Beyond the Sun written by Matt Jones and adapted by Jac Rayner. Directed by Gary Russell

Message Sent 2593 – sender Bernice Summerfield
Recipient Joe Ford – 2010
Subject – Ursu
‘Hi Joe, not sure what to say about recent events as I’m still trying to get my head around it. What is it about buggering men (ha ha) that makes them think they can walk back into your life and pick things up as though nothing has happened despite having ripping your heart out and stamping on it the last time you saw them! Yes that’s right, Jason’s back. And I slept with him. It was impulsive but I’ve always been an impulsive kinda girl! And stupid. I want to put to bed the living joke that was our marriage but something about that man compels sympathy and affection, no matter how bloody idiotic he is. He has been sleeping with part of a super weapon, but a very attractive (and bitchy) one. It was business as usual with horny adolescents, hippy yokels and the end of the universe as we know it. But all I kept wondering was…was she as good as me? Does he still love me?’

What’s it about? Bernice Summerfield has drawn the short straw. Not for her the pleasures of intergalactic conferences and highbrow lecture tours. Oh no. She's forced to take two overlooked freshers on their very first dig. And just when it seems things can't get any worse, her no-good ex-husband Jason turns up, claiming that he is in deadly danger. Benny finally begins to believe his wild claims, but unfortunately only after he has been kidnapped from his hotel room. Feeling guilty, she sets out to rescue him. Well, let's face it, no one else is going to. Her only clue is a dusty artefact that Jason claimed was part of an ancient and powerful weapon. But Professor Bernice Summerfield PhD knows that's just silly nonsense. She's been an archaeologist long enough to know that lost alien civilisations do not leave their most powerful weapons lying around for any nutter to find. Do they? Once again Benny is all that stands between Jason and his own mistakes, as she tries to prevent the wrong people acquiring this terrible and somewhat unlikely weapon - a weapon rumoured to have powers beyond the sun. Now you’ve read about it there’s no need to listen to the thing!

Archaeological Adventurer: The characterisation of Bernice is probably the best thing about this story, the only good thing about this story and Lisa Bowerman delivers another accomplished performance. Geez, she could make anything worth listening to. Deeply suspicious of Jason (with good reason) and she is the only person in the universe who harbours enough goodwill towards him to do her a favour. She is the only person who stands up to the Dean at St Oscars when he wants to the cut the budget again which is why she keeps getting sent on these tedious exercises off campus and off world. She dropped the Kane bit years ago. Her diary entries feel very real in the story and I wouldn’t mind a whole story written from this point of view later, it makes for a surprisingly good narrative tool and is rather wonderfully built into the character. She is surprisingly maternal towards Emile and Tameka, the former bringing out her protective side and the latter making her exasperated at her tempestuousness! The most profound revelation in this story is that despite everything she is still deeply in love with Jason and will sacrifice her life for the bastard. Her ‘code’ is: ‘Bernice Summerfield is a human being, and as such she is all too capable of being cruel and cowardly and yet while she is caught up in violent events she endeavours to remain a woman of peace.’

Lovable Loser: Jason makes his audio debut played by the unforgettably sexy Stephen Fewell. As I have commented before Fewell doesn’t exactly exude charm but there is something about the way he plays the character, cheeky but often sound hurt (you can imagine some real puppy dog eyes), that convinces you that Benny would still want to be with him. He manages to make a grubby planet grubbier, he has been smuggling artefacts and sleeping with Miranda, a collaborator on the planet Ursu. He never says what he means.

Lines That Should Never Be Said: I lost track of the amount of lines that made me cringe in this story or whether it was the nature of the lines or the irritating way the performers said them. As Russell T Davies said in The Writers Tale swearing never sounds that convincing in science fiction and this story is full of awkward moments where swearing destabilises the reality of the story. Not only that but the two kids, Emile and Tameka, are characterised so horrifically most of their dialogue sunk quicker than a sumo wrestler in quicksand.
‘You, like, would not catch me doing that!’ – this one is definitely line delivery and Tameka, obviously.
‘Oh God Primitives! I hate Primitives! Please let there be some technology here? Tell me you know what curling tongs are?’ I think this is meant to funny.
‘You’re just digging yourself into deeper shit!’
‘Don’t be an arsehole all your life Leon. Shit happens.’
‘I’m so new, I’m shrink-wrapped!’
‘I thought you might want to have sex with me.’
‘He wouldn’t ask if he knew, dick for brains!’
‘tI was just sex, I get it.’ ‘Don’t get me wrong it was good sex.’
‘See ya see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya!’
I wish I hadn’t written those lines down – they remind me of the New Adventures at their worst, self centred, angst ridden and teeth clenchingly awful.

Audio Landscape: This story is appallingly directed, not to put too finer point on it. It was (I think) Gary Russell’s first attempt and I guess we all have to go through a learning curve but it is a shame that this story has to suffer as a result. Some lame scripts can be saved by a decent production but Beyond the Sun suffers the reverse syndrome, it capitalises on the scripts deficiencies because of its poor production. To be fair to Gary he soon found his feet as both Walking to Babylon and Just War are two of the best audios ever so I’m willing to sacrifice this one to make sure he got those right. But down to specifics…
The diary entries, whilst being some of the best scenes in the play, are inserted into the action awkwardly, sometimes jarring the action just to move from one part of the story to the next. In later stories Gary would trust to the actors and the sound FX to tell the story of a scene change but here you have Benny chatting with Scott and suddenly the diary music starts off and she says ‘And then I was talking to Jason’ to get us to the next scene.
A lot of the action in this story is really unpersuasive and worse it took me out of the story because of its execution. The attack on the ship is seriously underwhelming, there is an alarm that threatens to drown out the dialogue, a comical dogfight with some naff torpedo sounds and an explosion that reminded me of really bad sex, ending with a total whimper. It is the worst set piece yet. The escape pod plopping into the river on Ursu sounds like a fart in the bath! They can’t even get a chicken cockadoodledoing right – it sounds like a really cheap kid’s toy (maybe that’s what alien cockerels sound like)! Even worse than the spaceship being assaulted is the car attack on Disc 2 – the music is awful, Emile and Tameka are at their most annoying and that awful torpedo sound plays again! The explosion is more of a phut and the even the car screeching off the road sounds like a cat on heat. What’s worse is that I have been so used to lots of intermingling sounds generating an atmosphere on the Doctor Who range it seems very bare to have so many extended dialogue scenes featuring just dialogue and nothing to generate an atmosphere! Even the opening scenes lack conviction, there is an archaeological dig that sounds like workmen putting up a building site, all metal hammering and coughing. In the restaurant Benny and Jason eat in there is a distracting jingle playing and later on Ursu a scene is punctuated by a discordant hippy singer! My favourite sound effects were The Sunless, modulated, Darth Vader type breathing and the rain hitting the mud in the early scenes.

Musical cues: The effective string music on the diary extracts is reminiscent of the Marco Polo travel logs. The awful nonsense that is played during the car attack sequence. Not sure which side I land on with the music, lets say I’m ambivalent.

