The Curse of Clyde Langer written by Phil Ford and directed by Ashley Way

This story in a nutshell: Clyde is homeless and friendless and this is the story of how it happened

Until Next Time…Miss Smith: I cannot tell you happy I am to see Elisabeth Sladen looking so vibrant and gorgeous in her last season – she’s dressing snazzily and she barely looks a day older than when she left the Doctor 30 odd years ago. Looking great and delivering the sort of consistently engaging performance that has won her a whole new audience. Her journalistic tendencies have her exaggerate stories and tells Mr Smith of the raining trout being that big when in fact they were only that big. Sarah mentions that it wouldn’t be the first time that aliens have masqueraded as Gods which is a lovely mention of Pyramids of Mars. I love the fact that, curse aside, Sarah Jane really encourages Clyde to explore his artistic side and sees real talent in him. It is so easy to be hard on kids these days but to work with them and see potential, Sarah is a terrific role model to most people over fifty that I know. Lis Sladen plays that first scene where Sarah turns on Clyde to the hilt, her mood turning on a sixpence and laying into him with viciously and he reacts as if she has physically struck him. I had a sudden twinge of how my dad used to take the piss out my arty side when I was younger, especially how Sarah flings his ‘stupid comic’ across the room calling it rubbish that made the scene especially uncomfortable. Sarah always was far more of role model to me than my pops ever was so to see her behaving this way was a real shocker. After completely ignoring it in the last season I really enjoyed the focus on Sarah being a journalist again this year, it feels like the character is coming full circle since this was how we were introduced to her in The Time Warrior.

Graphic Artist: It did strike me when watching the final three SJA adventures that the age that both Clyde and Rani are at now and at this point in their lives when they are mature enough to enjoy themselves they would make perfect Doctor Who companions. I wouldn’t want that to be the case because these two are most definitely property of this show (and the chemistry built up between Lis Sladen, Daniel Anthony and Anjili Mohindra isn’t something that you can just transplant elsewhere, its something special that has been built up over time) but as a wisecracking but thoughtful young man Clyde might have been one of the finest of the Doctor’s protégés. When Clyde leaves school he wants to put his artistic talents to good use and judging by the mock ups he creates of The Silver Bullet it must just be something he excels at. He’s glad that Sky has turned up because finally there is somebody who appreciates his comic genius (certainly Rani isn’t going to encourage him!). If any story is going to teach you to keep your hands to yourself in a museum this is it. Clyde loves art even if it does bite back. What’s interesting to note is that the curse takes some latent feelings about Clyde and enhances them – I’m sure Sarah does have a mild distaste for how Clyde gently mocks Luke all the time, Haresh has always let the lad know what he thinks of him and his mum must wonder what he is up to skulking about with Sarah Jane all the time. Daniel Anthony is too good in these stories that engage your sympathies. It might be because he usually plays the joker in the pack but when he is given material where your heart bleeds for him it usually has double the effect (Mark of the Berserker, The Nightmare Man). Anthony underplays his shock and tries to reason with his friends calmly before running away and it is highly effective. For Clyde whose dad left him suddenly there is nothing more frightening for his newfound family of Sarah Jane, Rani and of course his mum doing the same thing. Seeing Clyde standing in the rain, homeless and crying at having lost everyone he has ever cared about, you must have a heart of steel if this doesn’t move you. He has always thought of himself as a fighter having a wild life but burning his comic feels like he is finally accepting that that life is over.

Journalist in TrainingRani tells the romantic story (or not) of how her mum and dad met in a museum. Sarah didn’t realise that Gita was the museum type and her instinct are spot on – it was raining. Even through the feelings of rage the curse draws out of them both Rani and Sarah both feel a tangible sense of loss. The way it is played, a subtle tear and a quiet admission, is a lovely affirmation of their feelings for Clyde.

