What Have I Done written by Guy Adams and directed by Scott Handcock

What’s it about: On the battlefields of World War I, something is hunting in the trenches. Jack must try and save the life of a wounded soldier.

Here He Comes in a Great Big Tractor: Jack would save a soldier in the First World purely because he has nice eyes. In the trenches, Jack and his entire platoon were killed but he was the only one to walk out of there – that’s his curse during this time period when so many lives were lost. Jack is often both dishonourable and embarrassing. In a moment of frustration Jack admits that he would like to leave Ata to his fear and save himself. It’s a very human moment from a character who often comes across as more than that. He’s gotten so good at pretending that he’s not afraid, pretending that he is unstoppable that he has almost come to believe it himself. He’s a liar. He’s scared of everything, or losing everything, of being wrong. He’s scared of love and being open, caring that much. He’s even scared of death, which he thinks is stupid. Every time it happens coming face to face with the void – what if this time that’s it? Most people only get to face that thought once but he has to go through it over and over again.

Standout Performance: I’ve always suggested that Barrowman is much more of an entertainer and less of an actor and then a story comes along like this that blows my argument out of the water with a tsunami. He’s excellent, none of that showmanship but instead giving a concentrated, penetrating turn. And so, so different to how he played Jack in Piece of Mind. His monologue at the climax when he faces the creature gave me goosebumps. It’s been a long time since I have been this surprised by a performance in an audio.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘How do we fight it?’ ‘We don’t.’
‘You have to take control of your fear.’
‘The universe is full of people trying to keep fear away with prayers.’

Great Ideas: There’s something out there on the battlefield and it can sense and feel fear. There must be plenty of that about. Jack watched one of them stalking the battlefield feeding off that fear, hunting during wartime, finding the scared and draining them. You don’t need much more than that if I’m honest. Other audios would go to great lengths to explain what the monsters are all about but this is a chilling concept the simpler it is kept. Dread on the horizon and a creature stalking the landscape like a vampire.

Audio Landscape: I’m not sure why I am more aware of sound effects when the stories are set in history than I am when they are set in the future. It’s the realism of it, it’s a soundscape that I could be a part of in real life and so my ears attune to it. When a story is set off-world with lots of science fiction beeps and whistles your mind tells you that this is a completely artificial environment. In the past on Earth, it’s very real.

Musical Cues: It’s one of the best original theme tunes that Big Finish has conjured up for a non-Doctor Who range. I especially love the electric guitar intrusion. The score is subdued, atmospheric, absorbing. It doesn’t try and overwhelm the actors, which shows some restraint.

Standout Scene: I loved the story of Ata’s brother. Such a beautifully told story, so authentic, drenched in regret.

Result: Completely different to the first story in this set and that tells me an awful lot about the potential of this series. It’s an anthology series, set during different periods of Jack’s life, much like the Dorian Gray series. Like Dorian, this is spearheaded by Scott Handcock and can veer between knockabout comedy and intense drama and everything in between. This is precisely what the River Song series could have been if it wasn’t so obsessed with the Doctor or in created grand arcs or plugging continuity gaps, hour long vignettes that explore the central character in some depth and reveal just how much life he has lived. This is a riveting drama set in the trenches of the First World War, a two hander between Jack and a soldier he saved. It’s intensely character driven (unlike the over plotted madness of Piece of Mind) and showcases the acting talents of John Barrowman and Atilla Akinci. Kudos to Guy Adams for stripping back all the distractions that usually pad out an audio and focussing purely on the relationship between the two characters. I truly wish more audios were like this. There isn’t a huge amount to talk about here because this is less about the details and more about experiencing this snapshot of these men’s lives. My suggestion is to wait until it’s night and find a quiet spot on your own and listen to this with headphones on. It’s an eerie, disquieting experience and one of the most personal Big Finish stories I have heard in some time. Guy Adams has become a name to rely on: 9/10