Isn’t it Odd: How much I loathe Emile and Tameka considering how far the script goes towards making them real people who develop throughout the story. Tameka is the worst offender, a self centre, vain, arrogant super model who always thinks she knows better. I think I preferred her in the earlier scenes when she is full of herself because she takes on a whole new level of bad when she starts protecting Emile, discussing her sex life and actually reacting to things. Anybody would have trouble saying the lines she is given but Jane Burke has put on the most astonishingly irritating voice that makes you want to claw Tameka’s eyes out every time she sucks in oxygen to allow her to speak. I don’t like scripts where you can see how the writer is trying to chart a characters progress, to deliberately force them to grow up…I would rather it was a natural, invisible process that when you are on the other side and you see how much they changed you are in awe of the writers ability to effortlessly evolve his cast. Here Tameka is so obviously supposed to experience things, to come out of this story a new person. Trouble is the person she becomes I hate even more than the person she was. Go figure. Emile fares better but only because on the odd occasion Lewis Davis does manage to provoke your sympathy but his characterisation as the rather effete and charmless gay boy also got on my nerves. As a (and I can’t tell you how much I hate these labels) straight acting gay man myself I really hate it when homosexual characters are portrayed this ineffectually, simply because I have never known an Emile. He’s a sniffly, unbearably cute stooge who is there primarily to remind us of his sexuality which should be the least important thing about a gay character. Davis rather oddly sounds like he has a really heavy cold and sounds really awkward in the scenes where he is propositioned by Scott. As a coming of age story it fails dismally simply because rather than wanting him to prosper in a relationship with Scott I really wanted him to suffer some awful tragedy. God, I’m harsh. Jason Kane is far more effective bi guy – it is barely mentioned but when it is it is certainly not dwelled upon and it makes him all the sexier for it!
And what is all this peculiar stuff about humping about anyway? On this planet of the hippies Scott seems to delight in shagging about regardless of age or maturity. It feels like a sledgehammer is descending on me screaming ‘we’re adult!’ in the worst Torchwoodian ways! Emile sounds about 10 so once it seems like paedophilia is being recommended and Tameka’s feigning hurt after Scott gives her one and then admits he’d rather get off with Emile is just painful. These are really uncomfortable scenes to listen to.
Adding insult to injury the Ursulans are easily the least interesting and most unbearably self centred and achingly dull race we have encountered for an age. There is something smug about their ‘Any rule is tyranny’ that makes me want to form the next Nazi party and enforce martial law. I’m not sure if it is the way they are performed or because they are written to think they are always right and are hugely critical of other points of view. The thought of a group of hippies breaking away from the evil of the rest of the universe is so blindly critical about everything except their own cosy little viewpoint I’m sure the universe did not miss them at all!
Why are the tracks 15 minutes long? I literally had to force myself to listen to the whole of disc on because I was too scared I would have to fast forward for a year to find my place again. It really is a bad idea to deny your audience the ability to navigate through the story easily. Perhaps that was the idea, to trap you within the story with no escape!
The diary extracts, just about the best damn thing in the story, suggest a story and characterisation far more thoughtful that we actually get. Perhaps this would have worked better as a companion chronicle with Lisa Bowerman telling the whole story, I think I would have bought into it a lot easier and come out with more respect that way.
The theme music, part Indiana Jones, part Star Trek the Next Generation, is played Four times throughout the story – are these cliffhangers? The music is shoved into the action with no explanation and it is really jarring.
How Sophie Aldred manages to be even more as Miranda than she is as Ace these days. I don’t want to keep banging on about Aldred because I feel as if I am condemning a performer who I thought worked wonders with her character in the television series but there is something terribly forced about her audio work that just does not sound natural. Her ‘I know you can hear me’ in the conclusion sounds so reminiscent of Kane in Dragonfire it feels as though we have come full circle, with Aldred as a the villain!

Standout Performance: The performer who stood out most for me is Jane Burke. Let’s pray that Tameka never, ever returns to this series or if she does make sure it is as a tent pole for one of Benny’s expeditions.

Standout Moment: Reuniting Benny and Jason on audio. I’m glad they did this early on as it gave the characters a chance to grow and get closer again and makes late developments all the more shocking.

Result: A depressing and melancholic story that is badly paced and poorly executed. Beyond the Sun made for a self involved New Adventure, full of its own unusual and not terribly interesting ideas and focussing far too much on the Mary Sue characters of Emile and Tameka who sprang off the page as ciphers with false depth who were there to grow as characters. This all translates into the audio but is handled so ineptly by a freshman director the finished result is irritating, irredeemably twee or unconvincingly played depending on where you are in the play. Poor Bernice is saddled with these two awful kids and a plot which is so linear it could have been told in half an hour. There are no blinding revelations (aside from the fact that Benny still loves Jason but we all knew that), no moments that made me sit up and pay attention, it’s a story set on an uninteresting planet with uninteresting characters talking about uninteresting things and told in a really uninteresting way. Ouch: 1/10

Reply to – Ursu
Message Sent 2010 – sender Joe Ford
Recipient Bernice Summerfield – 2593
‘You never did explain what Ursu meant…I guess it was too boring to mention. Oh Benny love is a funny old thing. Not everything that you love is good for you…but that doesn’t stop you craving it anyway. Can Jason be redeemed or is he destined to mess you around for the rest of your life? I don’t know, but it could be a lot of fun finding out. The first three years with Simon was a rollercoaster of emotions and recriminations but now I am glad I stuck it out – there is gold at the end of the rainbow. Perhaps the fact that it’s not easy is what makes it worthwhile.’

Buy it from Big Finish here: http://www.bigfinish.com/12-Bernice-Summerfield-Beyond-The-Sun

Oh No It Isn’t! written by Paul Cornell and adapted for audio by Jac Rayner, Directed by Nicholas Briggs

Message Sent 2593 – sender Bernice Summerfield
Recipient Joe Ford – 2010
Subject – Hanging around Balls!
‘Hi Joe, How’s 20th Century life? Remind me to pop back at some point, I’m almost completely out of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk from my last visit…and it would be nice to catch up with you and Simon as well. Sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while but life here has been pretty mad, I haven’t heard from my idiot husband for ages so he’s probably got his head stuck inside the jaws of a Sloathe. Or something. Serves him right. My life’s has been pretty unstable since the destruction of St Oscar’s and all that buggering devastation with the Gods (don’t ask). I have taken a few freelance jobs, working with my trowel, defiling ancient civilisations, that sort of thing and surprisingly I’ve quite enjoyed working with children. It must be my age. Which shall remain indeterminate, thank you very much. Just recently I had what could only be described as a mind altering experience on the planet Perfecton. Can you imagine a world made entirely of panto? Buxom Dames, handsome Princes, a King with far too much obsession about his Balls (you have such a dirty mind!) and seven Dwarves who are far too concerned with politics. And Wolsey, gorgeous, loyal Wolsey suddenly had the ability to walk, talk and tap dance. I know it all sounds unlikely but given my life so far, it was practically mundane! Love to you and yours, Benny. PS, I didn’t sleep with him alright, he was only sixteen!’

What is this series about? Does any Doctor Who fan that was worth their salt in the Grand Canyon sized gap on television in the nineties not know who Bernice Summerfield is? She was the prevalent companion during the New Adventures, often serving as the seventh Doctor’s moral conscience during some of his darkest days and finally married off when he has a new pair of layabouts to look after (Chris and Roz). Bernice’s marriage was short lived, more based on lust than mutual respect (always tricky) and she was lucky enough to have her own series of books once the New Adventures lost their licence to tell Doctor Who stories. To be fair she was the obvious choice. She was established in the heart of the NA universe and she was ridiculously entertaining and heartbreakingly real. Even the dissolution of the NA books could not stop Benny; there were still fans that wanted to see her adventures continue. Gary Russell took on the mantle of responsibility of her character and we finally heard her brought to life by the astonishing Lisa Bowerman who played the character how we had always imagined her. And here we are, at the beginning of those adventures with ten seasons (that’s right I said ten) of adventures for Bernice ahead plus 18 more books. Her life has become an unstoppable engine of storytelling and it is a superb alternative to the Doctor Who line that has to remain within certain censorious conventions but Bernice’s adventures are often riotous, bawdy, rude, insane and outrageously entertaining. I rarely lost interest in the 10 years Big Finish have handled her.