Sarah’s Daughter: With only three stories under her belt we never really got to see Sky flourish in the same way we did Luke but in those three stories it was clear that SJA was going to revolutionise the Dawn from Buffy teenage girl stereotype (my word she was irritating and angsty at times!) just as they had the Wesley Crusher-from Star Trek TNG boy genius type with Luke. Like Luke it looks as though Sky is going to be bright and inquisitive and thrive in a school environment but unlike Luke she is much more free with her opinion and sure of herself. I like the fact that Sky thinks of something as terrifying as going to school for the first time as something exciting – seeing the world through her eyes is quite magical. Mr Smith is still nervous around Sky because he is nervous that she will fry his circuits! The way Sky fights so hard to make everybody realise they are behaving irrationally is her best material in the series and Sinead Michael tackles the tricky scenes with some skill.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Haresh there seems to be a trout on your window cill…’
‘Why did you give her money?’ ‘Because she’s a scrounger’ ‘Why did you give her some?’ ‘Because its probably not her fault…’
‘When its raining chocolate let me know!’
‘Look if you’ve had a row with your folks go home. With any luck you’ll be nice and warm in bed tonight. Spare us a thought.’
‘Who ever heard of a homeless person having charisma?’
‘And no one knows because they don’t want to.’

The Good: A London school and a giant book about The French Revolution, like Remembrance of the Daleks this is another quiet kiss to An Unearthly Child. The Sarah Jane Adventures has always had a penchant for memorable imagery but the sight of raining fish flopping and twitching in the school playground has to rank pretty high on the weird scale! I love the fact that although clearly made with quite a scant budget the museum is somewhere fresh and interesting looking and not just set inside the Millennium Centre again. As ever this show knows exactly when it needs its effects and the way Clyde’s name comes alive in burning letters as he sleeps really sells the idea that something dreadful is about to happen to him as a menacing portent. Its another awesome score courtesy of Sam Watts with the curse theme highlighting the sudden burst of aggressive behaviour in Clyde’s friends very effectively, probably a bit too much because I was whistling this for days after the show was aired. There’s a wonderful little moment where Clyde’s friend Stevie takes the piss out of the fact that he can’t find work – this kid was still at school in the shows second season and it proves that the regulars are growing up and not finding life so easy in the real world. The boys pushing Clyde around and destroying his phone is far more effective than a similar scene in Doctor Who’s Survival when Ace is advanced upon by a pack of athletes because these are ordinary kids turned violent and there is something very mundane and primal about that. There’s a great shot of Clyde literally being tossed out onto the streets which is a great visual for what is happening in the story. When Clyde returns home I love the back of the head shot of his mum sitting at the table – I have seen a number of horror shows/films employ that shot to suggest that there is somebody dead sitting at the table and it has pretty much the same effect here since Carla has read Clyde’s name and her own son is dead to her now. The episode has built so brilliantly in tension that the cliffhanger isn’t just another tense scene but a moment of kindness because that is the last thing we expect. The scenes of Clyde living rough under a railway bridge are brilliantly realised and never patronising, these are just ordinary people who have fallen on hard times and living rough. It doesn’t push for the sympathy vote and that it is why it’s a million times more effective than the Hooverville scenes in Daleks in Manhattan. This feels real not some syrupy interpretation of homelessness. ‘The myth says the Medicine Man from the great tribe trapped the God…’ – the Doctor? How many times have I walked past people asking for spare change like Ellie does here? This story holds a mirror up to the audience and they might not always like what they see. Ellie feels that her dreams to get her life back on track and find a nice boy are coming true now she has met Clyde. The episode has worked to such an extent that the moment of greatest tension comes not when Clyde has to face up to the supernatural force inside the totem pole but when he has to turn his back on Ellie to join his friends and save the day. I was watching with Simon and he was screaming at the telly ‘don’t you dare leave her!’ For a moment the apocalypse comes to the attack with windows exploding and that bloody ugly totem pole with its twitching mouths attacking.

The Bad: It’s a shame that there couldn’t be a guest appearance by Luke in this story because that would have been the final nail in the coffin for Clyde to have his best friend turn on him to his face. Sarah and Rani repeatedly Clyde’s name over and over goes from tear jerking optimism to cringeworthy over sentiment on a second by second basis and the music is working far too hard to make you feel at that point. 

Result: Poignant and affecting, it is wonderful to see the Sarah Jane Adventures going out at the top of their game and using science fiction to explore some real issues. Daniel Anthony has really grown into his role of Clyde Langer is this is his best performance in the series, really tugging at the heartstrings as his friends and family force him out of their lives. Matching him beat for beat is Lily Loveless who is wonderful as Ellie and really has an effect on how Clyde views the homeless and the way the story suggests an optimistic end for both of them before wrenching it away is very well done. Unusually for this show there is a lengthly coda showing Clyde desperately searching all the homeless shelters for Ellie and not succeeding, it is a final touch of realism in a show that has offered an honest and unflinching account of being stuck on the streets. And who says that television can’t move you to act? On the strength of this story I contacted the Salvation Army the very next day and have put myself up to volunteer in the dinner service for the homeless twice a week. How lovely that this family show could make me look at my own dismissal of the homeless and reconsider my beliefs: 10/10 

Fragments written by Chris Chibnall and directed by Jonathan Fox Bassett

This story in a nutshell: How did I join Torchwood? I'm glad you asked...

