is too broad, too sanitised and in no way angry or wild enough. The socially acceptable side of punk, which is a contradiction in terms. An Alien Werewolf in London is a story about vampires that have managed to supress their mutation and conquer half of Europe. It features fake Mags. Turns Ace into a creature of the night. A fake Australian soap opera. Time Lord TV. Two Doctors. There’s far too much going on and none of it fits together contentedly. I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a comedy, a drama, a horror story or even plain old entertainment. It fails as all of these. The guest characters are so ill defined and so badly written that I couldn’t get a handle on any of them, or what they were trying to achieve. Alan Barnes has written a wealth of Doctor Who stories now and script edited the main range for a long, long time. Creative exhaustion is inevitable after such a prolific run. That’s what screams from this story more than anything else, a sense of weariness and a lack of sparkle. The Main Range has been limping on, slowly dying for some time and it needs fresh creative juices pumping through it again. It’s time to hand the reins over to others and Messrs Handcock, Ainsworth and Reeves are just around the corner to breathe some life into it again. This might just be the weakest trilogy since they began. Mags deserved better: 3/10