Archaeological Adventurer: Bernice is flirting outrageously with her students…perhaps still on the rebound from her marriage with Jason (even she seems quite embarrassed by how young Doran is). She admits she gained her Professorship on the run. When she wakes up in what she thinks is heaven after the Perfecton missile has struck she thanks the Goddess of having her after her sinful existence and now claims she believes in her! Bernice foolishly tries to convince that she is the sort of person who does the washing during the dinner party…hmmm, nice try Summerfield but I’m not buying it. Described as one sequin short of a ball gown, which sounds far more likely! She has lots of metaphysical comparing the world she is in to heaven and hell but wonders why either should be this confusing. She likes a puzzle but gets frustrated with one that keeps changing the rules like this. In a moment that secures her the important place of lead protagonist she wonders if she is just an incidental character. As If. She enjoys swearing and gets frustrated when she is constantly censored in pantoland. She wants her epitaph to be back in a mo. She loves and cares for Wolsey as best as she can. Beautiful, brave and brilliant which about sums it up.



Great ideas: The whole story is one really clever idea but the story does not reveal its hand until its closing moments, cleverly making both Bernice and the audience work it out for themselves with an abundance of clues. The Perfectons had a perfect (ho ho), God like existence and decided rather than travelling they would create the ideal world. However an aggressive sun was belching destructive matter nearby and the Perfectons prepared for their inevitable extinction the best way they could think of, by preserving their entire civilisation in a computer matrix. That missile was launched at the Winton as Bernice and her archaeology crew visited with the purpose of re-actualising the culture within the beings it strikes. Instead of achieving this it pierced the computer mainframe where Benny was reading a discourse on English pantomime and created a world around it for the surviving Perfectons to live in. That’s the basics but its how we get there that is so impressive:

You can get hurt in panto world but it doesn’t like it, you are healed shortly after (after all there are children watching!). Richard Whittington, the Seven Dwarves, Prince Charming and Puss in Boots all appear. There are anomalies – if it really is the time of Dick Whittington (1490) tea doesn’t exist yet! Bernice figures out that the world tries to integrate her unpredictable suggestions and make them logical – Prince Charming is her brother and when the King suggests he marry her she points out the obvious incestuous flaws but he hasn’t told her that they are not siblings by blood! Like a panto the narrative tries to find a conclusion to the narrative but she screws things up by giving it too many endings. She realises her hands have hardly strayed from her thighs since she arrived. There is an abundance of cross dressing and gender confusion. She can’t swear! Every time she tries a softer expletive pops out! She realises the fairy god mother is addressing somebody all the time and is suddenly revealed…the audience. Once she has figured out the building blocks of this world are made from panto Bernice goes on to make some terrific observations, that they are a satire on the era they are made with audience interaction traditions and phrases that have significance through repetition. There are some astonishing innovations made such as the PNN – Pantomime News Network (‘This genie is not here to grant us three wishes!’) and the audience are described as the fabled land beyond the sky where the big light shines. There has been a lot of thought put in to how to make this insane idea intelligent and convincing – in particular I loved the idea of the A Bon Bon – the characters of panto land have created ‘the most terrifying sugared confection ever developed by mankind’ to take on their harshest enemy – the children in the audience! Bernice adapts to the worlds way of thinking to escape, she starts making up crazy stories to ingratiate herself into the world and get what she needs, she talks in rhyme and uses the oldest panto trick in the book… ‘I bet you can’t get back into your lamp genie!’ ‘Oh yes I can!’ ‘Oh no you can’t.’ Finally the very idea of a cat being given sentience and self awareness only to have it snatched away is utterly absurd and deeply moving at the same time. The oddball backdrop only serves to make Wolsey’s journey in this adventure all the more touching, for such a riotous comedy his stunning realisation that he is propelled by instinct and base desires leaves a lingering sadness to the story.

Standout Performance: Lisa Bowerman, obviously but I’ll save her until last. Nicholas Courtney is an acting coup and the perfect choice for Wolsey, one of his best ever performances in anything Doctor Who related. Wolsey oozes charisma, is fiercely protective of Bernice, a horny little git and full of British charm (‘Why they’ll always be an England…’). He brings some real pathos to the play as Wolsey discovers his real purpose in life. And I can hear him in the ‘Row row row your boat’ scene which makes this whole story worthwhile.
Mark Gatiss also deserves a pat on the back for making me continually spit out my coffee every time he opens his mouth! He’s the hissy, slimy, creepy King’s Visier who manages to make every line sound like a filthy innuendo whether it is or not!
Dame Candy should have her own audio series – s/he is such a fantastic character: ‘Scarper!’ James Campbell had me rolling around on the floor (oo-er) with giggles.
As you can see it is hard to pick one standout performer in this ensemble party piece, everybody gets in to the spirit of the thing and makes it such a joy to listen to.

Sparkling (naughty) Dialogue: Was ever a Doctor Who related spin off ever more like an episode of Are You Being Served? This story is loaded with tons of panto themed naughtiness that kept me chuckling throughout!
‘There’s a bloody great missile approaching from the planet!’
‘Ooh my giddy kippers! I haven’t seen a sight like that since I popped round the back of the fishmonger’s trolley and had a look at his buttered plaice!’
‘Oooh you sinister squid!’ – I remember thinking that on more than one occasion when flies have been unzipped!
‘Hold on to me, Dick!’ – Ahem
‘I always say the more people I have around my balls, the better!’ No longer commenting!
‘The King’s Balls get bigger every year!’
‘Hello Puss in Boots!’ ‘I’ve warned you about your language!’
‘At least I can safely say I don’t owe it all to my pussy!’
‘I’ll have you know I’ve just returned from the Enchanted Land.’ ‘Is that yet another dimension?’ ‘It’s a nightclub in Camden.’
‘Parathon! Aloo Saag! Peshwari Naan!’ ‘Are you summoning a demon?’ ‘No you fool I’m ordering a curry.’
‘I’ve never had an animated Arab boy in my life! Unfortunately…’
‘When I do it its archaeology. When you do it its shoplifting.’

Audio Landscape: Considering this was the first thing Big Finish ever produced it is remarkably professional and assured with an imaginative script to really show off their talents. The opening scene sees a perpetually chilly and wind driven Perfecton. The Grel – gittish data pirates – have the most astonishing gurgling alien cockney voices! Bernice splashes about in the bath, Wolsey purrs contentedly and there is a hyper camp Nick Briggs computer voice. When Bernice wakes up in panto land she is greeted by fluting birdsong in a forest glade, a hilarious fight of grunts and clinking metal (‘Whose for calamari?’), and some impressive ball scenes with sweeping music, crowds, laughter and trumpets. Wolsey tap dances, claws on marble, horses whiney, the Vizier’s cauldron bubbles menacingly and arrows thump and boing into an embarrassed Bernice! The Fairy Godmother sequence is extraordinarily realistic with an orchestra practicing in the wings, the audience coughing and joining in with the singing and general air of mystery and anticipation. The genie Perfecton has the most arse clenchingly scary voice ever!

Musical Cues: Step forward Alistair Lock! What a story to introduce his talents on, one where he is let of the leash from the word go and given free reign to make us feel as good as possible. The music is pure Disney, upbeat, melodious and it often makes you feel as glorious as the script. One of my favourite ever sequences on audio is where the harmonising bluebirds and singing mice clean up Bernice’s house, it is impossible to not get swept by the madness of it all. It’s Enchanted 10 ten years earlier! The ball scenes have a sweeping and irresistible score, perfectly capturing the romance of the moment.

Isn’t that Odd: Doran sounds like he is about 12. Is paedophilia encouraged in the future?
Adapting popular New Adventures is an interesting idea but wouldn’t have it made more sense to introduce a new series with original stories? Actually no, given the standard of the first series of original stories I am glad they introduced us to Bernice with some her finest stories. They have been adapted to both audio and television now which is a real endorsement of their quality (for the most part).
The theme tune plays again after the missile has struck. Am I missing something?
What is really odd was that I didn’t find that Oh No it Isn’t was a very successful opener to the NA books minus the Doctor. I felt it gave out the wrong message to the punters, that this series was always going to be this ridiculous. Yet I had the complete opposite feeling with the audios, it kick starts them with bags of confidence and feel good style, exactly the sort of thing we have signed up for with this series. Performed, this story really comes alive.
That Big Finish misquoted SFX on the back when the actual review stated they weren’t sure if this was a strong start to the range. SFX rather cruelly pointed this out in the next edition, but hey the series is still going strong ten years down the line so I guess it must have drawn some people in!