Hunky Hero: 'I don't exist, and for a man with my charisma that is quite an achievement.' I love how the rest of the team walk around the warehouse quite slyly whilst Jack cannot resist melodramatically turning each corner with his gun poised, like a child playing cowboys and Indians. This guy just cannot resist making a show of himself. The caption 1392 deaths earlier for Jack's flashback brings a smile to my face every time. Only on Torchwood. Waking up with a bottle in his stomach is a quick and dramatic shorthand for the kind of life (or rather death) that Jack has had to suffer over the years. It is surprising that he isn't more psychologically unstable given the number of undignified and brutal murders he has been forced to endure. It explains a lot about how he seizes each day as it comes and behaves so radically over the top. When you cease to fear death, the rules of life change. Jack was convinced that if he lived through the 20th Century and met up with the Doctor again then everything would be put right. His curse of immortality would be put to rest. Jack cuts quite the figure in his grey cloak and bushy sideburns, working for Torchwood post Tooth and Claw. I'm so pleased that this important segment of Jack's life is sketched in, it fills in so many of the gaps between The Parting of the Ways and Everything Changes (or if you are only including Doctor Who - Utopia). Jack is the only member of Torchwood to survive long term but that is only because he cannot die. Otherwise the life expectancy of it's staff is not hopeful. What is fascinating about the sequence where Alex murders the Torchwood team (the one assembled before the one we currently know and love) on New Years Eve is that he might have a point that they were mercy killings. In the next year Jack would lose Owen, Tosh and Ianto. Who is to say that if he slipped them a pill it wouldn't be a more humane way to go?

Dangerous Doctor: You'll never see Owen so warmly or loosely played by Burn Gorman as you do in the scenes before he joined Torchwood. He was deliriously happy with his life, engaged to be married and loving his work. He's a completely different person. The fact that it is his first experience of Torchwood that tears down his picturesque existence and shits all over it goes a long way to explain his severe attitude problem, why he goes to such extreme lengths to feel things and the huge chip of bitterness on his shoulder. It must eat him inside to be working for the organisation that fail to save his sweetheart. This is the most essential element of this episode for me as I have always seen a great deal of potential in Owen (mostly because Gorman is such a fine actor) but was irritated at how he was so often characterised in a way that made me want to push him away. He was, frankly, quite the shit in season one with very little let up. I thought it was just because he was seduced by the lifestyle and that he was a weak man but Fragments reveals that he was a victim of circumstance and that there is a genuinely nice person locked away inside all that resentment. This is sterling repair work and allows you to see his journey in a whole new light. It also makes sense of how he has been softened this year. It's not Owen finding the love, it is remembering who he used to be. Gorman's performance after Owen's fiancé dies is fantastic, Chibnall is asking him to convey a breakdown (shock, grief, angry acceptance) in about 2 minutes worth of material and he is more than up to the task. Suddenly that anger towards Jack in the finale of season one makes a lot of good sense whereas at the time it felt unnecessary and reactionary. In context, it is perfectly natural.

Shy Geek: At first Fragments looks as though it is only going to tell us that Tosh is really clever. Big whoop, we know that already. However the purpose of the sequence where she infiltrates the Ministry of Defence is to reveal that she was convinced into working for Torchwood. A splinter group threaten her mother to harm her mother if she doesn't put her skills to good use and UNIT walk in on that operation, capturing what they think to be a terrorist. The shot of Tosh alone in a barren cell with big brothers eye looking down on her exposes the bleakest moment in her life. Toshiko is essentially blackmailed into joining Jack's team, given the unenviable task of helping with the hunt for alien technology or being made an example of by UNIT. It is a good thing that she ultimately learns to love her work because it was never the path she would have chosen. I've always said that Tosh works best when she is portrayed as a victim (it works to Mori's strengths as an actress too, pulling at the heartstrings) and her tale proves that she has always been the underdog, the one who is pushed around and mistreated. What a life. Jack sees something in Tosh and thinks he can bring her out of her shell. She's certainly more confident as a part of Torchwood than she was in her life before. It isn't an entirely altruistic act (after all he wants her skills) but the fact that he sees potential in her is very sweet and step in the right direction for her.