Standout Moment: The whole thing pretty much but for the sheer thrill of it the harmonising bluebirds still makes me die every time I hear it! ‘Oh you’re washing them up for me!’

Result: A delightful introduction to the world of Bernice Summerfield on audio. This is still one of my most listened to audios (along with The One Doctor, surprisingly…what do those two have in common?) because it cheers me up every time I listen to it. You have a fantastic cast who are clearly having the time of their lives with the witty, imaginative script and that enjoyment extends to the audience in waves. Paul Cornell has written a surprisingly thoughtful discourse on the nature of pantomime, looking at its conventions and (lack of) imaginative limitations whilst making us laugh until our sides hurt at the same time. Jac Rayner has cleverly taken all the best bits of the book and cut away all the flabby padding. The best fiction is clever, thoughtful and thoroughly entertaining and Oh No It Isn’t! scores on all three. At the heart of this play is Lisa Bowerman playing Bernice as we always imagined her to sound, funny and sweet, commanding and flawed, entertaining and easy on the ear. She has that Tom Baker ability of making any dialogue sound utterly convincing. Very few Doctor Who stories have given me as much pleasure as this one: 10/10

Reply to – Hanging around Balls!
Message Sent 2010 – sender Joe Ford
Recipient Bernice Summerfield – 2593‘You make me crack up Benny! Pantoland! What next, a prison made out of seasons? It is really good to hear from you, I was getting a bit worried as I hadn’t heard from you in such a long time. Jason’s such a tosser, forget about him. You need people around you who will look after you. Thanks for popping by at the wedding…although next time can you please tell the Doctor to try and mingle a bit! Everyone wondered who this Scots dwarf was hanging around clacking spoons together! Thank God everybody was drunk when he sang ‘As Time Goes By!’ Simon’s fine, he asks if Desperate Housewives is still being made in 2593 – you know life extending drugs and Botox could hardly make Teri Hatcher look worse! Better go, fancy some coffee. Speak soon – and don’t leave it so long next time – your adventures really cheer me up!’

Buy it from Big Finish here: http://www.bigfinish.com/11-Bernice-Summerfield-Oh-No-it-Isnt!!

Winter for the Adept written by Andrew Cartmel and directed by Gary Russell

What’s it about? When a teleportation accident goes badly wrong, Nyssa finds herself stranded on the freezing slopes of the Swiss Alps in 1963. But is it mere coincidence that she finds shelter in a snowbound school haunted by a malevolent poltergeist? When the Doctor arrives, Nyssa and the other inhabitants of the school soon discover that the ghost is merely part of a darker, deeper and more deadly game involving rogue psi talents and something else... Something not of this Earth.

English Gentleman: Peter Davison has not given a poor performance yet but his last story did not afford him opportunities to impress so Winter for the Adept redresses the balance somewhat. He gets the best arrival I can remember for an age, materialising in the middle of a poltergeist manifestation causing Ms Tremayne to declare him ‘An Agent of Satan!’ He seems to have a lust for adventure in story, a gleam in his eye to investigate these spooky goings on and get to the bottom of it. Nyssa admits he is far from a boring companion and that when you spend time with him it is relative. Peter Davison has matured into the role really well; when he used to snap and curse his companions on his TV season he came across as a petulant youth rather than a old man trapped in a younger mans body but this stories shows he now has the gravity and seriousness to really command a situation. He is impatient and angry in this story, never over the top but often intense enough to demand my attention. Very impressive.

Child of Traken: Nyssa’s landed in snow again! It’s a bit of a mixed bag with Nyssa. Sarah Sutton attacks the lines as they are written but makes Nyssa a little too irritable and unlikable when the Doctor arrives. She reminds me of Tegan in a few spots, with a sarcastic tone to her voice that makes me want to give her a push and tell her to cheer up. On the plus side she gets a very strong showing in episode one, practically owning the episode to herself, proving a lot of people wrong in thinking she could not hold up a story herself. She feels the cold and is not bad on skis. A nice nod to her Traken roots when she calls a church a primitive place of worship. She is not superstitious (that was highlighted in Land of the Dead) and does not believe in poltergeists despite evidence to the contrary. Described as a harlot to the Doctor’s stranger and a whore of Babylon! Nice use is used of her telepathic abilities again. I just wished the director had asked her to tone down her prickliness, yes it would annoying to be dumped in the middle of a snowstorm but lets not have Nyssa turn into a Tegan clone please. It’s so much nicer when the bitching is to a minimum. She insults and compliments the TARDIS.

Great Ideas: Winter for the Adept is one of those stories that is spilling (haha) with ideas and most of them work very well. Andrew Cartmel is good at conjouring up some unforgettable images in your mind and includes some evocative descriptions of the Academy. There is a helicopter crash later in the story the image of it burning on the mountainside is gorgeous. Just simple lines like ‘Brandy by candlelight, it’s not so bad’ suggest warm and comfort.
Cartmel is not averse to using some horror clichés and the attacking mirror and piano make for some great scenes. He talks of imprints in the chapel made violent death, gifts of the Adept, ghosts being haunted and creates an eerie atmosphere.
I was initially unconvinced by the psychic ‘daisy chain’ with Harding causing a smell that triggers Alison’s which knocks Peril’s telepathic ability into action but the idea that they have been manipulated into this situation by the Spillagers gives it some credence. The Spillagers themselves are a nice idea, creatures from another dimension who will reduce humanity to a stain on the abattoir floor if their invasion is successful.
Plus I adore the idea of a ghost turning up at a séance with an upper class accent and hanging around for a chat. Priceless.

Standout Performance: I thought it would be India Fisher as she clearly caught the producer’s eye enough for her to be cast as Charley Pollard but her character was extremely underused so she didn’t really have a chance to shine. My favourite performance in Winter for the Adept was Sally Faulkner as Miss Tremayne, a convincingly psychotic Scottish spinster with a few odd ideas about dealing with perverts and purifying evil spirits. Faulkner imbues the character with a terrifying sense of order and efficiency and manages to bring melodrama (and a good laugh) to every scene she is in. ‘I felt Satan smiling in the flames!’ You have to love it when Tremayne is almost unconscious with delirium and finds out the Peril has been sleeping with Peter…’I have to protect my girls!’

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
‘Do a job badly enough and nobody will ask you to do it again!’

Audio Landscape: This is the sort of story where it is vital to get the atmosphere right and Gary Russell provides a wonderful backdrop of creepy sounds to compliment the spooky script. Easing us into the story there is a howling wind that suggests the desolate landscape of the Alps (far more effectively than in Land of the Dead I might add) and Nyssa and Peter make lovely crunchy footprints in the snow. When we move inside there is a warming crackling fire. Poltergeist signs come in the form of lights buzzing, mirrors smashing and collecting into a twinkling glass storm, pianos grinding through corridors and smashing through doors. We also have taps dripping like music and an almighty set as a helicopter dives through the air, its engines growling and the crash and tear of metal as it collides with the mountainside. Finally the Spillager transformation and voice, like an electric current running through water, is unforgettable.

Musical Cues: My favourite score to this point bar none. I love the piano and Russell Stone’s command of the instrument is masterly. The opening piece, winter waltzes, is beautiful and desolate and suggests snowy landscapes and old memories effortlessly. This is one of the most attractive hauntings I have ever experienced because Stone’s music underscores every event so handsomely. The piano plays an important part throughout the story and the music being played chills and scares in equal measures.

Isn’t that Odd: I don’t understand the framing device that bookends the story, it does not seem to serve any purpose. If the events of the past where going to have an effect on Alison’s future or if she was going to keep narrating the story I would understand why it was including but it feels like it is there just because Cartmel thought it was quite a cute way to open the story. The Unicorn and the Wasp was going to have a similar framing contrivance but they cut it because it did not service the plot – there is no such insight here. Cutting back to Alison in the future at the end was a total surprise because I had forgotten all about it since episode one and it left me thinking, ‘huh?’ which is not how you want to end a story you have mostly enjoyed.
Nyssa’s crabbiness, is this because Cartmel did not understand the character?
There were a few moments when I felt the writer was blatantly trying to tell us what was happening in the scene, there was a lack of experience with writing on audio. The end of episode two is a good example: ‘The ski polls! They’re rising into the air!’

Standout Moment: I really liked Nyssa’s solo adventures in episode one and the ghostly happenings. The piano playing on its own was super creepy and the glass shard attack a great moment.

Result: Beautifully scored, Winter for the Adept is a damn good stab at a ghost story. The first episode is a treat; the location, the talk of spirits, the howling wind and the evocative music all combine to create a feeling of quiet menace. When the Doctor shows up (in one of his best materialisations ever) the explanations come with him so the rest of the story doesn’t really live up to its early promise. Andrew Cartmel writes a surprisingly good fifth Doctor but fudges Nyssa by making her too spiky and his guest characters all have good dialogue and motives. The last episode disappoints because the ghostly happenings vanish and it all becomes about a (frankly) pathetic alien race who want to take over the Earth, like we haven’t seen that before. All the same the direction is constantly fresh and the events (their execution and the acting) really involve the listener. Nobody seems to want to write a ghost story for Doctor Who that is just a ghost story (Empire of Death) but this is the nearest we have come to a successful attempt: 7/10

Buy it from Big Finish here: http://www.bigfinish.com/10-Doctor-Who-Winter-for-the-Adept

The Spectre of Lanyon Moor written and directed by Nick Pegg

What’s it about? In a desolate landscape littered with relics of prehistoric man, the Doctor and Evelyn uncover a catalogue of mysteries. What is the secret of the fogou? Can the moor be haunted by a demonic host of imps? And what is Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart doing in Pengriffen? Teaming up with his old friend, the Doctor realises than an ancient conflict is nearing its conclusion – and Lanyon Moor is set to be the final battleground.

Softer Six: Nick Pegg states on the CD sleeve that he wanted to plant the sixth Doctor into a rural fantasia of inns, mansions and gothic mystery and it is a landscape that suits him very well. It makes you wonder what sort of stories they could have told on the box had they taken this route instead of the science fiction madness they subjected him to in seasons 22 and 23. He makes the fine admission that if he knew what was at the end of each tunnel he wouldn’t get into half as much trouble as he does! His relationship with Evelyn continues to evolve and they have a quiet respect for each other which is very rare between a Doctor and companion. He greets the Brigadier warmly and they admit to each other that they make an excellent team (a little self congratulatory perhaps but it is a fair point). He is a Doctor of this and that, mostly that. You have got to love it when he rails at Professor Morgan then realises he has gone far too far (something he never would have done in the past) and then sucks up to him by making him feel involved and invaluable! The first thing he asks for after being attacked is tea (good man). There are moments of his old impatience when he is stuck in the trenches of UNIT bureaucracy. Can you imagine if the Doctor had had this sort of character development in the TV series?

Learned Lecturer: God I love Evelyn, I mean I really love her. If she younger and blind (ahem) we could have something great going on…and I’m married to a man! She is just the sort you would want to travel about time and space with; she’s warm, welcoming and protective but also intelligent and learned so you can enjoy an engaging conversation with her too! Plus she’d make you a fine chocolate cake. What more could you ask for? The Doctor seems to feel the same way too and is adorable in her company, playful and respectful. She knows a little ancient folklore and has students and faculty members dotted about she can ask for help when she doing research, as she does here. She talks of visiting other planet so it’s clear they have been travelling together for some time no but she has not been on a spaceship yet. She steps in and introduces herself before the Doctor has a chance to do so and seems to enjoy it with all the men fussing over her in episode two. Flint describes her as rather an attractive lady with a young face but she thinks it’s been a while since anybody has said that! I love how Evelyn strikes out on her own in this story, researching the history of the land, striking a relationship with Flint and then having her own confrontation with the villain. Why not call the series Evelyn? She mocks Flint brilliantly (‘You really are crackers, aren’t you?’) and rescues herself from captivity. She boldly walks back into danger, seeming to enjoy the subterfuge making Philip states she was the sort of woman his mum warned him about!

Aged Soldier: Nick Courtney’s voice is superb for audio and so recognisable from the series too. He implies a feeling of nostalgia in his very first scene. The Doctor describes him as an old rogue! He’s visiting the dig in an unofficial capacity, officially he is on holiday but he is actually carrying out surveillance work. He falls back into his authorative persona when the situation becomes critical and suggests dropping bombs to save the day (nothing changes). The Brig’s finest moment comes at the climax when he confronts Sancreda and is willing to sacrifice his life to defeat this latest menace to the Earth. ‘If it comes to a choice between the whole world or just you, me and this ship Sancreda, I’m very clear where my duty lies!’

The image of the Doctor, the Brigadier and Evelyn heading off at midnight at the end of this adventure to the pub to drink, eat chocolate cake and share stories is such a delightful and cosy one my syrup filter broke down and I had a warm feeling all over.


Great Ideas: The opening scene sets up the story with real pace and excitement – a race against time for Sancreda to get back to his ship, dogs snarling at his heels, firing shots, his spaceship taking off and leaving him stranded on Earth. It’s another moment where audio triumphs over visuals because although this is extremely filmic and easy to picture the twist here is that Scriffen did not abandon Sancreda, he was murdered by one of Sancreda’s stray shots but we don’t know this until the climax. Sancreda’s sibling rivalry and hatred for his brother’s abandonment is what drives the story – 18,000 years of building hate and all for nothing.
There is a magnificent switch of location in episode 3 as the story flies overseas to Athens to join the devious Mrs Moynihan on her ‘holiday’. The story has moved on just enough for you to have forgotten her from episode one. Writers should try this sort of thing more often.
Sancreda proves to be a monster through and through when he turns on his benefactor, Flint, and murders him. ‘A partnership, ha! I do not speak of deals, I speak only of debts and yours to me is long overdue…’

Standout Performance: Susan Jameson as the unforgettably pitiable Mrs Moynihan. She’s a bitter old woman who has lost her husband and daughter to other people and only has her dogs to keep her company. Jameson provides a madly eccentric, yet odd beguiling character, helping to destroy the world for the most dismal of motivations, revenge. ‘I imagine people will be treating me rather differently in the future.’ You don’t have a future, love.

Sparkling dialogue: A lot of the dialogue in this story quite fun, occasionally a bit too self aware but still eminently quotable:
‘Up the airy mountain, down the rushy glen, where dare not go a’hunting for fear of little men.’ I realise this is a steal but Colin Baker makes it sound so evocative.
‘And it was grinning at us…’ I don’t know why but that sent chills down my spine.
‘You can get a long way with no talent but you can’t get anywhere without a pencil.’
‘Are you telling me that my housekeeper has fallen into a Faustian pact with a pixie from outer space?’
‘Now the tea lady is in charge!’
‘It’s nice to know we still make a good team, Doctor.’

Audio landscape: Not to crap all over Nicholas Briggs or Gary Russell who will go on to direct some fantastic stories but Nick Pegg lavishes a lot of love on this story and it shows in every aspect of the production. It is the moodiest tale yet; you have birds singing, chickens can be heard clucking in the distance, bees fly about lazily, church bells and birdsong suggest a new morning and strong winds and owls hooting give a strong sense of night time. There is a great moment where Flint smashes a window and puts it back together again, you can hear the glass gathering and breaking back into a solid pane. There are lots of footsteps in the museum in Athens and a rather dramatic security alarm. People tap keyboards, doors squeak, equipment buzzes and bleeps, the fogou is lovely and echoey, as is Flints extensive library. Just something simple as Evelyn smashing a window to escape to suddenly be greeted by crows screaming maintains the illusion that this is a soundtrack rather than being performed in a studio. Full marks for the opening scene though, the dogs sound terrifying and a very visual piece is told extremely effectively on audio without feeling like we are missing anything visually.