The Butler: Astonishingly Chibnall somehow manages to provide some kind of context to explain away his abysmal Cyberwoman episode. Colour me impressed. It doesn't mean that the season on turkey is any better as a result (because it is still one of the most retarded piece of television I have ever seen) but it does at least explain why Ianto joined Torchwood Cardiff in the first place was to be able to move his partially converted girlfriend in and perhaps get her some help. He goes to some extreme lengths to get Jack's attention, everything but sucking him off to arouse his interest. Ianto is so desperate to infiltrate Torchwood he is willing to offer any service; coffee boy, guard dog, prostitute...he's even willing to work without pay. Gareth David-Lloyd has come on in leaps and bounds in season two, from the most invisible member of the ensemble to the most adored. That's down to some nifty repair work by the writers and an increasingly confident and comedic portrayal by David-Lloyd.

Sparkling Dialogue: 'By the way... love the coat.'

The Good: What a phenomenal teaser that takes the ultimate Torchwood image of the team turning up in their SUV and snazzy clothes to take charge of a situation and punctures it by setting of several high explosives and bringing them all down in one blow. The shot of the warehouse windows exploding outwards is very impressive and it is a dramatic kick start into an episode packed full of vital character vignettes that reveals how each of the team first joined Torchwood. The debris that has fallen on the team in the warehouse looks genuinely dangerous and the characters reactions to be confined and injured feel very real (especially Tosh's claustrophobic screams). That it is vital to making this episode work, we have to feel that this could be their last day on planet Earth in order for the story of how they were recruited into Torchwood to really impact. The Blowfish character in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang didn't do much for me, driving about Cardiff in his sports car and insanely overplayed by Paul Kasey (mind you I'm not sure if you can underplay an alien Blowfish). Here the character is put in context and his history with Jack is revealed. It honestly makes all the difference. We also get to meet the young fortune reader who turned up in Dead Man Walking, giving her presence in the season additional depth. Jack's story skips wonderfully from the end of the nineteenth century to the end of the twentieth. How many shows can do that and not batter an eyelid. We never quite learn who these dead members of Torchwood are...but I would love to find out more. That melodramatic mission statement is given its foundation as Alex commits suicide and asks Jack to give Torchwood Three a purpose. The episode is structured so that we see how the Torchwood team before our set of regulars were slaughtered so it can move on to showing how each new member was conscripted. In Tosh's story it is astonishing to see the darker side of UNIT, the methods they use to co-erce people into helping them is a far cry from their cuddly public image. I wouldn't mind seeing a little more of the sinister underbelly of the organisation. Cutting from Tosh being told her work with Torchwood will be dangerous to her trapped under a pile of rubble screaming is superbly done, Chibnall bridging the gap between the vignettes and the framing narrative with dramatic flair. Jack and Ianto bringing down the Pterodactyl in the warehouse is one of my favourite Torchwood set pieces; silly, exciting and horny.  I don't think I have ever experienced such an extended gasp of breath as I did when I first saw that eye watering shot of Owen staring up at a shard of glass that is threatening to fall and slice him in two. He's never coming back from that. How gruesome is the idea of the brain leech that poisons those it comes into contact with and causing the carrier to suffer amnesia? Just one of a large number of stunning ideas in Fragments. The fact that the explosions are the work of John Hart from the beginning of the season brings the whole year to a cohesive whole and promises a reunion in the near future. It's an tantalising note to leave the episode on because it also promises a reunion between Jack and his brother, the back story of which has been seeded earlier in the season. This season of Torchwood feels so much better plotted than the last. Plus more James Marsters is always a bonus.

The Bad: It's a small niggle but if Jack had been waiting to catch up with the Doctor throughout the 20th Century and has all the resources of Torchwood at his disposal (who are also looking for their enemy) then wouldn't he have caught up with him during his exile? Continuity be damned. There was an actor in Army of Ghosts that was the spit of Gareth David-Lloyd. What a shame it wasn't him because that would have been a wonderful link between the two shows.