Musical Cues: A fantastic Alistair Lock score suggesting horrors unseen. The opening scene is huge and bombastic, suggesting the pace and urgency of the event. I love the terrifying, almost whistling music that plays during several tales of madness, goblins and sprites. Evelyn recalls her night time attack to a spine tingling track. This story does not have wall to wall music like The Marian Conspiracy, it is utilised only when it is needed. The score turns warm and beautiful at the end as the three friends walk off to the pub.

Isn’t that Odd: The pace of this story runs hot and cold. Episode two is the least eventful and largely quite talky and lacking in urgency.
Isn’t it annoying when a companion escapes from the villain and heads off to find an ally only to be talked into returning by the person she meets up with. Why is the first person they meet up always in league with the villain? Paul might have well of taken Evelyn there at gunpoint for all he had accomplice written across his forehead.

Something I learnt from The Inside Story: This story was originally intended for Tom Baker along with The Holy Terror and The Stones of Venice but he turned them down. The fool. Gary Russell talked Nick Pegg into directing this story himself after his initial reluctance.

Standout Moment: Poor Mrs Moynahin’s demise. Being ripped apart by her dogs, the only creatures she has any affection for is just horrible.
The dogs sound terrifying and the Doctor’s aghast reaction really drives home the horror of the event..
Worse is Sancreda’s response: ‘I am swatting at flies, Doctor, nothing more!’

Result: A gothic fantasy steeped in history and folklore proves to be the ideal backdrop for the long awaited meeting between the sixth Doctor and the Brigadier. Big Finish are telling the sort of tales we have been waiting for an age for with the sixth Doctor enjoying a fantastic companion, a spooky setting and a nice touch of nostalgia. Gather together some fine British actors, a villain, a stooge, an authority figure, add some murder, a squeaky voiced monster and a tale of revenge and you have something that’s traditional and rather gorgeous. Nick Pegg gives his own material some loving treatment and we get to enjoy the most atmospheric pictures painted in our head, accompanied by a chilling Alistair Lock score. It might be a bit too talky for your tastes and there is nothing revolutionary going on but if you like your Doctor Who down to Earth and evocative (I do and I do) then this is a good stepping on place for you. Kudos to Colin Baker for carving out a whole new life for his Doctor: 8/10

Buy it from Big Finish here: http://www.bigfinish.com/08-Doctor-Who-Red-Dawn

Red Dawn written by Justin Richards and directed by Gary Russell

What’s it about? Ares One: NASA’s first manned mission to the dead planet Mars. But is Mars as dead as it seems? While the NASA team investigate an ‘anomaly’ on the planet’s surface, the Doctor and Peri find themselves inside a strange alien building. What is its purpose? And what is froze inside the blocks of ice that guards the doorways? If the Doctor has a sense of déjà-vu, it’s because he’s about to meet some old adversaries, as well as some new ones…

English Gentleman: Whilst Peter Davison gives a typically excellent performance I didn’t really feel much for his character, for good or for ill, throughout this production. He is damnably curious, doesn’t feel the cold and is extremely protective of Peri. His proven to be honourable by being able to open the Ice Warriors tomb. He forms a strong relationship with Zzaal, revealing to him why the Ice Warriors left Mars and the Ice Lord even sacrifices his life for him at the stories conclusion.

American Attitude: Justin Richards states that Gary Russell specifically wanted a strong role for Peri in this story so he splits the two of them up and lets Peri get to be wonderfully headstrong when dealing with dreary villain Paul Webster. She remembers her chemistry classes, moans an awful lot (nothing unusual there then…I will go on to prefer the Peri who delights in her adventures) and gets straight to the heart of the problem, exposing Paul in the first episode! She proves herself to be calm under pressure and able to ask the right questions when she is stranded in space on Ares One. Nicola Bryant gives another committed performance and it sounds like she has never been away. I’m not sure if she is always 100% convincing as Peri but her enthusiasm for the role is quite infectious that makes her rather magnificent all the same. Richards is turning into something of a Peri expert after Whispers, Grave Matter and this!


Great Ideas: Rather than simply shoehorning her into the plot for no apparent reason, Peter Davison’s daughter (who would go on to play the Doctor’s daughter) is given a strong role in Tanya. Believing she is a Webster and thus securing the legacy for her family she soon discovers she was infected with Martian DNA after the last trip to Mars and was brought along to sniff out more goodies that will make Webster incorporated an important factor in the arms race.
Everything surrounding the Red Dawn itself including epic walks across the surface of Mars and the noble self sacrifice of Zzaal under the brilliant sunlight of Mars. As an explanation as to why the Ice Warriors left Mars, sunburn as good as any!

Standout Performance: Nicola Bryant. Rarely given the kudos she deserves, she approaches the less than stellar material in Red Dawn with real gusto and proves Peri to be the best thing about it.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘There is dignity in forgiveness just as it is noble to exact revenge.’

Audio landscape: Again a science fiction story that doesn’t have half the you-are-there feel of the Earth based ones. The only things that really stood out for me are the intercom helmets, the violent dust storms on Mars and the authentic sounding sonic canon.

Musical Cues: Finally I can lavish some praise on this story! Russell Stone proves to be a great find, easily as strong as Alistair Lock and providing some unforgettable music over his few years as composer. Red Dawn sees him as an enthusiastic newcomer, throwing everything he can at the listener with a bona fide 80’s score that mixes disco and atmosphere to incredible effect. To be honest I spent more time hum away to the music than I did listening to the events of this story! The opening of the story, the launch of Ares One has some magnificent music helping to create the illusion of the ascent of the craft. The music comes into its own in the three cliffhangers, in turns bombastic (the Warriors breaking from their tombs), exciting (Ares One being hijacked) and dramatic (Webster pointing a gun at the Doctor). The last track, Webster’s Gamble, is one of my favourites in any Big Finish story. I can still remember buying the Music from the New Audio Adventures and listening to this score over and over. Great stuff.

Isn’t that Odd: That Justin Richards, plot master extraordinaire has forgotten to include one! Rather like Ambassadors of Death he gets bogged down in lots of astronaut jargon and forgets that we’d like to be entertained as well, things like characterisation and a good narrative. I understand that Richards and Russell wanted to make this a genuine NASA story but everything is a little too talky and dull – the entire can be summed up in ‘Ares One lands on Mars, they wake the Ice Warriors up, noble sacrifice, they go home.’
Stephen Fewell is obviously the great bastard of the universe Jason Kane so it was very odd to hear him playing a real villain in this piece. Fewell is usually bafflingly sexy on the ear (it’s not really a sexy voice but Jason is pretty hard to resist…as Benny will attest to!) but his turn here as Paul Webster is dreary. He’s so obviously the bad guy and it’s obvious he will be stopped. I understand that Big Finish want to fill in the gaps that the TV series neglected (the next story is a great example) but to offer the fifth Doctor and Peri a wealth of adventures does rather blunt the effect of Caves of Androzani where the Doctor supposedly sacrifices himself for somebody he hardly knows. It reminds me of the time Stephen Cole wrote Ten Little Aliens, a superb Past Doctor Adventure but fitted it into a gap between TV stories that couldn’t possibly exist. Do we then consider these stories canon…or just enjoy the stories for what they are and forget about the TV series. Yeah, I think that’s best. Some gaps (such as Sixie and Peri and the 7th Doctor and Ace can explained by the apparent gap between Revelation and Trial and the post Survival adventures). Besides which the fifth Doctor, Peri and Erimem are such an intoxicating brew I can’t find myself objecting too much! As a huge fan of Star Trek (well DS9 to be precise, one of the few shows that demonstrates Doctor Who’s diversity of storytelling) it annoyed me to have the Ice Warriors turned into a parody of the Klingons (or Worf in particular) always banging on about honour every two minutes. Oddly they seem more concerned for their honour than their safety…and if they can’t rescue Sstast they would rather kill him to protect his honour!