The Shallow Bit: Hands on hips, flirtatious and unafraid of their sexuality, the ladies of Torchwood in the Victorian era are clearly infected with the same lack of sexual inhibitions as the current lot. Perhaps there is something in the water. It strikes me that everybody that has ever worked for this organisation is bisexual. That isn't a criticism, just an observation made because there is a relative dearth of bisexuals on television and so it really stands out.

Result: My favourite episode of the first two seasons, bar none. It astonishes me that it has taken this long for this episode to be told and that is because the first season was far too obsessed with Gwen and her journey with Torchwood to worry too much about how the others were brought into the fold. That is rectified brilliantly here. If this had been the first episode it would have salvaged so much of the first season, it shows all the characters at their best and explains an awful lot about why they are how they are. Something I was completely in the dark about in the debut year as they behaved so appallingly. As we hop from story to story the tone and genre shifts with absolute confidence; thrilling, silly, funny, heartbreaking, claustrophobic, dramatic...this is what the show should have been all along. Better late than never. What I love most about Fragments is that it fills in so many gaps in continuity and so many vital nuggets of information about the regulars that it provides an incredible amount of context to the first and second seasons of the show, effectively answering a lot of the criticisms of the series with some very satisfying answers. Some of my strongest grievances about the show are addressed; Jack's melodrama, the Pterodactyl, Cyberwoman, Owen's bastard behaviour...Chibnall has taken a look at what hasn't worked in the first two seasons and sought to give it an explanation. The fact that it does this just as the status quo is about to be shaken up irrevocably is perfect timing, leaving the first two years of the show as a cohesive story in its own right. Fragments manages to tell stunning individual vignettes and a gripping framing narrative and ends on a whopper of a cliff-hanger that left me begging for more. What a turn around for the show: 10/10

Sky written by Phil Ford and directed by Ashley Way

This story in a nutshell: What would Sarah Jane do if a baby was dropped on her doorstep?

Until Next Time...Miss Smith: This is the first time since Luke's departure where we have seen how lonely Sarah Jane is when the day comes to an end and Clyde and Rani have gone home. With Luke in university she is rattling around in that big old house on her own again. Obviously they are paving the way for the introduction of Sky, filling a gap in Sarah's life that she has come to get a great deal of pleasure from. She always thought that babies looked a bit rubbery. Sarah has been an excellent role model for mothers over the past five years and I really sat up and took notice when she declared Miss Myers an unfit parent - it shows how far she has come from those early days of Revenge of the Slitheen where she wasn't sure how to communicate with Luke. How crabby is Sarah Jane with Mr Smith in this story? I like the cold edge to her, it stops her getting too mumsy. Never break in the same place twice...as a reporter she never breaks that superstition.

Sarah's Gang: This is the second time that Luke has mentioned Sanjay (The Death of the Doctor was the first instance) and Russell T. Davies has since admitted that this was paving the way to Luke coming out and having a boyfriend after CBBC asked for a strong role model for children who were struggling with their sexuality. It would have been great for this to have come to fruition but as least they managed to achieve their goal with Benny on Wizards vs. Aliens and I thought it was handled very adroitly. Luke was a strong character and would have made a wonderful role model for gay teens. Comparing Rani to Sky is a useful experience because she was only a handful of years older than her when she joined the series in Day of the Clown but now she has matured into a striking young woman. Can you imagine Gita's reaction if Rani started asking for advice about baby's? Rani sees a natural father in Clyde...which would have led to The Thirteenth Floor later in the season, a story where they would have been trapped in another dimension where time ran at a different rate and they would have grown old and had children together. How interesting to see the seeds being sown in these early episodes.

Sparkling Dialogue: 'She cried earlier and every bulb in the house blew...'

'I'm in the middle of a nuclear power station and I'm carrying baby bang-bang!'

'You remember when you were a baby?' 'Well it was only about half an hour ago.'

'There are other ways to end a war. You just have to want peace more than death.'