Standout Moment: All of the cliff-hangers thanks to Stone’s incredible music. It is the cliffhangers that make this story, providing moments of excitement that are otherwise absent. The Ice Warriors breaking free of their tomb would have made a fine visual and the desperation in the Doctor’s voice when the Ice Warriors train their sonic canon on Ares One with Peri inside almost made me wake up!

Result: Considering its subject (a manned mission to Mars wakes up the Ice Warriors) this is one of the most uneventful and unhurried audios yet. With their great rasping voices you would think that the Ice Warriors would make an excellent audio monster but you have to give the something interesting to do make that work and here they merely strut about questioning everybody’s honour and getting captured. Big woo. The fifth Doctor and Peri make an engaging pair but are separated for most of the story so I’m yet to be convinced that stabbing continuity in the gut was worthwhile. Gary Russell needs to find a way to make these science fiction tales as dynamic and pleasing on the ear as the earthbound adventures; Red Dawn has a pretty unimpressive sound design and is only enlivened by its fantastic music. Not very fun to listen to: 4/10

Artwork by Simon Hodges @ http://hisi79.deviantart.com/

The Genocide Machine written by Mike Tucker and directed by Nicholas Briggs

What’s it about? The library on Kar-Charrat is one of the wonders of the Universe. It is also hidden from all but a few select species. The Doctor and Ace discover that the librarians have found a new way of storing data - a wetworks facility - but the machine has attracted unwanted attention, and the Doctor soon finds himself pitted against his oldest and deadliest enemies - the Daleks!

The Real McCoy: Oh dear and it was going so well. McCoy is really good at playing it quiet but when he is asked to play righteous anger – like he does throughout this tale it all falls to pieces. This is the first story where I would say we have a poor performance from one of our Doctors; he is frequently unintelligible, garbled and putting inflections on all the wrong words – a world away from the confident mastermind in The Fearmonger. It might have something to do with the quality of the script and characterisation, as McCoy can work wonders with strong dialogue (Ghost Light, Master). He has an absent minded, nutty professorish attitude in the first episode and becomes obsessed with returning his stolen library books to the Kar-Charrat library. He shows suitable awe at the wetworks facility claiming to have never seen anything on that scale before. It is revealed that his companions are his greatest weakness which is hardly the most original observation. The only explanation I can think of is that the Doctor is aware of how banal this story is and refuses to give it any genuine credo. The trouble is Colin Baker would be saddled with the odd lousy script later but his performances would often salvage them.

The Ace of Hearts: A very poor outing for Ace and the first step into the descent of her reputation. Sophie Aldred is by all accounts a wonderful woman and she has never shied away from Doctor Who even after it cancelled and admittedly she worked wonders in seasons 25 and 26. However acting on audio is definitely not her forte and after a brief taster of it in The Fearmonger here is a whole story of her shouting and screaming poor dialogue like a kid in a sweet shop without any money! I remain to be convinced that anybody would say dialogue like: ‘Got a frog in your throat? You should get some strepsils for that!’ which takes us back to the worst excesses of her trashy outdated 80’s slang of her stint on the telly. Ace actually gets quite a bit more to do in this story, seeking out Bev Tarrant, taking on Daleks and getting duplicated but she is saddled with lots of Tegan-esque whining from the first scene which makes her unlikable. She picks a fight with Elgin, Tarrant and the Daleks. Okay the last one is fine but she reminds me of one of those kids that goes out on a Saturday night spoiling for a fight.


Great Ideas: The real meat of The Genocide Machine comes with the ideas and how they are executed. The Kar-Charrat library is such a good idea that Stephen Moffatt nabbed it for his recent two part season four masterpiece. A building that holds every scrap of information from every civilised world – one of everything – it even rivals the Matrix on Gallifrey for its wealth of information. The library is hidden from the public (much to Ace’s disgust) because the accumulation of knowledge within its walls makes it a terribly dangerous weapon in the wrong hands…
Enter the Daleks who have tried to attack the library before. In a good showing for the Daleks ingenuity and patience to get what they want they have been waiting on Kar-Charrat for the past few centuries waiting for a time sensitive to arrive so they can duplicate them and enter the library. They want to absorb the total knowledge of the universe into a Dalek. They will do this via the wetworks facility, an awesome system of water tanks that holds every single scrap of knowledge.The final twist is that the water is enslaved Kar-Charrateans, they are creatures made of water. The Doctor condemns Elgin for enslaving the population without even attempting to recognize if they are sentient. I really liked the idea of Mr Prink, Elgin’s assistant who is constantly slagged off for chatting so much and yet we never hear anything more than an embarrassed cough every time he is criticised for it! The story ends on an ominous note with the mighty Dalek Emperor suggesting that although things did not go as planned on Kar-Charrat there are still plans to expand the Dalek Empire…

Standout Performance: Probably Bruce Montague as the fey and rather pathetic Librarian Elgin but only because he is the best of a bad bunch. McCoy and Aldred lack conviction and I’m not at all impressed with Louise Faulkner’s initial turn as Bev Tarrant either. Montague has some fun with his lines, injecting a lot of humour and eccentricity into them.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Astonishing! You could acquire the wisdom of a million years from a billion worlds in the time it would take to read a bus ticket!’
‘Robot things…nasty little pepperpots!’ It’s not the line but the way Montague says it!

Audio landscape: The saving grace of this story and the first real example that the more science fiction based stories can be as gripping and evocative as the Earthbound ones. Technically Nicholas Briggs excels himself, creating a convincing soggy world in Kar-Charrat and bringing the Daleks to audio in real style. The rain runs through the trees and there lots of soggy footprints to suggest lots of water. Freeler birds scream through the jungle, a Dalek saucer descends with gravity and the Daleks burst into the library and blast everybody to death (with the staff screaming wildly) to disturbing effect. The initial Dalek voices are powerful, almost screaming and they really assault the ears and the fabulous Emperor Dalek has a growling, menacing voice to give you nightmares! Add to that the cute bleeps and howls from G-14, the gorgeous Dalek control room heartbeat and a truly seductive computer voice in the library and you have a production of technical chic.

Musical Cues: Nicholas Briggs doesn’t really have a firm grasp of melody at this point – his music reminds me of the experimental scores of Pertwee years. Wall to wall music that is occasionally impressive and occasionally intrusive. I did think this was his best score so far, with a superb sting when the Daleks are mentioned (this would be used to much greater effect in subsequent Dalek stories) and a great moment when the Doctor and Elgin find Ace in the jungle, urgent and full of menace.

Isn’t that Odd: Ace, obviously.
Some of the Dalek voices have to heard to be believed. Go and listen to episode 3 and catch the one that says ‘Dalek assault squad teams are assembled’ and then ‘Proceed’ in the same scene. These mincing Daleks give Dalek Invasion of Earth a run for its money. Which one was Gary Russell?
McCoy, naturally.

Standout Moment: The Dalek massacre, loud, proud and full of bodies!