All Change: There is a deliberate shift in tone from the latter half of series four to the debut of series five that had me worried at the time but in hindsight was precisely the right thing to do. Series four saw this show grow up exponentially. Luke had gone off to university (but not before a final stunning coming of age story) which left Clyde and Rani (played by two older actors) and Sarah Jane to front the show. It felt remarkably sophisticated, especially given the standard of the writing and themes that were being explored (nostalgia, romance, fate, dementia). The one thing that was missing with Luke absent was a character who was going on a learning curve, a character that was growing up just like the children who would be watching this show to relate to (as fantastic as Clyde and Rani are as characters they are probably just a little too old for the younger ones to identify with). Enter Sky, the latest addition to Sarah Jane's family and somebody who isn't even from Earth to experience everything fresh during their adventures. They avoid any comparisons with Luke by casting a girl and I'm sure if the series had continued we would have seen a very different emotional journey than the one that Luke went on. Looking back I saw the inclusion of Sky as a regressive step since the show had grown up so much but I was wrong - the kids need an identification figure and in only three adventures Sky proves her worth on the series. Had it continued to the end of the season we would have been spoilt with a surprise twist that Sky is the progeny of the Trickster who inserted her into Sarah Jane's life to bring her down for good. In my head that story took place and it was bloody marvellous (as I'm sure it would have been). Any doubts I might have had about the series dumbing down were soon addressed in the next story (bizarrely another Phil Ford script and his most assured and mature entry in the series) and any series that can spend its final three adventures examining parenthood, homelessness and slavery poignantly without talking down to its core audience is doing something very right in my book.

The Good: Trust this show to attempt to re-stage the opening of Terminator and not even blink. An invisible robot screaming down to Earth in a fireball, striking a used car scrap yard with an almighty explosion and marching from the wreckage. There's a great theme for the Metal kind too, Sam Watts' music continuing to give the series real scope. A clever design too, partly a costume (the visor, the armour) and partly make up (the mouth painted silver) to give the impression of something part machine and part person. The idea of dumping a baby on Sarah Jane's doorstep was obviously too good an opportunity to miss. Her reaction is a scream. And then Rani's. And then Clyde's. Giving the baby such an influence over her surroundings depending on her mood is great fun, bringing Clyde's sense of whimsy to the fore to keep her amused and stop her reducing Bannerman Road to a pile of rubble. Another nuclear power station for Sarah Jane to play in? It's an impressive location and looks vast on screen. Christine Stephen-Daly is giving an operatic turn as Miss Myers, decked out in outrageous finery as though she has just stepped out of Dynasty but even with some ripe dialogue she manages to contain her performance to a degree so it doesn't trip over into panto. She another in a long line of impressive female villains in the series (Mrs Wormwood, Sister Helena, Mona Lisa, Colonel Karim, Ruby White), the writers enjoying having Sarah squaring up to her own sex. She's pure CBBC but I just love every appearance of Floella Benjamin as Professor Rivers ('Wait for me! I'm in wellingtons!'). For once an invisible creature is a creative decision rather than a budgetary requirement...after all they have already spent the money bringing the imposing Metalkind robot to life. There is a phenomenal physical effect that sees Sky tossing the Metalkind across the room and leaving a robot sized dent in the wall. How cruel is the idea of creating a biological weapon through a child, an innocent harbinger of doom for the Metalkind. What sort of parent could conceive a child and turn it into a genocidal device? I'm pleased that somebody pointed out that Sky's curiosity about the world is familiar and it is best coming from Clyde who took Luke under his wing in the early seasons. A species that has evolved from metal...I don't think I have ever seen that idea explored before and yet it is such an obvious and exciting notion. You can see how Sky's abilities could come in very handy on these adventures...what is interesting is that in the next two stories it isn't her supernatural ability that it is utilised but her empathy as a child. Interestingly we learn that the flesh kind (possibly humanity?) in the future raped the planet of the Metalkind to create weapons - the war started because they decided to protect themselves. Phil Ford has obviously been taking lessons from Terrance Dicks, the grand master of stacking up threats that need to be overcome at the climax of a story. A nuclear reactor that has gone critical, an invasion of the world by revenge seeking robots and the possible death of a child who has been created as a weapon. Whoever the Shopkeeper and the Captain were, they were a brilliant addition to the series. This story ends on a real high with their appearance.

The Bad: In a story that has characters as broad as Professor Rivers and Miss Myers, it may have been a mistake for the tramp to be played quite this ravingly. It feels like beyond the regular everybody is being characterised to an extreme. 'The end is nigh!' The opening half of episode one feels like this might be a deeper piece than it turns out to be. Once the action moves to the power station we are in pure action adventure territory.

The Shallow Bit: Doesn't Elizabeth Sladen look radiant dashing down her drive in her robe?

Result: Returning to its roots as a children's TV show after a year of sophisticated storytelling, Sky is the most kiddie friendly Sarah Jane Adventure since...well since the last Phil Ford script. Don't mistake that for a lack of quality though, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pitching a story at the target audience as long as it is done with some consideration, which Sky clearly has been. Any story featuring the fallout of a genocidal war and a commentary on bad parenting isn't exactly simplifying things but it does so be tethering its adult themes to a story featuring an invisible robot, a ruthless harpy from a another world, a nuclear power plant threatening to meltdown, war on Earth and an ex Playschool presenter camping it up in wellies. That's quite a lot to pack in and my one serious complaint is that every character that isn't a regular on this show (excluding Sky) is written in such an extreme fashion that it is hard to take them seriously...even when the situation calls on us to do so. Sky herself is a marvellous creation, well written and cast and you can already see lots of potential with the character and a chance to rekindle that audience identification with the core audience of this show. Phil Ford is a reliable writer and always brings something interesting to the table, this might not be one of his strongest efforts but Sky shows that five years on even a middling Sarah Jane Adventure is good cut above average. Highlights include the phenomenal realisation of the Metalkind (including a great theme, physical effects and a striking costume/make up), strong support from Clyde and Rani (as ever), some stunning location work at a power station, the sense of whimsy surrounding Sky, both as a baby and a grown up child and the surprise appearance of the Shopkeeper and the Captain at the climax. A fun start to a new year: 7/10

My new tattoo from Colombia - do you like it?

If anybody is wondering where I have been...

...here are a few pics of my volunteer work in Colombia which has already been an awesome experience and I still have a week and a half to go.

Ranking series two in order...

1) The Girl in the Fireplace - Completely different, utterly spellbinding

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-girl-in-fireplace-written-by-steven.html

2) The Impossible Planet - Some of the scariest Doctor Who scenes ever

To be reviewed...

3) Army of Ghosts - A perfect example of how RTD builds up to an impressive finale

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/05/army-of-ghosts-doomsday-written-by.html

4) Love & Monsters - Subversive and brilliant, I love it

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/season-two_29.html

5) School Reunion - Sarah's back and she's better than ever

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/03/school-reunion-written-by-toby.html

6) Tooth and Claw - A tight script, a wonderful Doctor and a really horrific monster

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/03/tooth-and-claw-written-by-russell-t.html

7) Doomsday - A devastating end to the Doctor and Rose's relationship

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/05/army-of-ghosts-doomsday-written-by.html

8) The Satan Pit - Lots of (very good) exposition and plenty of running around

To be reviewed...

9) The Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel - Muscular, great moments but far too much soap

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/04/rise-of-cybermenthe-age-of-steel.html 

10) The Idiot's Lantern - Sweet in places but an utterly schizophrenic mish mash of genres

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/04/the-idiots-lantern-written-by-mark.html

11) Fear Her - A great role for Rose in a pretty substandard tale

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2015/03/fear-her-written-by-matthew-graham-and.html

12) New Earth - Overly saccharine and simplistic, not a great opener

http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2014/03/new-earth-written-by-russell-t-davies.html

The Satanic Mill written by Edward Collier and directed by Ken Bentley

What's it about: The Satanic Mill - a vast Victorian factory floating in the deep of space. As the Doctor closes in on his quarry, long buried animosities come boiling to the surface on this ancient and powerful satellite, in a final confrontation that could have unimaginable consequences. And even that is only the beginning...

Physician, Heal Thyself: It's safer to keep the Doctor's companions alive because if they are killed he becomes irrational and more dangerous. Well thank you for that astonishing insight into his character. Wouldn't anybody be? He's always happy to disappoint, which is a good because he doesn't do much which is worthy of note. Is he handicapped by a sense of moral superiority. The Doctor excepts no responsibility for the people that Helen has saved, perhaps as an example to her of her own personal responsibilities as a time traveller.

Liv Chenka: Why does Liv travel with the Doctor? Because he has saved her life more than once, although the first time she met him it wasn't this Doctor. It was another one.

Helen Sinclair: Being educated and female in the 1960s doesn't give you the best opportunities in the world and travelling with the Doctor disposes of a lot of those prejudices. She can be seen on her own terms and unafraid to show what she is really capable of. Maybe secretly she wants her life to be in danger, the thrill of living for every second.