Result: There will be a Dalek story set in a jungle that deals with duplicates much later on in Big Finish’s run called Brotherhood of the Daleks and it is superior to The Genocide Machine in practically every way. The problems start with the script which undersells the threat and contains lots of obsolete ideas, poor characterisation of regulars and guest cast alike (I don’t know if anybody gets a character moment that isn’t a function of the plot) and some corny dialogue. Ignoring the good work they did in The Fearmonger McCoy and Aldred phone in two underwhelming performances and the guest cast fail to raise the game as well. Which leaves poor old Nick Briggs and the Daleks to give the proceedings a bit of zip which they try valiantly to do. You can admire the sound design and the horror of the Daleks for a while but without a plot to drive them and decent characters to care about you are fighting a losing battle. People praise The Genocide Machine to the detriment of The Apocalypse Element and whilst the second Dalek Empire story has its problems I find it by far a finer story. A hugely disappointing return trip for the Daleks: 3/10

Artwork by Simon Hodges @ http://hisi79.deviantart.com/

The Marian Conspiracy written by Jac Rayner and directed by Gary Russell

What’s it about? Tracking a nexus point in time, the Doctor meets Dr Evelyn Smythe, a history lecturer whose own history seems to be rapidly vanishing. The Doctor must travel back to Tudor times to stabilise the nexus and save Evelyn’s life. But there he meets the Queen of England – and must use all his skills of diplomacy to avoid ending up on the headman’s block…

Softer Six: This is where Colin Baker really comes into his own with the audios. There is something wonderfully innovative about this audio in how it completely re-establishes the sixth Doctor’s character with the minimum of fuss. Whispers of Terror saw a petulant, argumentative sixie but here he is calmer, more adjusted and wonderfully warm and good humoured, a Doctor is would have a been a delight to see on screen but in a way I am glad he is restricted to audio as it is a real feather in Big Finish’s cap. Colin Baker and Maggie Stables have an instant rapport and their chemistry bursts into your ears from their first scene together. I love the domestic scenes in episode one as he follows Evelyn about, simple things like answering the phone, shouting through the letterbox…he comes across as a big brother to Evelyn’s irritated fussiness! He drops names like nobody’s business and is shouted down by Evelyn hilariously as they both try and give their opinion on Queen Mary – he has truly found his match! The TARDIS is his home and heart. He takes up the position of Queen’s physician and indulges in some marvellous religious debates with her and she declares him a wise man. Sarah flirts with him outrageously but he doesn’t seem to notice! Whilst he is a spanking new sixth Doctor throughout the moment I realised we were dealing with a whole new character was during his quiet and haunting admission to Sarah in episode 3, so understated I have quoted it in full below. Mary sees herself as something of a matchmaker and tries to get him engaged! There is no sign of Baker’s bombastic persona here; he seems much more relaxed being afforded such gentle characterisation.

Learned Lecturer: Welcome on board the TARDIS Evelyn Smythe. We have had some perfect matches before (Jamie/2, Jo/3, Sarah/4) but rarely have a Doctor and companion clicked this instantly. Both the sixth Doctor and Evelyn are pitched perfectly to compliment each other and make this audio a joy to listen to. From this story alone it is easy to expect big things from Evelyn and with the likes of Bloodtide, Project: Twilight, Jubilee, Dr Who and the Pirates she does not disappoint. Maggie Stables opens the story impressively, a convincing history lecturer. She is 55, learned and slightly crabby, an expert in the field of Tudor scholarship. She loves knitting, classical music and chocolate. She admits cheekily that she has been led astray in the past but left her husband because he couldn’t understand that wedding anniversary’s come round every year and academic events don’t (somehow I doubt it is as simple as that!). She initially thinks the Doctor is something of a lunatic (an easy mistake to make!) but he soon makes an authentic case to her and they are working together to save her life. She leaps at the chance to explore history, sighs at the nature of boys and charms her way in with the locals. She is practical, well prepared and useful. She appeals to the Doctor’s better nature at the stories conclusion to save Leaf and Crow from being burnt at the stake. You’ve got to love the way she invites herself to join the Doctor at the end of the story. One of the best companion introductions ever.


Great ideas: Jac Rayner introduces lots of important plot points in Evelyn’s first speech – the first episode is so entertaining it might seem frivolous but this is a tightly plotted story with lots of imperative clues scattered about early on.
I loved the Back to the Future vibe with Evelyn’s literal history vanishing from the pages of history books – it’s a great visual image of what is occurring.
The story takes several alarming twists that allows Rayner to educate us without hitting us over the head with a text book. The first cliffhanger is great (‘Baby? The Virgin Queen? History must be going very wrong indeed.’), the Doctor’s conversations with Mary prove to be dramatic and worrying, Evelyn telling Reverend Thomas of her painkillers (poison) and accidentally telling him the Queen isn’t pregnant thus putting his plan to kill her into action all kick the story in new directions. Even the Doctor potentially being Evelyn’s relation has intriguing possibilities for all it’s played for laughs. The final twist that Mary is the would-be assassin is brilliant because it has been so well set up without being too obvious. Mary’s vicious condemnation of Thomas at the conclusion and his refusal to publicly recant tops of a nourishing piece of theatre.

Standout Performance: Anah Ruddin gives a commanding performance as Queen Mary, in turns pitiable, compelling, passionate, thoughtful and terrifying. Mary is such a complex historical character and the script affords Ruddin the chance to really get her teeth into the part. Her scenes with the Doctor are a delight; she puts a forceful case forward for wanting to save the souls of her subjects. The story saves her trademark anger for the final episode and her horrified and vicious reaction to her assassination attempt is well worth waiting for.

Sparkling Dialogue: I’m not sure what is superior, the script or the performances but both are at the top of their game. I could probably recite the whole script but here are my highlights…
‘I find that cake is an excellent solution to so many of life’s problems.’ Oh so true!
‘This country will be Catholic before my death Doctor and no man will stand in my way. I will wipe the Protestant scourge from every corner of England!’
‘What would you say if I were to tell you that I once destroyed an entire race, that I have led friends to their deaths and caused numerous wars. That my intervention has led to peaceful people taking up arms and good people having their faith or reason destroyed. Because I failed to act millions upon millions of people have been enslaved or killed. What if I had done all of those things but had always, always believed I was doing to the right thing!"
‘I told him Mary wasn’t pregnant!’
‘You will burn for this Sarah and may God have mercy on your soul!’
‘She was willing to kill for her beliefs and that’s not good for a country.’

Audio Landscape: Again domestic settings make for an atmospheric audio. Evelyn’s lecture hall and home feel authentic – having real classical music playing s a bonus. There is a crackling fire in the inn and lots of bawdy commoners. Birds sing in rural England, the trees sway and horse clip clop past. The Doctor makes an impressive splash in episode four.

Musical Cues: Again Alistair Lock provides a fine musical score, lots of percussion instruments (there’s even a tambourine rattling in there) and underscores things delightfully. Some great choral work in episode four highlights the assassination attempt at mass and makes things even more nuanced. I love the tune when Mary declares the Doctor’s engagement and the music throughout episode one seems to revel in the Doctor and Evelyn finding each other. First class.

Isn’t that Odd: That I don’t have a single complaint! .

Something I learnt from The Inside Story: The Marian Conspiracy was originally going to be set in Tudor times, starring Peri. Evelyn was written with Maggie Stables in mind, a rare occasion of fitting a companion to an actress and not the other way around. As well as writing the script, Jac Rayner had also taken over as executive producer responsible for Big Finish.

Standout Moment: The Doctor’s admission to having made terrible mistakes in the past. It gave me goosebumps. Baker is astonishing.

Result: A joy to listen to, The Marian Conspiracy finally convinced me that Big Finish was on to something very special. I love historical stories and this script manages to educate and entertain in equal measures and introduces one of my favourite companions in the form of Evelyn Smythe. Maggie Stables deserves a lot of credit for creating such a memorable and fun character, slotting into place next Colin Baker’s Doctor as though she belongs there. The plot is slow but fascinating to listen to unwind and the production is the usual high standards. A huge thumbs up to Alistair Lock who provides the most filmic musical score yet and to Gary Russell who oversees everything with a confident eye. Practically faultless, the one reason this isn’t getting full marks is that Evelyn’s adventures get even better later: 9/10

Buy it from Big Finish here: http://www.bigfinish.com/06-Doctor-Who-The-Marian-Conspiracy