Standout Performance: The most memorable performance again is Mark Bonnar but for a very different reason this time. It just goes to show how the strength of the script and the direction can completely alter the effectiveness of a performance. Where Bonnar was genuinely manic and disturbing in The Eleven, here he is simply a snarling, stereotypical bad boy raging at the universe. It appals me that nothing was done to explore his characters psychological condition (when there were four hours to do so in) but I guess there is still time for that in the future.

Sparkling Dialogue: 'The trap one sets ought to be appropriate for the pest one hopes to eliminate.'

Great Ideas: The control of an individual through the implementation of words. The entire facility is built into quadrants and each quadrant generates a shift of workers. This facility is from the Dark Time, the misty dawn of Time Lord history. A stellar manipulator can focus enough energy to destroy a star. The Eleven reconfigured (changed the factory settings hoho) into a Victorian factory suspended in space. The Regeneration Codex has been tucked away in the Omega Vault, the Eleven found it and used it to lead him to this long dormant stellar manipulator. The Doctor is to be exposed to the sun to die slowly and painfully with no regeneration. As he dies the energy released will power the Omega device and the Eleven plans to destroy the entire solar system. He'll go down in history for this one. It's not like anybody hasn't tried it before.

Isn't it Odd: Given the first story touted this as a pursuit through the universe of the Eleven, presented as a fascinating new villain from Gallifrey, he has been conspicuous by his absence since his introductory story. The chorus of Eleven followers sound decided half-hearted when singing their hymn and I detected the voices of the Doctor and his companions in the throng, indicative of the lack of extra actors to make up the crowd. The last time we heard a bunch of zombies singing a tune it was the Bernice Summerfield adventure The Worst Thing in the World and it was delightfully funny. This was the antithesis of that. I rather felt like we were dumped in the Satanic Mill without much of an explanation of what it was about. A vast Victorian factory floating in space is a great idea but without the appropriate fanfare it's just another bolthole for a villain. The reunion between the Doctor and the Eleven is so anti-climactic I'm not even sure why they bothered to bring together again at this point. It's like two people who aren't really interested in each others existence coming together for a chat. They can't even muster basic enthusiasm for their rivalry. Time Lord science threatening the universe? The Doctor's death imminent as he is hooked up to Gallifreyan technology? The Doctor's companions stirring up a rebellion? Surely this is Doctor Who 101. Original thought has left the building.

Standout Scene: Behave yourself.

Result: 'Witness the rise of chaos and the rise of the new universal order!' Yes, I'm afraid that's how tedious this set ultimately turns out to get. Astonishingly poor, the first half of The Satanic Mill is confused, rambling and probably some of the least engaging material I have heard in some time. It reminded me of Excelis Decays, a tedious location, lots of electronic warbling and not a great deal of explanation or character. Given where the Doom Coalition box set started that is quite a nose dive in quality. The Eleven has gone from being an astonishing concept to a ranting villain who chews the scenery at every opportunity. It appears that his psychotic persona gets most of the air time and dishes out empty threats as a matter of course. There is a great deal of work to be done to salvage this character in the second box set. Even with the weaker scripts that he is handed Ken Bentley's direction is usually enough to provide some level of entertainment but it feels as though he has done as little as possible to The Satanic Mill to make it an enjoyable experience. The sound design is uncomfortable to listen to, there isn't much of a score and it sounds like he has left the actors in the booth to get on with it whilst he works on another, more important, story. This is the last story of the first box set, the culmination of where this has been head and the stepping stone to the second. It's possibly even more important than the introductory tale and yet it feels as if everybody has had enough at this point. Even the regulars sound less enthused. Edward Collier really couldn't make a dazzling idea for a location sounds more boring. The economic synopsis promised much but the story itself delivers so little. The Eleven's plan is ultimately very boring, reliant on tedious Time Lord technobabble to bring a grandiose scheme to fruition. He's just a poor substitution for the Master after all. I fail to understand how this sort of thing can transpire, where a dazzling new eighth Doctor box set can kick start with such a leap in the air and then fizzle away to a limp stumble at the conclusion. Surely the script editor could have coaxed something more engaging out of Edward Collier than this? I'm always moaning about the lack of new writers at Big Finish and to their credit they have taken a punt. Perhaps I should have shut my mouth: 2/10